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By The Betches on

It may seem weird that betches would love some random city in Germany, although we heard there was a movie about it once. In honor of the last day of Oktoberfest, let's talk about one of the most epic events of going abroad and a major exception to drinking like a betch: German beer festivals.

If you're abroad in the Fall you'll go to Oktoberfest, if you're abroad in the Spring you'll go to Springfest. Germans think Oktoberfest is more legit, but honestly any festival that revolves around getting blackout is cool by us.

munichU-S-A! U-S-A!

We're not really sure what else Munich has because we didn't see anything else, but we hear there's a big clock.


Oktoberfest is like, the sickest shit in the world. It's absolutely the only time it's acceptable to drink beer, but you can steal the huge beer mugs in your over-sized bag to bring back to your apartment for decoration. Look, I'm sooo cultured! When someone asks you about it you can then reiterate that it was like, the best time ever. Ugh, miss Munich.

How it works:

You wake up and start #23 pregaming with vodka in preparation for the beer you're going to drink later and forget about your #5 diet. Next the Beer Garden, then the festival.

As soon as you get to the tents it's immediately rowdy, you'd think we just killed Osama bin Laden or something. You heckle some Germans, get an enormous mug of beer, and what else? Take pics of you and your besties screaming "NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN" and banging your mugs on the long wooden tables, obvs. Extra points if you break shit.

This is what Germany gets for being the douchiest country on the planet for two decades. You love invading so fucking much, see how you like it when loud American college students drunkenly invade your traditional German festival, mock your traditional German garb, and get so wasted that we urinate outside your traditional German tents. Then we'll come back inside and stand on your fancy Hofbrauhaus tables and cheer for our country and the University of Wisconsin.

kim dashYeah, she def looks really German

Then there are the rides and food stands. Do you eat the food? Maybe.

At the end of the amazing day or when one of your friends gets arrested for public regurgitation and/or indecency you'll go back to your room, pass out, and hope you can wake up later with only a mini hangover and enough willpower to drink at the bar later. Un-fucking-likely. It's fine, you go through all of these classy steps again tomorrow.

If this isn't how you spent your time in Munich and like, took solo pictures of you and your boyfriend eating at various restaurants and in front of this alleged clock, you might have as well just gone home. No one wants you here anyway.


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42 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. grossss says:

    drinking calories is NOT betchy. a true betch wouldn’t give a shit that everyone else around her is drinking beer and bring her own flask.

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  2. Anonymous says:

    SO TRUE. love betchography

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  3. anon says:

    Good fucking job betches finally stepping it up with this one… The posts were getting a bit scary recently

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  4. Betch says:

    Sorry that your too poor to visit the one place that it’s acceptable.

    Posted on Reply
    • Grammar-Betch says:

      Sorry that you can’t find the right your/you’re for your comment.

      Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    ...this is dumb. considering a city a betchy city because thousands of people gather together to get blackout sounds like the state of new jersey… 365 days a year. or any college campus. sorry i’m not sorry.

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  6. Anonymous says:

    Go snort a xanax—you are wayyy too uptight.  I’m so fucking sick of all these girls claiming that this thing or that #isntbetchy.  Obvs you haven’t been abroad, or you just have a giant stick up your ass, because oktoberfest is the shit and amazingly fun.

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  7. Anonymous says:

    K…reasons Germany is betchy, and i don’t even care: blonde hair. blue eyes. tall boys. KARL LAGERFELD. chocolate. BMW. Audi. M-B. Porsche. castles. alpine skiing. sorry you have like three fucking stamps max in your passport. which you probs misplaced years ago anyway.

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  8. Itzel says:

    “On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.” “It’s October 3rd.”
    Happy mean girls day!

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    This is quite possibly one of the overall worst things I have ever read about any subject. However, keep it up so that if I ever need to get evidence of “betch” idiocy, I know where to find the goldmine.

    Cheers, betches

    Posted on Reply
  10. BostonBetch says:

    They totes know how to party. Germany is SO betchy I love it.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    Good luck being a betch in Jersey, yeah right! Sucks to suck.

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  12. Anonymous says:

    God how ignorant can you get. Clearly if you think Germany is anything like new jersey or college then you are stupid and have clearly never left your dorm room.

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  13. smarterthanyou says:

    umm don’t be retarded. drinking any sort of alcohol is a ton of calories. vodka = more acceptable but also tons of calories. get it right. nobody wants to make an ass of themselves at oktoberfest by bringing a fucking flask….

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  14. Anonymous says:

    Tots agree but you forgot about dressing like a slut in Dirndls!

    Posted on Reply
  15. lj says:

    fuck yeah university of wisconsin.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:


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  17. Anonymous says:

    obvs i HAVE been abroad, every spring break and almost every summer since i was 6. i didn’t say that oktoberfest isn’t fun, i just said that beer is notttt betchy…idk about y’all, but i feel so bloated and disgusting like i’ve eaten a five course meal after drinking a beer. grode. does not make for fun night. if you can pound back brew after brew like you’re some fucking frat boy without getting that nasty full feeling in your stomach, then have fun with your muffintop next time you try on your skinny jeans.

