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By The Betches on

So last night's PLL was as ridiculous as they come and once again, 'lying despite an insane amount of reasoning that telling the truth is the way to go' remains the norm. But seriously, this shit has been going on for so long that even the characters are becoming self-aware.

Spencer: You guys need to know that I've been warned not to tell you.
Emily: What else is new.

Sure we're all for making shit up but I mean, even Aladdin got the memo in less than 60 minutes of airtime that eventually telling the truth makes things much fucking easier.

 

ABCF decided to liven things up this week by spoon feeding us hashtags that no one in their right mind would ever tweet. Things like #ezrasnewfamily or #ariabreastfeedsmalcom. I also forgot how gross Toby's truck is, and longed for an ABCF-inspired hashtag like #tobysfuckingdisgustingtruckfailed. Hashtags aside, nothing piqued our interest this week more than A and Mona's new flower arranging hobbies.

This week we got to thinking that A has invested more time and money in this 'stalking and terrorizing the Liars' thing than a normal teen invests in trying to get into college. Mona's giving ominous gardening tips and A had to have paid at least $200 for that floral arrangement. This shit better be on the resume at this point. On to our observations this week, which we hope are more on point than Emily's shitty acting strategies.

Emily

On Toby: "He gave me the courage to come out" - OH really? I thought that was to your dead girlfriend Maya's credit?

Someone casually insults Hanna on her weight or stupidity every week and this week it was Emily's turn: "Since when do you watch the news?"

I like Emily's reasoning: Just because Toby was in a black hoodie and has a large forehead and was seen in your kitchen seconds before someone tried to kill Spencer does not mean Toby is A!

I gave him a book about bikers where he happens to keep all his IDs. DO YOU GET IT!? HE HAS A MOTORCYCLE!

I feel like Emily's acting strategies are like Joey Tribbiani's. Mostly it's like "Make a face as if you don't speak English!"

REALLY EMILY? You're really gonna ignore the warning that someone's going to try to kill you from one of the girls that someone tries to kill on a bi-weekly basis? That just seems counter intuitive.

Aria

Why does baby Fitz look like just like Caleb…foreshadowing?

Gets to play mom/babysitter to Ezra's rando son who looks weirdly Asian for being entirely white.

Alex Mack is also looking for a job at Rosewood High?! Jesus Christ WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO WORK AT THE SCHOOL?!

If I were Aria my first reaction when that kid fell off the bed would be to laugh hysterically.

You took him to the hospital? #197 Overreacting, it's called a fucking band-aid.

Ezra: Do u wanna come over we're about to build a castle?
Aria: Fuck that

Spencer

A has more lyrical prose than a Lil' Wayne song. "Someone close to you will pay for your loose lips. And it won't be your plastic surgeon."

To Mona: "If you so much touch one hair on their heads I will smash you to pieces in an academic decathlon. I’ll tear you apart, either with my bare hands, or my rhetoric!”

Toby has a tattoo that says 901 free at last? That's pretty fucking weird. What are his other tattoos? 68 I owe you 1?

Did I blackout? Why is Spencer in the psych ward? Wouldn't she be in a regular hospital or do camping trips automatically lead to forced psychiatric intake?

These girls should invest in some night vision goggles since they're always in the fucking forest.

Hanna

Why are you dressed like you're in The Runaways?

Hanna's mom is such a delusional murderer. "Maybe I didn't hit him as hard as I thought. Maybe he woke up and realized he was in the wrong. Maybe this whole thing will go away. Maybe he'll text me for a froyo date."

Someone (presumably A and not the valet) parks Wilden's car in Hanna's garage. Obviously Hanna's gut reaction is to do the smart thing and drive the car (which would obviously have GPS police tracking in it) into a lake where no one would ever possibly find it! Also, how the fuck did you possibly push that car in all by yourself? I guess they don't call you Hefty Hanna for nothing.

I really want Hanna to scream Wilden's name like Tom Hanks ...WILSON!!!!

These girls need to smoke some weed.

Last week's recap>>

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23 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. lovetheserecaps says:

    you should start recapping The Lying Game…just as ridiculous a plot line, better tans and scenery

    Posted on Reply
    • anon says:

      ^this.

      Posted on Reply
  2. The last line says:

    Is the best. They really need to chill out and hit a blunt together.

    Posted on Reply
  3. plloser says:

    I thought Ezra’s son was going to greet Aria with a Yaateeh.

    Posted on Reply
  4. hahah says:

    “Did I blackout? Why is Spencer in the psych ward? Wouldn’t she be in a regular hospital or do camping trips automatically lead to forced psychiatric intake?”

    hahah and do Spencer’s parents/sisters even know she’s missing? Also I thought this was a small town, is the psych ward/police department really unable to put some effort into discovering who the “Jane Doe” is, like maybe contact someone from the local high school before putting her on lock down?!

    Posted on Reply
  5. bd18 says:

    what happened to arias moms boy toy from the coffee shop? i think he must be A

    Posted on Reply
  6. You guys says:

    UGH betches get your shit together the tattoo is the day Ali died which we learned like season 1 or 2 but the show got so ridiculous and off track that no one remembers anything

    Posted on Reply
  7. A says:

    EMILY:  Look, I have been in agony the past week and I can’t even believe that I argued that Toby isn’t A the way I did.

    SPENCER:  No, I have been going down a shame spiral!

    Posted on Reply
  8. Your Name says:

    Also love how they completely forgot that Jason is missing…

    Posted on Reply
  9. lala says:

    wait…. you really don’t want to mention how Hannah and Aria pushed a fucking car by themselves into the water and watch it magically sink…

    Posted on Reply
  10. betch says:

    solid Win a Date with Tad Hamilton reference

    Posted on Reply
  11. kris says:

    I liked how Ezra just conveniently had a gigantic train set in his apartment ready to go (conductor hat and all) for his son’s first play date. Really jumped in full force to the whole fatherhood thing didn’t he?

    Posted on Reply
  12. best line says:

    “Why does baby Fitz look like just like Caleb…foreshadowing?”

    dying

    Posted on Reply
    • omg says:

      thought the exact. same. thing.

      Posted on Reply
  13. HA says:

    They do need to some some weed. They would care a whole lot less about finding out who A is and care more about finding some weed in that weird god forsaken town. Who lives in Pennsylvania anyway?

    Posted on Reply
    • me says:

      I live in Pennsylvania, specifically the area the show was based off of, betch.

      Posted on Reply
  14. Emilayday says:

    WHY IS THE TEMPERATURE NEVER COLDER THAN 60 DEGREES AND THEY LIVE IN THE NORTH EAST??? We know it’s well past October there.

    Posted on Reply
  15. dying says:

    “What are his other tattoos? 68 I owe you 1?” perfect

    Posted on Reply
  16. Best Yet says:

    This post is fucking hilarious as usual. I’m dying. A real betch would have been “over” the whole A thing a long time ago. Is it just me, or did the switch the kid who plays Ezra’s son. Like he wasn’t weirdly aisan/native american looking before.

    Favorite: “Mona’s giving ominous gardening tips and A had to have paid at least $200 for that floral arrangement. This shit better be on the resume at this point”

    Posted on Reply
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