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By The Betches on

Betch Factor (1-10): 3

The Betch Who Lives There: Wishes she didn't and will leave as soon as she's done with school. Since there's no fashion or PR in Boston, any girl with a job in this city is probably doing something like working in a hospital or a lab. That clearly means she's a nice girl. We don't have to explain why wearing a long white lab coat every day is a betch's worst nightmare. To cope with the pain of living around so many girls who wear eyeglasses without even trying to make a trendy statement, the Boston betch spends most weekends on Newbury Street. This street is like an oasis for the Boston betch in the midst of a fat, Dunkin Donuts eating, beer guzzling, guys with weirdly-buzzed Frankenstein haircuts city. She can get brunch at Sonsie with her fellow miserable betches, buy some decently hot outfits, and pretend for an afternoon that she's in New York.

She Avoids: Virtually every bar in the city. A betch never goes into a pub. This city is crawling with pubs with names like Flanagan O'Malley's. If any word is the opposite of betch, it's pub. Avoid at all costs.

 

JLO and AffleckJ Lo can't fucking wait to get out of Boston.

 

A Betch Who Visits Should: Have her fucking head examined. If for some reason you find yourself here, find a bro at a hotel bar and make him take you to the Celtics/Red Sox game. Of course, anything less than courtside seats or a luxury box is extremely unbetchy. Also, hang out in Harvard Square and see if you can find a Harvard Business School bro, and like, never work. Work is like any awful life-ruining addiction, once you start it becomes much harder to stop. Best to avoid in the first place.

Redeeming Factor: You'll be the hottest girl in the city, and you might even be able to eat more than 1000 calories a day and still maintain that honor. We know, we'd never really do that, but it's good to know we could. Also, the Boston metro area is not entirely awful. If you need to escape the actual city - and you do - there are a few places on the Cape, or even better, Nantucket, where a betch can easily throw on enormous sunglasses, have bros buy her overpriced drinks, and dress cute without getting nasty looks from girls who actually wear normal-sized football jerseys in public.

 

 

Betchography: Philadelphia >>

100 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    This couldn’t be more wrong… and doesn’t sound like the writer has ever been to Boston or values sports/hot Boston guys. There’s a reason so many movies are filmed here, get a clue

    Posted on Reply
    • bostongurl says:

      i completely agree

      Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    Dear Confused,

    This is not wrong. Boston IS gross, you are just confused because you grew up there and have been repping Boston sports teams since your daddy/uncle/grampy first bought you your light pink Boston Red Sox bucket hat from the Paper Store before you were even born.

    Being gross is what makes Boston so brilliant.
    eg. You want to go out with your friends and black out and dance on tables BUT SHIT! it’s pouring out and your hot dress you bought for this weekend doesn’t go well with your designated “shitty weather pumps” . . . HAVE NO FEAR! throw on jeans and a top and even your converses and you can not only still head out to the bar, but you play your cards right and Mr. Hipster-lead-singer-of-the-band is totes digging you. . . looks like you’re drinking for free tonight.

    Don’t be sad, confused, it doesn’t make you any less of a betch that you happen to live in Boston- Betches can adapt to any surrounding to get what they want!

    Just be sure you don’t get too comfortable and make sure to visit NYC, Miami and Vegas frequently enough to keep you A-game on point…

    XoXox

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    I agree, this betch has no idea what the hell she’s talking about! straight talk out of her ass

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    Got to agree on the above comment. There are plenty of betchy things about Boston: aspiring actresses, Boston College betches who look as if they popped out of a preppy catalog etc. We know betches don’t like to work, but please brush up on your facts, betches.

    Posted on Reply
    • cnderellabetch says:

      Boston College girls are the WORST. They’re all TTH nicegirls from Connecticut.

      Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    Dear Maddy,

    Ew, there is nothing betchy about “aspiring” actresses. They haven’t made it for a reason, probs cause they’re fat and love happy hour beer specials at McFaddens.

    xox

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    @confused, nah sorry, I’ve lived in Boston all my life and this post is sadly so true…

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    Coming from a betch who lives in New York and is not the biggest fan of anything wrong Boston I have to agree with Confused.. I mean come on.. have you seen The Town of the Departed?? There is nothing sexy than a bro from Boston with that accent,

    Posted on Reply
    • Betch says:

      You are not smart.

      Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    Clearly that was a movie. AKA not reality. Almost every actor in a hit movie is going to be bangin. What betch wants to watch some ugly ass (not ugly-hot) bro on screen!?!

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    I agree that whoever wrote this has never been to Boston, however I don’t give a fuck about Boston guys (ew) or Boston sports (boring). Perhaps if you betches did your research, you would know that Boston is an awesome city teeming with old money and pros. And please, no self respecting betch would ever hang out in Harvard Square with all the liberal douche bags wearing hemp necklaces and Obama stickers. Besides, Most (not all) Harvard guys are ugly, nerdy and so socially awkward that they may or may not have Aspergers. A word of advice, if you really want to not work, bag a Weston or Wayland bred private equity trader. Fucking duh. And if you ever do go to Boston, no one goes to Sonsie unless you are a desperate loser from the North Shore trying their hardest to be betch-y.

