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By The Betches on

If people are always telling you to hurry up or you're consistently late to everything, these are some of the tell-tale signs that you are a betch. As betches, we have an unlimited free pass to completely disregard people's time and schedules. Betches have their own internal clock and everyone else should probably follow it. Or wait.

We love being late because we love the drama that accompanies being dramatically close to missing an event. All because you had better things to do, like #27 tan, or videochat with your boyfriend.

But think about it, why would a betch ever be early? Being early means that we would have to wait for people. We don't wait for people, people wait for us. Who's the first person at a party? Not you. Not even if it's your own birthday.


Betches don't have time to be on time. Some say this is rude. We say our time is more valuable than yours. Get back to me when your tree pose is as perfectly aligned as mine.

Some might say that it's important to be "fashionably late." Sorry, but this has nothing to do with couture, we are just late by nature because we're super busy doing really important shit. If you get called out for being late just remind this person that anything worthwhile is worth waiting for.

[Disclaimer: It is NEVER okay for someone else to be late if you ever accidentally make it somewhere on time. Does Kelly Cutrone wait for Stephanie Pratt to figure out what a computer does before she asks her to print some labels? No fucking way. In return for her tardiness, your bestie will forever be told that things start at least half an hour earlier than they do, to ensure that this travesty never takes place again.]

As the saying goes, the early bird catches the worm. Ew, pass.



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29 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. judge me says:

    Always ok to be late, except for menstrually

    Posted on Reply
  2. jaclyn says:

    so true.

    Posted on Reply
  3. BMihaelll says:

    It took me time to view most of the responses, but I must say I enjoy the article. It turned out to be very beneficial to me and I am sure to all the bloggers right here! It’s definitely nice when you’re able to not just be told, but you will also entertained! I’m confident you had felt happiness penning this article.   

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    Who are you? Fucking leave please

    Posted on Reply
  5. notconfusedanymore says:

    all this time I thought my ADHD diagnosis explained my lateness.. nope just another betch attribute!!

    Posted on Reply
  6. ahaha i can't says:

    nope hahahahahha this is so funny i cant handle it. this is my life, you know.

    Posted on Reply
  7. FYI says:

    hey betches, just wanted to let you know this post is late to arrive to the homescreen—probably intentional.

    Posted on Reply
  8. kbetch says:

    this freak has clearly been living in candyland, and not in a good way.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Alexandra says:

    Can we just delete the comment section? Like, do we really care what anybody has to say about this wisdom? Some of these posts… just… ew.

    Posted on Reply
  10. #1betch says:

    like omg you all need to get a life. totally.

    Posted on Reply
  11. haa says:

    yesterday I was so late to an event that I just didn’t go…whoops…got too caught up shopping, and it ended at 10, wtf

    Posted on Reply
  12. betch says:

    whoever would say totally has no influence in this site. its totes. fuckin duh

    Posted on Reply
  13. Marina says:

    Post should be re-named to “Being Busy.”  Your not late when you totes didn’t miss anything… jus sayinn

    Posted on Reply
  14. Ava says:

    my life. although i don’t recommend being late to HS graduation… they take that shit seriously

    Posted on Reply
  15. Soldtoscience says:

    I have been diagnosed with LAIDS (lateness aids) and rodeobles (a heartbreaking disease where all the lead in your blood moves to your ass and you can’t stand up). Im glad i can add beatch to my list. Boo yea

    Posted on Reply
  16. the betch says:

    you’re all a bunch of fucking losers.

    Posted on Reply
  17. twinz says:

    Same!  i would go back to my Dr and have him change my diagnosis from adhd to just total fucking betch, but i don’t think they can prescribe adderall for that…yet

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    i’m usually late for stuff because i’m basking in my betchiness which def includes commenting on this site

    Posted on Reply
  19. Z says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAH hilarious.

    Posted on Reply
  20. lolz says:

    ha. TFB is the new ADHD

    Posted on Reply
  21. add betch says:

    check out the 3 ads at the bottom of this page… obvs the main topic of comments, ADD

    Posted on Reply
  22. Trendy Trina says:

    I run on my own time no matter what, try and rush me, like i care. Im gonna show up when i do and thats when the party starts
    do even think anything is worth it unless a true betch is there

    Posted on Reply
  23. anon says:

    the word “travesty” is used incorrectly in that last sentence. try changing to “to ensure that this disaster never takes place again,” or something else with better word choice.

    Posted on Reply
  24. you will wait Betch says:

    I am always late.  And my friends wait anyway because I’m the shit and they know they won’t have as much fun without me.  Betches can wait and shit.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Am always late says:

    Jaja love the post I get late every single day to my first class.. And still I love my teachers face of dissapointment

    Posted on Reply
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