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By The Betches on


Betch Factor: 7.5


The betch who lives there: has probably lived in Miami her whole life and is ri-fucking-diculous. We don't know if it's the molly or the water or what, but betches from Miami are insane. Like, look at how they dress. Is that a feather attached to the belt of your snakeskin pant suit? Is that a rabbit fur vest...over your bikini? It's kind of a mixture between an exotic person and an artsy psych ward patient but like, in a way it works because you're from Miami. It's like, whatever. Miami is like a Utopia for the shallow, the bronzed, and the fucked up.

The betch from Miami went to Miami Country Day, Gulliver, or Ransom for high school, and then to UMiami, FSU or UF for college to get her masters in #107 not branching out. The few who decide to leave for college go to BU or GW until they discover that a) it's freezing and b) clubs in Boston and DC are for fucking amateurs only involve partying with alcohol.


queen elizI'm In Miami, Betch


The Miami betch has very serious concerns: being tan, being skinny, and dressing sleekchic wearing white all year round in order to be photographed at the hottest club that night. While these may sound like universal betchy problems, Miami betches have been living this life since they started shaving their legs. So, when they go to college it can sometimes be a serious culture shock for outsiders to find out that it's normal for some people to be forming a cocaine habit in 9th grade.

After college, the betch from Miami usually moves back home to live her pre-college life again, just now with a legitimate license and in hot pursuit of a Miami pro. That is, until she realizes that any guy bred in this city or any douche from UMiami is as mature as Spencer Pratt pre-crystal phase and would rather spend his trust fund buying shots at Moe's for freshman girls than an engagement ring. Once she concludes that Miami bros are undatable, she'll search for a husband from the Northeast whose main concerns do not consist of where to crash after his roll.

If she chooses to move to the northeast NYC, she'll get some PR job. If she can't find one, she'll work at LF while searching getting fucked up for jobs at clubs.

The Miami betch is also nearly guaranteed to be a Heat fan, even though she's more likely to know where the nearest dollar store is than be able to name more than 3 Heat players. Not being a fan became socially unacceptable in 2010.

A betch who visits: is really fucking lucky. Miami is a betchy epicenter for partying and vacas even more so than it is for living there. Visit Miami for the Regatta, Ultra, New Years' Eve, or fuck it, whenever you're feeling pasty.


sceneryThis place looks so fiesta festive


Go clubbing at Liv, Bardot, Wall, or Mynt; shop at Jessie, Jenna White, Rebel. Dash if you're a true Kardash stalker, or LF if you're looking for another way to casually bring yourself up and state that you've been to them in multiple cities.

Get your Miami friends to bring you to the most cliche tourist spot possible, Lincoln Road in South Beach. Eat at Prime 112 or Barton G. Throw up your amazing meal after.

The Betch Avoids: sexual harassment by creepy club promoters and bros who think they're DJs. Since every guy from Miami's dream is to do nothing all day but DJ and party either at a club or on a boat it's inevitable that you'll run into a few of these shadesters. Every bro from Miami thinks being from Miami gives him greater authority on all things related to house music. Remember though that hooking up with one of these guys is social suicide. Miami guys are not pros simply because they're too fucking stupid to think about anything beyond spending their dad's money to buy tables and impress betches. We guess their brains were fried by the ridiculously strong Miami sun and drugs.

The Miami betch also avoids Miami in the summer. Summer in this city is not about tanning so much as it's about being hot as fuck. Sweating is gross, no matter how many hours you spend poolside or on your dad's yacht. For this reason, the Miami dwelling betch usually spends her summer in Aspen or some other city in the US or Europe.

Would've gotten a higher score if not for: all of the poor, native Cubanos chilling around. If you thought a harmless "aye mami" from your local gardener was bad, you haven't been to MIA. And like what's the deal with the Housewives of this city, do people even watch that? Might as well be called The Middle-Aged Hispanic Housewives of Cuba. Sure being bilingual is hot but we're not down for any of this Elian Gonzalez shit.


<< Betchography: New York City

Betchography: Washington, D.C. >>

203 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. lilbetch says:


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  2. Sacre fucking Coeur says:

    everybody knows the that betchiest of them all breed at Carrollton School of the Sacred Heart

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  3. Miami betch says:

    I’m originally from Tampa but moved to Miami for college and sure enough I was quickly introduced to the Miami betch lifestyle. Mollys and cocaine are the preferred drug unlike weed because it makes betches forget their hungry. And also although betches aren’t mall rats, it is totally acceptable to go on a spree with your girls at Aventura mall (but going all the time is fucking lame) but don’t even think about coming here unless you’re beautiful. The hot clubs like Liv and Wall only let model betches in and if you’re ugly everyone will assume you grew up in like liberty city. This city is not for the insecure or timid.

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  4. miami betch says:

    LOL you betches nailed Miami guys

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  5. Anonymous says:

    sacre fucking coeur

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  6. Anonymous says:

    Aventura Mall is for chongas…try Bal Harbor or Merrick Park…

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  7. Anonymous says:

    So accurate. Love it.

