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By The Betches on

Polly Pocket

Talk about unrealistic body expectations



There was no greater feeling than cleaning up its poop.


Choker tattoo necklaces 

The perfect Claire’s-bought accessory for the baby prostitute.


Milky Pens

What better form of entertainment is there than inking your own body with toxic neon ink?

Butterfly Clips

The number of butterfly clips in your hair at one time was directly proportionate to how cool you were. Fucking duh.


The fugliest sneaker since the Sketcher. Remember the ones with the slip on back? Even cuter. 


Steve Madden platforms

Snap an ankle, easiest way to get out of gym class. 


Kate Spade backpacks

The Prada backpack's povo younger sister. It went really well with your Hervé Chapelier pencil case. Hello Kitty can go fuck herself.


Cat's Cradle

Remember when you used to be able to entertain yourself with a piece of fucking string?



A super fun toy, especially when it would go off in the middle of the night and wake up your entire house. Also super fun to hit it with a bat because it won't shutup even after you take the batteries out.


Beanie Babies

Every young betch had an elite collection of rare beanies: You'd rather swallow nail polish remover than cut the Ty heart off and you made girls who bought fake ones want to drown themselves in Herbal Essences shampoo.


Denim skirts, T-shirts with the logo, and more lace tank tops with that stupid fucking moose than you can count. The extra smalls were maybe suitable for a toddler, but perfect for any pre-teen slut. Also, their ad campaigns were always so kid friendly.

War Heads

If you never had a competition with one of your friends to see who could eat the most without spitting them out, you probably had a very active circle of imaginary friends.



Middle school was classy as fuck.

76 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. kate says:

    some spot on but most of this is early 2000’s!

    Posted on Reply
    • Lydia says:

      You are right about that, but chokers were pretty 90s though

      Posted on Reply
      • Petro says:

        Its also late 60 s and 70 s. My grandmother used to crochet us each a flower one. How cool is that!!!??? ( lol )

        Posted on Reply
  2. Christina Mtl says:

    So accurate, everything applies!

    Posted on Reply
  3. Catherine says:

    You forgot Lisa Frank stationary…no betch would ever go to school without those fancy notebooks and stickers!

    Posted on Reply
    • roxxii says:

      haha so much truth

      Posted on Reply
  4. My Whole Childhood says:

    ‎‘Kate Spade Backpacks: The Prada backpack’s povo younger sister.’ Priceless.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Thisbetch says:

    It’s like you betches dug through my old closet and found everything I held dear in elementary/middle school.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Oh Snappp says:

    This is the best post yet. Literally, perfect.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Nice, but... says:

    90sgirlproblems was way ahead of you betches

    Posted on Reply
  8. kortney says:

    Tears… “Snap an ankle, easiest way to get out of gym class”

    Posted on Reply
  9. ME says:

    Some are accurate, but Juicy Couture was like post 2001, not 90’s at all.

    Posted on Reply
    • LEYA says:

      Right? It’s like the one glaring mistake. The rest are spot on, though I graduated high school in 97…post my pre-teen slut years and in to full-blown slutdom.

      Posted on Reply
  10. MelSF says:

    Betch, if you wore a Juicy tracksuit to a 90’s themed party (149. Themed Parties), you’d be laughed at. Juicy suits are early 2000’s.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Borninthe90s says:

    ... Idk about modern Polly Pockets, but those are not the Polly Pockets we used to play with…

    Posted on Reply
    • storm823 says:

      thats what im sayin! those are not polly pockets.

      Posted on Reply
    • itscauseyouwereborninthe90s says:

      You are too young to remember the original Polly pockets, when the whole world used to fit in your pocket. They looked like make-up compacts.

      Candies brand platforms were much more popular, and the capri pants…. oh man the capri pants. Glittery jeans, and anything made of velvet. ( fake or not )

      Posted on Reply
  12. ErikaLuxe says:

    o m g
    everything posted was increasing better to reminisce on

    Posted on Reply
  13. Juicy Betch says:

    So perfect. I was so obsessed with juicy that I petitioned my school to lift its ban on it. Like a betch, I won. Fuck yeah America.

    Posted on Reply
  14. SFbetch415 says:

    pull-apart erasers??? helloooo. SANRIO PENCIL CASES????????? BABY G WATCHES????????

    Posted on Reply
  15. Sugar says:

    Lip smackers

    Posted on Reply
  16. NYer says:

    How about collecting Milk ads? And I think I had Lip Smackers lip gloss in every color of the rainbow.

    Posted on Reply
  17. betchy says:

    Jelly sandals deserve AT LEAST an honorable mention. Fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  18. blondie says:

    So spot on I can’t even handle it! hahahahaha

    Posted on Reply
  19. Blondy says:

    You made girls who bought fake ones want to drown themselves in Herbal Essences shampoo.  I fucking died at this sentence.  American Girl Dolls and their kits need to get an honorable mention

    Posted on Reply
  20. Your Name says:

    Lol, worth my time and my thumbs up, I’ll say that much.

