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By The Betches on

Sure betchy poor person sounds like an oxymoron, but if there's anyone who can prove that it doesn't matter how much money your dad has for you to act like a total betch it's these fierce ladies, who manage to say "fuck you" even without a pair of huge designer sunglasses. 

10. Max Black

Even though 2 Broke Girls is annoying as fuck, specifically Caroline Channing and her fugly necklace, we really like Max. She's pretty poor but doesn't care what about what anyone has to say, is pretty hot, and is dating that really hot guy she once dated on the show in real life. Also she makes the impossible possible by making the show watchable despite how painful her co-star is.

Betchiest Quote: "You can't tell an Asian he made a mistake he'll go in the back and throw himself on a sword!"

Poorest moment: Having to wear that yellow get-up to her job, which is at the diner, which is in Brooklyn.

9. Lila Sawyer

Hey Arnold's resident povo. This girl got the most popular boy in school to like her even though her dad's poor as fuck. I mean TG she didn't have to actually #5 eat that digusting canned soup.

Lila: Arnold?

Arnold: Yes Lila?

Lila: Can you get your arm off my shoulder? As I've told you many times before I don't like you like you I just like you.

Poorest moment: Being discovered by Helga and Phoebe that she makes her own clothes and has to eat canned beans.

Jenelle from Teen Mom

Jenelle is Teen Mom's 2 biggest fuck up. When she's not getting arrested for possession of marijuana or bailing on her adorable son Jace to go smoke with hood rats, she's screaming at her mom for not letting her live with her. Sure she's a joke of a person, but Jenelle makes being a poor absentee mom look simple…I guess maybe it is? Plus, she looks exactly like a meth head version of Kristen Stewart.

Betchiest yet dumbest moment: Forgoing a plea deal to go to a Ke$ha concert: “I got second row seats to go see Ke$ha…No, you don’t understand, this is my idol”

Poorest Moments: Getting back together with a hilbilly who tried to strangle her a few months ago with a bed sheet, getting knocked up twice before she's legally allowed to drink, and having her mom raise her bastard baby.

7. Jenny Humphrey

Little J was poor and annoying. We hated it when she tried to date Nate and we hated it when she over did it with black eye makeup. We hated it when she caused the  riff between  Chuck and Blair and we definitely wanted to fucking kill her when she would complain about her broken sewing machine. But, then again, she was skinny, tall, and left the show at the perfect time. So J Humph, cheers to being poor and Gossip Girl's little sister.

Betchiest moment: When Blair gives her the queen bee headband.

Poorest moment: Sewing her own dresses, owning a sewing machine, ugly crying when Marissa Cooper's little sister burned all of her dresses.

6. Oscar the Grouch

Arguably the poorest guy on Sesame Street, we admire Oscar's fuck off vibe as a large contribution to our betch-in-training education. Sure he was a hoarder and probs really dirty, but this muppet knew how to #80 bitch like a betch.

Betchiest quote: Let this be the Grouch's cause! Point out everybody's flaws! Something is wrong with everything, except the way I sing!

Poorest moment: Living in a fucking garbage pail

5. Lindsay Lohan

Just because it's almost mandatory at this point that Lindsay be on all of our lists, we present our fav red headed povo.

Betchiest quote: I don't care what anyone says.

Poorest moment: Stealing shit from high end stores, owing the IRS hundreds of thousands of dollars, getting kicked out of the Chateau Marmont

4.  Brandi Glanville

RHOBH's poorest housewife, Brandi says whatever the fuck is on her mind. Sure she won't shut the fuck up about her husband leaving her, but she uses her no money to play the victim and still somehow manages to scrape up the funds to keep her vag intact.

Betchiest Quote: "I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one. I gave the doctor Eddie’s credit card number.”

"Shut the fuck up."

Poorest Moment: The same exact moment plus like, telling everyone she's poor all the time.

3. Kate Middleton

The best thing to come out of UK royalty since Diana, Kate's baby bump watch is sure to be the only thing to rival drinking outside as an activity for Spring 2013. Sure Kate's far from poor now with her 100k beauty regiment costs, but let's not forget that it wasn't always the case.