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  8. UM betch says:

    a-fucking-mazing. nailed it betches. love the reference to moe’s and good job knowing the actual good clubs and not referencing shitholes like mansion, cameo and space.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Hurricanes Betch says:

    Best post yet.  Every UMiami Betch would agree.

    Posted on Reply
  10. miami betch says:

    A real betch says F*** Ultra and goes to the pool parties and clubs instead!!

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  11. Anonymous says:

    And this article is spot on. Totes true and Miami betches are their own breed: tan, sexy, and obvs perf. Love this!

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  12. Anonymous says:

    Carrollton is NOT betchy you amateur

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  13. UBetch says:

    went to the U, this Miami post is perfection

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  14. Anonymous says:

    You obviously went to Lourdes

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  15. Miami Visitor Betch says:

    I know we were all advised to RUN from an LDR unless it was temporary and happy to say mine is temporary involving the best city: MIAMI!!! Best of both from NYC (me) to MIAMI (him) and I’d like to say this is TOTES on POINT I wouldn’t say I’m a visitor because I frequent every other weekend but I don’t live there so its like 50-50 and EVERYTHING is true i love this post! and I love Miami…

    the Miami-Frequent Betch <3 xx

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  16. REbetch says:

    This article was amazing, you captured all things that are Miami for a native Miami betch except the only thing that was overlooked was Greenstreet’s. A true Miami betch will always make her way there at least once a week, she won’t really eat anything except maybe a salad with the dressing on the side or one of their amazing egg white omelets, no cheese but it’s a staple in the life of a Miami betch.

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  17. Anonymous says:

    This is perfect…and good job referencing those “miami housewives” ...what an embarassment

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  18. Anonymous says:

    this is so true.. every bro in Miami swears he’s a dj. Good job betches.

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  19. Anonymous says:

    anyone who has something negative to say about carrollton is too jealous to admit they either werent smart enough or didnt have the money to attend. the only credible opinions are of those who went or go there. own up, betch.

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  20. clip16 says:

    Go to the U and this is ridiculously DEAD ON! betches everywhere!

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  21. Anonymous says:

    Though this article made me laugh I can’t help but think that this post sounds like you’re jealous you aren’t smart enough or pretty enough to go here. If you haven’t noticed, we’re 38th in the nation and yeah we might be fortunate in the lives we live, but have you seen club richter this year? Not only do we go to UM but we also are really fucking smart.

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  22. Elle says:

    everyone knows that miami is CUBANS. and the hottest betches are those that are cuban and rich. c’mon now. ever heard of sedanos, navarro and cafe bustelo?.... yeah… warren buffet cuban beteches, duh.

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  23. Anonymous says:

    ^^^true, true.

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  24. Anonymous says:

    seriously, bean?

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  25. lilyyy says:

    did you think the comment section was meant for a mini-blog about your life? that’s cute

    Posted on Reply

    Except you forgot about Soho Beach House (where the absolute betchiest of betches stay) and Cecconi’s, fuck Prime 112.

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  27. Anonymous says:

    Carrollton betches are the betchiest betches <3

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  28. UM Becth says:

    Shut Up. Are you really on here talking about the Library right now?

    A real betch is smart enough that 1.) she doesn’t have to talk about it and remind people 2.) she doesn’t go to “club richter” because studying is for dumb people 3.)if she did go to “club richter” it would be to get her daily iced coffee at the Starbucks across the way and to then sit next to her Fratdaddy and contemplate how to decorate his next cooler/design new sorority shirts while he studies finance. 

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  29. Anonymous says:

    Was just at green street last night. A true betch doesn’t even eat there- the only calories we intake are from the drinks we order because they totes don’t id.

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  30. Anonymous says:

    cubans are whack and dirty. spot on with this article and carrollton girls have no friends. gulliver, ransom, and palmer are all more expensive than carrollton so dunno why youre talking about not being able to afford it…

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  31. Florida State betch says:

    Born and raised Miamian and went to FSU. This post is on point. I couldnt bare #107 branching out and every bro in FSU thought Miami chicas were God’s gift to Florida State. Go Noles!

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    Ugh Miami housewives were a disgrace.

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  33. INLOVE says:

    Ransom. Regatta. Moe’s. Taking tourists to Lincoln. No mention of Space or Mansion. Perfection.

    Posted on Reply
  34. Anonymous says:

    reading this poolside and can’t stop laughing.
    -UMiami Betches

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  35. miami -- born and raised says:

    this article is too true. it hurts. as a gulliver graduate, i can’t help but agree with it all.

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  36. unforcastd says:

    Carrolton betches were always good to me “)

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  37. laura says:


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  38. Anonymous says:

    Your comment about “poor, native, cubanos” is extremely inaccurate considering the fact that sooo many of these “betches” happen to be cuban - get your facts straight before you put down any nationality

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  39. Born and Raised MIAMI BETCH says:

    SO ON POINT. You did forget to mention MOKAI and ARKADIA (to get away from some of the tourists at LIV once in a while). Perfect with clubs….none of those grose shitholes like Mansion and Cameo.Plus the pool parties at SHORE CLUB.