    Posted on Reply
  21. melissa says:

    This was one of the best posts I’ve read in a long time..,thank you for bringing me back into the 90 s,...

    Posted on Reply
  22. Leigh says:

    okay, the fucking LLBean backpacks with the flowers, or was that just Connecticut?
    Gap sweatshirts.
    body glitter.
    Claire’s doorknob pillows.
    Britney’s “Baby One More Time” AND Christina’s first album AND the of-the-minute NOW CD until about 2004.
    A pink sparkly CD tower to hold them all.
    Bell sleeves.
    Tiny tees with “LTD Too” on the chest in what you’d later realize was the most ridiculous as fuck font ever (and what is this Justice shit, just no)
    Lisa Frank for everything elementary school, $5 Chocolate striped notebooks for middle school.
    inflatable chair.
    collected Steve Madden ads, not milk ads.
    the N*SYNC boy or Backstreet Boy you had a crush on (or the one you said you had a crush on because your BFF had already “called” the one you really had a crush on) (AJ and Chris were gross)
    N*SYNC magazine / Tiger Beat / sneaking copies of your older sister’s/cousin’s old YMs. (god, i miss YM).
    Aeropostale. when it was good (until about 12 when I was over it)
    booklets inside CDs/VHS’s that folded out into toooootally sah-weet posters for your (pink) bedroom.
    Passport to Paris / Billboard Dad / Our Lips Are Sealed
    The first few Clique books (“did I invite you to my barbecue? ...then why are you all up in my GAH-RILL?!”)
    password journal that you set up and were then eternally locked out of because it couldn’t recognize your voice
    huge-group dinners at chain restaurants after the middle school dance
    those shower shoes with the little plastic things on the soles that KILLED to walk around in but you wore them because everyone else did
    sugar shoes (floatie flip-flops, or why we’ll all have arthritis in our feet at like 30, but at least we looked amazing getting it)
    flannel pajamas to class (for a year, and only for my public-school friends who i was insanely jealous of)
    the Keds with the watermelons (what happened to Mischa Barton?!)
    Girl Talk / MASH / frozen bra (??) / TV-set karaoke at slumber parties
    snap bracelets
    BFF bracelets / necklaces
    Spice World (the movie). and i ALWAYS ended up being Baby Spice (my friends’ way of punishing me for being skinny and blonde).
    sparkle lava lamp
    and SWEET VALLEY FUCKING HIGH. AKA identical twins nicegirl Elizabeth and betch-in-training Jessica.

    ^ THAT is a 90s betch list.

    Posted on Reply
    • SugarfreeHazelnut says:

      the clique books…ohmygod. every betchy middle schooler’s inspiration.

      Posted on Reply
    • OMG says:

      This girl ^ is my idol.! GURL.COM!!!!! now I need to cry in my pillow because I am an adult and my life revolves around Excel.

      Posted on Reply
  23. Megan L says:

    I had lots of inflatable stuff - inflatable bookbags, inflatable chair that I sat on and listened to will smith cds… l.e.i./mudd denim with tuxedo stripes, Adidas shell toes?

    I love love love this list!

    Posted on Reply
  24. badsteph says:

    hey guys i lub kebin

    Posted on Reply
  25. erin says:

    What about those pencils that once the lead ran out on one cartridge, you put it in the back of the pencil and push the next catridge forward? And if you lose a catridge, you were fucked and could never use that pencil again?

    Posted on Reply
  26. Chelsea says:

    The more I read the more I loved… and then I just started to get creeped out. It’s like someone was watching me and taking notes.
    P.S. Megan L, Gettin’ jiggy wit it was the ONLY way to get down! :D

    Posted on Reply
  27. chloe evelyn lamb says:

    those chokers…. oh no… what an awful trend when i see pictures of me in those i want to go back to the future, just for 1 minute and cut them apart. believe it or not i have seen them being worn by girls today who never caught on to the trend being over…or the common sense to understand why lolol

    Posted on Reply
  28. No says:

    I remember Hello Kitty and Spice Girls ! Definitely needs to be added onto the list.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Lauren says:

    Hahahahah xD

    Posted on Reply
  30. taylor says:

    hahahaha omg i so remember all of those and pretty much participated in everything on that sweet ass list.

    Posted on Reply
  31. lanzzz says:

    Hahahahaha… What about striped tracksuit (sweat) pants with the press studs down the sides…LMAO

    Posted on Reply
  32. Your Name says:

    Haven’t heard of half these and I definitely lived thru the 90’s!! Who the F*** is Kate Spade?? and Steve Madden??

