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John Mayer is talking shit about Taylor Swift for talking shit about him. Ugh there's nothing worse than a delusional douchebag. John Mayer is your classic fake sensitive asshole. You know the bro who thinks he's hot shit but also has convinced himself he has a soul. Fail. We've written our own Dear John to highlight just how lame it is that he feels the need to call out nice girl Tay Swift in Rolling Stone. Dear John, You're a fucking loser and you haven't written a good song in years. Also, Taylor was 19 to your 32 when you dated her. Did you expect her to be mature and not write a mean letter about her to your besties and then turn it into music gold? This girl wears fucking pigtails she's not Jennifer Aniston. And really? You know what's humiliating? Having a song written about how you're a douchebag. You know what's even more humiliating? Telling a magazine you're still humiliated 6 months after a song came out that no one even listened to and now subsequently everyone will listen to and make fun of you for. Read article >>

Also since Rolling Stone is clearly doing a feature on SABs this week, Charlie Sheen has come out to grace the world with his wisdom and promote his new show, Anger Management. I guess life imitates art imitates life. Also, he either thinks your feet are disgusting or he wants to fuck them. Read article >>

Leave it to the Kardashians to turn a trip to the Dominican Republic into an opportunity do classy shit like make a music video where they shake their asses, throw fake money in the air, and get party on expensive boats. Because the terrorists clearly don't have enough ammunition for hating America. Also for god sakes Kris Jenner you are LITERALLY whoring out your children on YouTube for a little free PR. Your daughter is fifteen and your other daughter is knocked up. Stop forcing them to dance like sluts on boats for money. Watch Video >>

If you went to Horace Mann you were probably molested. But at least you probs got into Princeton. That is the only pedophilia joke we'll make. Read this. Don't send your kids to Horace Mann. Read article >>

And you thought your mom was kind of a bitch. This mom disowns her kid, talks shit about her boyfriend, and asks for money back via voicemail. Someone was either having a really shitty day or has been listening to too many Alec Baldwin/Mel Gibson voice-mail tapes. Read article >>

Okay so this story is fucking sad but like what is going on in the world? This toddler died, woke up before his funeral, asked for water, then died again. How many zombie babies/children/face eating bath salt eaters does it take before the impending 12/12 apocalypse? Kids don't just die, ask for water, then die again. Where is Jesse Eisenberg to fight off all these South American Zombies when you need him? Read article >>

Whereas Obama likes to intercept joints and claim them as his own, turns out Mitt Romney is a total straight edge narc who doesn't want you smoking pot near his private beach. I mean, knowing Mitt's extreme love of the very wealthy this could also just be because he didn't' want any association with low quality kush but his haircut combined with his fondness for a good stiff Chardonnay makes us think he's more of a whiskey and golf type pro. So the question is, would your rather play a round of bball followed by a joint with Barry O or watch a football game in box seats followed by Cognac and bad sex with Mittens? To each their own. Rock the vote, betches. Read Article >>