    Posted on Reply
  40. Anonymous says:

    one thing I have to disagree with is the cuban thing. Every betch in Miami is fucking cuban or some variation of being hispanic. UMiami betches don’t count…cause they were not born and bred here (more like New Jersey…ew.)

    Other than that, safe to say Miami betches are the betchiest of them all. Clubs, Bottles, Bros, Beaches, etc… Most girls from Miami are betches, except public school girls and St. Brendan girls of course

    Posted on Reply
  41. THEUbetch says:

    That is, until she realizes that any guy bred in this city or any douche from UMiami is as mature as Spencer Pratt pre-crystal phase and would rather spend his trust fund buying shots at Moe’s for freshman girls than an engagement ring.

    lol i am that freshman girl
    great post betches!

    Posted on Reply
  42. Anonymous says:

    Who needs the iced coffee when you can cut lines in the stacks… the only acceptable reason to ever go to club richter

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  43. Anonymous says:

    The only rich cubanos in Miami sell drugs

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  44. ChaChaaaa says:

    Cubans run Miami, we basically created it. Cubans party harder than anyone I’ve ever met. Most Cubans are also loaded, that’s why Miami is so fucking perfect. Amazing clubs and shopping. Beachfront condos? Sorry they’re all booked by Cubans. I’m sure there’s a little hotel available for the tourists by the airport.

    Posted on Reply
  45. chachaaa says:

    If you live in Miami you are either Cuban, or wish you were. Good thing we have great doctors (usually Cuban of course), they’ll get you that ass and boobs your lacking.

    Posted on Reply
  46. thepinecrestdojo says:

    pretty hilarious and on-point. i’d like to buy you coffee and hear more of this shit

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  47. Anonymous says:

    I live in Miami, and go to Palmer. This is the most accurate thing I have ever read.

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  48. Ransom Betch says:

    We all miss Rokbar…those were the days

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  49. Anonymous says:

    Authentic Miami housewives would never air their dirty laundry.

    Posted on Reply
  50. Emily Nolan says:

    Wow! You hit the nail right on the head! Soooo freakin hilarious I love it!!!!

    Posted on Reply
  51. Anonymous says:

    not all miami betches are like this ... absurd to know how close minded half the people commenting are. SICKKK DUDEEEE love your miami batch

    Posted on Reply
  52. Anonymous says:

    Go Noles? A true betch knows its all about the U

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  53. Anonymous says:

    anyone would admit to being a ‘Miami betch’ after reading this post. Sounds terrible. More like nasty clubbing whores. Oh, and to preempt anyone who will inevitably suggest otherwise… I am not fat, ugly, or jealous. Just reading this made me very glad to NOT be from Miami.

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  54. rere says:

    from ransom. clearly you are too. don’t play up greenstreet’s betch.

    Posted on Reply
  55. ugh cubans says:

    #sotrue, or have some relative in office. get over it, you’ve been here one generation, you’re not a true Miami betch.

    Posted on Reply
  56. CLASSOF2011 says:




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  57. Anonymous says:

    “A real betch says F*** Ultra”

    You obviously have not gone, dumb betch. Ultra is only for betches who really know how to party. Plus, what betch doesn’t love dancing on molly/ losing 10 pounds in 3 days? Fuck off, you’re no miami betch.

    Posted on Reply
  58. lucky luciano says:

    Very impressive. How do you know all this?????

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  59. Anonymous says:

    ^ Lmao @ ignorance

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  60. REbetch says:

    RIP Rokbar, you were such a solid scene.

    Posted on Reply
  61. anonym says:


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  62. Anonymous says:

    Spot on betches. Can’t forget the betches from Boca Raton, FL. Some of the betchiest

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  63. Anonymous says:

    38th in the nation? Well that’s just embarrassing. I go to the 11th and as much as I’d loved to be coked out along side you 38th rankers I’ll take my better education and coke trips in the Midwest until further notice.
    See you for spring break betch.

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  64. BrittanyBetch says:

    UMiami Betches deserve their own fucking category. Hello- we legit casually tan on the IM fields & do yoga on the green. & If you don’t look like perfection 24/7, you can get the fuck off campus.
    The ‘fuck off, I’m more amazing than you in every way’ vibe emanates from all UM betches & I love it.

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  65. Anonymous says:

    Not quite. Miami also has a booming financial district. Everyone knows people in finance make obscene amounts of money. Those guys are too busy making bank to sit at LA fitness in brickell working on their abs all day. They pay for their Aston Martins unlike the jersey shore losers that the city is known for.

    Ladies if you want a serious catch in Miami, quit cruising for douchy hard bodies spending daddy’s cash and find yourself someone with an MBA and a bankroll.

    Posted on Reply
  66. RE Grad says:

    This pretty much defined Ransom (and all of the other private school) girls to a tee. Looking at random facebook photos, all you saw were red cups, photos from clubs, regatta photos and Eurotrip photos. Awesome school, somewhat douchey girls.

    Makes me glad I never dated any of them.

