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By The Betches on

When choosing where to study abroad, every betch has at least entertained the idea of going to Florence. And why shouldn’t she? It’s one of the betchiest places on the planet. It’s small and exclusive, provides great shopping, and has more wine than you'll ever know. There's also a lot of art and shit that you can pretend to know about. Jersey Shore may have declassed our fav city for a little, but you can tell they only hated it because it was so chic and didn't have tanning beds, not because it sucked. (Side note: where the fuck is Astor?)

Whether or not you actually learned anything during your visit, a true betch smiles fondly at her memories while daydreaming about her Florence excursions. From the Grom gelato that she didn’t eat, to the clubs she partied in, to the Italian she never learned, Firenze will forever hold a place of beauty, extravagance, and blacked out nights in our hearts.

 

statue of davidI invented the piano-key necktie!

 

During the Day You Should: have drinks atop La Rinascente in Piazza della Repubblica and maybe see a Florentina 'football' game. That is, if you’re trying to pretend to know about sports. Most importantly, you should do what Americans in Florence do fucking best: shop. From the high end stores on Via de' Tornabuoni, to the leather market where you can overpay Massimo for a jacket, to the Ponte Vecchio where you can pretend to get presents for your family while really shopping for jewelry for yourself, Florence has an oasis of amazing fashions to browse and buy.

After lunch at Antico Noe, you should go to a local winery to get fucked up or swing by the David where you can see a hot naked pro sculpted like a really fucking long time ago. If there’s anyone who couldn’t stand fat people, it was Michelangelo. You better believe there was no cellulite on his portraits of that original betch Eve.

Climb the Duomo with your besties for a sick view and a workout after splurging on some actual solid food. Before getting ready to go out, you might also try visiting the Santa Maria Novella or The Uffizi if you're not too hungover (if only to buy your religious grandmother a postcard). Or, if you have no friends you can take a cooking class and pretend the 1,000 pictures of gnocchi you upload onto Facebook are your abroad besties.

You Shouldn't Go to Florence: if you’re a weight fluctuating fatty. Florence is not for the bloating betch as the food is so fucking good that you really won’t be able to resist. Like if you have a shitty metabolism and don’t want to gain 20 pounds, consider going elsewhere for your semester abroad because although you’ll be walking everywhere, most people’s asses can’t handle carbs for three fucking meals a day.

Anywhere you eat will have amazing shit but obviously betches only go to the most expensive restaurants. Go to La Giostra to be served by a Hapsburg Prince and dine amongst celebs. I mean, it's where Brad and Angelina went for their anniversary dinner. Casual. Go to Il profeta if your taste buds align with those of John Travolta. If you’re not trying to down multiple bottles of wine while eating the finest Italian ingredients on a nightly basis then like, go the fuck back to America you poor sober loser.

 

florence

 

At Night You Should: hit up one of Florence’s many amazing clubs. Every Florence betch has a string of promoters on speed dial but if you don’t have Abraham’s contact info then like, who are you? Probably fug. Be sure to hit up Twice on Tuesdays (obvi after Dragooning at Kikuya: the only acceptable time to drink beer is when after just two, you will already have forgotten your last name), or YAB if you’re looking to get pushed down the stairs by the bouncers who apparently don’t give a shit who your father is. (A betch will quickly learn that Sophie is the only acceptable room at YAB anyway).

Any betch can tell you that Cavalli Club is overrated but Central Park definitely is not. Go to Space if you're looking to buy a new iPhone because there’s a 90% chance someone will steal your shit if you so much as check out a guy standing behind you. Oh and if you weren’t flashed by some Italian at the train station or on the way to a club you’re probably ugly.

So betches, if you’re skinny and love to shop, Florence is your abroad paradise. There may only be like 10 American guys in the whole fucking city, but not #8 fucking bros is what traveling from Thursday through Sunday is for. It’s time to visit a city where the only people who give a shit less than the Americans are your Italian professors. Live la dolce vita betches. Visit Firenze.

 

65 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. DowntownBetch says:

    Dragooning? Don’t you mean having a snake bite? Fucking duh.

