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By The Betches on

So yesterday Twitter was blowing up saying that some bro named Hugo Chavez died. Obvi since we #2 don't keep up with the news we were like, who the fuck is that? So we had our interns do some preliminary research into the heart and soul of the Venezuelan government (so random) and this is the most interesting shit we could find about the former Pres of Venezuela. 

Hugo looks amaze in red.

Monochrome or DIE (RIP)

 

He seems like a fan of tequila shots.

He's doesn't really seem that betchy. As you can see here he's def not #5 skinny and doesn't appear to be #163 cold.

 

He's like, besties with Sean Penn.

 

But like, he also has Castro in his outer circle bestie group so like, this is awk.

If there's one thing we know it's that this bro loves his fucking hats.

 

But like, someone said he's kind of a bigot and that's just like, not chill.

 

 

And while we're pretty sure this didn't actually happen, we appreciate it's photographic existence.

 

Don't worry Hugo, it only counts if you see nipple.

 

All in all though, we're not really sure how we're supposed to feel about this guy's death so if someone could just tell us if he's good or bad that would be awesome.

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43 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. elva says:

    this is literally humiliating. if you so-called “betches” are supposed to be all about being upper class and going to good colleges why are they so proud of being fucking idiots and having no clue what’s going on in the world?

    Posted on Reply
    • Educated Betch says:

      I completely agree.
      The person who wrote this is clearly a high school drop out, desperate to look like a Betch.
      Shame on your judgement Betches, for hiring her.

      Posted on Reply
    • Derek says:

      its called a joke hunny!

      Posted on Reply
      • Educated Betch says:

        Derek- I know :( But this is just in poor taste!
        They start sounding a bit Bimbo-ish

        Posted on Reply
    • completely agree says:

      Thank you. Anyone who didn’t go to a fucking public school and has rich, intelligent parents should know who he is. They should also know that he’s a fucking horrible person who hates blacks, americans, jews and is a dictator. At least wiki next time stupid intern

      Posted on Reply
  2. Kate says:

    all I know is he was a dictator championed by poor people so… ew.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Ashley says:

    I’m a political science major (cuz it involved the least amount of work) and basically:
    his death is bad for poor people & hippies, good for the rich and America’s economic interests.

    Posted on Reply
    • no. says:

      Youre obviously not a political science major if thats how you are explaining this.. please pay more attention in class.

      Posted on Reply
      • yes. says:

        uhh she’s actually pretty much right… what kind of college are you even going to?

        Posted on Reply
  4. sad says:

    Usually, I am a huge fan of this site, but the fact that this post makes light of the fact that women don’t know who Chavez is, is frankly embarrassing. Being a “betch” does not mean that you’re not attune to the world, and don’t understand current events or know who influential political people are. Rather, women should be empowered and knowledgable. It is women’s history month after all—stand up for your fucking rights that so many American women worked for centuries to attain.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      I don’t think that they were trying to say they can’t understand Chavez simply because they’re women.  I think their premise is that they never really learned about him bc they never gave a shit enough to pay attention to the news/keep up with politics (gotta admit it’s pretty dry) - which is a pretty gender neutral quality.  take a poll at your college’s men’s lacrosse team to see what they know about Chavez and you might find a similar (though less hilarious) analysis.  I appreciate you challenging women to be smarter though.

      Posted on Reply
  5. Amalia says:

    This is so ignorant and disgusting.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Isabella says:

    Disappointing because I like the site for its witty humor. I understand this is a joke but for me it only served to perpetuates the stereotypical ignorant american girl.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anon says:

    Can somebody just explain what his deal was? As a fellow betch I have no idea either

    Posted on Reply
  8. avehansen says:

    hahahah everyone needs to calm down, if you were a true betch you’d stop giving a fuck

    Posted on Reply
  9. Nia says:

    I hate when people take satire literally…

    Posted on Reply
  10. layla says:

    this post is really sad and ignorant, and it reflects badly on girls in general. not knowing who Hugo Chavez is in this day and age is inexcusable and pathetic. there is no need to be a bimbo who doesn’t keep up with the news, in fact being politically aware makes girls more attractive. you can be informed while still being “betchy”

    Posted on Reply
  11. Stfu says:

    Everyone complaining seriously stfu. It’s supposed to be funny get over it! He’s dead, end of story.

    Posted on Reply
    • LOL says:

      Stfu: You have so much class and are clearly a well educated woman.

      Posted on Reply
  12. NY Time Betch says:

    Hugo Chavez was the really charismatic president of Venezuela for a long time which is obv a really poor country. They supply the US with a ton of oil, and like lots of poor countries that we get our oil from, they hate Americans. He was all for keeping the US out of their shit as much as possible, and was actually rallying a bunch of other poor nations together. His death isn’t necessarily good for the US, because his predecessor will probably just follow in his footsteps. Its kind of an awk situation because no one wants to be happy that he died a really long, likely painful death from cancer, but we kind of are.

    Don’t judge because other people don’t know…. why wouldn’t you betches just explain the sitch if you’re all so damn smart?

