BETCHES LOVE THIS

I think we deserve a giant apology from the writers of New Girl for the shit disguised as last night's episode. What was going on? I cringed at Jess's Urkel and Michelle Tanner impressions, barely wrote one Schmidt quote down, and have seen better pranks on America's funniest home videos (And they definitely play it fast and loose with the word "funniest").

In a very casual, ironic, and quite surprising twist, the most enjoyable part of those thirty minutes of subpar comedy was Winston's inability to find his prank sweet spot. He'll either go too soft or too hard. Let's put dust next to his car! vs. Oh instead of urine, let's put ACID in his bed! On his face!

The fact that Winston made the episode is evidence in itself that last night was just not okay. Maybe it's because I watched the Mindy Project first (can't get enough) or maybe it's because those sitar playing neighbors were the worst. The only time I'll allow a sitar in the mix is if it's being held by Ewen McGregor in Moulin Rouge and even that's a stretch. Also, wasn't that guy the Jack Osbourne lookalike from Hung? I don't know and I don't care enough to look it up because I'm sure someone will do it for me.

But enough about me, let's talk about Schmidt.

Fav Quotes:

Sorry you're not growing anymore like me and apparently I'm going to be growing forever. I'm like a Jewish Peter Pan, Petyah Pan, Peytah Pan, Pesach Pan.

I'm like snow leopard, you guys are like DOS.

On his shirt that says "registered sex defender": I'm being ironic.

Who wants to start an Arcade Fire?

So here's to hoping next week's episode will be like, much better because if it's not... no, I'll probably keep watching. But before this is over I'd like to point out how creepy it is when during the commercials they congratulate a New Girl Fan of the Week and you see the person's picture and it's a middle aged man.