    Posted on Reply
  67. Anonymous says:

    clearly she’s bitter because she didn’t get into Carrollton

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  68. Anonymous says:

    Carrollton School of the Sacred Sluts forever, obviously where the real betches are

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  69. Anonymous says:

    doesn’t make you betchier. sacre fucking coeur forever

    Posted on Reply
  70. Anonymous says:

    no one cares about Palmer, you guys are in isolation aside from like 4 people in each grade

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  71. Anonymous says:

    i am a child of the sacred fucking heart betch!!

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  72. onlythebeachbetch says:

    wtf is greenstreets? everyone knows you never should leave the beach..

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  73. Real WASP from Miami says:

    This is so true and what is wrong with Miami.  Cubans- you run this town,
    , wouldn’t your grandparents be proud of you for all they sacrificed to see you out acting like trash.  I am so happy I got out of here and see the real world, real people and how other act in real life.  The guys might be okay, the girls are trash.  Wow-won’t it be so fun telling your children all your crazy stories! My parents led a normal life, worked hard, made a lot of money (enough to send me to one of the above mentioned - Gulliver) and I appreciate the opportunity they gave me to give back to society, not tarnish it like you all think is cool!  This article and all those posting it on Facebook are an embarrassment to Miami!  Will the last American please stand in Miami - we don’t follow the same trash rules!

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  74. Anonymous says:

    nah, i’m pretty sure all your cousins and extended family already rent the hotels by the airport to make their meth in. and sorry, i don’t like my men to be 5’6 and short dicked.

    Posted on Reply
  75. Amy says:

    Born and raised in Miami Beach. Country day grad. FSU student. Only chongas live south/west of 95. No thanks.

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  76. Anonymous says:

    Cubans are mostly poor. They contaminate our city with shitty Spanish and fat people. Cubans don’t run shit ad certainly didn’t create shit. I own age cafe bustelo btw and still think Cubans are obnoxious

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  77. Anonymous says:

    Love top 40 schools, but you sound fucking stupid

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  78. Anonymous says:

    Most Cubans are loaded?  No disrespect but I mean let’s be honest.

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  79. Anonymous says:

    Um, yes you can forget them.  They’re fucking 80 years old.

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  80. Anonymous says:

    Boca is where my grandparents go live the end of their lives. true betches wuldnt claim boca. maybe west palm but never boca. ew.

    Posted on Reply
    • Boca says:

      this is far from true. Boca has some mega-wealthy residents, who are not ashamed to be from there… learn yo stuff

      Posted on Reply
  81. k says:

    To all those UMiami students claiming that this describes them to a tee: get a fucking life. This post is meant for born and bread Miami betches, not you all. K?
    Que pena. Nunca, NUNCA vas a ser una Miami BETCH de verdad. Ni sabes como pronunciar ‘Miami’ correctamente. Nuestros acentos son las marcadores de verdad.

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  82. Anonymous says:

    if you didn’t go to carrollton, its because you couldn’t.

    Posted on Reply
  83. Native Betch says:

    All the bitches hating cubans and calling them poor are just wrong. Anyone really from Miami, who is smart enough to get into college without daddy writing a nice little letter, knows that the old cuban families down here are some of the richest. As for UM betches, Im sorry but you’ll just never be legit- the whole tri-county can point you out because you don’t have a clue. Visiting for four years to get out of your cold shitty lives does not qualify you as a Miami betch.

    This is not the true Betchography of Miami, but maybe Miami for tourists, visitors, posers, etc.

    Posted on Reply
  84. Anonymous says:

    This is probably made by some middle class 99% phaggot who can’t take my M6 ripping him on I95.

    You mad that I spend my dads money all day? You mad I have no responsibilities expect what time to work out and what awesome restaurant to eat at? You mad I fu*k hot superficial bitches with ease? You mad I get to CONTROL my life with ease? You mad I have my own house and apartment in Brickell with no mortgage at the age of 23? You mad I’m set for life?

    You idiots just probably went to your first pool party at the flamingo haha amateurs.

    Go slave away to the man, with internships at Goldman,JP,PWC,Citi,E&Y. Hoping that these “connections” will put you ahead in your career when your graduate. I don’t care if you get into PE after graduating, you will never achieve my level. You can’t put me down with your achievements. I won since the day I was born, I am the 1% OF the 1%.

    Remember, I will always be on top and you will always be struggling to climb to my level you’re WHOLE life.

    Enjoy, as I smoke my blunt in my Jacuzzi overlooking Brickell and Miami.

    Posted on Reply
  85. Gulli Betch says:

    Notice how they omitted girls from Lourdes and Carrolton who wear ribbons in their hair to match their uniform shirt and ugly Coach purses.  I’m just sayin’

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  86. betch please says:

    Lol dying. Ultra is amateur hour. WMC parties have all the pros.

    Posted on Reply
  87. Anonymous says:

    This betch knows whats up

    Posted on Reply
  88. Anonymous says:

    LOL, at least they’re not westminster.

    Posted on Reply
  89. Anonymous says:

    Haha! I know some real dumb betches who went to Carrollton… But maybe they just blew the right people.