    And Astor is located across from the Duomo (but is the B&T equivalant of a NY club).

    Posted on Reply
    • Paige says:

      Astor is not a “club”. Its a coffee house with a dance floor, lets be real.

      Posted on Reply
      • umm says:

        hardly even that… and if you’re a real betch you barely even go there except to get your fix for coffee in an actual plastic to go cup

        Posted on Reply
  2. firenze betch says:

    Better than the jap guide, thanks betches
    ps. ties are sooo random

    Posted on Reply
  3. betchinitaly says:

    will any other betches be in florence this summer? there should be like a betch social networking site. i’ll be there in july!! someone come fucking party with me! lets show the italians how true betches do it!!

    Posted on Reply
  4. seriously? says:

    are you seriously that desperate for besties? not betchy at all

    Posted on Reply
  5. RagazzaItaliana says:

    “It’s time to visit a city where the only people who give a shit less than the Americans are your Italian professors.”

    Amen to that. Viva L’Italia

    Posted on Reply
  6. ExcitedBetchh says:

    I’m leaving in a week and a half to study abroad in Firenze, and this made me one even more extremely excited Betch.  Graziee Head Betch!

    Posted on Reply
  7. Florencebetch says:

    Are a lot of betches going to be “studying” in Florence this spring semester??

    Posted on Reply
  8. travelling betch says:

    New guy to know in florence is Francesco- you can’t miss him, he looks just like red fu from lmfao!

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    This is perfect and spot fucking ON. Firenze 2011 <3

    Posted on Reply
  10. THIS IS so EXACT ITS SCARY says:

    I just spent four and a half months studying abroad there… this is by far the most perfect explanation. Needless to say, I gained 20 pounds, lost my phone, and forgot my last name with dragoons. Best time ever!

    Posted on Reply
  11. firenzebetch says:

    More like “Vom Gelato” than “Grom”

    Posted on Reply
  12. annon says:

    We all “study” art history because we’re elitist fucking betches. Art history is obviously the betchiest major at betch schools. Umich, Tulane, Wisco, Indianna, Arizona and for the smart betches…Duke, Dartmouth, Vandy, Penn, Cornell etc.

    Posted on Reply
    • ciaofirenze says:

      you couldn’t be more correct

      Posted on Reply
  13. vandybetch says:

    astor is next to the duomo you betch.  ever heard of it?

    Posted on Reply
  14. Loyal betch says:

    I am surprised Betches love Florence! While I love the city, fucking duh, i chose not to study there because everyone whose picked up a fucking study abroad catalogue decides to study there. So it’s usually teeming with wanna bros and nice girls every semester who drink beer, gross, in pubs. I am glad you posted this for Betches studying in Florence in the future so they can be make sure they dont end up spending their four months with nice girls taking pictures at the top of the Duomo.

    Posted on Reply
    • As if says:

      Not going to Florence? So not betchy of you.

      Posted on Reply
  15. duh. says:

    amen to that! florence is sooo typical.

    Posted on Reply
  16. JT says:

    Seriously, if you don’t have Abraham’s no., who the fuck are you?! Spot fucking on

    Posted on Reply
    • ew says:

      abraham is so 2 years ago and also if you need a big creepy black guys number to have a social life in florence then wtf are you

      Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    It’s Fiorentia, not Florentina. Everyone knows that.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      Fiorentina!! thanks

      Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    PS Georgetown runs Firenze. We literally have a villa with a maid named Roberta and a chef named Sandra and a dessert chef named Elionora. Ps. Who spells Indianna with two N’s anyways?

    Posted on Reply
  19. Are you kidding? says:

    Literally just went to Florence and did absolutely nothing for 4 months except drink and dance my ass off. By the way, the dancing on tables thing is called the “Napoleon Complex” because you get as high as you can in any setting. Don’t usually waste my time writing comments because it’s dumb and who reads these anyways? But I’m awkwardly really obsessed with Firenze and my basic Italian skills so anyone who says it isn’t fun needs to get a clue. The betches crushed it with this post, Central Park was amaze and Twice is always trashy and fun. And La Giostra kills it with the Christmas lights decorations and the free prosecco at every meal.

