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By The Betches on

It’s common knowledge that betches are always really busy. Between blacking out and #29 beauty days we really only have time for two or three hours of conscious thought each day. Now, some nice girls and our parents might point out that this would be a great time to do productive things, like our school work and job hunting. Yeah fucking right.

Any true betch knows that being gorgeous and having a great personality has redeemed us from having to deal with anything the masses have to do, like waiting on line at #20 clubs or having a long-lasting career. The last thing a betch has time for is fucking homework. Homework is for ugly people. As a queen betch, you’ll have many options for getting out of this nice girl chore.

 

girl in schoolHelloooo does this betch not have a Blackberry?

 

1) Call the #33 nice guy who wants to fuck you

It’s not that we want to take advantage of people that are in love with us, but when you’re so desired, it's almost harder not to. Matt is obviously dying to win my approval somehow. What better way to give him the opportunity than allowing him to do my statistics problem set?

2) Call the nice girl who’s dying to be your bestie

Kind of like calling the nice guy, only you don’t have to feel guilty about the fact that you’re not going to fuck this person, no matter how many essays they write and edit for you. This girl knows you’re the shit and is practically begging to be your bitch. And hey, even betches know that a huge effort should be rewarded. It only takes about three weeks worth of class notes to get Jane an invite to your next #23 pregame.

3) Manipulate your professor

This usually works best when your professor or TA is a guy and not some fugly hag who’s out to make sure things are “fair” for everyone. If we wanted to live in a just world, we would pay attention to politics and shit. Get an extension until next week when you’re not recovering from last night’s drinking shit show or if you’re a true betch, you can probably get out of doing it altogether.

If none of the above options work, you can try popping an adderall (great excuse to not eat!), or paying an Asian to do it for you. Doing work is boring and distracts us from our true priorities like #27 tanning, drinking, and manipulating others. Don’t sweat things like grades and extracurricular activities. Doing so will turn you into the old maid office betch, or worse, someone who has intellectual conversations.

 

 

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71 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    this post is just what i needed. and guess what i’m doing? NOT doing work…just sittting in the ‘brary reading this site. lovelovelove betches

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    This is disgusting…as is this entire site. I am so glad my freshman year of college just ended so I don’t have to deal with idiots who have nothing better to do than call themselves “betches,” ruin their lives and everyone else’s by drinking just so they don’t feel obligated to carry out real conversations, and “scheme” about how best to become even dumber. This is why America is getting passed up by so many other countries. Good luck being slaves in the new world order. I’m moving to New Zealand.

    Posted on Reply
    • stupiddd says:

      lmao this site is so new world order. you guys should learn to think for yourselves before they get you. xoxo someone with a brain <3

      Posted on Reply
    • Kiwi Paul says:

      Heck yeah!! Come to new zealand! you have to deal with BS Err day we chill at home then at work then at home, our accents are A+ and heck we are well away from all that propaganda
      Chur Bro!

      Posted on Reply
    • Heather #1 says:

      You’re beautiful.  Enjoy NZ!

      Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    you seem angry, also, maybe you should reconsider your country choice. there’s no way that new zealand will ever be relevant. this website is a joke – look at your life, look at your choices. #bridgetjones

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    you must be really attractive.

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    Karen….You clearly are not a betch. I’ll be sure to call you next time I need my homework done….maybe then you can pregame with us….

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    it’s funny how you hate the betches site so much but spend your time reading it. Shouldn’t you be off doing work or something?

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    Every group has a Karen…
    (and she is always a bag of douche)

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    I’ve come to the conclusion that Karen has a dick, a very small dick and he’s trying to make up for it (like Ned & Bob).

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    God Karen, you’re so stupid.

    xox Betch

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    I agree and disagree with you karen. I think the site spreads a message of self confidence and strength for young women. However, no one should be proud to mooch off others with their soul justification being their waist line and narcissism. However, very few real betches exist and most that commented are twelve year old girls that find such a superficial and harsh life naughty and exciting. I go to a expensive private college and all the “betches” either drop out to live off dad or grow up and become real people.

    Posted on Reply
  11. The Betches says:

    Get a life Karen, and perhaps a sense of humor. Didn’t you ever hear that your the “friend” everyone hates, the douchebag that no one likes? Dane Cook had it right!

