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By The Betches on

Along with being a betch comes a few essential unwritten rules. It's pretty obvious to every betch that doing things like drinking regular Coke, dating a guy who has ever worn Ed Hardy, and going out sober are strictly forbidden. However, when it comes to relationships, the rules of betchdom often become a little blurry. We're here to help you see the light. While girl code is for nice girls, we're going to introduce you to the only set of rules you should follow: Betch Code.

Now, we're all familiar with that girl who hooks up with a guy one time and forever claims him as 'hers' even though he wouldn't ever (soberly) touch her again with a ten foot pole. This girl is annoying and will often say you're a 'bad friend' if you even think about hooking up with this bro.

That's why we're here to enlighten delusional daters and put to rest the question of whether or not a bro is acceptable to hook up with (or have sex with). We've devised a handy points system for those of you who are clueless as fuck or have no soul. This list could otherwise be called the "are you a bad person?" list. No need to argue amongst your friends anymore, here's an objective breakdown.

Here's how it works: Add points for every item on the checklist that rings true. If you have more than 3 points, don't do it. If you have less, go get yourself laid. If you have 3 exactly and act on it, you're either someone who can manipulate your way out of looking like a horrible person aka someone we would hang out with, or you're going to get yourself punched in the face.

jshore

 

If your friend has hooked up with him:

 

+1: Your bestie has hooked up with him (+.5 if she's not a friend you would ever hang out with alone) -1: If your bestie can't remember hooking up with him -1: If your bestie was so fucked up she doesn't remember that she threw up on him +1: He threw up on her

+2: Your bestie has hooked up with him more than three times (+1.5 if she's not a friend you would ever hang out with alone)

+5: Your bestie is currently hooking up with him but they're not exclusive +2: If your bestie has hooked up with him but he's made her cry +3: If she made him cry

+0: Your bestie has hooked up with him but he's a celebrity

+.5: The dud has hooked up with him

-2: Your frenemy has hooked up with him

-5: Your arch nemesis has hooked up with him

-.5: More than one of your friends has hooked up with him (a distinct -.5 for each additional friend that has already hooked up with him)

 

If they've had sex:

 

+2: Your bestie has had sex with him (-2 if it was after she was rufied, +10 if he was the one who rufied her)

+5: Your bestie has had sex with him more than three times (+3 if she's not a friend you would ever hang out with alone)

-1: The girl who's TGF has had sex with him

+2: If your bestie had to Plan B his baby +3: If you went with her to CVS

 

They've dated:

 

 

girl codeThis is revolting.

 

+1: Your bestie went on a date with him +5: He made her pay

+2: Your bestie went on more than 2 dates with him

+7: He's your bestie's ex-boyfriend (+4 if their relationship ended more than 2 years ago, +2 if it was more than 5)

+100: They're currently dating, you whore.

As the Constitution and Mean Girls taught us, there are certain inalienable rights that we all have as betches, it's like the rules of feminism. While betches aren't always the most moral people, there are certain lines we shouldn't cross when fucking over our fellow females, especially those we call our friends.

Failing the test is one thing, but going ahead and disregarding it can and should get you blacklisted, leaving you destined to hang out with the sexually active band geeks or the girls who eat their feelings. We need a backstabbing betch in our bestie group like we need a fucking summer job.

 

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71 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Tanbetch says:

    “leaving you destined to hang out with the sexually active band geeks or the girls who eat their feelings.” hahahahahahhah yes.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Rachel says:

    can you do a post commenting about the annoying girls who are supporting the bro’s #185 hating betches? ugh they need to be shit talked

    Posted on Reply
  3. Guilty as charged says:

    Since I’m happily dating a guy that I “stole” from an acquaintance of mine I’m conflicted as to how I feel about this article. On the one hand, sure, yeah, your friend will probs be pissed if she likes the guy and you hook up with him behind her back but it’s happened to me and I’m glad because it taught me that if your SAB is looking at your friends while you’re “dating” then you’re delusional if you think he’ll stop if you somehow get him drunk enough to agree to make things official. Also, if you think you have claim over a guy but you don’t confront your friend after their first makeout sesh and a half, don’t waste your time whining about losing him when they become fbo. You snooze, you lose and just because you couldn’t lock your bro down doesn’t mean any betch, including myself, should feel guilty about getting what she wants. Sorry I’m not sorry but let’s face it: he never really liked you anyway.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    +100: They’re currently dating, you whore.

    lol’d hard at this one… the italics make it

    Posted on Reply
  5. ab says:

    way harsh ty

    Posted on Reply
  6. KO says:

    I don’t understand why you would add 1.5 points if it’s a friend you would never hang out with alone. Wouldn’t that mean you’re not as close to them.. therefore.. who really gaf?