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    Wow this betch has lost her touch. Betch’s are bosses not not prissy little dbags. I can say from experience that BOSSton is one of the best cities to live in, visit, and go to school. Let’s start with the basics First: Newbury, prudential center, and copley plaza is the best place to go with your fellow betches to shop and do what we do best #1shit talk. Most betches who go to boston don’t actually live downtown I mean who wants to live in apartments anyway (unless you’re on beacon hill). So it is a prime location to mention anyone’s friggen name because you’ll never run into someone who knows them. Second: There’s just as much to do in Boston as NYC minus all of the annoying illegal immigrants who can’t speak English. There’s the boston commons to casually check out bros out jogging or playing lax or take a yoga class and show off your toned ass. There’s an amazing theater district for the artsy betch, wait what am I saying. There’s an amazing theater district to pregame plays we get for free by our parents being benefactors. Yeah there are alot of dunkin donuts but where else should a betch get her iced coffee? Third: We are a ‘tital town’ don’t know what that is? What betch does but throw out some sports lingo you overheard from your dad to your choice of bros or ‘guy friends’ and no matter the sport you are sure to impress. I dont know what game this betch has gone to but a true Boston betch doesn’t sit in seats (eww) we sit in boxes where all alcohol is paid for by the bros in the box over. Fourth: I’m sorry pubs or bars? This betch obviously was not good enough to know about the places to go… Good try get better people to show you around. Also ever heard of a Boson harbor (booze) cruise? Of course you have. Absolut Boston is every betches choice of vodka and there’s a reason for it. Viva la Betch

    Posted on Reply
  11. The Betches says:

    While I agree that this betch has quite a few things to learn about Boston and the fabulous betches that inhabit it, you, my friend, have a lot to learn about spelling and editing before posting rebuttals. Prepare for betches to rip you apart for your lack of a dictionary and poor grammar.

    Posted on Reply
  12. The Betches says:

    You are def from the North or South Shore (and not from Marblehead, Hingham or Cohassett). This is why Boston has such a bad rep. And P.S Betches don’t drink Absolut and certantly not swill flavored Absolut.

    Posted on Reply
  13. The Betches says:

    Betcheslovethissite will never “lose her touch”… she is the Queen B(etch)

    Posted on Reply
  14. The Betches says:

    “Yeah there are alot of dunkin donuts but where else should a betch get her iced coffee?”

    P.s. Starbucks, fucking duh. Starbucks is so much betchier than Dunkin Donuts because it’s more expensive (we can afford it) and Starbucks has cute little cakes (in addition to their amazing array of beverages), not fucking calorie/carb loaded donuts for fat GDIs. Get it together Boston “betch”

    Posted on Reply
  15. The Betches says:

    If you’re worried about the calories of donuts, you probably shouldn’t bother with any “cute little cakes;” one slice of Banana Nut Cake has 490 calories, while a Honeydip at Dunkin is 260. After all, American Runs on Dunkin.

    Posted on Reply
  16. The Betches says:

    Boston betch:

    Which is betchier? A Banana nut cake to go with my iced caramel macchiato, or a box of a dozen jelly-filled donuts?

    Posted on Reply
  17. The Betches says:

    “Pregaming plays” Really??? Maybe if I was 70 and bingo-night was cancelled, I’d be down. Please live in NY, Miami, CA for a year and reconsider your argument of how fun and hip Boston totes is. 3/4th of the horrific “social activities” you listed are so unappealing to me that given the choice I’d rather sit my betchy ass at home.

    Posted on Reply
  18. The Betches says:

    First, You are clearly not a betch. None of these activities sound appealing whatsoever. Watch bros jog, yoga, and theatre are your ideas of a good time? Just, no.
    Second, Starbucks vs. Dunkin Donuts isn’t even up for discussion. Starbucks is WAY betchier and the coffee is definitely stronger. DD is for fats and people who work.
    Third, I’m going to total disregard this whole banter about sports…ew. no betch actually cares about sports not to mention that Boston has THE MOST obnoxious fans (Celtics especially) just gross.
    Fourth, you lost all respect when you name-dropped Absolut that’s like a step up from well vodka.
    Just face it Boston may be cool if you’re like 50 but not when you’re a young betch.

    Posted on Reply
  19. The Betches says:

    Im from LA and although Boston unarguably lacks a big-city feel I couldn’t disagree more. Everyone knows Newbury is the most touristy part of Boston and all the stores (high end or low end) are all over the country. Do you go to New York and head straight for Time Square? Please. Head to the South End for amazing boutiques and restaurants. If you’re looking for a lounge go downtown or Fanueil hall. This city is crawling with dapper young professionals trying to buy you an “after-work” cocktail. A betch should know better than to head to a tourist trap and expect to be impressed. I should hope you have higher standards than a hag with a fanny pack.

    Posted on Reply
  20. The Betches says:

    This post is sooo wrong. I may be from the area, but Boston is amazing – who isn’t into a Pro who loves his team? Also Boston has some of the best colleges – therefore some of the most successful bros available and a great college party scene (sorry this isn’t really open to just anyone though if you want to go to a great party). Also my season tickets practically pay for themselves – with drinks I get bought and the bros I meet. Sorry it’s not really the roll face at a club (get a direct ticket from logan airport to barcelona) – but you can enjoy dates with hot pros + accents, great sports fans, classy fucking shopping and weekends on the Cape!

    Posted on Reply
  21. The Betches says:

    The betch who wrote this article most likely got played by a hot successful Boston boy. Don’t get bitter, get better… by coming to Boston and experiencing it for yourself

    Posted on Reply
  22. The Betches says:

    Growing up in a W-town (Weston, Wayland, Wellesley) in Metro West Boston, I think the bottom line here is that if you do choose to stay in Boston after school, you are a Betch turned Nice girl. Because you didn’t flock to NYC or LA to relive college with all your besties and find a finance Pro to bring you to his house in the Hamptons, you’re not 100% Betch.

    It will take time, but accepting that your full-time Betch status in college is worthless now that you live and work in Boston, allowed yourself to fall in love and decided to give your Dad a break doesn’t mean you’re not the dopest fucking chick most men will ever see on the T. You’re still hot and you still don’t pay for drinks and you still get your PTH in during your lunch break on the Common. By staying in Boston you made a conscience decision to grow-the-fuck-up and stop pretending that gold-digging a Pro in NYC will leave you divorced, wrinkly and alone in 10 years (yes, you’ll be early 30s and ready to birth his spawn) when he decides to leave you and impregnate a younger Betch still within her first few years out of school and working in Ad Sales to please her resentful father.

    So while this albeit entertaining/hilarious/revealing blog shits on our city, read the other posts and chuckle at how scarily similar you once were and think of how satisfied you are with not having to document every time you go out to a bar in your Muploads gallery to remind your Facebook friends that you’re still hot(ish).