    Posted on Reply
  12. The Betches says:

    it’s finals time and guess who’s not doing work? this betch…typing this comment makes people think i’m doing work when i’m really watching old gossip girl shows and reading this site

    rock on betches

    Posted on Reply
  13. The Betches says:

    i’ve been doing that too! i forgot how great season one was

    Posted on Reply
  14. The Betches says:

    Glad to see you women can think on your own, and come up with such a brilliant idea for a website. Oh wait, once again a man came up with the idea first. No wonder why it took you longer than minorities to vote. Womens unsuffrage 2011.

    Posted on Reply
  15. The Betches says:

    Have fun with your hand Ned

    Posted on Reply
  16. The Betches says:

    Karen is obviously hideous….

    Posted on Reply
  17. The Betches says:

    Haha, man this site is so unoriginal. I am surprised to took this long for women to come up with a site for themselves instead of reading the bro sites.

    Posted on Reply
  18. The Betches says:

    Good thing you took some of your valuable time to not only read but comment on this so called unoriginal site …

    Posted on Reply
  19. The Betches says:

    please make a post about cinco de mayo… a true betch would.

    Posted on Reply
  20. The Betches says:

    Dear Karen,
    First off your name is like Karen.. Ew.
    Secondly you need to chill I’m pretty sure you just gave yourself some serious frown lines. But anyways instead of bitching about Americas problems that no one cares about maybe you should take a break from this site and get laid.. It sounds much need.
    PS Good luck in Zealand I hear the guys are lacking.
    xo

    Posted on Reply
  21. The Betches says:

    okay i’m completely mad at myself for even checking this again, but i see you girls have been busy bitching at me for disagreeing with this whole lazy slut personality you’ve got going on. really glad that nobody cares about the problems of our country…exactly my point. do you really every girl in the world can just sit inside this little bubble of “betchiness” and ignore the fact that you are a human being and there are consequences to your actions? and another thing…anyone idiotic enough to do your homework just to hang out with you is going to get you an F anyway, so good luck with that. and, for the record, a. i’m not “hideous,” though that hardly matters…i know many beautiful people who are smart and contribute to society and many fat ugly whores who consider themselves perfect like you guys do, b. wth kind of name is “denise”?, and c. i’m done with this shit because i actually do have better ways to spend my time. i just can’t help commenting on something when it’s so painfully wrong, and was shown to me by a supposed friend. i just cannot come to terms with the fact that it has become so hard to live in this world, mainly because of this mentality. the answer for everything is NOT to get smashed or get laid. it’s just not. like, omg, K???

    p.s. i’m sure you’ll all get lovely tans in hell.

    Posted on Reply
  22. The Betches says:

    Karen you’re kind of a bitch. Not a betch. Big difference. aka take that stick out of your ass. Majority of the humor in this website is centered around a type of satire overexaggerating situations to the point where it’s ridiculous or funny. IT’S NOT REAL KAREN. Calm your little self righteous sermon.

    Though I did enjoy this, “i’m sure you’ll all get lovely tans in hell”. Let’s hope so because I’m pasty as hell right now.

    Posted on Reply
  23. The Betches says:

    Agreed. If this site is all about satire, these girls are sure defending the whole betch thing a little much.

    Posted on Reply
  24. The Betches says:

    Her crows feet from frowning probs make her look SO vintage though..

    Posted on Reply
  25. The Betches says:

    ok sorry, one more p.s…new zealand was just an example i threw out because my gorgeous, smart, talented friend just got back from studying abroad and loved it. no need to jump down my throat about it…and new zealand says hi

    Posted on Reply
  26. The Betches says:

    Sup Karen,

    Are you insinuating that us bitches are not smart? Because I’m pretty sure that betchiness is skill that so many others lack, which is what makes us so elite. Saying that we don’t contribute to society is a joke, as we basically run society. So as you’re watching from the sidelines, enjoying New Zealand or whatever boring country you live in, realize that it might be time to just suck it up and accept us for all that we are. And maybe by then, we’ll let you be the group photog or something (although not likely).

    Posted on Reply
  27. The Betches says:

    Uhoh betches. Ugly Karen is pretty mad. She also should of had someone write that post for her. Self righteous Karen has a lot of typing errors.

    Posted on Reply
  28. The Betches says:

    ahhh karen! girl you have lost it! betch, you ever heard of satire you little smarty pants, you?
    love,
    a PhD candidate living in Europe
    also a proud betch

    sooo much worst than karen – the latent homosexual guys commenting on this shit!

    Like Kristen said, rock on betches.

    Posted on Reply
  29. The Betches says:

    Karen, your anger most likely stems from one or more of these things:

    1)You’re ugly. So ugly that you should be quarantined in the depths of your likely disgusting living quarters.

