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By The Betches on

As we’ve seen before, a cornerstone of the betch life is a lack of caring about boring things like world news and other people’s feelings. But the general ignorance of the plights and issues of those less fortunate often accompany other minor inconveniences. Namely, not having a general idea of where the fuck you are.

Running into someone who has no idea where the fuck she’s going is often a clear sign you’ve encountered a betch. Her lack of a sense of direction will be as distinctive a mark as the presence of her Hermes bracelet.

Often this lack of a sense of direction goes hand in hand with her tendency to #130 drive like a fucking idiot. Who has time to figure out which exit to get off en route to Neiman's when your bestie just instagrammed herself at a charity event with Kelly Rutherford that needs to be ‘liked’ like, now. You’ll know you’ve encountered a true betch when she’s managed to get lost on her way to the nail salon even with the assistance of a navigation system.

It’s safe to say that the iOS 5 Apple Maps debacle was the worst thing to happen to us since Occupy Wall Street. There are actually even some bros who will think you know what you’re doing and give you insane directions that only a fucking explorer of the Americas would know. Like what how the fuck am I supposed to meet you on the southeast corner of Madison and 45th street? How about instead I meet you on the northeast corner of I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about? Ponce de Leon must’ve had an early iPhone 5 upgrade.

But a lack of an intrinsic sense of direction often extends beyond the local scale. So what if my housekeeper doesn’t understand why I think they speak Mexican in El Salvador? I mean I know I have a great tan but do I look like fucking Sacajawea to her? Cher may have no idea of the actual latitude and longitude of Sunset but she knows it's definitely not fucking okay if someone thinks you live below it. 

Obviously as a well traveled betch you’ll know the basics like that Paris is in Europe and Afghanistan is like, in a really bad neighborhood. But when it comes to most countries outside America (and when we say America we mean like the Northeast and LA), their location is as obvious to us as the reason one would choose to stay at The Holiday Inn. Sorry I don’t know where Omaha is, maybe they should get a better big 10 school and then they’d be like, relevant. Is Malta a carb?

So betches, remember that when you have a boyfriend/driver/besties there’s no need to be the person who knows where you’re going. Having a sense of where you are and where you’re going is for guidance counselors and ambitious bros like Lewis and Clark. Never feel insecure about your lack of a sense of direction. All roads lead to the mall anyway, right? And if you’re ever really lost just look at the sky, find the North Star and remember that a compass will never go with this outfit.

#195 Equinox >>                                                  #197 Overreacting


27 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Well-traveled betch says:

    Am I the only one who thinks this post is super un-betchy? Betches are supposed to be well-traveled and city savvy. Whats betchy about looking like a fucking lost tourist?

    Posted on Reply
    • NYbetch says:

      Nope, I agree… nothing betchy about that. I live in New York and I have to say, walking through Manhattan and actually being able to navigate myself from point a to point b just gives me another reason to believe I’m better than everyone else around me who have no fucking clue where they’re going. A true betch should be aware of where she is and where the best anything and everything in her area is, because she should be running shit wherever she may live. It might seem cool to be totally out of it walking around on your phone or whatever like an idiot when you’re 13, but not now. Plus, it’s always fun when tourists ask you for directions and you send them the complete opposite way of where they’re trying to go… woops! That just wouldn’t be as satisfying if you didn’t know just how far off you were really sending them. Sorry not sorry, as always.

      Posted on Reply
  2. We are the ladies says:

    Am I the only betch who thinks that the South is one of the betchiest locales in the US? Like SEC>Big 10

    Posted on Reply
    • lilah says:

      yes. yes you are.

      Posted on Reply
    • mel says:


      Posted on Reply
    • betchwithanaccent says:

      no girl the big ten is sickening.  people just look down on the south without ever experiencing it.. ill take my dresses and pearls, and class and tradition, over big ten hoodies anyday. bless their yankee hearts smile

      Posted on Reply
  3. LostBetch says:

    Love it. First paragraph is gold! NYC is the place to be for perpetually lost betches.

    Posted on Reply
  4. lol says:

    only relevant places in america are like tri state area, LA and miami. the south is full of hicks

    Posted on Reply
    • southern sass says:

      seriously. northeast? fuck no. the south is full of the best betches youll ever meet…just try and survive down here. and they say new york is rough…try surviving the art of passive aggressive beyond compare

      Posted on Reply
      • No. says:

        Well we all have full sets of clean, white, correctly positioned teeth in the Northeast so pipe down, Southern Sass. We don’t want to see what’s going on in there. Like, “fuck no”.

        Posted on Reply
  5. supbetch says:

    i agree w/ the first comment betches should definitely know where they are and where they’re going. also if you’re like not smarted to have a good grasp on world geography i just feel bad for you. but that fucking pocahontas thing is fuckin hilar

    Posted on Reply
    • Sup, Supbetch? says:

      Please shed some light on the meaning of “if you’re like not smarted,” please, Supbetch, because you seem absolutely retarded and are likely not a reliable authority when it comes to discussing intelligent issues, such as world geography.

      Posted on Reply
  6. Ivy says:

    I always wondered why I never have any fucking idea where I am. This clears thing up a bit… I jdgaf.

    Posted on Reply
  7. betch says:

    betches your link to the Equinox article says #185 rather than #195…epitome of not knowing where the fuck you’re going

    Posted on Reply
  8. Cher Horowitz says:

    I have direction!

    Josh, the dreaded ex: Yeah, to the mall.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Lost betch says:

    This post was spot on. My ibanker pro’s only directional guidance comes in the form of turn Northwest at the light then head east. I’m always like seriously do I turn right or left?!? Ugh. Truly though, no true betch should have a sense of direction, and if you do you for sure keep it to yourself and let your nice girl friends sit in the front seat of the cab and tell the driver where to go. You just sit in the backseat quietly with your vodka soda and let others get you to your destination.

    Posted on Reply
  10. PINKBetch says:

    I thought this was about One Direction

    But yeah, you don’t need to know directions, just use a GPS, and if it doesn’t get you to whereeverthefuck on time.
    Who cares

    Posted on Reply
  11. avidbetch says:

    I think I have just read too many of these articles, I know what’s expected and it’s not fun anymore. snore.

    Posted on Reply
    • betchyInSanDiego says:

      That’s because all the article’s are about the same girl- and we’re all living her life. It’s a snnoree because its not narcissistic anymore.

      Posted on Reply
  12. gjs342 says:

    this sounds like my life

    Posted on Reply
  13. Perfection! says:

    It’s was defined early on that Betches rarely know where they are going—anyone who doesnt know that hasnt been reading the site that long. It’s not like a negotiation.

    Posted on Reply
  14. rando says:

    totally appreciate the clueless reference

    Posted on Reply
  15. Dan says:

    Love this site, just a bunch of dumb broads babbling incessantly about insignificant shit.  Just make sure dinner’s on the table by the time I get home, K?

    Posted on Reply
    • postedbetch says:

      just make sure you rich by then, K.

      Posted on Reply
    • Kay says:

      Buy me shit, K?

      Posted on Reply
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