    Posted on Reply
  23. The Betches says:

    Sounds like a confused, bitter betch that didn’t have enough charm, connections or family money to get into a school in Boston and is living in squalor in a nasty ass NYC apartment.

    Posted on Reply
  24. The Betches says:

    Dear Betches,

    I’ve made some edits to your post:

    The Betch Who Lives There: Comes from old money, has multiple houses on both the Cape and the Vineyard, has gotten a new BMW every year since she turned 16 and attends a college that costs upwards of $50,000 a year. Your “Betches Love This Job” Guide to Post-Grad Life was written as our autobiography. With Daddy’s money and plenty of #Pros to choose from, we will never have to lift a finger. Marrying a rich bro, popping out some babies, and spending the rest of our days shopping, “doing lunch” with our besties, playing in the country club tennis tourney, and being philanthrobetches are what Boston Betches have been doing since this country was founded. For the smart betch, there are hundreds of institutions of higher learning, enabling her to become a career student. And find a hot, rich pro of a husband in her Harvard Business School classes. Or in the Boston College Law School Library. Or in the Tufts Medical School.

    The fat, Dunkin Donuts eating population that you mentioned are tourists, most likely from New Hampshire.

    And a Boston Betch never wishes she were in New York. If she did, she would already be there. Because that’s what Boston Betches do: whatever they want. Because they can.

    She Avoids: If any word is the opposite of betch, it’s pub. Except for when the pubs are in South Boston on St. Patrick’s Day. Every betch that’s ever existed has had at least one wet dream about Ben Affleck in The Town or Matt Damon and Marky Mark in The Departed. There’s nothing we don’t like about a bro with a bad boy Boston accent, not to mention those rock hard abs…

    A Betch Who Visits Should: never hang out in Harvard Square, unless she wishes to be surrounded by hipsters and geeks who look like Mark Zuckerberg or be roofied by an unattractive member of the Harvard Basketball Team. Instead, she should take advantage of Pros’ box seats for a Red Sox vs. Yankees game (which Boston will inevitably win), head to Beacon Hill to shop in exclusive and expensive boutiques, and grab expensively delicious drinks at Alibi.

    Redeeming Factor: The average age in Boston is 25 during the academic year so you’ll have the problem of a man older than your father trying to take you home. And, as the hottest betches in the city, sexy, young, rich Pros will be buying you drinks faster than you can snap your fingers. When you tire of all the blue bloods in the city of Boston, just head down the Cape to one of your enormous Cape Cod Cottages and find a Bro in seersucker shorts, sperry boat shoes and a pastel Polo.

    Love you,

    Boston Betch

    Posted on Reply
  25. The Betches says:

    Dear Betches,

    As a NYC Betch raised on Central Park South who chose to go to school in Boston, let me add in addendum to the above:

    The Betch Who Lives There: There are two types of Betches who reside in Boston–the Collegiate Boston Betch and the Adult Boston Betch. Let’s review.

    Both Betch categories share some qualities. The Betches who live here not only comes from old money, but an legacy at Harvard to round out the Betch pedigree. Any Betch here knows that the only summer homes that matter are the Vineyard and Nantucket. Cape Cod is fucking irrelevant unless you’re from the gated part of West Yarmouth. Speaking of, it’s not a house. It’s called compound comprised of two gates, four houses, a swimming pool, private beach access with a guard, and it’s been passed down to you as a birthright.

    As Boston is considered the hub of academia in the US (and the world) a good Betch knows that she needs some sort of paper from a higher institution to justify to #55Dads why the charges on the AmEx card this month are higher than usual (“I was studying sooo hard and just needed to unwind after spending sooo much time in the library”, etc), and the College Betches who reside here do so at an expense of $50,000+ in tuition and apartments at 100 Landsdowne with the other Saudi princes and princess Betches (#17LuckySpermClub), because no self-respecting Betch would be caught dead in a dorm or park her Range Rover herself-that’s what valet is for.

    The second category of Betches that reside here are the cut throat ones, the Betches that actually rule your life more than you realized. Now you must be thinking, “Betch please, I run my life,” and you do, to a certain extent. But you do owe a lot of your fucking #10Candyland time to the Pharma Betch, who chooses to reside in Boston because that’s where the drug money is. These Betches are ruthless, to the point where they will pay $300,000 for a parking spot (yes, this is a true story. The originally asking price was 250K but there was *surprise, not* a bidding war…and during this “recession” everyone keeps talking about, but we all know that words isn’t even in the Betch lexicon). Or, they get a Pro to do it for them because they know $300,000 can also be spent on Choos.

    These Betches would never be caught dead with Dunkin Donuts coffee. Betch please, that’s what Flour Bakery and ERC are for, because why pay $3.00 for a coffee when it can be $7.00? Yay we’re saving the fucking #46Environment one overpriced organic coffee cup at a time!

    She Avoids: ….Sonsie. Seriously? I almost threw up reading that. A true Betch would never eat at a restaurant that was sub-par in gastronomy. Sure, I’ll give you that Sonsie was the “leader” when it opened and was the place to “see and be seen” but the service sucks and the waitstaff is comprised of Betch wannabes. Everyone knows that part of Newbury is infested with dreaded Berklee students, Northeastern sorority girls decked in sweatpants and Longchamp bags (not even limited editions) and homeless men trying to dance on the street for money. Plus, any true Betch that resides here only shops in boutiques found on Beacon Hill, Barney’s, the upper part of Newbury where the REAL fashion houses hold turf (Chanel, Burberry and Valentino vs. 341 Newbury, Madwell and some other “boutique” where remembering the name isn’t even worth my time), or the South End.