    2)You need to get laid (as implied by the above statement).

    3)You’re not a betch. You were clearly one of those girls who everyone resented for having a stick permanently lodged too far up your ass.

    Posted on Reply
  30. The Betches says:

    Dear Karen, this website is obviously a joke. Satire-look it up cause I’m almost positive you don’t know the meaning, judging by your awful grammar. If you spent less time trolling this site you despise so much and complaining about my fellow “betches” and more time being a productive member of society yourself, maybe you would find the humor in this like the rest of us do. To everyone else, keep it up. This shit is not only hilarious but painfully true.

    Posted on Reply
  31. The Betches says:

    I’d like to give a big shout out and thanks to Karen for contributing to my 36. Not Doing Work, your comments are great and we would all appreciate if you could just keep them coming so we can keep 1. Talking Shit about you

    Ps. Speaking of studying abroad, you betches should check out Spain. Its a perfect betch country. Hello, sangria- wine drink, and siestas- not doing work… Love this site.

    Posted on Reply
  32. The Betches says:

    what do you betches do about working out? I love waking up at 5 am and getting some hard core cardio in…

    Posted on Reply
  33. The Betches says:

    haha, so true. thanks for making me laugh, ya betch.

    Posted on Reply
  34. The Betches says:

    “Fuckin Brian’s coming”
    hahaha……the delivering doctor musta been a betch fo real..
    getting bitches like fucking Karen to get her through med school.

    Posted on Reply
  35. The Betches says:

    There is always a Karen, and that sucks for the rest of us. I love that this clip was posted in response. As for trying to escape the ever-so-satirical betch ideals posted on this website by running away to an island that no one really cares about, GOOD LUCK. The world is made up of betches and bros- and no matter how dickless or sweet people try to act, there is a betch deep inside of them and they are probably just putting on that act to get what they want from you. It’s human nature, and you can either keep being a betch hater and making that terrible face which appears as if you are smelling shit, or you can sack up and try to get what you want from life. Haven’t you ever heard of the saying/song/law/duh “NICE GUYS/GIRLS FINISH LAST”? Karen, sorry to say, but guys who talk to you are probably either 1.)Gay, or 2.)Trying to hate-fuck you on a dare from their friends.
    BY-Yeeeeeee.

    Posted on Reply
  36. The Betches says:

    hey tobb, just so you know, you type like an annoying little pyschobitch. anyway, it’s a shame you had to go and use that title as your half-baked alias, because that book is actually really phenomenal. but i bet you’ve only gotten the not-as-good natalie portman experience, unless you are actually capable of reading a novel, which i doubt. if so, congratulations for being less of a dumb ho than you sound like.

    Posted on Reply
  37. The Betches says:

    how about having the #33NiceGuy come over who i also like to refer to as #THEclassmate , he’s the one whose trying to bone you and will do anything and everything to get you to like him ( similar to the nice guy). i always say you have to have atlest 1 classmate because how funny is it to hook up with someone and than see them in class. #theClassmate is useful during finals…. my #classmate wrote me a 32 page study guide, printed the guide, treked trough the snow from the library to my apartment, went through it all and than we played. betches should live by the motto ” work hard (ly) and play harder”!

    Posted on Reply
  38. The Betches says:

    Why are you talking Karen? You’re not winning,you’re not even losing,you’re not in the Game to begin with! Gerroutahere- Stupidity upon nonesense.

    Betch all the way from the UK.

    Posted on Reply
  39. The Betches says:

    So… I’m Asian. But I’m still a total betch. Does that mean I like have to find a FOB to do my work? If u dnt knw wat FOB is u shud totes urbdict it… Or since Im like the HBIC, should I get a white non-betch to do it? I totes h8 thinking….

    and fuck u karen! u lazy whore! betch is a skill that is honed by not being you. try learning it.. the not being you thing… if betches werent smart, we’d b u: a social parasite…

    ok im done. #lookatmenow

    Posted on Reply
  40. The Betches says:

    this is making my day:)

    Posted on Reply
  41. tennis betch says:

    hey karen, you should work on being, like, a well-rounded person. if you can’t be smart and care about shit and be sophisticated AND be able to take a joke, you suck and fail as a human being, and definitly as an American. us betches play hard, just like America works hard. you should be gratefull you live in a country where cool people like betches exist. go to china, they don’t even let their civilians have internet to read entertaining shit like this.
    God, Karen you’re such an ungrateful prude.

