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By The Betches on

Like we've said before, being a betch can be challenging in that we often have to deal with outsiders who don't get us. These are the people who don't appreciate our cunning sarcasm or think it's rude to text someone while speaking to someone else in person, or who can't fathom why we wear Australian pillows for shoes. You think growing up in an orphanage is rough, try living in a place where the closest froyo shop is 15 minutes away. Talk about a hard knock fucking life.

Our point is that living in such close quarters with the ordinary forces us to explain our habits to the ignorant and confused. Kind of like when John Smith had to teach the Native Americans how to not eat with a fork and knife, betches have to share their technological advancements as well. With that we give you another lesson in civilized betchy linguistics.

At first glance the phrase "I mean" appears standard, most people use it to convey a point or their meaning, we think. But as you learned in post #121 "casual" most words in the English dictionary rarely parallel their definition in the betch dictionary.

You see, "I mean" is not your mother yelling at you to stop having parties when your parents are on vaca followed by an angry "I MEAN IT!" That might be how people have used "I mean" for centuries, but since when is that a justification to keep doing it? I mean...do you still use BBM?

gagaI meeann...these are the Grammys not a small zoo

 

When we say "I mean," not only do we not mean what we're saying, but we don't pronounce it the regular way either. Our way takes about three times longer to pronounce and is about 20 times more passive aggressive.

All together now: "I meeeeeeaaannnn..."

Drawing out the -eeaannnn for a solid 3-4 seconds suggests you are definitely not going to fucking explain what you mean. But like any complex betchy phrase, "I mean" has a few connotations to explore.

Most often it's an expression of reluctance. You'll say it before you are about to give into something you don't really want to do. For example...

When your friend asks you to borrow your blazer:

Hey can I borrow that blazer?

Uh..I can't say no because I've worn it before but I'm deathly afraid that you might break the seams with your overbearing back fat.

"I meeeeannn....I guessssss."

[Note the extra S's at the end of "guess" which are intended to give her more time to realize you're waiting for her to say "it's ok if you don't want me to, I'll just wear my old fugly one that I wear every weekend, nbd!"]

If she doesn't understand that this is the closest to "fuck no" that is socially acceptable between friends, she's clearly not a betch and you probably shouldn't be friends with her anyway.

Or when a guy asks you out to dinner, but suggests a place like Houstons:

Uh...I really don't want to fucking to go Houston's it's like a trashier Cheesecake Factory that only has fat people salads filled with the patrons of Dennys so like no I don't fucking want to eat at fucking Houstons.

"I meeeeaaaan..I like, guess."

Can you just give me head for like a few minutes maybe?

UGH no I don't want to put my mouth on your disgusting penis.

"I meannnn...not really"

This contrary usage can go a long way, but like any complicated idiom, there's a different angle. It can also represent an expression of 'fucking duh.'

Want to go out tonight?

Uh no fucking shit I want to go out tonight do you even know me at all?

"I meeeeannn... yeah"

You want to cut the lines this time?

gagaI meeann...no

Uhh yes are you serious I'm so happy you just asked me that my bag's empty do you haveeee anyyy???

 

"I mean....I'll do it."

The best part about the phrase "I mean" is that can be paired with many other betchy phrases to create the ultimate fusion of marginally indecipherable vocabulary:

Let's say your friend just told you she met Ingrosso backstage last night but was too blackout to remember. A good way to respond is "I meaaaannn...that's casual."

Or if your bestie tells you she accidentally had sex with the WGA last weekend despite her successful efforts up to this point to avoid even playing 'just the tip.' The best way to cheer her up would be with a simple "I meannnn...it's like whatever."

So you see betches," I mean" is all about what you mean, yet not what you mean at all. It's like, really complicated. But if we weren't complex beings we wouldn't be betches, we'd be boring retards or worse, people who know what they mean. I meannnn....that's lame.

 

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51 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    I meaaannnnnnn…..I guesssssss this is better written than the past 19 posts, but the topic? Honestly? You wrote it on a phrase that bitches say, not betches who know better to just speak their mind instead of using an abridgement to just give in and do things they don’t want to? Are you fucking kidding me? Last I remember, I don’t do things I don’t want to do - ESPECIALLY not give head to someone with a disgusting penis. So I meannnnnn….could you puh-lease get it together? You’ve set a high bar for yourselves, so pardon the betches everywhere for holding you to it.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    Spot on. Good one betches!