    A Betch Who Visits Should: Be spotted scoring rare art in the South End’s galleries (because a Basquiat never goes out of style). Betches should also dine in the South End at Stella and Aquitaine. Or, Betches could try their hand at O Ya, which was the #1 restaurant by the New York Times (we know this because we read the #2news). Those who even utter the name “Stephanie” should be smacked across the face. Also, why go to this “pub” you speak of? It implies this Betch is a). outside of Boston Proper (and if you’re not on the Vineyard, what the fuck are you doing?) or b). in Faneuil Hall and no Betch would ever be caught dead there either. You can go to Drink instead, where the Betch always gets what she wants because there is no drink menu; you just demand what you’re in the mood for and the mixologists will make it for you.

    Redeeming Factor: Boston is home to the a plethora of athletes and movie stars (nicknamed “East Hollywood” for all the films being made there each year) so it shouldn’t be hard for any true Betch to score herself a Pro with a 6+ figure bank account, all while never having to spend a dime. Ryan Reynolds is house hunting in Back Bay right now. Or if you’re not in the mood hunting for Pros, you can spend your time “working out” at Equinox next to Gisele and Linda Pizzuti Henry, the best Boston Betch around.

    Bisous,

    UES Bred Collegiate Boston Betch

    Posted on Reply
  26. The Betches says:

    devoting an entire post to Boston? that could not be more flattering. Boston is so apparently unworthy of your attention…

    there is nothing less “betchy” then hiding behind a computer screen.. a real betch would embrace having her readers know who she was.

    Posted on Reply
  27. The Betches says:

    The only people who love Boston are the people who were unfortunate enough to be born there or 5th graders on a U.S. History field trip. Albeit Boston is not as atrocious as say Cleveland.

    Posted on Reply
  28. The Betches says:

    ew. you can go shave your back now.

    Posted on Reply
  29. The Betches says:

    i have to say i am honestly disgusted by this post. i usually love every post on this site but this one couldn’t be more wrong. whoever wrote this should get the stick out of their ass and have some real fun which is what boston is all about! boston guys are hott, wealthy, and classy. miami, vegas, and nyc are overrated and dirty. any girl who likes to have fun on a day to day basis should be living in bahhstan!

    Posted on Reply
  30. The Betches says:

    The comments show exactly why Boston is so not betchy. A true betch would never show that they’re upset by something as banal as someone talking shit about Boston. That is the opposite of winning, and betches are always winning. Boston may be pretty, except for the shitty weather, but it’s not exactly known for being “fun.” And while Ben Affleck in The Town was a smokeshow you would never want to be with that fucking loser. Betches only marry Pros and he is most certainly not a Pro. He’s so poor he has to rob banks. Ew.
    Also, Marianne, I would say being able to freely talk shit with zero chance of getting caught while simultaneously being applauded for it is pretty betchy. So to all you girls commenting about how Boston is SooOOooOooo Betchy: it isn’t and neither are you. Suck It.

    Posted on Reply
  31. The Betches says:

    Please write more geography posts. I’m thinking southern betches, miami betches, nyc betches, and L.A. betches all need a post.

    Posted on Reply
  32. The Betches says:

    Complaining Boston betches – you just made me even less likely to visit Boston (not that I was planning to ever go again). Apparently Boston betches don’t even have a sense of fucking humor. Chill the fuck out and accept that the only REAL betchy places in the world are NYC, LA, Miami, Ibiza, London, Paris, Milan. You are CLEARLY not betchy if one post by some random chick sitting behind her computer can get you this fucking mad.

    If you have so much old money, try spending it on fucking lipo and pilates rather than your sweet sports boxes and Dunkin Donuts and shitty vodka. Seriously, how did you all get so fat? I’ve never seen such a fat city. It’s like that commercial with all the balls bouncing around the city or some shit.

    Thanks for another fantastic post, betches.

    Posted on Reply
    • The Betches says:

      ..... Massachusetts is the third fittest state in the country. New York doesn’t even come close statistically.  Cute attempt though.

      Posted on Reply
  33. The Betches says:

    Fucking ditto,betch. Don’t forget about Texas city betches, though

    Posted on Reply
  34. The Betches says:

    Boston girls,
    Calm down and go eat some beans and drink some beer. Hope y’all didn’t get too fat and pale during your 11 months of winter.

    Posted on Reply
  35. The Betches says:

    Boston College is one of the betchiest schools in the world and everyone knows this – it looks like a jcrew catalogue and the undergrad business school bros will be making close to 100k next year working as an associate for their daddy – all of the private schools in the boston area are expensive and attract smart bros so I feel like this post is more about people who live in boston post grad but undergrad I think it’s pretty betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  36. The Betches says:

    Jcrew is totally like a fat girls dream. Newsflash: betches don’t do turtlenecks. Maybe if Herve Leger came out with a fab line of turtlenecks bandage dress we’d reconsider that statement. Until then, fucking ew. I bet you buy your lingerie at Banana Republic too.

    Posted on Reply
  37. The Betches says:

    This absolutely needs to be redone. I’m not from Boston but I have lived there for 4 years and can give you what it truely means to be a betch in that city. Don’t post stuff like this if you clearly haven’t talked to a single betch who could answer these categories correctly.

    #sorryimnotATALLsorry

    Posted on Reply
  38. The Betches says:

    haha this post is such a joke! shit on boston all you want, i might too if I thought cool places to go were Harvard square, Newbury St., and Sonsie…might as well hop on a duck tour and hit up the freedom trail too? I was kinda mad readin this post and stream of comments until I saw someone mention the “betchiest” places to live and included vegas..I love hopping on a plane for a weekend at the Palazzo don’t get me wrong but the majority of people who live in this desert tourist town probably work at a casino and live in a trailer. sad. sooo yeah! last I checked Boston was one of the most expensive, cleanest, and def one of the classiest places to live. Not gonna dispute whoever said it isn’t known for nightlife, Miami and NYC def beat it out easily but again thats something I look for in a weekend trip out of town….If you’re the kind of girl that needs to throw on a spandex dress and your favorite Bakers stilettos 7 nights a week while bros grind on you and dance to house music then yeah it might not be the city for you! for the girl that want a nice dinner out in the north end over a $500 bottle of wine followed by martinis at tob of the hub or the liberty, it’s definitely an awesome city. I get it I get it, bostons not the city for EVERY betch, especially if you’re a club rat stuck in your undergrad days, or the type of girl who goes into hotels looking for a male companion for that evening…isn’t there another word for that?! oh yea prostitue! Anyways I can see where the idea for this post came from but had to go ahead and say I def can’t come close to agreeing with the majority of the stuff that was written! hate to say it but I hafta agree with whoever said it sounds like whoever wrote this hasnt even been here.

