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By The Betches on

As beautiful and amazing as betches are, we don’t necessarily wake up this way. There’s a lot of time invested in creating someone that looks this hot. So what’s the secret to our eternal betch beauty?

Simple answer. Salon days.

Once a week betches like to unwind from the stress we go through day and night, damaging our delicate feet by going #20 clubbing in six-inch heels, or the inevitable chipped nail from excessive fast-paced BBMing. For this reason, salon days are essential.

The first appointment on the salon day agenda is usually hair removal and pretty much universally regarded as the worst part, so it’s necessary to get it over with early. There are two types of people in this world. Are you a theader or a waxer? Either way, make sure to pop a Xanax or muscle relaxer before your salon day. Betches don’t handle pain very well. It’s weird how a slight tap on the shoulder at the bar can spark a #28 drunken brawl, but betches know one thing when it comes to waxing. No pain, no fucking gain.


nail salonBeckinsale family beauty days


Next onto the mani and pedi. Manis and pedis are kind of annoying because you like, have to sit there while some Asian paints your nails, but it’s also nice because it gives us the chance to catch up on the #2 world news in People and Cosmo.

Note: Betches only go to Asian manicurists. We recognize that their race has a monopoly on nimble and artistic crafty fingers. Betches have one very important decision to make at this time. What color do I want!?!? This is one of our favorite parts of salon days. Betches loooove picking out their color because they get to look at all the punny nail polish names! OMG looove Adore-a-Ball… only for my French though!

There’s a lot to consider when choosing from the Essie and OPI color wheel. Do I want something classy like “After Sex,” or something fun and beachy like “Sand Tropez?” I could always get Chanel Black Satin so the whole world will know that my nail polish costs more than their weekly salaries. Poor people call this goth, rich people know it’s chic.

Do I get a light color to accentuate my #27 tan? Or something dark and mysterious so my nails can say “fuck off” before people get close enough that I have to say it myself?

It’s important to choose a color that gets lots of compliments and “Oooh I love your color! What’s it called?” It used to be that walking around with blue nail polish meant you were either five years old or retarded, but now you’re just one in a million Russian Navy fiends.

It’s a scary world out there, but a true betch knows that salon days are essential to maintaining our sanity and achieving Zen. We also know that people who say that beauty is on the inside are always fat and ugly.



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23 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    excessively* fast-paced BBMing

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    nahh, excessive can be used as a modifier for the verb “fast-paced BBMing” (as in too much fast-paced BBMing) and is grammatically correct. You’re misreading excessive as an adverb modifying the adjective “fast-paced”, in which case you would have been correct.

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    Yeah you stupid bich. Don’t you ever correct Betches Love This Site again. I know EVERYTHING about grammar and they are right.

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    Betches don’t correct other betches. C’mon now.

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    Although we let those little Asian hoes have the honor in painting our well manicure nails (because they’re just so talented at it) they do need to learn how to shut the fuck up. Its our time to relax, not their time to talk loudly the salon in chinesse (or whatever Asians speak) to their friends/ other manicurists.

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    It’s so obviously true so shut the fuck up you toad

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    What the fuck is this shit. This is such a pawn off of broslikethissite – i mean, you dumb sluts. Half of you are probably so beat no bro would bang your sorry ass anyway. Look, bitches like you would kill to get a taste of my dick. #Whores

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    @ Big Dawg

    …..Like are you even serious?

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    Like, this comment is like, why the female gender, is like, inferior to men.

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    If life gets hard after you graduate (read: you get cut off), fear not, just move to NYC and you can still fund your salon days. The best find ever: SEVEN DOLLAR MANICURE. Not even joking. Best time to go? Post all you can drink brunches. Sometimes it’s okay to be an adult…

    (currently sporting Mint Candy Apple)

    Posted on Reply
  11. The Betches says:

    Inner beauty wont get you laid! xo

    Posted on Reply
  12. The Betches says:

    racist. you guys are elitist.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Betch Betch says:

    Once again, so funny. “Betches only go to Asian manicurists. We recognize that their race has a monopoly on nimble and artistic crafty fingers.” SERIOUSLY THOUGH!

    Posted on Reply
  14. kcujvgjik says:

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    [/url] website, I’ll still understand for your special data, require that you just simply better performance.

    Posted on Reply
  15. California betch says:

    @ big dawg

    First off, what the fuck kind of name is that? you’re obviously a huge black guy that thinks he’s super like…cool with the name big dawg
    Secondly who the hell invited you to this shit fest
    I’m sure the last time you saw pussy was the when you were coming out of your mothers.
    like oh my god just shut up

    Posted on Reply
  16. B says:

    When I read it I thought excessive and fast paced were both adjectives describing the BBMing…. technically there should just be a comma between them to avoid confusion. I think this is correct because you could say fast-paced, excessive BBMing, or you could say excessive, fast-paced BBMing.  This is one of the funniest and truthful posts on the site, but there were several mistakes.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Table Dancing Betch says:

    Why are you on here? Are you a betch Big Dawg? Wearing a tight mini dress and wishing you were part of the crowd? Very confused on why you would be looking at a site for hot ladies talking about how we get you to give us drugs and then we leave because we don’t want to “get a taste of your dick”...We don’t come onto your guy site and tell you that your Daddy’s car was actually given to you because he felt bad you got a small wee wee. Stop calling us dumb sluts! Clearly you are speaking to the wrong group.

    Posted on Reply
  18. um... says:

    UM actually im a naturally hot betch i don’t know about the rest of you whores 0:) spa day just adds extra umph - but all you hot betches know that already and I thiiiiiiink i might have to agree with big dawg about the banged up part—sorry betches

    Posted on Reply
  19. gaybestie says:

    And why do u care ?

    Posted on Reply
  20. mm says:

    you obviously suck, so shut the fuck up

    Posted on Reply
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