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By The Betches on

When it comes to deepening one’s spirituality, it's customary to take a pilgrimage to a holy destination as a totally intense way to strengthen your relationship with whatever you worship. Muslims go to Mecca, JABs go to Israel, freaks go to Comic-con and betches make the holy pilgrimage to Bayfront Park aka Ultra Music Festival. With 200,000 neon clad, drugged out, house music nymphomaniacs in attendance, betches find inner peace in a hopeless place. You can lose all your inhibitions, and all your shit, and no one cares. Why? Because you’re all Alice in fucking Ultra Wonderland tripping your balls off.

Ultra is a mere blur of riding on strangers shoulders, snorting lines off iPhones, switching sunglasses with a passed out stranger, stealing press passes and ending up in someone’s not-so-famous trailer. There is neon and glitter and tree humping, basically the very betchy Christmakkah present Santa never delivered.

Ultra may be long past, but we promised we'd give you some of our favorite sets. And we just finally mustered up the physical strength to find them on Google this very morning.

guetta ultra

Avicii @ Ultra: I mean, what can we say? I'm sure you've all listened to it a mill times but we can't not share it with the world. And if you haven't heard this yet, that's Madonna introducing Avicii, and yes she sounds like an idiot. Madge the moron!
David Guetta @ Ultra: In spite of how many times we've listened to Titanium it still gives us the chills. This is an hour long mix and it's amazing the whole way through. We promise you'll be ugh-ing during the entire mix, as in UGH this shit is so good.
IDGAFOS (D.veloped Extended Remix): This is pretty legit. It's unlike anything we've ever posted and a little on the slow side, but still really great. Makes us want to go smoke a blunt, slow down the bpm, recline our car seats chairs to horizontal status and drive through the projects. Oh and it's really fun to say the title.
DJ Pauly D feat Dash - Night of My Life: This isn't a joke. Pauly D is playing on Betches, and we're not apologizing. We want to laugh at this shit, but it's not shit, it's catchy and makes me want to down about 5 shots and dance on my computer desk. I wish we could say Jk lol lol...but no. This is happening, just let it happen... [insert rape joke] [insert comment about how rape is not a joke] [insert lawyer phone number]
Whitney Houston - How Will I Know (Van Hooft & Forever Kid Remix): RIP Whit. <3 love this and love her.

Last week's playlist>>

18 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. EDM obsessed betch says:

    Avicii and David Guetta? Come on, I really hoped for some better taste.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Breeze says:

    please.. guetta and avicii? they’re so 2 years ago…. any betch would know that.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Jewish American Betch says:

    Madeon, Martin Solveig, Fedde le Grand, Kaskade, and Armin van Buuren were wayyy more betchy. They should have at least put in Tiesto - club life = betch life duh

    real betches dont like to listen to levels on repeat…

    Posted on Reply
  4. this is hilarious says:

    seriously with these songs…? pauly d and david guetta? not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  5. EDM obsessed betch #2 says:

    Yeah… Seriously? Weak weak weak. You actually somehow managed to choose the two acts I specifically didn’t see at Ultra because there was better shit happening….aka Bassnectar and Borgore. Fail.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Ultra Betch says:

    STFU. It’s too mainstream and lame when other people do it, but as a true betch you can still like Avicii and Guetta and be way cooler than everyone else. Those sets were the shit! You were obviously too un-betchy to be there.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    You obviously haven’t been to Ultra and Miami Music Week if you think EDC is better. Excuse me, but raging my face off was way more enjoyable with a bunch of hot foreign guys than the crowd at EDC (not trying to be racist, but it’s true, if you’ve been, then you know what I mean).

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches obvi don't know music when it comes to says:

    Seriously betches? I’ve been following you guys for a while and have agreed pretty much with everything you say about life, but this is ridiculous. To say that these two had THE best sets at UMF this year you obviously weren’t there or don’t know your EDM music very well and are just a bandwagon fan. I mean, who would have chosen Guetta (who is at EVERY f*cking festival) over King Armin and Gareth Emery during ASOT550 ???  And sure Avicii’s set was cool and all, but I mean, it’s Avicii, he plays pretty much the same set every time (at least he has the last 5 times I’ve seen him)... I’ve seen a lot of DJs multiple times, gone to Electric Zoo, EDC, Ultra, Beyond Wonderland, etc. etc, rave, rave, rave, and worked for Ultra Records, I think I have some idea on what a good set is, and to say that Guetta (who is like listening to the radio) and Avicii were the best is crazy.

    Posted on Reply
  9. uhmmm says:

    Pauly D…are you fucking kidding me? ew.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    yeah well some of us were too blacked out in the caribbean to pay attention to what was going on at ultra, so we appreciate the recap

    Posted on Reply
  11. ultrafairy says:

    You guys need to try a little harder. Avicii and Guetta came nowhere close to Zedd, Justice, Armin, Martin Solveig, Laidback Luke, KNIFE PARTY. Really, you chose the wrong ultra sets to blog about. Stop embarrassing yourself with overrated mainstream artists. You really need to recheck your music selections. You guys can’t claim to be into house music, when Pauly D is in your top 5. Vom. This post actually makes me not want to read your articles anymore. :(

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    yessss!!! in ny this year. see ya theree

    Posted on Reply
  13. kbm loves edm says:

    Yeahhh, I’m going to have to agree with everyone else here when I say that Avicii’s and Guetta’s sets weren’t that great.  I was watching Felguk during Avicii because I’m sick to death of Levels and his choices to spin overplayed tracks.  At least he can DJ though… can’t say the same for Guetta.  He was the worst act at Ulra.  The ASoT 550 tent was where the betches were on Sunday… and watching Armin close out the night, of COURSE.

    Posted on Reply
  14. ,WJSJ says:

    Enough with the hour long songs. Don’t have time, nor do I care enough. First week was great, but seriously slipping ever since.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been to both.  EDC is the first and the best.  Always.  Too bad it’s gonna be over on the east coast this year.  I guess that’s a good excuse for a nyc trip.  Oh well, at least us west coasters will still have Coachella.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Wow Bro says:

    Sensation White > Ultra

    You betches must be in high school and never been to real raves in Europe.

    Posted on Reply
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