    Posted on Reply
  39. The Betches says:

    Bakers? Ew. No self-respecting betch shops at that Steve Madden knock off store.

    Posted on Reply
    • ^huh? says:

      No betch even shops at Steve Madden. #fuckingduh

      Posted on Reply
  40. The Betches says:

    Haha re-read it, I wrote somethin about throwing on a spandex dress and bakers stilettos to hang in clubs seven nights a week mocking the original poster who goes on about “nightlife.” Its making fun, obv id never step foot in bakers..or steve madden for that matter hahaha. Good try though.

    Posted on Reply
  41. The Betches says:

    Fucking love being from the Boston area. If you guys don’t like it who cares, we wouldn’t want you here anyway.

    Posted on Reply
  42. The Betches says:

    Fact, boston betches DO work in lab coats because 1) we’re smarter than you and 2) as any good betch knows, ultimate betch goal it to marry a hot doctor that’s rich as fuck. Lab coats with nothing but lingerie underneath is the top way to score a one way ticket on the medical pound town express. Bingo, life done. Betchdom achieved. Plus, I’ll be laughing at all you wanna be boston betches from my $21.8 million dollar porch in Cliffside ACK, with my gin and standard poodles.

    <3

    Posted on Reply
  43. The Betches says:

    You are just wrong. NYC is obvi better than Boston, but it’s not as shitty as you’re making it sound.

    Miami may have a great nightlife but I wouldn’t go near that guido/illegal immigrant/ STD-infested hole with a 10 foot pole.

    Posted on Reply
  44. The Betches says:

    you don’t like boston? fahhhkkk yewww

    pink keys love boston <3

    Posted on Reply
  45. The Betches says:

    HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF RUMOR/VENU/CURE/ESTATE? Betch central.

    Please brush up on Boston betch nightlife.

    Compared to most US cities, Boston is known to be the Europe of the US which results in better fashion, more international people/students which leads to more money which leads to the ultimate betch lifestyle.

    Most colleges/universities are at least $50,000 a year and not everyone has scholarships… The girls who can afford these are mostly betches. The rest are weird girls with super rich parents.

    Posted on Reply
  46. The Betches says:

    Ew. Spend more time in NYC. It has all of these “clubs” for the bridge and tunnel-ly challenged, and then places a betch would actually want to get #blackout.

    You can be a betch in Boston, but Boston is not a very betchy metropolitan.
    Granted I love my hometown, I’m aware it’s for good girls AKA visiting gramps or passing through for a weekend vacay in Edgartown.

    Posted on Reply
  47. The Betches says:

    I’ll agree with you that Boston is no New York, Miami, Vegas, etc… but that’s because it’s 1000x better. Fucking duh.
    Like I want to hang out with a bunch of yawn worthy aspiring actors/dancers/musicians in New York? Ok, you have investment bankers and law firms… so do we. And we house a significantly lower amount of obnoxious people. Not to mention the old money Pros here could buy you and your pathetic “smack-a-beer-on-his-forehead frat-trastic bro” in a hot second.
    Miami… are you fucking kidding me? The good news here is you can get a fab tan and the Jersey shore was filmed there. Okkkk…. but I do NOT want to marry some cuban wanna-be “bro” living la vida loca en los estados unidos because there’s a lack of betch-worthy bros and pros.
    Vegas is for vacationing… not living. “It’s not the classiest place”, and I’d rather be in Massachusetts, mere hours from Nantucket/The Cape, than in fucking Nevada, mere hours from… mormons?

    Good try though, just like your last diet. #failing

    Posted on Reply
  48. The Betches says:

    my sentiments exactly.

    Posted on Reply
  49. The Betches says:

    betches need to get along.. #shittalking is obvi suppose to be behind the back.. betches dont start online drama.. i am a boston girl and can see both sides of this.. if you are from a gross part of the area then no, you arent considered a betch.. but hit up places like marblehead, nantucket, and the cape and you will find plenty of #betches and bros that betches like.. also, sports are a great way to get on a guys good side so its not all that bad to be a fake fan, just make sure you can at least pretend like you know what your talking about so when youre at a bar you dont make a fool of yourself xo betches

    Posted on Reply
  50. The Betches says:

    betches need to calm the fuck down, who even cares? if you like boston good for you, if not then don’t go there

    Posted on Reply
  51. The Betches says:

    blue bloods=true betches.

    Posted on Reply
  52. The Betches says:

    Boston could possibly be the Wackest city Ive ever had to endure visiting in my life… Me an my bff had to visit an old friend one weekend and ur so called “Pros” are socially retarted mass-holes. Probably the most unfriendly un-betchy place ive ever been in my life. NYC forever. Last call at 1:30am? Getthafuckouttahea… Were still pregaming at 1:30!? And every New Yorker I know that attended BU, Northeaster,BC etc all got fat beerbellies, became social retards, and lost all their friends. You wanna talk about old money? Visit Westchester. Fuck boston. They put more than green food dye in the water and whatever it is turns all who live there into douchey, humorless, fat, socially inept Mass-holes.

    Posted on Reply
  53. The Betches says:

    Ok, now you all sound like a bunch of retards. Not betches. Check yourselves.

    Posted on Reply
  54. The Betches says:

    How dare you shit on Boston and praise Philadelphia. You “aspiring to be waspy” douche.

