196. Not Having a Sense of Direction

As we’ve seen before, a cornerstone of the betch life is a lack of caring about boring things like world news and other people’s feelings. But the general ignorance of the plights and issues of those less fortunate often accompany other minor inconveniences. Namely, not having a general idea of where the fuck you are.

Running into someone who has no idea where the fuck she’s going is often a clear sign you’ve encountered a betch. Her lack of a sense of direction will be as distinctive a mark as the presence of her Hermes bracelet.

Often this lack of a sense of direction goes hand in hand with her tendency to #130 drive like a fucking idiot. Who has time to figure out which exit to get off en route to Neiman's when your bestie just instagrammed herself at a charity event with Kelly Rutherford that needs to be ‘liked’ like, now. You’ll know you’ve encountered a true betch when she’s managed to get lost on her way to the nail salon even with the assistance of a navigation system.

It’s safe to say that the iOS 5 Apple Maps debacle was the worst thing to happen to us since Occupy Wall Street. There are actually even some bros who will think you know what you’re doing and give you insane directions that only a fucking explorer of the Americas would know. Like what how the fuck am I supposed to meet you on the southeast corner of Madison and 45th street? How about instead I meet you on the northeast corner of I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about? Ponce de Leon must’ve had an early iPhone 5 upgrade.

But a lack of an intrinsic sense of direction often extends beyond the local scale. So what if my housekeeper doesn’t understand why I think they speak Mexican in El Salvador? I mean I know I have a great tan but do I look like fucking Sacajawea to her? Cher may have no idea of the actual latitude and longitude of Sunset but she knows it's definitely not fucking okay if someone thinks you live below it.

Obviously as a well traveled betch you’ll know the basics like that Paris is in Europe and Afghanistan is like, in a really bad neighborhood. But when it comes to most countries outside America (and when we say America we mean like the Northeast and LA), their location is as obvious to us as the reason one would choose to stay at The Holiday Inn. Sorry I don’t know where Omaha is, maybe they should get a better big 10 school and then they’d be like, relevant. Is Malta a carb?

So betches, remember that when you have a boyfriend/driver/besties there’s no need to be the person who knows where you’re going. Having a sense of where you are and where you’re going is for guidance counselors and ambitious bros like Lewis and Clark. Never feel insecure about your lack of a sense of direction. All roads lead to the mall anyway, right? And if you’re ever really lost just look at the sky, find the North Star and remember that a compass will never go with this outfit.

#195 Equinox >> #197 Overreacting

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196. Not Having a Sense of Direction

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