    Posted on Reply
  20. rawrawr says:

    Dragoons were a beer with 17% alcohol served at kikuya, there not available anymore i believe (not the last time 2 times i went).  Not a snake bite - fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  21. LaCittaBella says:

    Our italian professor in Florence asked us to teach her about some “American Leisure Activities.”  We taught her how to play flip cup and beer pong.  Betch was a natural.

    Posted on Reply
  22. christian franchomme says:

    florence is definitely not NYC but things change here too… so betches, if you wanna get some fresh n’ cool updates about florence nightlife learn a lil bit of italian and go read this blog: http://www.vivanotte.it - here you find what really people in Florence are talking about NOW, newest hot spots and other shit you love!

    chris

    Posted on Reply
  23. The Boss says:

    If you haven’t study abroad in Firenze, you have not lived.

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anonymous says:

    big man-it’s FIORENTINA.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Lauren says:

    i think you missed BIGALLO!!! my fav

    Posted on Reply
    • Former Florence Bro says:

      Agreed. Pregamed there like 90% of the time and got a “Free Gife”

      Posted on Reply
  26. betchinitaly says:

    betches need to head to the city of pizza, napoli. its a dirty city..but its perfect. the clubs are ridiculous. better yet- no one speaks a word of english. the guys are waaaay hotter than the girls, so betches have an automatic advantage. buona giornata betches!!

    Posted on Reply
  27. betch says:

    there still there hunny, bite your tounge.

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    LOVED THIS. i was there this fall and it was obvi amazing. abraham is honestly the most important part of clubbing in florence and if you don’t know him then just go home.
    sidenote: every american girl i talked to in florence has hooked up with leo the bartender from naima. i was a little surprised he wasn’t mentioned since he fucked 90% of female students in florence.

    Posted on Reply
    • i didn't says:

      but hes hot as shit. i was there in the fall too, so fun

      Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:

    you did NOT just say wisconsin is betchy. get the fuck out

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    SPACE is where it’s at!!! (left the iPhone at the hotel of course)

    Posted on Reply
  31. Anonymous says:

    This brings me back… glad to see all the same places are still getting mentioned.  Is JJ Cathedral no longer in the Piazza del Duomo though?  I can remember all my best nights started with beers to go with a “surprise” as the bartender Lorenzo called it(shot of vodka in the bottom)
    Loved Florence when I studied there in 2007, best place to study abroad to get drunk, dance, and not attend class.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    Sorry, didn’t even know there was a Georgetown program. And while that’s nice you have one villa, NYU has FIVE on their enormous estate. Did I mention they have their own olive groves, on the campus? I couldn’t even name all of the staff. But say hi to Roberta, Sandra, and Elionora for me. NYU program runs this city.

    Posted on Reply
  33. Lindsay S says:

    studying in italy right now and went to Space last weekend!! one of my main betches had her earrings stolen and was called “ghetto” in the bathroom.. AS IF! so fun though

    Posted on Reply
  34. Britt says:

    Sorry, Italy is overrated. It’s where trashy foreigners and annoying American girls go. Personally, I’d avoid Italy all together (way too touristy) but if you MUST, go to Milan. There are way better places in Europe. Pretty much anywhere in France, Berlin, and obviously the betchiest place of all - Scandinavia (Finland doesn’t count). I mean fucking duh, 3 out of the world’s 5 most expensive cities are Scandie, everyone is hot, tall, and blond, and the nightlife doesn’t even begin until 11 or 12. Get with the program betches.

    Posted on Reply
  35. --- says:

    *they’re still there, hun.

    Posted on Reply
  36. Currently there says:

    i am currently in florence and this is so incredibly right ! i love it here

    Posted on Reply
  37. Abroad Betch says:

    Wait, I DIE at the Massimo shout out.  Love him and the two jackets I got there.  Also the saleswoman with the straight black hair and bright blue eyes is totes a betch.

    Posted on Reply
  38. Anonymous says:

    Are you fucking retarded?

    Posted on Reply
  39. Irene says:

    You forgot skinny bitches have a designated Kebab place to go after central!!! Mine was Mesopotamia Kebabs…the best!

