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By The Betches on

So this weekend we were the only people in the world who saw The Hunger Games.

While a true betch doesn't need to read the books because we compete in the hunger games against ourselves every day, the drawback is the extreme confusion you experience upon first hearing the hunter betch's name. Waitttt, why the fuck do they keep calling her Catnip? [Cue nerdy fans in the theater whipping their heads around like it's a regular Sunday exorcism. HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW.]

There's no denying that Katniss is a total betch despite being poor and named after kitten weed. However we have no doubt some preggers celebs will start popping out little baby Katnii soon enough. Personally we hope J-Simp takes the bait. I should totes name my daughter after that famous hungry girl!

Really though, besides being able to go days without eating, Katniss was able to use her #89 back burner bro Peeta to make everyone like her, so the rich pros from District 1 would send her presents to help her #32 win. She's clearly not into Peeta because she's into the much hotter Gale (a name we were under the impression was reserved for Jewish mothers). The look on her face when she had to kiss him is what we imagine we would look like accepting a proposal from our last resort bro at age 35. Peeta is wayyy too much of a #33 nice guy and doomed himself the minute he gave her that soggy bread loaf.

hunger gamesI Catnip take thee Gale --- I mean Peeta.

Anyway, here are just a few of our random observations:

What the fuck were all the rich people wearing and why did the capitol look like an oompa loompa convention was being held in Wonderland?

Despite our promotion of being excessively skinny, that Katniss bitch looked like she had like, a healthy body weight. It's weird how the one movie where a pretty girl plays a starving coal miner's daughter is the same that casts someone who looks like they've actually eaten in the past 3 months.

Is there a reason everyone thinks it's such a big deal the way Elizabeth Banks says Primroooose Evahdeeeen. There was an audible gasp in the theater when she said it, like what, have you been waiting with baited breath since the previews started? Probably yes since half the theater was filled with freaks dressed in costume. Like really, you're going to sit for 2 hours in the dark wearing a tutu?

All we have to say about Woody Harrelson is like, sup with that wig?

hunger games

We loved Stanley Tucci and his blue hair and the fact that he played the Ryan Seacrest of the future. That was until he morphed into Chris Harrison on After the Final Rose Tribute Slaughter. First he was all like "Peeta, what did you learn on this journey? Are you ready to find love?" and Peeta was all like, "of course Chris, if Katniss and I can defeat a hive of trackerjackers amidst a ruthless case of gangrene, we can conquer anything" and then Katniss was all like, "WINNING! KILL SHOT!"

I thought Lenny Kravitz was going to make out with Katniss right before the game. I'm not allowed to bet, but if I was, I'd bet on you..and I'm not allowed to rape the contestants either but if I was, I'd be on top of you.

Don't think we didn't notice the orphan from Orphan playing the creepy knife thrower bitch. Once a killer always a killer.

Finally, why was everyone constantly wishing everyone else a 'Happy Hunger Games'? Does Hallmark sell cards for the occasion? No one ever says 'Happy Olympics' or 'Happy Skating With The Stars Premiere.' Happy Hunger Games is on par with Happy Vietnam War Draft or Happy First Day of the Holocaust. And may the odds be never in your favor, betch.

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31 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    love it. obsessed with the series and the movie. totes spot on betches.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    wish you guys would have mentioned Katniss + Peeta = Peeniss

    Posted on Reply
  3. yousuck says:

    Peeta wins in the end, nice guys don’t always finish last

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    def your funniest post by far. witty and sassy. love it.

    Posted on Reply
  5. your stupid says:

    you sound stupid, try actually reading the books

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    lol the books are for 12 year old’s anyways - you barely need to be literate to get through them

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    good job bitch. you just ruined the ending for probably half the readers of this blog.  get off this fucking site, you’re def not a betch just a fucking idiot.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Stephanie says:

    Love it. You’re hilarious. But seriously…why are people still dressing up for movies? Get over it already.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    re-fucking-lax, go pop a xanny

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    You betches always know just what I’m thinking. Love you!

    Posted on Reply
  11. intellectual says:

    You’re a dumb Betch the books use a much bigger vocab than anything mentioned in the movies..

    The movie fucking sucked and its only for dumb cunts that are too illiterate to read a fucking book.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    Is this the only post you’ve read?

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    I agree..if you don’t understand it read the fucking books.  The movie wasn’t bad, but the books are amazing! It’s funny how when people like something, some dumb ass like you has to try to ruin it. Grow up. Your blog sucks.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Agreed says:

    Way to be a fucking dickwad and spoil shit for me. At least the betches didn’t reveal it but you being the dumb ass that you are ruined it. Congrats loser

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    Grow up and don’t read blogs you don’t like? Dumb Betch.

    Posted on Reply
  16. No says:

    Read the books

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    Literally LOLing the whole time.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    One of your worst.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    “Is there a reason everyone thinks it’s such a big deal the way Elizabeth Banks says Primroooose Evahdeeeen.”

    Yesssss. Been trying to perfect that all weekend!

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    appreciate you filling me in, now I dont have to waste 3 hours on this ridic movie that is clearly meant for 13 year olds and desperate losers, if you have a problem with that go read the book again. cleared up my afternoon for a mani pedi or a nap. much better use of my time.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    you asshole!!!! best posts in a long time
    love you betches and may the odds be evs if your favs <3

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    Okay, soo glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed that weird sexual tension between Lenny Kravitz and Jennifer Lawrence. I’m like, why is his face literally 2 inches away from hers no matter what they’re talking about??

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    actually DIDNT notice that… maybe since we wasnt fake russian.

    MIND = BLOWNNN

    Posted on Reply
  24. Lola says:

    Hilar! Just peed my pants.  Lvu your blogs.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    I meannn…You just care wayyyy too much…

    Posted on Reply
  26. Katniss says:

    nothing was spoiled betches…relax. Instead of waiting for 1.5 years, pick up the next two books and read them.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Whatever says:

    You for real need to stop taking yourself so seriously. If you really fucking cared you would have read the books. Go get a life.

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    “...until he morphed into Chris Harrison on After the Final Rose/Tribute Slaughter. ” I died hahaha thank you

    Posted on Reply
  29. shjr says:

    Guys control ur language please!

    Posted on Reply
  30. ashley says:

    Are u guys all men cuz i cant tell with those guy pics

    Posted on Reply
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