    Posted on Reply
  55. The Betches says:

    Um, this is like fucking factual. Boston is just full of bars and history, like ew — calories and old people. Boston is so not hot, and there are no attractive guys in the city. The only redeeming quality is Harvard, where I can find myself a total PRO or SAB, otherwise I might as well take the private jet to Philadelphia.

    Posted on Reply
  56. The Betches says:

    After reading all of this its pretty obvious that everyone here is a Betch cause you’re all honoring the number one rule to being a Betch: Shit Talking. So whether you’re for Boston or against it you’re still a Betch, congrats.

    As a NY Betch its in my DNA to hate Boston and all its Betches. HOWEVER, there is a serious loophole that you are all forgetting: college. The greatest 4 years of your life that will live on through private facebook albums and saved drunken texts. What could be better than a city devoted to such an institution? And I’m not talking about those bumbfuck “cities” that the only place to go is the campus bar and the townies are in bread, like fucking Binghamton. Just in the Charles River area you have BU, BC, Harvard and MIT. Thats a lot of fucking old money and future in one concentrated area. Not to mention the international population at schools like BU, every wanted to date a prince?! Its like a 17.TLSC, plus an 19.Ugly Hot, plus and 62. Pro all wrapped into one with a super sexy accent and a shit ton of money.

    So I’m not saying Boston should be high on the Betch geography scale but for those four vital years in a Betches life its like fucking Utopia.

    Although I do agree that 75% of the time the weather fucking sucks. However, if you can learn to walk in stilettos over black ice you’re a fucking Olympic Betch.

    Posted on Reply
  57. ballerina2004 says:

    ok, this site has gone WAY down in my list of faves. go to harvard square to pick up the HBS dudes? seriously? whoever wrote this has never talked to one of said men, if she had, she would realize that no amount of potential future income could make up for the over the top egomaniac theyre about to get- not to mention the inevitable infidelity and divorce. better to actually work in (gasp) a lab and use your effing brain for something other than distracting yourself from how pathetic your life is! you can be a betch and be smart and motivated! these are the best kind of betches, not the sad soon-to be-divorcees you see preying on men 20 years younger than themselves, bc no amount of surgery or drugs can make you anything less than a superficial slut.

    Posted on Reply
  58. Betch or not...idc says:

    Boston is a city for people. It houses some of the top Universities in the world, the best hospitals and laboratory research, as well real people. You want to know Boston don’t stay in fuckin downtown…what true Bostonian lives on Beacon hill, fucking blue bloods who don’t realize their beloved hill is being taken over by Suffolk undergrads looking to party in $2400 apts. The neighborhoods are where the people are, here you can find that real tall dark man with a Boston accent, people from Boston have anger problems. We get passionate fast! That is where all this Boston anger/love is: Represent!

    Posted on Reply
  59. BostonBetch says:

    I love this post because I have wanted to fucking move from this place as far back as I can remember and my boyfriend of a year has been trying to shove “Boston pride” down my throat and I just never could gain it. I don’t give a fuck about sports first of all. All the guys here are fucking hipsters drinking shitty PBR with no jobs or cars, just riding their bikes around. The night life is a joke. Fuck this fucking house music! And the bros in the clubs don’t even speak english and are hideous, not even some ugly hots here. I need fashion, models, acting opportunities, and some bros with style and if you’re not gonna speak english at least let it be something sexy like french! In conclusion, get me the fuck to NY!

    Posted on Reply
  60. Lucky Betch says:

    Just so you know, the boys in the movie… actually were from boston. I travel all over the place and have been to many cities, and i haven’t found another place (other than in Australia and Europe) with hotter boys. They are way too sexy…..
    sorry!

    Posted on Reply
  61. Anonymous says:

    whoever says boston isnt betchy clearly didn’t grow up in one of the most expensive suburbs in the country, all located right outside of boston, or go to a boston prep school that costs more than most americans make in a year. boston in the definition of spoiled, smart, jcrew betches. Maybe, whichever betch wrote this article has been hanging around dorchester or charleston too much.

    Posted on Reply
  62. BackBayBetch says:

    Gisele Bundchen lives in Boston. Is she not one of the betchiest betches that ever lived? (I’m not going to mention VS, because that shit is obvious). She is THE definition of a supermodel; according to Forbes she may become the world’s first ever billionaire supermodel. She is married to Tom Brady, of the New England Patriots, who Bundchen snagged from actress Bridget Moynihan after he already became Moynihan’s baby daddy! You can say sports are boring, but this PRO (Brady) is hot, athletic, and also a model. She also dated LEO DICAPRIO… when he was younger and hotter (2000-2005). Gisele is insensitive like a betch, having publicly stated that breastfeeding should be a “worldwide law,” while you know she has a nanny taking care of her little boy Ben while she’s fucking her sexy hubby or modeling in some amazing place around the world. Only to come home to her pad in Back Bay (on the corner of Beacon and Fairfield Street), with no doubt an amazing roofdeck, overlooking the Charles River and the rest that the picturesque city of Boston has to offer.

    Posted on Reply
  63. BackBayBetch says:

    While I am not upset at reading how my city is “unbetchy,” I would like to clear up a few things. Ben Affleck isn’t so poor he has to rob banks. He moved to Cambridge, MA, just outside Boston, where at 10 years old he met his best friend Matt Damon (who went to Harvard and is a Boston native). They wrote the screenplay for Good Will Hunting, which won an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay and a Golden Globe for Best Screenplay, leading the pair to become famous in Hollywood and followed in lots of films and money. Affleck has dated such hot betches as Gwyneth Paltrow. Affleck also directed The Town, in which betch of the week Blake Lively acted in. Affleck and Damon are so filthy rich they could prob marry any betch they want. Matt Damon was ranked Sexiest Man Alive in People Mag. He acted in The Departed, another Boston flick. Whether you betches like it or not, Boston has swag. And I’m not just talking about Affleck and Damon; there is Gisele Bundchen to contend with. But I already wrote about her in another post.

