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By The Betches on

Apparently whatever that slutty dendrophiliac took at Ultra is spreading around because Nick caught the fucked-up-crazies last night on New Girl. On second thought, all he did was get drunk and hook up with an 18-year-old. (No girl who's hooking up with an older guy will say she's 20 unless she's 18; if she was actually 20, she'd say she was at least 22, clearly.) Whatevs, at least the hook up wasn't on film, or with shrubbery.

Speaking of hook ups, Jess and Gavin from Friends finally made out, except it was weird because he looks like he could be her slightly cool hip grandfather. But the weirdness of this relationship was completely trumped by the fact that something even more bizarre happened last night- Jess had us actually laughing out loud. Not like the kind of laugh you describe when telling a story: So he was like ha ha, and so I was like ha, and he was like kk. We were physically reacting to what Zoooooey was doing and saying. It was weird, but we liked it.

Also we must say, someone from Hello Giggles must be reading Betches Love This because they're taking our advice left and right. "Schmidt says, the moment a woman touches a phone she loses her power ...unless shes sexting she gains a half power." Someone's been seriously brushing up on #32 because how else would they possibly know!? You can read minds?

 

new girl schmidt

 

 

new girl schmidt

 

How Jess made us LOL

"So he patted me on the back. I'd think I'd at least get a front pat...HOO HA"

"It was actually kinda hot, the man knows how to pat a back"

Jess: Um how good are the Beatles? Gavin: Beatles are the best Jess: Were you so upset when they broke up? Gavin: I would have been but I was one Jess:...Well you're not one anymore ! ...How's your prostate?

Jess's after hours meltdown: Jess: Why is the cast of the Social Network at my apartment?.... ...HEYYYY I'M GONNA DIE ALONE, I'M SO SO SO SAD RIGHT NOW, MY HEART HURTS. ...I'M NOT HAPPY! 30 SUCKS! (all while smiling) Nick: Weird party move

"I'm so tall, I feel like a chinese basketball player"

Schmidt and Cece are mixing sex and love, and it's getting nauseatingly cute:

"If you're going to seduce me, don't dress as my Aunt Freda at seder"

"A sex receptionist answers calls all day. A sex-cretary does scehduling, light filing, basically runs the office. So first of all thank you for the demotion, and second of all, I quit."

Cece: I will do anything and I'll do it anywhere Schmidt: Even fantasy location.. number 3?

"How are you not freezing?.. Does your brown skin retain heat?"

Let's add one more shocking thing to the list of shocking things that happend last episode: Winston had his first funny line! "Shelby, you're so sexy girl ....in or out of the wig." Well it took long enough Winsty f baby. So betches, you should watch New Girl because it's fucking funny ...and because they employ child actors from Freaks and Geeks who look exactly the same 12 years later.

 

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9 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. K8Betch says:

    I also LOL’d at Jess this week.  My fave Jess-ism was when she said “Jess isn’t here.  I’m her sister…Sylvia.”

    Posted on Reply
  2. la betch says:

    this show is the best show ever. and Ur recap makes it even funnier so thanks for that.

    Posted on Reply
  3. diana says:

    you betches are correct last night had me giggling in my house dress… by house dress I mean MuuMuu

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  4. Anonymous says:

    im sorry. your what?

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    it’s party mood, not party move.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    hahah I think winsty belting out popular and defying gravity made my night

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    Sometimes I wish Winston were funnier to make up for the fact that he’s totally the ‘‘dud’’ of the group. Nick is funny which kinda makes him ugly-hot though.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Shelby says:

    Love these.

    haha “winsty f baby”

    Posted on Reply
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