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By The Betches on

Last night's PLL was like the best episode of all time. Not only did so much shit go down, but it was legitimately suspenseful. Like when Meredith aka Jody Sawyer was holding Aria captive and went all Kathy Bates in Misery minus the grey hair and robust figure I actually screamed out loud. Yeah I admit it's marginally embarrassing to experience real emotion while watching ABC Family but Jody Sawyer was fucking scary, not as scary as Toby's face though, that shit's imprinted on the brain for life.

The thing that kind of pisses me off is that all this crazy shit happens to them but they never even break a bone. Like Aria fell of a train and woke up in a coffin and then was all like, hey dw guys I'm great! True they're always being terrorized by somebody but that's about it. For example, the part when Hanna was being beaten up by A  mannequins.... she didn't even get a fucking bruise. All she got was a text message saying next time she won't have a face...but like when? Season 32?

In the end we were obviously left yearning for answers like, why is the weather always coincidentally stormy when someone'sgetting abducted? And does anyone notice that whenever they get text messages it's always at the top of the screen as if they're starting an entirely new convo... are we supposed to believe that they delete their recent texts with everyone all the time? (Now that I reconsider, that's a really petty critique compared to the show's general absurdity.) And lastly, I feel like hooded sweatshirts aren't a fool proof camouflage system. Nice hoodie Toby what's it made of? Spencer's chest hair?

Side Note: ABC Family's Pretty Little Liars is brought to you by The Olive Garden. When you're here you're a dirty little liar.


Minus the fact that, again, nothing actually happened to her, Aria's plot line was so good. That was some serious Sixth Sense shit going on with Jody and the drugging. But instead of rat poison Jody went our favored approach: sedatives. Wish that crazy bitch made my tea.

I love that ABC's idea of making Aria look "terrible" is by taking her eyeliner off.

When Aria woke up from her big Ali dream I really wanted "it was only just a dream" to start playing.

Am I really supposed to believe that Aria's family keeps a spare house key outside their front door when their daughter has been almost-murdered 6-7 times?


Caleb has been wearing this hoodie since he was 12? When was the last time he conditioned.

I absolutely love Hanna, her lines are so on par with something we would say... "I need to borrow Emily for some girl talk....not girl-on-girl talk."

Um those Mannequins? Did Faye Resnick pick those out for you?

Emily: I don't know the first thing about tailing people.
Hanna: It's easy we do it like every weekend. Where have you been?


Again, not much to say about Emily except that your girlfriend is starting to look more feminine and you're starting to look more like Caleb.

Bruce/Paige, you'd LOVE to "nail Mona to a wall," you dirty devil you.

Emily says she kind of identifies with the boys of Lord of the Flies? Why? Were they lesbians?


"Three years ago I made an exact replica of Mary Queen of Scots' execution dress for my Halloween costume, and I didn't have a pattern"... It's never too late for the FLOSER sneeze.

I may or may not have choked on my own saliva laughing when Spencer broke down crying to her mom...MOMMMYY!!!

Final question, why does Toby live in the boondocks? JK, that's probs where the gremlins of Rosewood reside.

Toby / Mona / A

My favorite Toby quote was when he was talking to Emily about how close knit their group is "You girls are thick as thieves!" ... LOL Tobz, who do you think you are? Caroline Manzo?

So the shit we learned during this episode:

1. There's someone above Mona and Toby, like Ali's twin or something, aka who Hanna saw in the red coat outside of that store with the mannequin brigade.
2. Toby is the worst actor, ever.
3. Mona can hack into computers and likes to drink wine while wearing OJ Simpson's gloves.
4. Jody Sawyer is cray cray and needs her k-pins, her ballerina toes hurt.

Last week's recap>>


25 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. betch, please. says:

    “Tobz, who do you think you are? Caroline Manzo?”

    this may be the best betch line ever.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Caleb and Paige says:

    Thank you to these two. At least someone finally pointed out that yes, the shit these girls get into IS, in fact, dangerous. Have the writers finally realized how absurd some of these events are?

    Posted on Reply
    • This Show Is A Joke says:

      Like can we deal with how completely implausible 99% of these episodes are. Because yes, after finding out her boyfriend is A, Spencer would naturally just go over to his place

      Posted on Reply
  3. Lindsay says:

    What about when Aria like forgets the number for 911? Literally loled on the floor. She is the greatest Betch of them all, considering that.

    Posted on Reply
    • Uhh.. says:

      There was a storm and the phones were dead. She didn’t “forget the number for 911”...idiot

      Posted on Reply
      • Anon says:

        She definitely hesitated to dial…..

        Posted on Reply
        • Um. says:

          She hesitated to make sure Jodi Sawyer wasn’t coming to kill her. Duhhh

          Posted on Reply
  4. Rebecca says:

    I don’t understand why Hanna and Emily would just walk down into the basement in front of the crazy lady who drugged their friend.  - “No crazy Bitch, after YOU.”

    Posted on Reply
  5. yuck says:

    tobys smiling face in the window when he surprised spencer… definitely the scariest part

    Posted on Reply
  6. Fellow Betch says:

    HA I love you guys “Nice hoodie Toby what’s it made of? Spencer’s chest hair?”

    Posted on Reply
  7. Oh says:

    I died when Spencer’s mom said “Toby you forgot your shirt” Forgot? I think not, the only thing he ever wears is a black jacket.

    Posted on Reply
  8. good point says:

    Um those Mannequins? Did Faye Resnick pick those out for you?

    Posted on Reply
    • lawl says:

      “Um those Mannequins? Did Faye Resnick pick those out for you?”
      HAHAH dieddddd at this

      Posted on Reply
  9. Spellcheck says:

    ps…are there multiple typos in this article?

    Posted on Reply
  10. LaLa says:

    are we forgetting the fact that emily and hanna were willing/dumb enough to go into a basement with meredith behind them….. could the show get more obvious

    Posted on Reply
    • Emilayday says:

      They didn’t know Meredith was cray cray at that point.

      Posted on Reply
  11. betch1 says:

    can anyone remind me why A is after the girls.. confused why so many people are trying to ruin their lives my B

    Posted on Reply
  12. Dying. says:

    I have never read anything so perfect in my entire life. Spot on betches.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Haha says:

    Is it just me or was the pharmacist like the worst actor ever?! Maybe he was just basking in his 7 seconds of fame.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Haha says:

    The phharmacist was like screaming at merideath and then he was like whatever betch take your 12 packs of antihistamines that’s not questionable or anything

    Posted on Reply
  15. Ivy says:

    FLOSER!! hahahahaha

    Posted on Reply
  16. Betchy says:

    “Am I really supposed to believe that Aria’s family keeps a spare house key outside their front door when their daughter has been almost-murdered 6-7 times?” haha SO true, SO great

    Posted on Reply
  17. doozyfab says:

    Seriously, Greatest PLL episode ever. I am glad I wasn’t the only one laughing when Toby said, the “thick as thieves line” LOL


    Posted on Reply
  18. Obvi duhh says:

    Its obvious that someone new clearly wrote this. All this new writer does is LOL and JK, but regardless, the betches have their shit back together on this recap! Well played and well written new person!

    Posted on Reply
  19. floser says:

    Spencer crying is truly the funniest part of these episodes….like the writers really need to realize how awful she is at crying and stop writing scenes where she’s crying

    Posted on Reply
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