    Posted on Reply
  40. Anonymous says:

    holy shit! 11 or 12!!! wtf? are you 11 or 12?

    Posted on Reply
  41. Ciao says:

    This is HILARIOUS - Studied abroad in 2009 and had the BEST time of my life! LOVE this blog - awesome job! And chick up there ^^^ you think Italy is overrated? Get over yourself, go back there & THEN we’ll talk.

    Posted on Reply
  42. Anonymous says:

    yeah, maybe id go to napoli if i was in the mood to get shanked.

    Posted on Reply
  43. betchinitaly says:

    um are you retarded? you’d get shanked if you were walking around the spanish quarter at 5 am maybe..

    Posted on Reply
  44. Anonymous says:

    The best thing about this site is that you claim to be “elitist”. You aren’t elitist when every middle/lower-middle class girl who went to a cheap private school or even worse, catholic school, and shops at coach considers herself a “betch.” you talk about being rich and privileged all the time, but in all honesty i bet 90% of you have NO idea what it is like to be truly wealthy, and no i’m not talking about celebrities (very few of them are actually really wealthy.) it’s also even more hysterical that you consider yourselves “classy” and think that you have good “taste” when anyone with any type of blue-blooded family background would laugh you out of sunday brunch so fast you wouldn’t even get to the mimosas! You should all take a long, hard look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that your lifestyle is way more Jersey Shore than Gossip Girl. Also “bros” are the most inexcusable type of idiot on the planet. It’s actually laughable that you seem to worship these losers (who probably peaked when they were 18-20) that are barely passing through college and will end up with a mid-level job at some nameless banking institution in their hometown. Have fun marrying these losers and taking care of their children while they cheat on you. It’s people like you that I blame for everything that’s going wrong in the country. Oh and go ahead and call me fat and ugly (you’ll never know what I look like anyways) if it makes it easier for you to live with yourselves because deep down you all know I’m right. Or even worse, you’re too stupid to realize it.

    Posted on Reply
  45. Stacey says:

    HOLLER.

    Posted on Reply
  46. A broad says:

    Randomly in Florence for the weekend visiting a friend and def used this as a guide. Love massimo he’s a sweetie. Omg grom is the best. Florence is basically a college town. Love it. Glad I chose to study abroad in Paris though.

    Posted on Reply
  47. Anonymous says:

    you guys are so cool that you get to live in villas with italian servants picking up all your shit (that your parents paid for), you must be soooo culturally immersed OMG LIKE IM SO JEALOUS

    except i’m not. betch please.

    Posted on Reply
  48. idiot says:

    If you seriously trusted abraham, you have to be one sketch ugly betch. If you never got to meet FABIO, i pity your experience.

    Posted on Reply
  49. GeekyBetch says:

    Twice? that’s beyond amature hour. YAB is only acceptable ironically (as in you show up in day clothes and siphon some of the 20 free drinks your blond betch gets bought for her…seriously, where was that in this article? Bestie a blond betch if you aren’t one yourself and look forward to hardly ever touching your wallet, Italians think they’re like fucking unicorns.) also, Blob is nice, less sketch guys and if you’re a betch, you’re name’s on the list before they know your name (also secret bakery is really close if you get blackout enough to allow yourself to gorge on cheap fresh pastries). And if you eat gelato, Perche No is better.

    Posted on Reply
  50. Internationalbetch says:

    La Giostra is the best place for more food than you could ever need to eat. You will dine with the best and pay a pretty penny, but so worth it! Studied in Cannes but made quite a few visits to Florence. Most of the post was spot on. Xx

    Posted on Reply
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    Posted on Reply
  52. Lackett says:

    I have a wordpress blog now, but I can’t figure out how to get readers into there!  I have been using myspace and it’s been great, subscriptions like crazy, but a lot of them don’t have wordpress…so no leads there.  Besides, I am posting the same info to both, so it’s not much of a point of them getting one.  How can I increase my wordpress readership?  I already utilize tags, but I still only got about 89 views in two weeks.  . . . Thanks in advance—serious answers only, please!.

    Posted on Reply
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