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By The Betches on

As all you betches are aware, the Betch Super Bowl is approaching in FOUR days!!!!! WILD!! Oscar Sunday gives betches a legitimate excuse to gather in groups and sit on our couches, drink wine, and of course, #1 talk shit about celebrities’ fashion fuck-ups a la Joan Rivers. If we see even ONE kitten heel… that bitch is getting betch slapped.

Even though the red carpet pre-show is really the main event for betches, we consider ourselves pretty serious movie fans and loooooove to predict the Oscars! Here’s a rundown of our picks this year, at least for the awards we care about… because who the fuck cares about foreign films and fucking sound editing?

Best Picture: The Social Network. Thank God for Facebook. What would betches do without it? Even though Mark Zuckerberg is totally unfuckable, a billion dollars can make anyone pretty hot. And who doesn’t love that crazy Asian betch who lit the hot guy’s apartment on fire? The normal reaction to your boyfriend’s incorrect relationship status would obviously be arson. What a #7 BSCB, love her.

oscar award

Best Actor: Colin Firth. We don’t know, someone told us to pick him. Honestly, we fell asleep during this movie but absolutely LOVE royalty. Seriously. We'd watch a movie about Kate Middleton's troubles flossing her teeth if it were in theaters.

Best Actress: Natalie Portman. We thought she was great in Black Swan, but that betch was fucking hysterical in No Strings Attached. Then again, I could’ve just been really high.

Best Supporting Actress: Amy Adams. Just respect the betch for putting on twenty pounds.

Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale. We appreciate his struggle with drug addiction and we loved getting to see what boxing looks like. It's like skiing for poor people!

For all our Twitter followers, we’ll be betch-slapping celebrities who commit fashion felonies in real-time on Sunday, so follow us @betchesluvthis!

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