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By The Betches on

Frankly, this post should be titled "Anne Hathaway Gets Annoying." That's all we're really going to talk about, so don't worry if you didn't see the movie (which, we realized after seeing it that it's likely no one else has, but whatevs).

Before we get into the movie itself, which was a sideshow to how much we love laughing at Anne Hathaway during moments intended to be serious, let's talk about why no casting director should ever consider anyone except Kiera Knightley or Sienna Miller to play a proper British woman. If her Oscar debacle taught us anything, it's that Anne Hathaway belongs on Broadway. She's simply too annoying to be a screen actress any longer. She turned a film that was hoping to be The Notebook into this year's Dear John. Kind of a joke.

one day movie

Also, she should never have bangs. Didn't anyone learn fucking anything from The Princess Diaries? AND The Devil Wears Prada?!

Anne Hathaway's character: was one of the most quintissential nice girls we've ever seen. Where do we begin? She looked like Mary Poppins riding a bicycle wearing Harry Potter glasses.

She managed to sport all of the following looks in one film:

- a one-piece Speedo(multiple times) - a pixie haircut - disgusting man boots - a graduation gown - she was even wearing the Doctorate robe! - a Mexican restaurant uniform - a geisha dress to a wedding. So early millennium chic. Not.

She played Tracey Chapman during a sexual encounter. She writes poems about how much she likes the guy. She uses one of those phone booths in England to make calls. We thought those were only for taking pictures while #3 abroad.

Needless to say, we don't know what the fuck was going on with her accent. What the fuck country is she from? Sounds like the phase-out accent that Ross attempted in that episode of Friends. Monica Gellarrrrrr!

Drinking Game: Take a shot every time Anne Hathaway cries in front of a guy. All of the sudden it's been 45 minutes and you're drunk.

Because we were stoned we don't remember: Anne Hathaway's character's name. But we do remember the guy's name. It was Dexter, known as Dex. Ok Dex. We only know his name because she kept calling it out while having massive confrontations with him and screaming that she missed him. #losing

Not to repeat ourselves, but: this movie further proves our theory on #50 guy friends and shows us that the only way a guy can really be your friend is if he has no desire to fuck you. Because you're weird. Like Anne Hathaway.

one day movieHarry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts

By the end: Anne Hathaway went the way of Regina George. She proves that everyone, no matter how disgusting your wardrobe or large the gap in your front teeth, has a little bit of betch in them, clawing to come out. It may have taken her like, more than a decade to finally #32 win, which is not very impressive, but whatever it happens.

The only quotable line from this movie is: "everyone loves you in a love to hate kind of way." We get it.

Honestly: This movie felt like it took One whole fucking Day. It took us year by year through a 15 year era of awkward sexual tension. Time does not fly when you're not having fun.

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24 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    AAAAAAmazing. LOVE IT.

    check out my blog if you like cool pics of food and stuff!

    K

    kelseyillustrated.wordpress.com

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    could you not afford the $17 to take away the .wordpress? do you even read this blog? cool pictures of food?…..really? that’s deff the wrong thing to advertise here

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    there’s a difference between being a betch and just being a bitch. in this case, you’re a bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    Haha. You’re really tacky.

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    ugh, anne hathway def. sat with sexually active band geeks in hs

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    except i don’t think she was even cool enough to be a band geek, they probably wouldn’t even let er sit with them!

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    anyways, i tried to refrain from reading this post, because even though betches dont read i read this book and LOVED it… sooo im kinda nervous about the movie

    love jim sturgess though hes presh

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    thank you for making sure i never waste my time seeing this. not that i would have anyway, because i hate anne hathaway.

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    Thank you for this post. I hate how whenever I seem to tell anyone how much I can’t stand her, they say something about her being a “classic beauty.”

    UMM NO. GROSS.

    “Look at my quirly oversized features! I’m so unique yet down-to-earth…Watch me play the awkward girl that rises above the obstacles in yet another movie”

    VOM. get a tan.

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    I agree with everything you just said. Even if I’m mildly interested in a movie, once I find out she’s in it, it’s totally ruined.

    Posted on Reply
  11. The Betches says:

    I hate everything about anne hathway. She is so fucking annoying, WHY do people like her in hollywood??

    Posted on Reply
  12. The Betches says:

    THANK YOU. Everyone loves her and I don’t get it. Something about her ruins movies for me. I still can’t put my finger on it, but she has always annoyed the piss outta me.

    Posted on Reply
  13. The Betches says:

    This is literally the best post I have EVER read. I read the book (weird) and liked it (more weird) but I absolutely CANNOT see this movie all thanks to Anne Hathaway

    Posted on Reply
  14. The Betches says:

    Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts hahahahaha dying

    Posted on Reply
  15. The Betches says:

    I love the name of your site!! Eye-betching… fetching

    Posted on Reply
  16. The Betches says:

    If it weren’t for the over acting, Christmas ham thighs and always-playing-characters-better-looking-than-her-therefore-making-the-whole-plotline-unrealistic thing, I might be able to accept her popularity.

    Posted on Reply
  17. The Betches says:

    omg seriously love this although i’m a bit upset because i def think anne hathway was NOT the right choice in picking Emma. I’m reading the book now but since your review, clearly have no indication to go see the movie now.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    hahahahah my thoughts exactly.

    Posted on Reply
  19. KJ says:

    And you’re still a bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Emily says:

    If you could use a “free kill” on any three celebs who would they be?

    Anne Hathaway
    Lead singer of Nickelback
    And pretty much any American Idol contestant (preferably Taylor Hicks)

    Posted on Reply
  21. emily says:

    i love anne hathaway. but you guys should totally bring up how horrible she is brokeback mountain. sreriously awful anne role. pahah.

    Posted on Reply
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