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    hahahahha i know exactly who you’re talking about…. let the shit talking begin. like “i’m a girl but i tots agree with you bros!!!! i’m like the rare breed of girl whose not a slam piece but fucks the bros whenever they want but like we’re best friends. betches are such sluts.”
    ugh. stop tth

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    my bff from highschool pulled this shit with the guy i lost my virginity to, never spoke to that shady whore again. needless to say, he cheated on her and they broke up 2 months later, cue evil laugh. karmas a betch.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    genius/completely legitimate way of determining whos the backstabbing betch

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    You sound psychotic.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    Snooze button on this post, it’s awful. Fix that.

    Posted on Reply
  12. fuckin duh says:

    This math is way too hard.  Betches don’t do math.  Can you dumb down the betch code for us blondies?  Thanx.

    Later Betch.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    You girls are retarded. Stop copying from bros and be original. make a fucking sandwich or 2.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    They mean only add .5 if it’s someone you wouldn’t hang out with alone.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Cora says:

    yeah I was wondering the same thing…

    Posted on Reply
  16. anonymous says:

    pretty sure it’s:
    +0.5 if it’s not a friend you would hang out with alone and
    +1.0 if it is a friend that you would hang out with alone

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    you only add .5 points for someone you wouldn’t hangout with alone

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    from one blonde to another, this is embarrassing (for you, of course). i guess this is what happens when you don’t pay attention in 3rd grade…
    ps. a real betch is fucking intelligent. later, bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    uhhh, if you can’t do simple addition then you are not a betch. Being a betch is about being elite, if you can’t pass first grade math then I almost feel sorry for you. ew

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    Same exact thing happened to me.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    dear bro who likes to creep on female-oriented websites, im sorry that you are yet to realise that vagina rules the universe. you can go shave your back now…

    Posted on Reply
  22. Bro says:

    Shut up, slampiece. This is a man’s world - speak when spoken to.

    And yes, this whole freakshow is nothing but a (vastly inferior) ripoff of Bros Like This Site. The big difference being that NYB is actually funny - something we all know the female brain is incapable of since members of the lesser sex need to harness all their brainpower for the tasks they were designed to do (blowjobs, cooking, etc).

    Turkey on wheat. Lettuce. Tomato. And go light on the mustard. Thanks, doll.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    Jesus, you’re a loser.

    Posted on Reply
  24. HBIC says:

    Ew. I hope you really enjoy masturbating.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    you can shut up, little boy. its hilarious how we clearly upset you “bros” by taking your idea and turning it into something funnier, more clever, and just fucking BETTER in general. we dont waste our time on your pathetic excuse for a website. so please, go fuck yourself smile

    Posted on Reply
  26. Stephanie says:

    or write a post about hating girls who give guys too much credit, even when the guys continue to screw them over. AKA this happens to my roommate all the time & she keeps hooking up with these SABs. all our besties tell her these guys are assholes, but she sticks up for them.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Stephanie says:

    thats not what they meant dumbasses. it means, INSTEAD of adding +1, you only add +.5   Get it, you so-called betches? get an effing education.

    Posted on Reply
  28. ashley says:

    shut the fuck up. they acknowledged you in the first paragraph… the whole soul-less bitch part.

    oh and it’ll happen to you in the future, bye

    Posted on Reply
  29. kk says:

    oh my god hahah you are delusional (not a betch) if you think hes not going to do the EXACT same thing to you. guys dont change. and girls like you are so annoying.

    Posted on Reply
  30. anon says:

    You slampieces are fucking retarded.

