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By The Betches on

Whether you live in a place like Miami where the weather is always nice, or New York where it's finally just starting to get warm, it's inevitable that this time of year brings out that special feeling on par with children waiting for the arrival of Santa Claus. Only instead of anxiously awaiting useless toys and fat men, warm weather brings along a different special feeling: the urge to get fucking drunk. We're not talking about the standard night time blackout. No, now is all about the afternoon aperitif. Betches, it's time to day drink.

There are many people who say that they prefer day drinking to night drinking. These people know what they're talking about. However, this doesn't necessarily mean they are betches, because day drinking should be an additional black out, not a substitute for a nighttime shit show. Real betches will prefer to drink during the day instead of being sober during the day, and will always continue to go hard at night after a small meal and a long fucking nap.

wisco mifflinNothing screams 'good idea' louder than getting drunk and climbing on a roof

The reason Spring Break is so much fun is not because of the nights out, that's amateur shit. It's about the daytime. Being drunk morning to morning for a whole week straight doesn't sound like heaven, it is heaven. But why restrict such great pleasure to such a small amount of time in your life? This is why we day drink.

It's so much more chill than pounding shots in a really tight skirt and 5-inch heels. You get to drink in an environment with the people you actually like, because everyone knows you're not obligated to hang out with the Dud or annoying bitches who TTH during the day. Like you think it's inappropriate that I'm drinking vodka at 11 am? Well I think your face is inappropriate for 11 am.

The best part about day drinking is that you don't have to race the clock to go out, you have all fucking day. And seeing as it's daytime and no one is counting their drinks, you get like SO wasted without even realizing. Surprise!

girl passed out on benchWhen nap time calls...

You know those annoying people who get drunk and inevitably make huge scenes? We're going to let you in on a little secret: the reason they're irritating is because you're not involved on the fun. Making a scene, being loud, and flagrantly harassing people who are doing sober boring things like walking their dogs or crossing the street is the real deal. Plus, it's very rare that you get to take pictures in your daytime attire unless you're raging at Spring Fling, Mifflin, Little 5, Mayfest, Floatopia (etc), events like Ultra ...or are a loser. Enter day drinking. It gives you the opportunity to showcase your mid-day outfits to your closest 1300 friends on Facebook, and you will now have pictures of you and your besties "not being drunk for once" to show your mom.

Generally, when it comes to day drinking expect the unexpected. Everyone's been in that situation where you're at drunk brunch with your besties and three hours later you're inviting everyone and their ex-BBM friends for a party at your apartment. Seriously though, aside from #12 tailgates which only last one season, drunk brunch is the ultimate in day drinking affairs. Not only do you get to order the meals you learned all about in french class in 10th grade (did somebody say croque-monsieur!?), but you're also given a free pass to get shamelessly shwasted in this classy environment and harass the waiters! In our world, bottomless drinks are to betches as all you can eat sushi is to Rosie O'Donnell.

So betches, just because SB is over don't wallow in self pity and your diminishing tans. Get off your computer and go get fucked up. And honestly, what better chaser is there than iced coffee? Iced coffee and Xanax. Now that's what we call an afternoon delight.

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38 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    Let’s Darty, duh…

    Posted on Reply
  2. S says:

    You forgot to talk about dartying in the summer. Darties aka Day parties getting wasted by a pool all day with your besties, now that is paradise. Nothing is better than being covered in oil getting black, listening to house music, and getting drunk all at once without having to do anything but lay on a raft. Then drunkenly showering and going out again later on. It’s the life everyone wants to live.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    xanAx, not xanex…of all the things to misspell…

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    Stop trying to make Darty happen. It’s not going to happen!

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    darty is a disgusting term.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    nothing makes me feel better on a sunday morning than brunch with cocktails

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    They’re called “daygers” and true betches know that it’s only done right when there’s a pool involved

    Posted on Reply
  8. d says:

    theres nothing like a good dart during a beautiful day. stay classy!

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    I’m literally loving this. I’m in Miami pool side of course drinking cause ultra is sadly over now I thought I would check my fb page and this was on my news feed… This sums up last week plus the two more weeks I’ll be staying to recorver

    Posted on Reply
  10. B says:

    Like you think it’s inappropriate that I’m drinking vodka at 11 am? Well I think your face is inappropriate for 11 am.

    Hahaha besttt line.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    So glad you remembered Mifflin. Good job, betches

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    starpass pool party. the end.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    lmfao.
    I could never use the word Darty. or Dart. Reminds me of Dirty, and Shart. -words I want to keep far away from my day drinking.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Summer really is the only time that it’s not frowned upon to reply “drink” when asked what you want to do for lunch.

    Posted on Reply
  15. mainbetch says:

    iced coffee + patron xo cafe = the only way to start daydrinking.

    Posted on Reply
  16. ab says:

    Yeah that first picture is 100% Syracuse. Def going up for mayfest since it’s like my last year that I can pretend I’m still in college and day drink with my littles!!

    Posted on Reply
  17. lilahhh says:

    what a dumb fucking word. ew.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    Pretty sure that first picture is Mifflin in Wisconsin…I think I can see the red party shirts. Sorry to burst your bubble, betch!

    Posted on Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      100% in Madison, WI

      Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    Darty is a foul term. It’s all about daging and especially daging at U Delaware. Dage capital of the world, you cross-eyed betches.

    Posted on Reply
  20. NICEGIRLZZ62 says:

    Hey Girlfreinds!
    You htn (hit the nail) on this one! Drinking during the day is the best! When i had lunch at the olive garden with my professor i had at least two glasses of wine! Free woman! Just make sure that you BAC isn’t too high! One way to make sure you don’t go overboard is to eat a healthy portion of carbs and drink lots of water!

    Posted on Reply
  21. betch says:

    stop trying to make darty happen. it’s not going to happen.

    its called daging betches.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    .........U Delaware…..? What is… That…?

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    A real betch day drinks all year round. Ever hear of Football Sundays?

    Posted on Reply
  24. k says:

    darty?! nope, not happening! The correct term is day-ging or day-ger. Preference goes to poolside day-ging or themed day-ging

    Posted on Reply
  25. MerMer says:

    It’s sunny out, looks like we’re daging today..

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    This is a fucking joke, right? Olive Garden? Make sure your BAC isn’t too high? EAT FUCKING CARBS?! Who is this chick? A poor, fat, responsible bitch? Sure as hell not a betch.

    Posted on Reply
  27. SBbetch says:

    SB is never over!  <3

    Posted on Reply
  28. katnap says:

    Real betches don’t nap. They take an addy and power through. Come on.

    Posted on Reply
  29. betch says:

    1. the word “darty,” it’s never going to happen.
    2. this site is getting trashier every post, so disappointed in you guys.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    AHAHAHAHA THE OLIVE GARDEN. just made my day.

    Posted on Reply
  31. Anonymous says:

    your face is a disgusting term.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Lee says:

    Darty will never happen, you freak.

    Posted on Reply
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