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By The Betches on

Holy shit we love New Girl, so much so that we almost forgot that Jess is a nice girl. Not only did Schmidt spit out some gemly lines in this one, but the message of the whole episode was basically 'love the rich man' … and we clearly have no problem loving rich men.

Nick still can't seem to get his shit together and it's getting increasingly frustrating as the show goes on. Last recap we mentioned that if he doesn't get a job soon we won't like him anymore and you people told us that he has a job, he's a bartender. I meannn…if that's a job then call me fucking Warren Buffett. I make myself vodka sodas while I'm getting ready and my dad pays for my apartment….isn't that the same thing?

new girlCasual chalk board


However, we do think that there was some foreshadowing happening while Nick was having the time of his life at the home of that guy from My Best Friend's Wedding. He's probably going to either go back to law school or start a blog. Just please Nick, don't start writing about the tortured life of the impoverished. Not only will no one read that mainly because your target audience cannot afford a computer, but also no one gives a fucking shit.

While we're on the topic of foreshadowing, Jess and Nick are totes going to get together. She told Cece, "You know me, I'm only attracted to guys afraid of success and think someone famous stole their idea. I like an underdog." Soooo that's Nick in a, slightly-ugly ugly-hot nutshell, right?

And lastly, the whole Winston/Kahlua relationship.

Things that made us LOL:

When the principal/Nancy Botwin's sister told Jess that she had to be more strict: "From now on your classroom is North Korea..MATH MATH MATH"

When the kid Winston babysits, who happens to be the clone of my housekeeper's son, gives Winston the idea to wear glasses to appear smarter to his GF. Apparently the kid has been watching a little bit too much Curb. YO LD.

new girlYes, because it's totally normal to BBQ at your own catered event

Obviously Schmidt gets his own section:


Explaining why Winston is not as smart as he is: "Winston, it's your public school education. Don't worry, you'll catch up"

Giving Jess an excuse to miss work: "Blame your period. I've actually done this before."

Watching Winston make out with Kahlua: "Shelby be careful with his mustache please, its very delicate…I can't watch this anymore….Winstonnn I hope you're better in bed because your street work is embarrassing… am I talking too ugh I don't want to ruin the moment…you know what, if this was my grandmother's building she'd be outside on the patio and she'd be yelling down on you and she'd be saying you look bea-utiful, the two of you are a bea-utiful couple, I'm glad you found one another. But she wouldn't invite you up because she's a horrible racist. "

So betches, get on board and start watching New Girl. It's like just as funny as Revenge, but in that 'it's actually a comedy and not a Spanish soap opera' kind of way.

Had any favorite moments we were probably too lazy to type? Hit us up in the comments.

See you next Tuesday, when Nick finally grows some balls.

Last week's recap>>


15 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. zoe says:

    “And lastly, the whole Winston/Kahlua relationship. It’s like, whatever.”


    Posted on Reply
  2. Kelly says:

    Rich Guy- “You can keep the sweater, just make sure you fold it. Don’t hang it. Actually I don’t care what you do you can hang it.”

    Five minutes later when Jess falls into the man made pond, Nick goes to take of the sweater to jump in and save her, and casually starts folding said sweater.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Laughing witchu says:

    Seeing Jess fall into the pond was def my favorite scene last night, including Nick trying to fold the shirt and save her. However, he was not casually folding, it was very frantic, unsuccessful folding.

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  4. Rachel says:

    talking to Nick, “You have the credit score of a homeless ghost”

    Posted on Reply
  5. Kat says:

    Winston: You think because you know a few facts about Princess Kate—that makes you smarter than me?

    Schmidt: First of all Kate is a duchess…

    Posted on Reply
  6. Clare says:

    “This is some really deep cleaning here.  Jess, you put it up to six happy faces.  I’ve never been past three!”

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  7. Jacquie says:

    Rich guy’s kitchen- in regards to the island- Nick: “Be a man! Let your counter attach to itself!”

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  8. Courtney says:

    The guy from My Best Friend’s Wedding aka Gavin from Friends, waaay more important in my eyes! <3

    Posted on Reply
  9. Dana says:

    That actress is not the woman who plays Nancy Botwin’s sister.  The actress who plays the sister is Jennifer Jason Leigh.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Red Betch says:

    Um hello, you left out the best line: “You want me to turn on some Jodeci?”

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    hahaha i cant even

    Posted on Reply
  12. Betch #1 says:

    Winston: “You weigh more than your credit score”

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  13. umm says:

    “i bet you don’t even know what mesopotamia is. use it in a sentence.”
    “look… there’s mesopotamia.”

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Hahahaha, yes. This.

    Posted on Reply
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