    Posted on Reply
  64. Boston Boy says:

    Dear confused—

    One of the great things about Boston/Massachusetts girls is that they are actually down to earth (rather than Betches who have to pretend to be down to earth). There are plenty of hot girls from boston who wear jeans and a t-shirt and a sox cap and drink beer and look damn good doing it, and are gonna get a lot more attention/appreciation from bros than a girl wearing uber-preppy clothes and looking bored. [Note photo of J Lo in her ridiculous outfit at a sox game. She’d get teased out of the park if she weren’t a celebrity.] Keep the Boston pride, women in our city aren’t defined by this site

    Posted on Reply
  65. BostonGirlinNYC says:

    Brilliantly stated. Harvard Square? Really? I mean sure if you wanna be the artsy betch and you’re trying to fuck some randomly hot guy in a band, I GUESS you could throw on some hipster sweater and hit a bar in Cambridge…but like, no.

    Posted on Reply
  66. Zha Zha Gabor says:

    Puhhhleeassseee! This betch knows what she’s talking about. She couldn’t be more accurate.

    Posted on Reply
  67. Zha Zha Gabor says:

    she ran for LA as fast as she could

    Posted on Reply
  68. Saywhatttt? says:

    If a betch had real taste in cities, they would know that Boston is where its at. seriously.

    Posted on Reply
  69. fellow Boston Betch says:

    Boston Betch I agree with you whole heartedly on just about every point. I love Boston, but it is gross. And most of the people are gross. But they make me look awesome.
    But for the record, no self respecting Boston Betch wears any pink Red Sox gear. Even as a newborn I would have sent my dad back out to Fenway to get me a REAL hat. We’re better than that.

    Posted on Reply
  70. xoxobetch says:

    massachusetts does have some betchy suburban places though and many betches live near newbury st so its not that bad

    Posted on Reply
  71. Anonymous says:

    You betches are all posers none of you are even betches. If you read more than 2 of the comments than just consider yourself exiled.

    Boston IS the betchiest city. NYC is a close second but NYC is DISGUSTING and grimy. If you think Boston is gross then you’re obviously in like fuckin Mattapan of some shit. Newsflash: THATS NOT REALLY BOSTON and you’re probably going to get shot.

    Betch, I am really disappointed in this post. You obviously know NOTHING about Boston and just googled all of this shit. Real Boston girls know the deal and know where to go.

    Do you think that I live in the same town as the Bellichicks and half of the Boston Red Sox “coincidentally?” Fuck no. Do you think that the Wahlburg’s know my name for no reason? Do you think that half of my inner betch circle has connections to Whitey (for those of you fake-betches that think you’re betches but you’re obviously fuckin not: Whitey Bulger is one of the broest men to come from Boston)?

    Fuckin exactly. The reason you other betches are defending Miami and LA and Vegas is because you could never afford to live in Boston or the Boston area. Betches know how to find the money and sorrry betches but all the moneys in Boston. We have Harvard, BC, BU, Tufts, and MIT among maaany others. Helloooo trust fund babies that actually are smart and are multi-millionaires before they hit 25. Smart betches are Boston betches.

    Posted on Reply
  72. BostonBetch says:

    Agreed. Thank you, betch, for speaking the truth.

    Boston betches stick together.

    Posted on Reply
  73. G says:

    Hahahaha you must mean *Wellesley…. Wayland is trash

    Posted on Reply
  74. yeahBoston says:

    For those of you who are saying Boston isn’t betchy because the weather sucks, news flash- New York is just as cold and gets just as much snow.  I would rather deal with “11 months of winter” than a bunch of fucking illegal immigrants in Miami or trailer trash in Vegas.  Boston is the best college town in the country and you can’t get much better than Harvard, MIT, BC, etc.  Talk about the best city to find a husband in.  As far as the “lab coats” and “who cares about sports?” comments go…sorry we’re smarter than you and our city wins Championships.  Actually, sorry I’m not sorry.

    Posted on Reply
  75. Boston College Betch says:

    Well it is well known that most aspiring betches act like haters when they are fucking jealous of real betches.
    Poor batch,  you weren’t smart enough or your daddy did not donate $20M to Harvard to get you into one of Boston betchiest schools - if I weren’t a betch I would have been really sorry for you.

    get yourself a bucket or fucking chocolate ice-cream because guess what: if you aren’t smart enough and don’t come from old money, being a fucking anorectic and living in NY does not make you a betch - any freakin hobo could do that.
    Sincerely,
    Boston Collegiate Betch

    Posted on Reply
  76. Paige says:

    Um boston betches are actually wicked preppy. Like fucking duh there are so many good expensive private schools here so obvi everyone here is like preppy and rich

    Posted on Reply
  77. Anonymous says:

    This betch that wrote this knows nothing about Boston. Gisele lives here- Number 1 betch there is. BOSTON > NYC always.

    Posted on Reply
  78. Anonymous says:

    I can only hope this is sarcastic

    Posted on Reply
  79. Btownbetch says:

    This betch has got her shit together, her descriptions are on point.  A true Boston Betch comes from older money than an Upper East Sider, with holiday homes next to the rich and famous.  It’s a city with Pros, Bros, and fabulous shopping.  Live in the beautiful and wealthy suburbs or in a brownstone on Beacon Hill that would make any betch living in a different city die of jealousy.  NY ladies might claim that they invented betchiness, but Boston made it an art.

    Posted on Reply
  80. Anonymous says:

    So I just found this post and completely need to comment.  Normally I wouldn’t waste my time on awful Massholes, but The Betches are right.  Boston is so not Betchy. 

    I’ve lived here for 10 years.  I came for school and never left, sadly.  Thank God NYC is 4 hours away.  The thing is if you have Boston Pride and are defending the “betchiness” of Boston then you are a Masshole.  If you are a Masshole you cannot be a betch.  It’s like fucking science, duh.  Betches don’t have awful accents, amiright? Betches can obviously live here and seek out the true betchy parts of the city, but that does not make the city Betchy.  Which is why it deservedly gets a 3.