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    i mean… like.. you spend way to much time on the computer. get a life?

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    “omg stop” needs a post.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Kate says:

    Last time I checked, this website was to be used as simply a guideline for betchy lifestyles not a fucking bible. If you were a true betch, you would know how to behave without referring to this website. It’s not about what you say, it is how you say it, and that is why “I meannnnnn” is a perfect example of betch behavior. Sure, you don’t do things that you don’t want to do anyways, that’s standard…but the use of “I meannnn” just makes it ten times more betchy and you should know that. So could you “puh-lease” get it together? xoxo

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    You need to chill out. Like they’re not trying to give you lessons on how to live your life, I mean if you go to this site in order to seriously figure out how to speak and don’t take it as a satire then you need to reevaluate your life choices. This shit is what we all have been thinking but no one has ever wrote it down…then betches love this wrote it down and highly entertaining? Callllm down loser and get over yourself…

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    Haha Houstons…ew

    Posted on Reply
  8. Steff says:

    Let’s say your friend just told you she met Ingrosso backstage last night but was too blackout to remember. A good way to respond is “I meaaaannn…that’s casual.”.....MY LIFEE!!!!! NYC Fashion Week Party @ Capitale September 9, 2011!!


    uhmmmm this totally happened to me (+meeting Alesso and Ingrosso’s wife: Kee who is the QUEEN betch may I add) and this is totally the response I got from my betch! Now I must say this post is FACT! I just wasn’t so blacked out I was hanging out with molly and her friends whom my mother still asks why she hasn’t met her yet!

    Posted on Reply
  9. canadaBETCH says:

    you betches are fucking incredible.
    I have been waiting for this post!
    THANKYOU for reminding me every day that I am not alone and there are others out there with the exact same thoughts/personality/lingo etc.
    LOVE YOU BETCHES !!

    Posted on Reply
  10. betch says:

    definitely. so does “wait, what?”

    Posted on Reply
  11. Kay says:

    Onv aome public school bitch from indiana wrote this ans thinks they are a high roller like honealtly a betch shouldnt even know what houstons is… Ans the mention of ughs. I meannnnmmnnmnnmnnn

    Posted on Reply
  12. skinny betch says:

    Ew. What self-respecting betch in her right mind still wears Uggs (Australian pillows for shoes)?? Uggs are fugs.

    Posted on Reply
  13. WoundedBetch says:

    My real life example from yesterday: My friend saw me struggling to get a coffee mug out from under the other cups in the cabinet and after watching for awhile, finally say “Oh did you want me to get that?” And I’m thinking “Fucking duh. I’m a wounded betch in a sling and you also put the coffee mugs on shelves that are too tall for me. So yes, you should be doing this for me.” But I just said “I meannnn… yeah, I guess.”  Not bitchy, but betchy enough to let her know that I can’t/don’t want to do these things for myself, and that I fully expect her to do them for me.

    Posted on Reply
  14. sarah says:

    great post—such a classic topic!! a real betch’s “i meaaannnn” is so great

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    i meannnnnnn…..this is better than some of your latest posts but still not even close to your original betchy humor. comeon betches, you can do better than this

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    “Drawing out the -eeaannnn for a solid 3-4 seconds suggests you are definitely not going to fucking explain what you mean.”

    Sooooo fucking true… and betchy. Can’t get enough of these posts.

    Posted on Reply
  17. WOW says:

    WOAH!! You mean you were one of many girls that get to go back stage, every show, every where, every time DJs perform??

    Posted on Reply
  18. betchy says:

    haha yesss!! this is perfect. literally so spot on its gross.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    i mean, at first i thought this post was kind of retarded and then it occurred to me that it is like, so fucking insightful

    Posted on Reply
  20. pollypocket says:

    ‘shut up’ needs a post

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    its time for the interns (or the new, slightly retarded writers) to stop writing the posts.  this topic was good, but lately, the posts have been written so terribly.  bring the original writers back, who actually knew how to write and be funny..