    Posted on Reply
    • Jesus Christ on a Saltine Cracker says:

      Asterisks in lieu of the full-on, fasterharderdeeperwetterbetter four-letter attention-getter? BB plz. What, is Vanna White in the house?  Would you like to buy a vowel?  FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.  Unleashed the motherfucking caps lock, JIC mums is sneaking peeks at the incendiary material this so 50 Shades of Ghey clearly isn’t.

      And uh, not to be the saccharine-tinged, venti nonfat quad caf-Freon-in-my-bloodstream F.B.F. of Courtney Shayne that I am, but gag YOU with a Jawbreaker (and the goddamn teen dream while you’re at it).  Kate Spade?  So not alt.  So mega the quotient, white-washed uptight W.A.S.P. Cunts From Connecticut in her ads (and customers…and wanna-be customers, who swarmed Canal Street and Santee Alley on each coast nabbing knock-offs quicker than you could whisper “So it’s like, Kate — as in: Brosnahan — as in: masthead cred, Mademoiselle magazine).  Debuted basic black nylon, logo/label with her moniker on the front; took it from there, though always understated in that “retro-cut-with-cherry-print-fabric is as daring as things get” sense of the term.  Boyfriend-cum-hubs tried his hand at accessories as well, but let’s skip the whole Andy a.k.a. Jack scenar to prevent you . . . I don’t know, hemorrhaging or something. 

      To be fair, the mouth-breathing and egregious usage of punctuation marks in pairs could be in distinct correlation to how *indistinct* her designs were (please note the power of past tense, since The “Spades” - as any other burgeoning design duo cognizant that a mid-level corp pigeonholed as, well, mid-level, won’t sprout into a luxe powerhouse - sold the company / all creative direction to Liz Claiborne….who, apropos this OP, happens to have also acquired a heinous stain on All That Is Fashion: namely, mass-produced, mega-marketed, straight-from-the-sweatshop yet deemed “Couture” by its own Juicy bragadoccio.

      Except you know what?  Sweetheart, forget I said anything.  Two words: LIFE ALERT


      Color me the fuck outta here! 

      (What. A. Waste. Of. Happy Hour, FML)

      Posted on Reply
  33. Emily says:

    ecko red sweaters. lol.

    Posted on Reply
  34. Jae Mac says:

    Very funny, I’m so happy this was after my time - but my daughter had a Tamagotchi and would BAWL every time the stupid “thing” died!


    Posted on Reply
  35. ashley says:

    i use to love tamagotchi

    Posted on Reply
  36. Natalie says:

    I was DYING when I read the Abercrombie one… Too true

    Posted on Reply
  37. SugarfreeHazelnut says:

    Ew at all of you lame advertisers…vom. It’s so not betchy to try and promote yourself. Nobody wants to read your shit.

    Posted on Reply
    • Probably because says:

      you’re not important enough to own a business card.

      Posted on Reply
  38. Jules says:

    I remember all of these but the Steve Madden platform sneakers make me laugh! LOL I had a pair of those and along with just being ugly, they didn’t stay white for long.


    Jules of Canines & Couture

    Posted on Reply
  39. Emily says:

    Funniest. Post. Ever.

    Posted on Reply
  40. martring says:

    its really good and nice…...

    Posted on Reply
  41. Actually Remembers the 90's. says:

    This list is from someone who was rich and a MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILD in the 90’s.  Voice of authority on trends right there.

    Posted on Reply
  42. Danielle says:

    First off, LOVE. Second- I just had a discussion with my middle school/high school friends, and we all agree that Soffe shorts need to be added to this amazing list. The ones rolled up to the max, of course. 

    Posted on Reply
  43. Rachel says:

    Ferbies! Those bastards would never fucking stop! You could but the thing down the garbage disposal but it would still work!

    Posted on Reply
  44. Joel says:

    I actually thought the snickers were nice ^_^

    Posted on Reply
  45. fanci64 says:

    It’s funny to someone as old as me to see your lists. So many of the things on your 90s list come from many years before. Hello kitty has been around for so much longer then the 90’s and is still so popular in some other Asian countries that it never went, out of style,. Lol good to see that something’s never change, they just hide out for a decade or so and then re- emerge from the closet.

    Posted on Reply
  46. Christie Johann says:

    Well I guess it’s kinda old fashioned but design and all the stuff looking pretty cool! Those butterfly clips remind me my sister. She does all those clips things all day long but that’s the only part I love the most! I appreciate the colors which, normally such colors’ folded business cards look pretty attractive which you can get standard or embossed here:

    Posted on Reply
  47. Peach fuzz pussy years says:

    Claire’s was def the betch Mecca for accessories… And totally blew many allowances on Ty beanie babies! Fake ones existed? Not in my land. I’m from south Orange County, betch.

    Posted on Reply
  48. kelly says:

    Quints, Baby Uh Oh, and pogs!

    Posted on Reply
  49. Me says:

    Steve Madden Platform are making a comeback lol

    Posted on Reply
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