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By The Betches on

The relationship between a betch and a bro is quite complicated. We’re not talking about the actual romantic relationship. No, the complex part lies in how betches feel about the “Bro." It should be said that as a betch matures, she begins to realize the waning appeal of the smack-a-beer-on-his-forehead frat-trastic bro.

Now betches, we don’t want to confuse you and feed you contradictory statements (or anything for that matter). Betches love douchebags, the SABs, and the games they play. But when we grow older, we start to look for a guy who's a more mature version of the bro species, a guy who has “being nice” in his repertoire of capabilities but isn’t a #33 nice guy. A non-douchey douche. With that we introduce you to the Pro.

 

Blue Old SchoolAnd we all know what happend to Blue...

 

The Pro is the bro morphed into an older, more determined bro. His best qualities were always people skills, creativity, and networking, but he no longer uses them to schmooze a new drug dealer or design an environmentally-friendly homemade bong. Now they are granted positions in the business and frat-banking world by friends of their dads and/or delusional people in HR who actually believe that these bros don't do drugs. Ha fucking ha.

Side note: Betches know little about business and the professional world (aside from the meaning and benefits of quid pro quo) and we're def not trying to get involved in that shit, but we're definitely intrigued by what these "Pros" do all day. They think their job is the hardest fucking thing in the world but from what we understand, it basically involves making spreadsheets (i.e. lists), getting paid to attend happy hours, wearing pretentious Hermes ties, and pretending to know big words like "derivatives" aka living up their managing director's ass. Really fucking hard.

 

Lehman BrosLehman Bros are no longer Pros

 

Don’t get us wrong, the Pro still parties and remains hot. Like we said, betches love Pros. There is nothing we'd rather hear on a #14 date than a Pro complaining about career bullshit, like how he has to wake up at 5 am or how amazing he is for securing a coveted slot on his boss' lunch schedule. As he says this, a betch’s mind wanders directly to sex $$$.

Pros are ideal for twenty-something betches because they still maintain their aura of being a dickhead but without actually being one. Just as how in college we were never really friends with bros, and sometimes fucked them, the same applies to post-grad life in major cities with Pros. They get tables at clubs, are VIPs (in more ways than one), and can skillfully cut a line.

From now on betches, when allowing guys to flirt with you, look out for the Pros. They’re the ones who are hot like Roberto from Bachelorette and are motivated like Bradley Cooper in Limitless after he takes his Adderall NZT. Don’t let yourself be 25 still dating a bro. Remember, guys are five years behind betches in maturity, so a 22-year-old girl dating a 22-year-old bro would be considered borderline pedophilia. Pros over bros, betches. Just ask Britney Spears how much fun it is to get knocked up by an unemployed, backup-dancing fucking loser bro.

 

 

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20 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    Are you supposed to be funny? Bc this site is fucking amazing. Fucking Duh. Go crawl back to your cave and cry to your nappy totally unfuckable bros that you will never be a betch. <3 Smooches!

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    Best effing advice I’ve read on this entire site. While bros are still living at home, counting their graduation money and planning a trip to Thailand or some shit, Pros actually have the funds to buy you dinner and vodka sodas. All about it.

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    Is this website supposed to be funny? Or just a shitty ripoff of Bros Like This Site?

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    Ps. Sounds like a lame-o bro who’s obvi jelly he isn’t a pro

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    haha.. great fun stuff. Loved the post. Especially love the photo of Blue!

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    you guys really need to do an entire post about crystal light. its a meal, its a mixer, its zero calories. let’s be real i carry that shit in my purse.

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    toolazy, that is soooo true, I am obsessed with crystal light. you guys should post about sephora (aka betch mecca)

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    Alternatively, love the fratbros who have the high paying summer finance jobs and are guaranteed to turn into major pros within 8 months. Thats what I call a good investment.

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    So true, Pros are the ultimate necessity of a true betch. Every betch knows the difference between glass and diamonds, and thus is the difference between Bros and Pros. Pros aren’t all nice guys, but they have the game playing confined to intellectual challenges/what gift to surprise you with that week as opposed to the SABs of college who try to play and pit multiple girls against one another. Honestly betches, it’s time to graduate from bros to Pros, they know how to wine, dine, and have a good time, and you’re always the hottest accessory on their arms.

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    Every betch knows the difference between glass and diamonds, and thus is the difference between Bros and Pros.

    Sooo true betch!

    Posted on Reply
  11. Meg says:

    crystal light in my purse always

    Posted on Reply
  12. Kim says:

    best. game. plan. ever.

    Posted on Reply
  13. LA says:

    Aren’t their other types of pros? For instance, the doctor pro (betch I’m getting my MD by the time I’m fucking 25) or the lawyer pro (only if they go to a good law school, T14)?  Seems a little unfair to limit the pros exclusively to the business world

    Posted on Reply
  14. brovechkin says:

    big words like derivative? jesus you sluts are useless. only good for sitting at your desk alt-tabbing between facebook and tumblr and staring out the window.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    too bad most of your readers fuck washed up drug dealers and blue collar workers.. lmao

    Posted on Reply
  16. Carl says:

    This is the dumbest thing i have ever heard.  Suckers spend money on cocktails and dinner.  Im not trying to brag, but I make girls pay for my drinks and then ignore them the whole night until i let them come home with me. At that time they are so desperate to find me they will pretty much do anything.  Girls like D-bags whether they act like they are rich or not is a matter of how big of a loser the dude is.  Pros=Suckers. Save money! Be a Bro!

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      Those aren’t betches.

      Those are insecure fat sluts.

      Posted on Reply
  17. mugotts ;) says:

    this post is genius. keep up the good work.

    Posted on Reply
  18. uhm.. says:

    just commenting on this site ensures that you’re gay. and i’m still not buying your drinks no matter how much you compliment my backless dress and louboutins.

    Posted on Reply
  19. 2carl says:

    Ya right Haha ... only if your famous.  You sound like an idiot.

    Posted on Reply
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