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By The Betches on

"These are the first things that brought me out into the fashion world...the Lochte shoe...Ryan Lochte is walking everywhere"

"What's being talked about a lot is 'Ryan Lochte the American douchebag.' Douchebag? I don't even know what is a douchebag, like what is it? Like what is the definition? ....Like I really don't know what it means, do you know?"

"Cheers to toothbrush on my rims"


"For me, being Ryan Lochte is fun. I train harder than probably anyone in this world."


Interviewer: How many medals do you have?

Lochte: Oh I don't even remember what I got at the Olympics.


Interviewer: Would you describe yourself as a player?

Lochte: Describe player.

"I don't think I've ever met a girl that does not like sushi"


"One of my favorite movies is What Women Want, the Mel Gibson one."


Lochte sister: You take every girl in the same college town to the same sushi restaurant?
Lochte: It might be the same place, it might be the same table, but it's a different girl.


"Ryan Lochte is an honest guy"


18 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Your Name says:

    1. this guy is not, in any way, attractive.
    2. how the fuck does he have his own show?
    3. who the fuck is responsible for him having his own show?
    4. he makes joey from friends look like fucking stephen hawking.

    Posted on Reply
    • Kelsey says:

      Just burst out laughing when I read #4. I can’t. Agree with all 4 of these points.

      Posted on Reply
    • ib says:

      BUAHAHAHAHAA .. the numer 4 .. i was not expecting that comment .. which is so truee .. he is hot though

      Posted on Reply
  2. lori says:

    Just to make sure i wasn’t missing anything in the world of reality television, i tuned in to Ryan Lochdouche….with every word he got less attractive and i think i even got dumber the more he spoke. I turned it off, safe in the knowledge that i wasn’t missing a thing. Let me know if that changes!

    Posted on Reply
  3. Dawn says:

    I was twenty minutes into the show before I realized it wasn’t a PSA about texting while driving.

    Posted on Reply
    • connor says:

      hahahahahaha roflwafl

      Posted on Reply
    • Hahah says:

      This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read on this website. Fucking perfect hahahahah

      Posted on Reply
  4. Your Name says:

    shit needs to end, he probably could have gotten away with this last year right after the Olympics but that ship has sailed. I want to watch E! without seeing his annoying promo

    Posted on Reply
  5. Your Name says:

    oh, and when he says Jeah, it pierces my soul.

    Posted on Reply
    • huh ?? says:

      what does that even mean

      Posted on Reply
  6. swim betch says:

    Get over it, Ryan Lochte’s still hotter than anyone you’ll ever date. Go watch an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and tell me that you can’t make a TV show for being a dumb fuck. There’s a reason it’s Ryan that has his own show and not Michael Phelps. Though it might be because Michael Phelps became the UGH after he got caught with the bong, but it’s mostly because he’s ugly and weird. And Lochte’s smart enough to know not to take a girl out to a restaurant isn’t a sushi one, so again, he still most likely has more common sense than any bro you’ve ever dated.

    Posted on Reply
    • Bang Me Lochte says:

      Agreed. Lochte is sexy as fuck and despite the fact that you all criticize his stupidity, you watched the show none the less and will continue to tune into it next week, along with the myriad of other brainless celebs who make a fortune being attractive and dense as bricks for reality tv. We all know we’re just jealous and upset that we didn’t run into Ryan Lochte at a bar and he didn’t stare into our tits, ask us out on a date and profess his desire to find true love.

      Posted on Reply
      • LOLNO says:

        “Hot From Far Away” was created for Ryan Lochte. The thought of being close to this man and having to listen to how stupid he is for more than 2 minutes at a time makes me cringe. If I was near him and he said “jeah” around me, I think I would punch him in the face. Any woman older than 16 is too mature for Ryan Lochte.

        Posted on Reply
        • hehe says:

          I believe that’s what Cher Horowitz would call, “A Monet”.

          PS crazy ranters talking about the “myriad” of people tuning in for ryan lochte because he’s so amazing .. calm the fuck down. he is dumb. If you said the word “Myriad” to ryan lochte he’d probably think you were referring to those pointy things the jews constructed in egypt.


          Posted on Reply
        • smartgirl says:

          Actually I’m 15 and I’m horrified by his stupidity

          Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        not me that show is crap

        Posted on Reply
  7. 7x4 does not = 21 says:

    and he went to college… yikes.

    at least phelps can party.

    Posted on Reply
  8. lab says:

    His mother and father are the best.
    His mother is a sensible lady and he’s not as dumb as you all think.
    For the most part it is an act I believe because his parents are NOT like that !!
    He just is a fun guy who doesn’t give a sh—- because he is number uno.
    he gets to do what he loves best swim and get paid for it.
    SO life is good for the local boy.

    Posted on Reply
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