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By The Betches on

In an attempt to remain Forever Young and in the tabloids, Adrienne Maloof is dating Rod Stewart's 32 year old son Sean. I'm not sure how anyone could possibly compare to Paul and his magical hairy back. After hearing this, Brandi Glanville quickly offered up her own sons to Adrienne in an attempt to settle their lawsuit. Read article>>

Hooters is getting a redesign to look more like Chipotle for its 30th birthday. Not that any betch would ever go into Hooters (which is basically a poor man's strip club) unless she was on Spring Break, but just in case you ever happen to wander in and wonder why the place looks slightly different than a wood cabin porn set, now you'll know. Read article>>

Megan Fox gave a weird fucking interview to Esquire magazine and everyone is making fun of the guy who wrote the article. His most notable quote includes: "To be a bombshell in 2013 is to be an antiquity, an old-world relic … Bombshells once used to roam the cultural landscape like buffalo, and like buffalo they were edging toward extinction." Okay fucking freak, Megan Fox is far from the last bombshell. What about Angelina Jolie? What about that Victoria's Secret model Candice whose name I can't pronounce? Let's not get carried away here. Also you can not feel THAT shitty that Megan's face is described like this: "The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It's not really even that beautiful … What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her." Once you realize what a freak of nature Megan is when she says this: "I have seen magical, crazy things happen. I've seen people be healed. Even now, in the church I go to, during Praise and Worship I could feel that I was maybe getting ready to speak in tongues, and I'd have to shut it off because I don't know what that church would do if I started screaming out in tongues in the back." And finally, this quote on leprechauns. "Not the pot of gold, not the Lucky Charms leprechauns. But maybe was there something in the traditional sense? I believe that this stuff came from somewhere other than people's imaginations ..." Read article>>

Put down those Emily Giffin books betches, reading "chick lit" is bad for your self esteem. Accorrding to this article, reading books about fat women who think they're fat makes people think they're fat. Our solution: stop reading books about fat people. Fucking duh. Instead read books like this and feel great about your body and mind.

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