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By The Betches on

Hey betches, obv tots love the site! But I am in dire need of some advice. About a year ago my SAB decided it would be a good idea to get serious, despite my best efforts to allay his advances into betch-whipped status, he became my bf. Now a year later and he's totally whipped, idk what to do. I kinda wanna do my own thing, but for french sake, I fell in love with the guy. Idk if he's gonna be able to make the kind of cash that is gonna support a fam, but he's a pretty awesome bro. He's still the perfect mesh of SAB and bf material, but I just don't know what to do, should I make myself available and have the time of my life? Or stay with him and let him bring me down? It's also kind of hard because he's the pres of his frat and our relationship is like, famous.


Dear Girl Who Should Read The Second Dear Betch Post Below,

So your only main issue is that he’s poor? Because apparently you love him, you have him whipped, and you two are supposedly the Brangies of your school. Normally we’d say the particular pros outweigh the cons, but since his con is that he’s not actually a Pro, break it off. Not that betches are shallow or anything (haha), but if you were head-over-heels you wouldn’t be emailing, like, a blog for advice.

Good job winning in the relationship.


The Betches


Dear Betch,

Reading the "how to: text like a betch" I started thinking about the etiquette of the 'sign off'. I am unsure about the policy on finishing a message with X's and O's. Because betches have so many people texting them, what is the best way to approach the x/xx/xoxo sign off to the becthes, bros, pros and family in our lives? How do you maintain control and win but still appear that you have a soul? Please clear this up for me!

Love ya,

Nervous betch

Dear Nervous Betch,

If you’re actually THAT nervous about how to sign off on a text, we suggest you see your doctor for some more Xanax. With that said, no one “signs off” a text, except maybe your mother. But even with moms, it gets so fucking annoying when they write Love, Mom in every single message.

Important: the more sign off abbreviations you send to a guy, the less attractive you become. As in, mwah ttyl lyl xoxo. You might as well say, I'm fugly don't text me again. When it comes to a guy, if you want to stop texting, just stop answering.

However, in emails the sign off can say a lot. Use ‘Sincerely’ if you’re trying to be more formal and ‘Thanks’ or ‘Talk Soon’ for the friendlier goodbye. Use 'Best' when you want to sound passive aggressive, like in an email to your sorority's listserv.


The Betches


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14 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Claire says:

    The best way for a betch to sign off is the use of “cheers.” Brits know what they are talking about.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Rachel says:

    People ask the stupidest, unbetchy questions.  I’m not sure if you pick these to make fun of poor Wannabetches or if these are really the most legit questions you get.  Either way, people should be asking more important questions like how to get their parents to buy the new Porenza Schouler bag by passing it off as tuition.

    kthanksbye XOXOXO

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anna says:

    now that’s a true betch right there

    Posted on Reply
  4. Emily says:

    It’s Proenza Schouler. Maybe learn how to spell designer names before you try to use them. Maybe that’s what the label on your fake bag says?

    Posted on Reply
  5. Rachel says:

    It’s called a typo. But thanks for editing my post.  Can I send all of my work to you before I submit it?

    Posted on Reply
  6. Ana says:

    Woah betches, lets not hate on one another. At least do it behind each others backs or talk shit to your bestie..duh.

    Posted on Reply
  7. LB says:

    Lol I enjoyed that. It was some nice and betchy banter. That being said, arguing on the Internet is like doing the special Olympics; even if you win you’re still retarded.
    Cheers betches

    Posted on Reply
  8. Emily says:

    I can’t edit your remedial papers, though I’m sure they need it, because that’s too much work for a true betch.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Willodean Grumbine says:

    Following all, what a fantastic web site and beneficial posts, I’ll upload inbound website link - bookmark this internet internet site? Regards, Reader.

    big chni

    Posted on Reply
  10. emma says:

    you bitches are pathetic
    a true betch <3

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    Def didnt even realize I was rudely ended that email…
    Here you go:


    Posted on Reply
  12. #issues says:

    how do i post to dear betch?

    Posted on Reply
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