    Posted on Reply
  31. Natural blonde with a masters degree says:

    This comment made me glad I dyed my hair dark for the winter. Jk i’m not a hater but seriously sweetie but down the calculator I’m pretty sure this site is for betches’ entertainment .

    Posted on Reply
  32. ari says:

    You guys DO realize that this entire site is a SATIRE, right? Look it up in the dictionary if you don’t…
    In other word, this site MAKES FUN of bitches, it writes funny posts poking fun at girls who are like that girl described in the post, up above…
    So don’t take anything too seriously, girls wink

    Posted on Reply
  33. betchofreason says:

    bros are bashing this site for so many reasons but one of them is that “betches” rip each other apart in the comments. stop fighting with each other over who’s like totally betchier. neither of you are if you’re trying to defend your betchdom to a random internet blog. chill the fuck out. it’s not cute. unless you’re supporting the site like all of the comments from broslikethissite are, don’t fucking comment. no wonder bros find it so easy to make fun of us… the comments are embarrassing to everyone. yea i know i sound like i wish i could bake a cake made of rainbows and smiles, and we could eat it and be happy… but i stopped eating carbs when i was eight. remember- a betch is not always a bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  34. booii says:

    its funny how some betches cant even do math…oh wait ur women

    Posted on Reply
  35. Anonymous says:

    Sorry dude, I don’t feed trolls. ):

    Posted on Reply
  36. betch says:

    agreed. we all have that one girl in our besties group that whenever we hang out with guys she has to be their new friend and make them tell their secrets too and she says she’s not fliriting with them but clearly she is fucking all of them. And shes more loyal to the guys then us like WTF, whore.

    Posted on Reply
  37. Broad says:

    Its funny how delusional you sluts think you are. Do you really think any guy gives a fuck about what you think? This whole website is a fucking joke. Do yourselves a favor and make yourselves useful by sucking some bro’s dick. Everyone knows that’s the only thing you slam pieces care about anyways.

    Posted on Reply
  38. Anonymous says:

    obvi they care enough to read our shit and leave long comments about how much they dont care. you def showed us. dumbass.

    Posted on Reply
  39. Amen says:

    Seriously thank god someone said this. Beginning to think I was the only non BSCB on this site

    Posted on Reply
  40. lulz says:

    “bro” you can’t even fucking spell.

    Posted on Reply
  41. Anonymous says:

    You need therapy… Do u have any female friends?

    Posted on Reply
  42. its kinda funny says:

    Yep, my “friend” of a few months hooked up with my bf of five years and recent ex behind my back. They did for 8 months…but guess who he’s still not over? karma definitely is a bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  43. betch says:

    chill, you psycho. it was fucking confusing at first.

    Posted on Reply
  44. 1L Fratting says:

    Chris Benoit’s Parenting > Writing in this article

    I’ve seen fetuses stabbed to death by clothes hangers that were more pleasant to look at than this article. It was more flooded with garbage than Japan last year. Princess Diana’s limo driver did less damage to the progress made by women.

    Lose some weight, hit the kitchen, get a clue.

    Posted on Reply
  45. anon says:

    Same thing happened with me, except I was the one he cheated on her with.

    Posted on Reply
  46. Anonymous says:

    I absolutely love this post. We all know one or more of these girls (kind of like the “happily whoring bitch” below) and we all know how delusional and trashy they are. A real betch wouldn’t want to date, fuck, or even sext (ew) with a guy that has already been with one of their friends, because that would be called getting sloppy seconds and betches don’t do sloppy seconds. A real betch would go out and find someone taller, hotter, and richer than their frenemies fuck buddy and rub it in their face. So please ladies, stop embarrassing yourselves by thinking you’re actually relevant to this man whore, because I’m sure the next slutty, soulless bitch like you that comes around will scoop him up without any hesitation. You’re welcome.

    Posted on Reply
  47. i did that says:

    i wish i would have read this before I started going out with my friend’s ex.

    Posted on Reply
  48. Anonymous says:

    This post def had potential, but has the writer never read the site?? The wording was awful, tone was completely off… Overall, just on betchy. Where’s the vulgar sarcasm we betches love??