    Posted on Reply
  90. Anonymous says:

    is all the negativity towards Cuban solely directed at Cubans or other HIspanic nationalities which compose the majority of the Miami population

    Posted on Reply
  91. Anonymous says:

    Are you serious? I’m sure you have a ton of rich Cuban friends if you have went to either ransom, gulliver, or palmer

    Posted on Reply
  92. UMjap says:

    Excuse me, but no frat uses fucking coolers here/girls dont spend their time decorating them. That activity is for retarded hicks at UGA/Bama/Auburn…not Miami. Go back to…you’re obv in the wrong place and wrong school.

    Posted on Reply
    • HAHAHAHAHA. says:

      The whole cooler thing is FSU and ACC.  The only school in the SEC that does that is of course FLORIDA. SHOCKER.

      Posted on Reply
  93. Anonymous says:

    The betches got it right. MIAMI is the betchiest city. Candy everywhere. LOVE this site.

    Posted on Reply
  94. Anonymous says:

    Betches need their trip to the grocery once in a while. You must not be a Miami betch and you’re probably some fat tourist.

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  95. Anonymous says:

    All I have to say is EWH. Like are we supposed to feel intimidated by you speaking Spanish to us over the computer? Translate this: Shut the fuck up. Also, I believe the word you meant to use is bred. Maybe you should attend the U and work on that spelling of yours

    Posted on Reply
  96. Anonymous says:

    no i izn’t mad at what you asked but i’m a bit mad you’re on this site.. with your atrociously low level of intelligence.

    Posted on Reply
  97. Anonymous says:

    please get your stereotypes right, Cubans don’t have meth labs, that’s for inner city people. you are an obvious amateur at the trolling business.

    Posted on Reply
  98. Anonymous says:

    and you contaminate humanity, Hitler Jr.

    Posted on Reply
  99. Anonymous says:

    or you’re jealous that we have guys at Ransom and we’re still smarter than you…

    Posted on Reply
  100. Anonymous says:

    or because we went to Ransom instead. Ransom=$$$$$ that we actually have… unlike carrollton bitches that PRETEND.

    Posted on Reply
  101. AMIAMIBITCH. says:

    This article defines Miami. Miami betches are the wayy fuck all the haterss…Gulliver <3 wink Molly waterrrr

    Posted on Reply
  102. Anonymous says:

    you obviously haven’t been to the gables, and you definitely couldn’t get into the U.

    Posted on Reply
  103. Anonymous says:

    “booming financial district”?  I mean yeah, compared to Honduras.

    Posted on Reply
  104. Anonymous says:

    Currently, Dartmouth is 11th.  Um, ew?

    Posted on Reply
  105. Anonymous says:

    that doesn’t at all mean “Most cubans are loaded”

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  106. Anonymous says:

    Ugh UMiami girls are NOT the same as born and bred Miami betches… they just wish they were.  They stick out like a sore thumb around the natives and they’re the only ones who don’t notice it.

    Posted on Reply
  107. Anonymous says:

    EXHIBIT A at how shitty Miami bros are lols… And get off this website! Girls only!

    Posted on Reply
  108. Anonymous says:

    Yea this is bullshit all the richest betches were raised in Coral Gables, Coconut Grove, or Key Biscayne… a few from the beach…

    Posted on Reply
  109. anonymous says:

    ew. ransom = tacky new rich that say shit like “ransom=$$$$”. ransom girls didn’t go to carrollton because they’re sluts too concerned with fucking assholes.

    Posted on Reply
  110. Anonymous says:

    this is so, so sad and dumb. i can’t believe i read the entire thing.

    Posted on Reply
  111. Anonymous says:

    Lourdes isn’t even in the same category ew…we will always be better

    Posted on Reply
  112. Anonymous says:

    true, i forgot westminster existed. people go there..?

    Posted on Reply
  113. Anonymous says:

    So fucking true. I hate the dumb New Jersey UMiami girl type who act like they run shit…bitch, you don’t belong, we’re betchier.

    Posted on Reply
  114. Anonymous says:

    so fucking true!! Cubans and hispanics run shit in Miami, if you disagree then why are you here? UMiami betches aren’t shit…

    Posted on Reply
  115. Anonymous says:

    great pic - wouldn’t be miami without bayside. i’ve never seen a single obese tourist there - only nouveau-riche high schoolers/UMiamians with tiny waists and even tinier IQs. when they’re done fine-dining at bubba gump’s, they always give some counterfeit drug money to one of the schizophrenic homeless men on biscayne! it’s so mother theresa.

    Posted on Reply
  116. Anonymous says:

    And picked up a pro at an Ivy League. True Betches have foresight.

    Posted on Reply
  117. anon says:

    That awkward moment when a Lourdes girl or anyone else in Miami thinks they are better than someone from Carrollton…....I’m sorry that you are all jealous of the FACT that we are 1. richer 2. smarter
    -evidence for these claims:
    1. our tuition is higher (by like tenfuckingthousand dollars) = we are richer
    2. we get into better colleges = we are smarter
    Also, I am just going to throw out there that we are much better looking and have better bodies than all of you chongas.
    So.. hey, go fuck yourselves.
    Don’t mess with the Zohan, ya tards.