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    & you obvi didn’t even make it to public school, pretty sure a retarded monkey can type better than you.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Right??? says:

    Seriously? I didn’t even read on because clearly no one still wears Uggs…

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anonymous says:

    So does “I don’t know” as in “I don’t know, I GUESS we can go to my family’s ski place this weekend but someone else has to drive because I personally will be spending the whole trip there smoking multiple blunts.”

    love you betches smile

    Posted on Reply
  25. except... says:

    Well they are pretty good for wearing around the house as slippers…never outside though. I also don’t understand people who wear them in the snow. Have you seen what a pair of Uggs looks like after it has been through the snow? Those things were not invented for Northern climates. AND do not wear your pretty, expensive suede boots out in heavy precipitation of any kind, betches, save them for a nice sunny fall day and when there is slush everywhere stick to your Hunters, or else your nice boots will turn into wrecked ugly pieces of crap within a day. I see girls walking around with wrecked boots all the time and wonder why they never thought of this before going out to dance in snowbanks or whatever it is high school kids do now.

    Posted on Reply
  26. um says:

    what is Houstons anyway? No wait, I’d rather not know.

    Posted on Reply
  27. dfh says:

    after reading the comments on this post this is all I could think of! ughhh Oh, and don’t give a shit about the comments. There are few people more dumb than those who actively look to comment on websites or blogs. Stupid people comment on posts. Smart people write posts.

    Posted on Reply
  28. best part of the site says:

    “Not your best betches…did an intern write this?”

    “OMG you seriously must be stalking my bestie group, this is totes my life”

    About other comments: “TTH”

    “I’m such a betch…I was with my besties drinking #icedcoffee, and the #dud was there, and she was #tth, and, like, I’m #casually #notfucking #pros…fucking duh.”

    Posted on Reply
  29. anonnnnn says:

    jeally much? don’t hate betches don’t… we’re the hated ones. THANKS

    Posted on Reply
  30. anonnnnn says:

    uhm no… met them years before they were SHM ... his wife approached me liked my outfit invited me there ... BYE BETCH.

    Posted on Reply
  31. LOL loveeee says:

    HAHA “TTH” .... why do these people hate.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    They need a post on “my life is a joke” betches saythat shit all the time

    Posted on Reply
  33. noreallythough says:

    I agree with the original poster. I never comment on this shit but seriosly get it together you’re majorly slacking.

    Posted on Reply
  34. Anonymous says:

    Ugh I meannnnn…get real.

    Posted on Reply
  35. Anonymous says:

    “You think growing up in an orphanage is rough, try living in a place where the closest froyo shop is 15 minutes away. Talk about a hard knock fucking life.”

    HAHAHAHA died.

    Posted on Reply
  36. Anonymous says:

    Agreed. These posts used to entertain me while I was sitting at traffic lights. BUt these days I almost rather listen to NPR. Can the original writers please come back from hiatus?

    Posted on Reply
  37. Jemma says:

    “I meeeeaann….it’s whatever” has been such a staple of mine for years hahaha

    Posted on Reply
  38. Anonymous says:

    HAHA “jeally?” .. calm down

    Posted on Reply
  39. kat says:

    Hey can I borrow that blazer?

    Uh..I can’t say no because I’ve worn it before but I’m deathly afraid that you might break the seams with your overbearing back fat.

    “I meeeeannn….I guessssss”.

    This is the story of my life, betches always borrowing my shit and ripping the seams.

    Posted on Reply
  40. Anonymous says:

    Get the interns out of here! These posts are seriously not even funny anymore. I meannnnnn, get a fucking editor betches!

    Posted on Reply
  41. Anonymous says:

    Seriously, you should have made a post about the work “like” while you were at it because i’m pretty sure betches use this descriptive word way more than “i mean”...what even is that? i never have to explain myself.

    Posted on Reply
  42. xoxo says:

    Perf

    Posted on Reply
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    Posted on Reply
  44. Anonymous says:

    I meeaannnn, saying I mean is 10x better than “like”.  “I mean” comes before “like” in a sentence, I mean like, ew.  More importantly, fucking amazing post betches (as expected).  My favorite, “Uh…I really don’t want to fucking to go Houston’s it’s like a trashier Cheesecake Factory”

    Posted on Reply
  45. anon says:

    fucking awesome.

    Posted on Reply
  46. Anonymous says:

    Obviously Uggs are meant for warmer climates like Miami. If it gets below 70 every betch on campus is wearing them.. unless its raining.

    Posted on Reply
  47. Jacob Phan says:

    I meaaannnnnnnnn…yousa betch.

    Posted on Reply
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