    “This list could otherwise be called the ‘are you a bad person?’ list”
    yeah thanks, I was confused about whether or not I could call it that…

    “...whether or not a bro is acceptable to hook up with (or have sex with)”
    so clarification is so unnecessary!

    GET THE REAL HEAD BETCHES BACK!

    Posted on Reply
  49. bitch-hater says:

    First off, let me begin by asking for some fucking originality of this website. Though it is a given girls have no comedic talents or any other talents for that matter (besides being whores and making sandwiches), this has brought your sex to a new low. The skank writing this website obviously is just forcing her emotional problems (aka. the fact she knows the only love she will ever gain is with her house full of cats) onto a website, which makes her believe that she is not fat, disgusting and has periods. As a male, I will not sit back and watch this travesty occur to the internet. You and whatever “betch” that is reading this website is a diseased ridden cunt, and should get a fucking life.

    Posted on Reply
  50. Kim says:

    Originality?? I just read through all these posts and got the message that you BOYS want us to make you a sandwich and stay in the kitchen. How clever, I really didn’t understand what you were trying to say the 6 other times you reworded both phrases.

    Other than your quick wit and hilarious remarks about women (which I’m sure you developed straight from your superior website) you are just a piece of shit.  You come on a website and freak out behind your computer?  This is not a straight up “blog”, this is someone’s JOB to write these articles and entertain their readers (same goes for your website duh).  Websites stem from each other all the time—how old are you and how don’t you know how the internet works? I would LOVE to see you face to face call the creator of this website and the writers, “skanks”, as they are most likely brilliantly smart & funny college educated women.  You’re dropping the C word on a website for the whole world to see? Classy! You sound as you are not going anywhere in life.  And I can guarantee no woman will ever want you.  And you are going to be alone probably the rest of your life.

    And allllllll of this anger probably stems from you having a dirty, bitch of a mom, who doesn’t love you, and never told you how to treat women : )

    Posted on Reply
  51. Victoria says:

    Agreed. I was going to ask, at what age did your mom leave you? Sorry she hates you but don’t take it out on us. Therapist for Christmas?

    Posted on Reply
  52. 7th floor crew says:

    every betch deserves a lifetime sentence on a human centipede.

    Posted on Reply
  53. Anonymous says:

    isn’t it wildly pathetic and hilarious how upset these bros are? so big and bad behind their computers but they would never say any of this face to face. why? because they desperately want to fuck us, bottom line. just one of many reasons why we fucking own them.
    i hope you enjoy making your own sandwiches and playing with yourself…

    Posted on Reply
  54. Anon says:

    It doesn’t have to be original, you stupid cunts. Pointing out women’s (obvious) inferiority to men is and always will be a universal pastime.

    Oh, and no one gets “paid” to write this website. Give me a fucking break. It’s clearly one bitch (yes, bitch. There’s no such thing as a “betch” you dumb whores) posting her shitty blog on an html template that every other shitty blogger uses. Half of her shit is copied almost word for word from Bros Like This Site with a few pronoun substitutions. You can tell which parts are not copied from BLTS, because they are exactly what every other female “comedian” is: Not Fucking Funny.

    If you’re going to steal something, at least make it a recipe book since that’s the only thing a woman is capable of copying without completely fucking it up. So go grab a fucking Martha Stewart cookbook and get your slampiece ass back in the kitchen to make something tasty.

    Posted on Reply
  55. Anonymous says:

    this just screams “i have a three inch penis”. if we’re so inferior and this is just a shitty knockoff of your silly bro site, why are you so fucking defensive? like really, pop a xanny and whine to your fellow bros about it.
    betches dgaf what you think. it’s ok, you’ll learn eventually.

    Posted on Reply
  56. Anonymous says:

    The most ironic thing about this post, is how you with your apparent ‘superior intellect’ spends the time on female-targeted sites, trying to degrade women, rather than doing something, anything else with your time. You are a pathetic excuse for a person, you are not a bro in any conceivable fashion, ohh and have fun not getting laid.