    Posted on Reply
  118. AILEEN says:

    What a disgusting conglomeration of bourgeois piglets. Embarrassing to even have read this grammatically incorrect garbage.

    Posted on Reply
  119. Anonymous says:

    Florida is not for living, it is for visiting. #trashybetches

    Posted on Reply
  120. Anonymous says:

    I’m a true Miami girl and i’ve never heard of Carrollton or Lourdes…they both sound like places for spoiled rich trust fund babies, who will never be fully independent of their parents’ money…i’m not saying that’s the worst way to live, but it’s not reality…book smarts and money can only get you so far in life…you need to have street smarts too, which you can’t really learn from some over-priced, preppy, religious cult…i mean “academy”...i’ve lived in Miami my entire life and to be honest…I hate Miami…specially South Beach area…nothing but rich, dumb, spoiled brats that act like they’re smart because they have enough of mommy and daddy’s money to pay a tutor to do their homework and take their tests…the tuition isn’t high because they will make you smart…the tuition is high because the teachers will look the other way when you cheat lol

    ok I’m done smile

    Posted on Reply
  121. Anonymous says:

    why the fuck is a guy reading betches? obviously not a #hotbro

    Posted on Reply
  122. IamMiamiBitch says:

    LOL Even people in Miami laugh at that school.  Can’t compare to MCDS, Ransom, or Gulliver.  Also, what’s up with those ugly uniforms?  Also, it’s the grove.  They don’t have close enough access to SOBE.

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  123. Native Betch says:

    Another statement the betches screwed up on for this one is when they say Miami betches leave in the summer….WRONG! Miami betches love the sun and the heat. Once the first cold front comes in and it drops below 76 its way to cold to lay on the beach and time to refresh the winter wardrobe. Duh.

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  124. Native Betch says:

    AND though its still important to be skinny. Miami betches have a unique challenge on their hands: stay perfectly skinny while maintaining ample boobs and ass. If you weren’t born with that kind of perfect figure you’ve gotta keep up with the latinas somehow, thus at least half of it is all plastic.

    Posted on Reply
  125. Anonymous says:

    ok lets just point out the fact that gulliver and ransom are a good 5 grand more expensive than carrollton….so stfu
    secondly, ransom is a MILLION times harder than carrollton….try taking their adission test….im sure you WONT get in
    thirdly, gulliver AND ransom are a BILLION times richer than carrollton…just compare the parking lots.

    Posted on Reply
  126. Anonymous says:

    and youre proud of that why?........LOL

    Posted on Reply
  127. Anonymous says:

    or because youre not a lesbian….fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  128. Anonymous says:

    That awkward moment when a Carrollton girl thinks she is not a dyke. Way to shave your legs ladies…We can still see your hair coming out of your knee high socks. I’m sorry we don’t like to hookup with each other in a shower…Or rotate boyfriends between friends because you can’t get any guys other than your Belen cousins….Fucking gross. I’d rather blow the 200 year old FEMALE attendance lady at Gulliver..

    -Evidence to rebut your claims:
    1. Gulliver is a good 5 grand more expensive than Carrollton…So shutup about your “tenfuckingthousand dollars”...You’re a joke
    2. Check out the colleges that kids from Gulliver get accepted to…Same level and some even higher than those that Carrollton girls attend (STOP COMPARING YOURSELVES TO ONLY THE PINECREST KIDS)—-> It’s pathetic

    So to conclude this wonderful little message….Get your facts straight:

    Speaking from someone who went to both gulliver and Carrollton, I can honestly say that gulliver is MUCH better (IN EVERY SINGLE WAY). Not only is it ten million times more fun than Carrollton, it is also a lot harder academically, unless you are at Pinecrest. We could also pull out the obvious…We have guys and you don’t = We hookup up with BOYS not with GIRLS.

    So…Hey, go fuck yourself.

    oh and I’m pretty sure I just messed with the Zohan, ya tard!

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  129. Anonymous says:

    so you go to carrollton…duh….YET YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING SPELL THE WORDS TO THE SCHOOL SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! speaking as someone who used to go to carrollton YOURE FUCKING DUMB!!! learn to spell before you make a fool out of yourself again.

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  130. anon says:


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  131. Anonymous says:

    the culture of miami is beyond ridiculously shallow, just look below at the kids arguing over who goes the richer school, WHO CARES, what does money say about anyone?  apparently in miami it means your a douche.  Im not hating on money, i went to a very prestigious prep school, but its not something to flash around and think your better than other people because of.

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  132. Anonymous says:

    carrollton girl’s are just mad the article didn’t mention them.. hahaha

    Posted on Reply
  133. Ali says:

    Incredibly on point..

    Posted on Reply
  134. Lala says:

    The only ppl who eat at green street are underaged betches who can’t get in to Moes or sandbar… Which is fucking sad.

    Umiami bitch always.

    Posted on Reply
  135. MRS says:

    thought you didn’t know wtf LOURDES or Carrolton were???????  LOSER

    Posted on Reply
  136. carrrooltoonnn says:

    absolutely the betchiest. miss that shit

    Posted on Reply
  137. Its ok, Im European. says:

    As a Miami resident I agree with every word. The comments about this article prove so many things about the nature of the typical Miami betch: very little substance, lack of a normal personality and still nothing to show in life for one’s self while living on mostly parental monaay. I have met the exceptions but those are very seldom.