    Posted on Reply
    • successor* says:

      predecessor is the person that came before…but thanks for actually explaining, betch!

      Posted on Reply
    • yourquestionisdumb says:

      should they exlplain what starbucks is in the post about iced coffee? no.

      Posted on Reply
    • a says:

      thank you!! that’s how i feel about explaining things to people too - get off your fucking high horse and just explain it, and then we can all at least *knowledgeably* talk shit!

      Posted on Reply
  13. Barbie says:

    Betches of the world, being knowledgeable is much betchier than not!! How are you supposed to humiliate other bitches if you dont know anything?

    For the betch community information Hugo Chavez was a terrible man who drove Venezuela to the ground by acting on socialism. We’re all glad he’s finally gone… for good!

    Posted on Reply
  14. Journalist Betch says:

    Come on guys. I work at a news organization and learned wayyy more than I ever needed to know about Chavez today, but I still find this hilarious. It’s just supposed to be funny. After reading ‘serious’ news articles about Chavez all day, trust me, this is exactly what the world needs.

    (And there is some ‘education’ in here - they comment on Venezuela’s dubious connections with Cuba in the ‘Fidel bestie’ photo…)

    Posted on Reply
  15. lol says:

    #satire

    Posted on Reply
  16. Fox/Faux News betch says:

    I’m not uber political but was he actually that bad? Fox news says Obama is the devil all the time. There’s millions crying in Venezuela over him so obvi people loved him.

    Posted on Reply
    • Venezuelan Betch says:

      So just because Fox news shows photos/videos of people crying it means that ALL of Venezuela loved him? It’s called propaganda hun.

      Posted on Reply
  17. ugh says:

    the point is, this wasn’t really funny. there was potential in the whole situation- he was the leader of legions of poor people, he habitually turned the power off to major cities several evenings a month, and he had hideous billboards that say “socialism is the only way”, etc. clearly he was gross.

    Posted on Reply
  18. difference. says:

    this is funny to everyone who is not so far up their own asshole that they cannot recognize a bit of humor. congratulations to everyone who thinks their education makes them better than anyone else. the name “hugo chavez” is used in quite a few rap songs, so middle even school drop-outs know who this guy is. take a chill pill, get a sense of humor, and move on.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Your Name says:

    everyone shut up this is a great post.

    Posted on Reply
    • Haha says:

      Obviously you are either the author of this pathetic post or a friend of the author.

      Posted on Reply
  20. avehansen says:

    So like, I’m selling Xanax…and I’m guessing most of you people need some?

    Posted on Reply
  21. Hailey says:

    At least this post got you betches talking
    and to the idiot who said Hugo Chavez hated all minorities, you’re obviously misinformed. Go read a book and stop posting the search results from your google page.

    Posted on Reply
    • Venezuelan Betch says:

      Honey, how about you step foot into my country? No book necessary to see that he despised minorities other than his own.

      Posted on Reply
  22. Ivy says:

    I dug it.

    Posted on Reply
  23. guate-mala betch says:

    those pics(; as lulzy as they are on themselves;) fully epitomizes venezuelans as failures and aids ridden la niggas. no wonder they identified themselves so much with that fucking moron. not as bad as down here though; which makes me feel a little better and actually gave me a glimpse of hope. &btw; i’m still celebrating the dead of that piece-of-shit leader… asi que viva el mierdatario1

    Posted on Reply
  24. guate-mala betch says:

    those pics(; as lulzy as they are on themselves;) fully epitomizes venezuelans as failures and aids ridden la niggas. no wonder they identified themselves so much with that fucking moron. obv not as bad as down here though; which makes me feel a little better and actually gave me a glimpse of hope. &btw; i’m still celebrating the dead of that piece-of-shit leader… asi que viva el mierdatario1

    Posted on Reply
  25. Isabella says:

    You guys, Venezuela is LAVISH with betches, like you have no idea. Those betches and their families obvi didnt vote for this mother fucker and we’re all happy he’s finally dead. He made a mess out of our country and made it unsafe to live there, but on the other hand, he basically abolished ALL of the rules so like, we started legally drinking at age 14. I guess that’s not that bad. Everyone wants to party with a high class Venezuelan, or visit our expensive ass beaches. Just google Los Roques. You’re welcome.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Sun says:

    It’s amazing how the media is covered by misinformation. You should understand that President Hugo Chavez is loved by most of Venezuelans and his leadership has no discussion. Those who do not know our country, please refrain from commenting.

    Posted on Reply
  27. karlmarxsux says:

    Yes he is a Communist POS.He is not a champion of the poor.He keeps people poor.If one understands that Socialism is Not a share the wealth
    program, but is in reality a method to consolidate and control the wealth, then the seeming paradox of super rich men promoting socialism becomes no paradox at all.
    Instead it becomes the logical ,even the perfect tool of power – seeking megalomaniacs. Communism or more accurately ,socialism ,is not the movement of the downtrodden masses ,but of the economic elite. The plan of the conspirator insiders then is to Socialize the United States, not to Communize it.

    Posted on Reply
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