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  18. eastsidebetch says:

    wrong- a true betch wouldnt give a fuck what some website says is betchy or not betchy. granted this site is amazing, fucking hilarious, and pretty spot on with some of the posts, a real betch wouldnt let a website dictate her every move. betcheslovethis isnt a fucking religion, its just like universal guidelines to betchiness. so while youre looking like a complete idiot with your flask at oktoberfest, a true betch will do whatever she fucking wants and drink beer for a few days for the sake of a great fucking time. and if your skinny jeans dont fit after only a few days at oktoberfest, you probably had a muffintop to begin with…

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    a true betch is always on a diet which allows her to consume as much beer as she wants when it comes to german brew-this isnt like wasting calz on natty light, this is the real shit, so if your fear of a muffintop is getting in the way of a fucking sick time then perhaps you need to re-eval if your truly a betch and get on a real fucking diet

    Posted on Reply
  20. umm really says:

    you’re missing a crucial point here - if you’re even CAPABLE of drinking that much beer, you probs had a muffintop to begin with. common sense ladies

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    Know what’s not betchy?! You not being able to spell ‘you’re’ correctly. Get an education.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    Agreed. But again, it’s “you’re” not your…holy shit, does NOBODY know grammar!?

    Posted on Reply
  23. jessica says:

    Germany is like the lamest country in the world.The country is full of “THE BIGGEST HATERS,‘in the world!! Pretending for so many years like they were in love with both Jews and Gays (truly 2 of the most cultured and musically talented groups in the universe); and then killing and torturing them shows that they were really FRENEMIES to the Jews and Gays-NOT COOL!!

    Posted on Reply
    • lol says:

      ^ obvs a JAP… mayb even a gay JAP

      Posted on Reply
  24. ashley says:

    betches fucking do whatever they want. if they want to drink beer while their parents are paying for them to get blackout in Germany for a semester then they fucking can

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    god people like you actually suck, i am so terribly sorry i didn’t pay enough attention to my spelling, internet police. you’re obviously the type of person i hire to do my work while i go party. have fun correcting my grammar on friday night, brat.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    ew, you suck. and you said y’all. and grode. haha you’re stupid and annoying.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Anonymous says:

    got a problem with southern betches? because you def shouldn’t. old money is where it’s at.

    Posted on Reply
  28. Sasha Fierce says:

    It’s grody, betch. It’s not an abbreviation if it is the same length as the original word.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:


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  30. Anonymous says:

    going to tampa bay to visit your grandmother isn’t going abroad. and anything is betchy if you have the right attitude. and just because i throw back a few too many german beers every so often ISN’T going to give me a muffin top. have you not been exposed to adderall, iced-coffee and yoga? oh but most importantly.. genetics. maybelline had one thing right when saying “maybe she’s born with it.” cause some people just aren’t.

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  31. J says:


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  32. lol says:

    You mean “Does anyone know grammar?”

    Posted on Reply
    • i die says:


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  33. TrendyTrina says:

    True Betches only drink beer when in #munich , like kill yourself with the calories in america!

    Posted on Reply
  34. TrendyTrina says:

    True betches ONLY drink beer when in #Munich , kill yourself if youd be caught dead drinking beer in America. Betches only do the finest of everything, top of the line and if you gonna drink beer, its in Germany obvi. Dont even think about washing that down with a big pretzel

    Posted on Reply
  35. Anna says:

    Clearly some of you have been misinformed. This whole “college” thing about going to Oktoberfest is just tacky. Oktoberfest, when done right, is about being in the most exclusive tent with Germany’s elite (models, football [“soccer”] players, and anyone worthy of being in Vogue Germany), and not screaming and throwing up in every corner and giving a bad name to all Americans. Everyone laughs and makes fun of the people described above, they’re all a bunch of idiots anyway. The dirndls and tradition is part of the fun. Beer is one of the most important, if not the epicenter of oktoberfest. NOBODY who is ANYBODY will be drinking vodka out of a flask. Ew.

    Posted on Reply
  36. Epiphany says:

    Holy shit, I feel dumber for having read some of these comments.

    Posted on Reply
  37. Florence girls says:

    My besties and I are studying abroad in Florence this Fall and went to the opening weekend of Octoberfest. Lets just say it is exactly how you described it. We managed to steal steins, find bros, and get whitegirlwasted. NEIN

    Posted on Reply
  38. S says:

    are you serious? yeah sure we have the oktoberfest, which is more than awesome (not only free beer from several people, i’m looking at you cute australian mate) but also because of the whole funny liberal ambience
    still, you have to realize that munich (one of the most beautiful cities ever) has so much more than 2 weeks (NOT the whole year) of beer drinking people

    Posted on Reply
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