    Posted on Reply
  138. Anonymous says:

    Miami is the shit. OLLA Bobcat for life.

    Posted on Reply
  139. Anonymous says:

    Miami is the shit. OLLA Bobcat for life.

    Posted on Reply
  140. lmao says:

    hahahahahaa….anyone who goes from Carrollton to Gulliver is because they couldn’t handle Carrollton and rather snort blow all day.

    EVERYONE knows Gulliver is just a party school. You don’t go to Gulliver if you plan on actually learning something. So yeah, maybe Gulliver is more expensive…..but for what? For that extra weed in the bathroom?

    You probably wrote that entire post while in your math class…

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  141. cyclone says:

    carrollton is a really great school…. some of the smartest girls in miami go there… not to mention the debate program.. we’re nationally ranked in debate and robotics.. we have IB and AP and about 45% of the girls there are in IB, which lets you get into international schools. are atheltic program is really good; we have two girls that are number one in beach volleyball in an age divison higher than them…. and our golf, diving, and tennis team have all gone to states in the last 2 years. so… just sayin betches.

    Posted on Reply
  142. Anonymous says:

    You (and those who have commented with equal tastelessness) should be ashamed of yourself and this post.  To flaunt the fact that you have money (the earning of which you are not responsible for, I might add) as an argument to support the point that you are therefore “better” is embarrassing.  As an alum of both Ransom and Carrollton, I was proud of the education I received not only in academics, but how to conduct myself as a decent human being.  It makes me sick to my stomach to think that this is what you have walked away from your (and I’ll add this because it seems to be the only thing your mind can conceive as having any validity as a point) EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE education with.

    If you continue with such a disgusting mindset, you will not get far, my friend.  But hey, you will always have your parents’ money, right?

    Posted on Reply
  143. Anonymous says:

    Wow, clever use of homophobia to make your point against Carrollton.  I can see your amazing education is really making you a world-class person.  Additionally, it seems as if the bulk of your argument comes from an inherent belief that your sexuality determines the value of your character…how archaic.  Your post leads me to believe that the quality of your education is a mute point as your only concern seems to be boys, and therefore your only path in life is a waltz down the aisle, to the altar, and into a sad little life as an uninspiring housewife.

    But please, for the good of humanity, prove me wrong.

    Posted on Reply
  144. Anonymous says:

    “if you have went”
    What a beautiful grammatical structure you’ve got there.  Never learned that one when I have done goned to a Miami private school and meeted all of my Cuban friends.

    Posted on Reply
  145. Anonymous says:

    And all of us non-Cubans who were born and raised in Miami can give you those grammar skills YOU’RE lacking while we sit back and wish we were Cuban.

    What a horrifyingly ignorant post, and my response is clearly no better.  I love Cuban culture and all of my Cuban friends, but to say that I spend my time wishing I was Cuban…well, that is as far-fetched as the thought that you would take your patriotic self back to that country you seem to love so much.  I’m not trying to say that you should lose your cultural identity and attempt to assimilate into the Anglo culture, but to make these outlandish comments about your superiority over those of the country you chose to inhabit is a prime example of why America, and Miami specifically, are in the grim states they are.

    Posted on Reply
  146. Anonymous says:

    true. they’re the bechiest of the betches, let me fucking tell you that. our student body epitomizes this

    Posted on Reply
  147. Anonymous says:

    You guys are all such young betches. Too betchy to realize that this is all trivial and insignificant.

    Posted on Reply
  148. Anonymous says:

    Our* athletic program…yikes, chica.

    Posted on Reply
  149. S says:

    total bs-many Miami peops are into the numerous FREE artsy, intellectual and cultural activities all over town.  Plus, do some research-many Cubans in Miami are totally loaded.  Second generation Cubans have the highest percentage of college graduation, bilingualism and wealth of immigrant groups in the US for the same amount of time.

    Posted on Reply
  150. Anonymous says:

    this is a joke right?

    Posted on Reply
  151. Anonymous says:

    Sorry but tacky new rich is definitely Carrollton… your parents came on rafts. Ours didn’t. Sorry.

    Posted on Reply
  152. Anonymous says:

    You obviously aren’t a true miami girl if you don’t know the names of some of the top 10 private schools….

    Posted on Reply
  153. gulliver pro says:

    You obviously went to Pace or Edison High…gross

    Posted on Reply
  154. Anonymous says:

    you obviously don’t know jack ab this city or anything about cubans for that matter. if you think we’re obnoxious you should leave MIA bc we def run this shit.

    sucks to suck outsider

    Posted on Reply
  155. Anonymous says:

    this could only have been written by monica gonzalez mora… fucking retard

    Posted on Reply
  156. Amber says:

    Sorry, but you got the wrong impression when you came down for college. This city is BUILT on insecure people. Take the 50 million comments people are posting on here about who is “betchier”, richer, and prettier. If that isn’t the epitome of insecure, I don’t know what is. Side note: When trying to argue your brilliance with one another, it might be a good idea to use punctuation, capitalization, and spell check. Your respective schools should be so proud.