    Posted on Reply
  57. Anon says:

    You bitches can’t even spell “bitches” right. lol

    Posted on Reply
  58. Kim says:

    Ughh…you are so dumb.  It’s also not even worth arguing with you about behind a computer screen.  BUT…

    Half of her shit is copied almost word from word except some pronouns?? Nope, that can’t be true.  I think what you’re trying to say is that the sites have the same concept.  Is that illegal or something? Nope. Like I said before, happens all the time on the internet. The guy on your site stole the idea from the white people like this stuff site, he even says so.

    Nice transition with the “stealing” your website and then suggesting that we “steal” a “recipe book”—(a recipe book? you mean you want us to steal Martha Stewart’s recipes and make them into a book?  Is Martha Stewart even still around?)  Sure, I get it, you wanted to make about girls and cooking butttttttt it really just sounded lame and proved that you are really not funny/clever/original with your humor.

    Check the Terms of Use link of the bottom of the site. This IS a business.  The fact I personally figured this out before you makes me feel like I may now be arguing with a 16 year old boy.  Might want to watch yourself though.  And get an education because the only way you’ll ever land a girl is if you’re wealthy.

    And just throwing this out there for everyone to see..
    BrosLikeThisSite (the superior, original) has 11,618 Facebook Likes from the time I’m writing this.  BetchesLoveThisSite has 11,782 currently.
    SUCKS TO SUCK BROS! The Betches, saw your site up and running, “stole” everything, and still came out better.

    Posted on Reply
  59. ChillBetch says:

    If this article was so unpleasant, why did you take the time to come to the site? It’s not like anyone forced you to type in the URL. You comment that “Princess Diana’s limo driver did less damage to the progress made by women” but in the very next line set women back even more by telling us to “hit the kitchen.”  According to your name, you’re a 1L, but I’m pretty sure I just blew a giant hole in your logic…guess someone isn’t going to do well on their finals.  Whatever, you’re probably at some shitty 3rd tier law school that a distant family member got you into because they know someone who knows someone - clearly no true betch would fuck you anyway.

    Oh and I’m not even going to go into how pathetic it is you claim you’re still fratting. Sweetie, undergrad is over - grow the fuck up.

    Posted on Reply
  60. Bro says:

    I was going to reply to this, but then I remembered you’re a woman and therefore your opinion is meaningless.

    Posted on Reply
  61. Croakies At Night says:

    I remember my first reading comprehension skills

    Posted on Reply
  62. Anonymous says:

    you mean you finally realised that the reason you havent been laid in fucking eons is because youre a complete tool?

    Posted on Reply
  63. Cooler Than You says:

    Seriously.. Stop trying to stake claims on guys for life. If you didn’t work out IT WAS FOR A FUCKING REASON. You all sound like the typical whiny sorority bitches who can’t keep a guy’s long term attention. I was “referred”  here after being a mere acquaintance to a girl after starting to date her ex from 3+  years ago. Please stop trying to act like we were best friends so you don’t look as pathetic to the public when you voice your bitterness about the subject——while having a boyfriend who you are “so in love” with. Obviously not.
    Some tips for all of you who are STILL so caught up in your ex bf’s life:

    1. Get a hobby other than shopping or talking shit about people
    2. Shut your mouth if you sound like this: (and you most likely do)
        http://news.sciencemag.org/sciencenow/2011/12/vocal-fry-creeping-into-us-speec.html
    3. Educate yourself/Stop reading sites like this/ maybe lose a few pounds.

    It’s not our fault that you are boring as fuck and can be replaced by any variation of a modern blow up doll. At least they don’t fucking talk. I didn’t even know this shitbag site existed, gotta love passive aggressive facebook posts. <3

    Posted on Reply
  64. Cole Haans says:

    lol @ this. how is the “progress” line in any way exclusive? both can be damaging, you are not smart. and fratting doesn’t end in undergrad; it continues until the day of a gentleman’s death; see: every major business decision being made in this country on the golf course over some Woodford Reserve.

    -Dartmouth law (171 LSAT).

    Posted on Reply
  65. paige says:

    there should be a “something borrowed” reference somewhere in there. its only appropriate

    Posted on Reply
  66. Anonymous says:

    they already did one called delusional dater. duhhh.

    Posted on Reply
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