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By The Betches on

With Valentine's Day upon us, we thought we should discuss some timely etiquette that people tend to overlook. Before nonchalantly cupping your boyfriend's balls in public after he presents you with a box of chocolates from Duane Reade, we suggest you read this post.

After all, when it comes to affection, it’s no secret that betches trend toward the lower side of the lovable cuddly scale. There's nothing more disturbing than watching a happy couple like, exist. However, it’s important not to underestimate the powerful forces that underlie public displays of affection and how they can be used to your advantage.

In general for a betch, affection is something that is gotten and not given. Does Regina George send out candy canes or does she merely wait to count the gifts from her army of skanks and arm candy? Exactly.

angelina and brotherHooking up with your brother is ill advised

 

That being said, when we’re drunk and a public make out session is initiated, even the classiest of betches have trouble curbing their desire to mack it while some bro is trying to dry hump you from the back with his jeans on. I mean like, it’s not my fault that there’s like fifteen people in this bar who are all trying to stick their tongues down my throat.

While the public make out session is a useful tool to annoy your lingering ex who will obviously be watching your every move, it’s important to know when you’ve gone too far. If a guy attempts to remove your clothes in a public setting, put his fingers in any of your crevices, or actually try to have sex with you in public, you should immediately betch slap him in the face and loudly discuss his small boner. There’s a line ladies, and it usually gets crossed with someone’s hand on your ass.

This is not to say that we haven't gotten blackout before and hooked up with a guy on every single square foot of a bar, outside the bar, and then in the elevator of our apartments. Shit happens, and you probably only remember kissing him once, even though your besties have tales of how you told them to get the fuck out of the booth because you want make out there.

pauly and deena

But much like being late or spending 20 minutes in the bathroom when there’s a huge line out the door, PDA is only acceptable when you do it. It’s never okay to watch and is usually nauseating for even a semi-sober betch to encounter. Everyone knows that there’s nothing more vom inducing than encountering two ugly and/or fat people going at it like hippos in heat. It’s like watching the hot tub sex scenes on Jersey Shore: revolting but impossible to look away. Didn’t they get the memo that the fat on their bellies is a naturally selected enforcer for them to stay away from human contact?

 

Anyway, now that we’ve explored the romantic wonder that is the nighttime sloppy make out sesh, let’s delve into the worst thing ever: sober daytime displays of affection. It’s important to note that there is no acceptable excuse for having a public sober daytime hook up anywhere there are other humans present. Simply put, no one wants to see that. If you were that girl in high school who was making out with her boyfriend against the lockers after Bio you should know that there’s a 99% chance that everyone hates you. Save the physical activity for gym class – or wait, don’t.

So betches, much like sexting, the technology of today’s world ensures that your accidental hookup with an eighteen year old can and will be flip cammed and muploaded. The occasional public display of affection can be forgiven but a few too many and you may become your town’s Tom Cruise circa 2006. Bottom line, after a certain point it’s rude to not get a room. Go do that or at least find an empty public library.

 

20 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. trinaaa says:

    PDA makes a betch look like she is easy and all guys need to know that a real betch takes work to get her.

    Posted on Reply
  2. S says:

    “Didn’t they get the memo that the fat on their bellies is a naturally selected enforcer for them to stay away from human contact?” They’re were some funny quotes in this one. Better then the other recent ones but, still has potential to be better.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    this is too on point &lmao; @ that j shore ref

    Posted on Reply
  4. Kate says:

    Omg let me just say that if the only positive comment has “lmfao” then i am “smh” whoever the bew bItch is whi has been writing these sucks like what betch has a flip camera or actually admits to watching jersey shore… Like really this qebsite has gone downhiill so much. And who ever is running your twitter these days….. So bad fix this shit.sucks to suck stop tryin to appeal to a wider variety of tacky ass whores with your ugg references. like sorry that were the top one percent quality noy quanity ladies

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    HATERS!!  PDA all the way

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    Okay VOM both those pictures are nauseating. I almost forgot that whore made out with her brother.

    Posted on Reply
  7. YaleBetch says:

    i was too distracted by the disgusting jersey shore gif to actually read this post

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    O M G! Hippoes in heat, to hilarious I swear!

    Posted on Reply
  9. Alli says:

    You mean “there” not they’re.
    “They are some pretty funny quotes in here.”
    Spelling, betch

    Posted on Reply
    • haha says:

      lmaoo thanks. that bitch was pissing me off.

      Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    the only time it’s acceptable to make out with your boyfriend in public is when some desperate girl is staring him down from across the restaurant/bar/etc. ... be jealous bitch

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    hahahh says the drunk betch who has nothing better to do than sip her own box of franzia alone and talk shit on blogs that are meant to be humorous… by the way, if you have to claim that youre the top one percent of ‘quality’-ummmm- ‘ladies’..(?).. then you should waste your time reading something more relatable to someone like you; because youre obvi not a betch.
    ps: learn how to spell… or at least figure out how to use the whole spell check option that comes standard with most computers these days… i meeeeaaaannn like really?... You barely make sense…

    Posted on Reply
  12. betch that can take a joke says:

    hahahh says the drunk betch who has nothing better to do than sip her own box of franzia alone and talk shit on blogs that are meant to be humorous… by the way, if you have to claim that youre the top one percent of ‘quality’-ummmm- ‘ladies’..(?).. then you should waste your time reading something more relatable to someone like you; because youre obvi not a betch.
    ps: learn how to spell… or at least figure out how to use the whole spell check option that comes standard with most computers these days… i meeeeaaaannn like really?... You barely make sense…

    Posted on Reply
  13. Soro says:

    I’ve been thinking about commenting on these shitty posts for a while, and finally I’m going to say it: you’re not funny anymore. What kind of betch can’t take her eyes off of fat people PDA, cares about people seeing her make out with her pro, and TTH to annoy her ex? Obvi a fucking weird one. I’m like, so over it.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Only nice girls are afraid of PDA. TBTC: too betch to care.

    Posted on Reply
  15. sc girl <3 says:

    anyone else scroll down really fast in order to get that disgusting GIF out of their face?  yuck

    Posted on Reply
  16. PDA 24/7 says:

    i was actually really looking forward to this post but i am surprisingly disappointed. i thought half the greatness in being a betch is—who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks? obv, the extremes are gross, but im sexy and the boy im macking on is sexy, so why the fuck shouldnt i make out with him whenever and wherever i fucking want. clearly if you dont find the boy ur hooking up with too sexy to resist… then yeah, id hide him in a room and not let ANYONE know who im hooking up with!

    Posted on Reply
  17. PDA 24/7 says:

    totally true

    Posted on Reply
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