    Posted on Reply
  157. anon says:

    you’re obviously not a betch. please go find a website better suited to your lifestyle and the shitty school you attend.

    Posted on Reply
  158. dumb says:

    i think you mean moot point. go back to gulliver and learn how to speakie the wordsie

    Posted on Reply
  159. yep says:


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  160. carrollton betch says:

    seriously…MCD? all i can say about it is: no.

    Posted on Reply
  161. Ashamed Carrolllton Girl says:

    As much as it saddens me to comment on this, I feel I have to. I am a PROUD Carrollton alum and most of comments made by Carrollton girls on this page are pathetic. The only thing that can save you from being a Miami “Betch” is decency, which clearly most of you don’t have. Decency cannot be taught or bought, which is why Carrollton clearly failed some of you idiots. It is a true shame that all you graduates can comment on is tuition and college because that is not what Carrollton is about.

    Posted on Reply
  162. ... says:

    that awkward moment when betches comment on a post that was clearly written about them. stupid private school girls. if all of you were actually as smart as you’re portraying yourselves to be you’d realize that this article demonstrates girls exactly like yourselves. self-centered spoiled brats who know nothing about anything but “being a hot private school girl wasting daddy’s money”.

    Posted on Reply
  163. lol says:

    it’s sad that you go to sandbar

    Posted on Reply
  164. actual miami betch says:

    ok no you’re right, us RE betches were clearly not smart enough to get into Carrollton. Its k though, you can keep all those belen and columbus papi chulos to yourself. Cool, whatever.

    Posted on Reply
  165. Anonymous says:

    Way to be living in the past. I went to Gulliver and Carrollton and I honestly don’t give two shits where anyone else went. Im a Miami betch who doesnt worry about what school people went to before college, im just here to party.

    Posted on Reply
  166. Anonymous says:


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  167. Anonymous says:

    Poor native Cubans? Couldn’t be farther from the truth. The ending of this article is so ridiculously offensive and unnecessary.

    Posted on Reply
  168. anna says:

    I’m not latina so I never left the beach. I’ve lived in a condo on the beach my whole life.  Miami country day got me into an ivy and kept me away from south miami and the majority of chongas.

    Posted on Reply
  169. bbbb says:

    Rokshot anyone???

    Posted on Reply
  170. Anonymous says:

    lol this is monica and i did not write that (y) cool that you thought i did and had to make it anonymous so i couldn’t see who you are

    Posted on Reply
  171. Anonymous says:

    woah woah woah you should watch your language “anonymous carrollton girl.” you also should not be using the r-word…extremely offensive.

    I’m going to take a quick moment to point out that i go to gulliver and there are a lot of girls here who transferred from carrollton who are much more capable of writing that than her…im friends with monica and i highly doubt she would write something as idiotic as that

    so you can go F yourself for being such a raging bitch

    Posted on Reply
  172. Anonymous says:


    Posted on Reply
    • co2011 says:

      hahahaah shadia 9th grade

      Posted on Reply
  173. Anonymous says:

    i thought carrollton girls prided themselves in being a loving community with all current students, alumnae, and former students…way to show the whole world how bitchy you actually are by calling out one of the sweetest girls i know out of the probably 20 other girls who transferred to gulli who could have written that

    Posted on Reply
  174. Anonymous says:

    you OBVIOUSLY aren’t friends with mo because she would never write something like that. why don’t you stop posting as anonymous and tell everyone who you actually are…or are you too much of a coward? insulting people behind a computer screen so that you can continue being a fake bitch towards them when you see them face to face. am i right? you just don’t want to have to face the consequences of your comment because you’re a scared little bitch who can’t own up to her own insults. next time you insult mo because of something she didn’t do you should be careful because, unlike you, mo has friends who have her back.

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  175. D.D. says:

    Fuck Miami. Enjoy the foreclosures on all your houses “rich” betches. The majority of the homeless families in America live in Florida. Not cool. Not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  176. D.D. says:


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  177. ANON says:

    You girls know nothing about being from a private school until you go to school in Massa-fucking-chusetts or some other Northern East coast prep school (CT, RI, etc). Stop pretending that you’re smart. Look up private high school rankings online, you will not see any Miami (or Florida) school on that list.

    Posted on Reply
  178. ANON says:

    You’re an idiot. Go back to school.

    Posted on Reply
  179. cuban betch says:

    thank you! these people are retards.

    Posted on Reply
  180. grow up says:

    betchier are a classic example of TTH. Grow up, no one cares.

    Posted on Reply
  181. Anonymous says:

    I’m not from Miami, but Sacred Heart is always betchy… And rich. I went to Sacred Heart, and I go to a top 10 school and know Carrollton girls, so they’re obvs smart.

    Posted on Reply
  182. you're just jealous says:

    you’re just jealous that you don’t have daddy’s money to spend and live an awesome life smile sorry betch.  besitos.

    Posted on Reply
  183. l.l. says:

    didn’t know betches had to be so racist

    Posted on Reply
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