It’s that time of year. The most insignificant holiday, aside from that one about trees, and the one that all single girls and those with shitty, cheap, boyfriends hate. We decided to brighten up this otherwise pointless holiday with a survival guide because we are basically fucking saints. Here’s our list of V-Day no-no’s.
Facebook & Instagram
Your newsfeeds and homepages will be filled with nauseating, illiterate messages from ex-boyfriends and lame girls, as well as ugly stuffed animals holding candy. Spare yourself the visual of cupid carebears and heart-shaped floral arrangements.
Home to creepy old men, on this of all days.
Telling your BFF how you really feel about her boyfriend
We’ve seen how this ends, and you will never get any of your clothes back. Not to mention she has far too much blackmail on you and that story of you and the Black Knight should never get out.
Saying “I love you” to anyone that isn’t giving you a diamond
Pure waste of time and you don’t even mean it.
Acting like Ginnifer Goodwin in “He’s Just Not That Into You”
Inevitably some of you are single, just don’t let anyone know it; unless it’s because you can’t decide which one of the 10 guys you’re currently screwing with you want to actually commit to screwing.
Thinking you can cook
You don’t cook. You have people cook for you or you go out. Don’t try and be romantic or fucking Rachael Ray. You will burn your hair or worse, ruin your manicure.