Betchiest Quote: On dating the Prince of Wales, "He's so lucky to be going out with me."

Poorest Moment: Being publicly outed as the daughter of former flight attendants for British Airways. Sure they're loaded now, but this commoner has come a long way to Buckingham Palace.

2. Phoebe Buffay

The weirdest member of Friends can only have gotten her quirky personality from growing up poor as fuck. Sure she's a psychotic masseuse who thinks playing guitar at a coffee shop is a real job but you know that betch loved that fur coat and would trade her fake vegetarianism for a pregnancy craving any day of the week.

Betchiest Quote

Phoebe Buffay: I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.
Earl: Not me.
Phoebe Buffay: May I ask why?
Earl: You wanna know why. You wanna know why?
Phoebe Buffay: I surely do!
Earl: Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself.
Phoebe Buffay: Um... is... is that because you're out of toner?

Poorest Moments:

"When Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday, our step-dad would sell his blood to buy us food."

"I'm sorry, but I never got to be in a club. I didn't go to high school. But three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour."

1. Fiona Gallagher  

This fiercely loyal matriarch of the Gallagher family may be poor as fuck but she has the attitude of a true betch. When she's not selling weed to buy back her younger brother, she's getting fucked up with her friends and #20 clubbing. Sure she can be sort of slutty but she's really #5 skinny and found herself a rich boyfriend, at least for a little while.

Betchiest Quote:

Fiona: Fuck you.
Steve: I love you, too

Poorest Moment: Working as a cashier, wearing shitty, ripped clothes, dating an old guy for money.

23 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. shameless says:

    sooo happy fiona made the list.  about time the gallaghers got some recognition

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      exactly!! I would die for the betches to start doing weekly recaps of shameless or at least one blog post paying tribute to it

      Posted on Reply
  2. BetchPlease says:

    Betchiest Brandi quote: I don’t know how Adrienne got a book deal, she’s not very smart. Maybe she’s writing a children’s book.

    Posted on Reply
  3. shamesss says:

    spot on w fiona gallagher

    Posted on Reply
  4. Your Name says:

    PLEASE START RECAPPING SHAMELESS

    Posted on Reply
  5. SHAMELESS says:

    Do shameless recap! love the show! and fucking love VERONICA! that betch is fucking fierce.

    Posted on Reply
  6. jessica says:

    fuck yes that shameless made the list. betches, get on those shameless recaps!!!!

    Posted on Reply
  7. J says:

    Kate Middleton’s family owns a multimillion dollar party supply company. Family is not even close to royal rich, but far from common.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      “sure, they’re loaded now.” yes, now they own a party supply company and are doing well. As they said, they weren’t always rich, you know being flight attendants and all.

      Posted on Reply
      • J says:

        The Company was founded in 1987, long before she went to St. Andrews.

        Posted on Reply
        • englishbetch says:

          and lets not forget Marlborough college 30K a term… i don’t think thats poor. betties get your shit together.
          XOXO

          Posted on Reply
  8. Blair says:

    It’s Blair. Not Blaire. WTF. Ew.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Your Name says:

    uuhhh what about annie walker..?

    Posted on Reply
  10. Skins says:

    Effy stonem!! So in love. Completely lez

    Posted on Reply
  11. grammarnazi says:

    sometimes people put at least one comma in the opening paragraph to their article. i mean, most times people don’t give a shit, but sometimes, every so often…being grammatically correct is a thing.

    Posted on Reply
  12. C says:

    Yesss shameless! Please start recapping!

    Posted on Reply
  13. M says:

    please do shameless recaps. please. i’m so bored with revenge and PLL recaps!

    Posted on Reply
  14. Your Name says:

    SHAMELESS SHAMELESS SHAMELESS! Best show ever. and lip is fucking hot

    Posted on Reply
  15. Your Name says:

    Kate Middleton’s parents are millionares. She’s always been rich

    Posted on Reply
  16. Blondy says:

    Completely agree except for Kate.  Biggest girl crush and I’d hardly call that a poor betch to princess transformation.

    Posted on Reply
  17. isabel says:

    umm kate middleton was NEVER poor
    she came from quite a well of family

    Posted on Reply
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