    Posted on Reply
  42. Anon says:

    Satire is supposed to be funny, this site is not. Just pointing that out…

    Posted on Reply
  43. JP says:

    Thanks for finally telling her that Cady, I was about to.

    Posted on Reply
  44. JP says:

    Humor is subjective.

    Posted on Reply
  45. Rachel says:

    So sad that Karen won’t understand all the amazing references in these comments.

    Betch4life

    Posted on Reply
  46. Anonymous says:

    You shud totes get a white girl to do it

    fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  47. jdubya says:

    Karen youre right this site is the epitomy of what is wrong with “the college experience”—just an excuse to waste daddy’s money for 5 years and likely catch a few STDs along the way. These so-called “betches” should quit obsessing over themselves and go to a technical school where maybe if they try they can learn how to do something instead of being nothing but drain on the rest of us.

    Posted on Reply
  48. DaBetch says:

    Dude this site is obviously for fun. Loosen up a bit, learn to live a little and share a few laughs with us on this site. If you can’t do that, there’s no need to leave nasty comments. Just simply get off this site and go to a more mundane one.

    Posted on Reply
  49. HatesBetches says:

    While I’ll admit, it’s pretty punny that Dane Cook talks about ‘every group having a Karen’; however, in this particular example Karen is the only sane person on this stupid website.  To think…some stupid betches are actually sitting around - wasting air - blogging about how much better they are then the rest of society = ugly people.  Talk about someshallowshits. But hell, ain’t much space in their brains to begin with.

    Posted on Reply
  50. A BRo says:

    It’s sad but true - the girls on this site are the reason why America sucks.  You may be right that those Chinese betches over there in China can’t read this shit, but when those mfers come over here and take our shit over, not Justin Bieber or all the MAC makeup or this shitty website will help you.  The rest of the world doesn’t hate you because they wan to be you.  They just hate you.  wink

    Posted on Reply
  51. Anonymous says:

    ...is what’s wrong with this world.  I hope you learn some compassion some day; or someone just teaches it to you the hard way (not talking about that dick in your mouth).  You might have a pretty face (not really) but your heart is ugly.

    Posted on Reply
  52. loling on floor says:

    it’s about as funny as your face is pretty.

    Posted on Reply
  53. NoFuckGiven says:

    especially if the people that enjoy this website didn’t

    Posted on Reply
  54. je suis une "betch" says:

    Karen, sweetheart, you need to get laid and take the stick out of your ass.

    Posted on Reply
  55. feckingDUH says:

    of course your name is KAREN. #nicegirl

    Posted on Reply
  56. betch says:

    why do we care what karen is saying? karen is probably at home in her not so ironically hello kitty decorated room reading manga putting clothes pins in her band tshirts. of course she hates us…we’re betches. fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  57. Love Yuh Betch says:

    OMG that’s exactly what I thought when I saw Karen’s post. Great Betches think alike

    Posted on Reply
  58. M says:

    You are only person that makes any sense on this site:)
    Here is to the pretty and smart women in the world!

    Posted on Reply
  59. Ata Hopewell says:

    LOVE THIS COMMENT, exactly what i was thinking. you are the only intelligent person here, among these “...idiots who have nothing better to do than call themselves betches, ruin their lives and everyone elses by drinking just so that they don’t feel obligated to carry out real conversations, and “scheme” about how best to become even dumber.” I could not have put it better. YOU ARE AMAZING, clearly not a betch!!! ( take that as a compliment. )

    Posted on Reply
  60. AHAHAHAHAHAHAA says:

    sorry
    just like
    “we play hard like america works hard”
    “you should be gratefulLL you live in a country where cool people like betches exist”
    WHAT AN AMAZING EXAMPLE OF HOW KAREN IS RIGHT… my god

    Posted on Reply
  61. ... says:

    karen is probably at home laughing her ass off at all these comments about her…

    Posted on Reply
  62. Ashley says:

    It’s glad to hear that we’ll still be tanner and have more fun in the afterlife than you….

    Posted on Reply
  63. Karen says:

    Hey guys…I was bored today and randomly found this site again…Bahahah I didn’t realize I was so famous! 

    For the record, thanks for all of you sane people posting on this site, you give me hope for the world!

    As for you betches, I really hope you all get lives sometime soon.  I’m sick of looking at your exposed thongs when you fall over drunk on the street. 

    Cause you’re all soooowwww prettiiiii <3xoxoxoxo bai.

    Oh and just as an extra special treat Imma let you in on a secret…my name isn’t even Karen.  Whoops!

    Posted on Reply
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