    Gold Stars for The Betches on this one. For Realsies.

    Posted on Reply
  81. BTownBetches says:

    Let me just say this: Boston betches are wicked classy. People are often just jealous because we’re preppy and often live in Wellesley where if you don’t have old money you’re a loser.  The Boston Betch will not only own a place on beacon hill, in Wellesley, down the Cape (Cape Cod for all of you who don’t know what “the Cape” is), and on the Vineyard (Martha’s Vineyard if you all were wondering…) but she will also be the classiest and preppiest betch you will ever meet.  Yeah this betch knows how to hang out with the guys which is why she’ll live a happier marriage with her wicked rich husband who will most likely be a Harvard grad, BU grad, BC grad, MIT grad or Brown grad (because who wants to stay in Providence…?) or he’ll be a Patriot, Red Sox, Bruins or Celtics player.  And please don’t get me started, I personally know Celtic player wives…and they are classy betches!  None of you have obviously been to Boston and here’s how I can tell:
    1.in the city there are more Starbucks than Dunkins….if you didn’t know that then you’re not from here
    2. Boston Betches aren’t overweight….we actually WALK everywhere because Boston is the right size to do that.  I mean yeah, we’ll take our cabs when we want but we enjoy the nice scenery of old money brownstones, cobblestone streets and fluffy dogs.
    3.  Boston is filled with PR firms….not just medical centers.  But what’s wrong with medical centers?  Doctors make so much money, and as a betch if there’s something wrong I want the best care, and you’ll only get that in Boston. 
    4.  Also have you ever watched a Sox and Yankees game closely?  Have you examined the players wives?  Those are true betches.  Sox’s wives wear your vineyard vines, polos, etc while those Yankee player’s wives live in cut-off jean shorts and trashy tank tops.  Watch next time, you’ll notice….and it will make your inner classy-girl cringe.

    Now I’m not “bitching” about which betch is better….I think NYC betches are fantastic, along with those LA betches and Miami betches but to be fair, Boston betches are often just quiet classy betches who don’t need to say much because frankly we know that we’re preppy betches. 
    Clearly whoever runs this blog is from the NYC area….so she is totally representing her home and props to her, any betch would want to do that.  I can also tell that you’re not from the Boston area just by reading some other entries.  Like you’re Jewish Betches….you clearly forgot Newton and Sharon (both in MA) and both are exactly like Livingston…..
    I’m not trying to be hostile or put down any betches because i love all betches no matter where you live but don’t hate on other betches home towns because you aren’t educated about the place!

    Posted on Reply
    • ew says:

      sharon? vom.

      Posted on Reply
  82. Anonymous says:

    One other tid bit, Boston was ranked #1 city to live in for finance professionals in the WORLD by investopedia.com
    It is universally known as one of the leading Wall St cities along with NYC Chicago and San Fran.

    If you’re looking for the Wall St Pro this is one of the next spots on the list besides NYC (obvi).

    There are also an abundance of Real Estate and Consulting Pros in Boston.

    A “3” rating is a bit low

    Posted on Reply
  83. Anonymous says:

    Is so fucking true. I’m so glad someone other than me noticed that all the girls in Boston are fat and hideous. I visited for a weekend and couldn’t wait to get out even though I was on a college campus. I was so fucking glad to go back to NYC…if you think you’re cool because you go to school or study in Boston, you have another thing coming

    Posted on Reply
  84. - says:

    when the fuck was whitey bulger ever a ‘bro’?

    Posted on Reply
  85. Sassy says:

    I grew up in Sexy Lexy (other Boston betches will know what I’m taking about.) Boston is half-and-half. BC, Newbury Street, North End, Harvard, Museum of Fine Art—> betchy. Northeastern, BU, UMass, Duck Boat Tours, the weather, Dunkins—> unbetchy.
    Sports…ehhh. Since they “reversed the curse” in 2004 and 2007, the Sox haven’t been that great. Celtics are alright this season. Pats might make to the Superbowl and Tom Brady IS married to Gisele.
    Bros/pros are hit or miss. The betchy schools are were the pros are at. After that, it gets a little spotty. If you go to Emerson and think you’ll find a pro, then you’re fucking delusional.
    As you can tell from my post, Boston is a love/hate place, especially for the Boston betches. Nice girls love our city for the academics, but betches elsewhere probably don’t understand us or our city. It’s okay. We get it.

    Posted on Reply
  86. Brenda Patimkin says:

    Sorry. This was clearly written by someone from Roslyn who went to BU for four years and then went back to NYC. She had a friend from Newton who she called to ask for some details, but that’s about it - it’s two years old, time to redo it using someone who actually lived in Boston as an adult.

    Posted on Reply
  87. betch says:

    this is so accurate! i got into a school in boston and hated it. the only things i liked were being around harvard and near nyc. trying to transfer to nyc or socal schools.

    Posted on Reply
  88. bb says:

    whoever wrote this is a fucking idiot

    Posted on Reply
    • Nope says:

      Awww, go on writing your shitty little articles, bitch. We Boston betches own you. Even the worst of us make $100K out of college and have the pleasure of Harvard grads. And we never have to deal with making rent off of blogging. Love you mean it.

      Posted on Reply
  89. JackiesPackie says:

    Hmmmm.  What is it about Boston girls that make us not hot?  Is it because the majority of us don’t look fake as f*** with platinum blonde hair extensions, orange fake tans, and unrealistic gaps between our thighs?  Not to mention the fact that plastic surgery is unheard around here unless you get a puck to the face at a Bruins game and need to fix your deviated septum.  Also- what is so bad about working in hospitals?  The classiest occupation of guy’s fantasies is a nurse.  Most jobs in hospitals require a high level of intellect.  Apparently the writer forgets that a girl with brains is a very sexy girl at that.  Nice try anonymous betch, lets have a re-write of this, shall we? Love YAH xoxo

    Posted on Reply
  90. Your Name says:

    Boston is actually one of the leading PR cities in the country

    Posted on Reply
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