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By The Betches on

Chelsea Handler. Sloan from Entourage. Rachel Zoe. Joan Rivers. Cher Horowitz. Larry David.

What do all these people have in common? They're not goyim, obvi, they're all hysterical Jewish betches. Now we all know that betchiness has nothing to do with race, ethnicity, religion, or the natural frizziness of your hair. It's about your self-centered attitude, your inability to branch out, and how swiftly your opposable thumbs can text. Can you think of a group more skilled in these areas than Jewish American Betches?

vanessa hudgensLooks like someone has a jewish stylist

We know what you're thinking. We're about to describe your typical Juicy-on-the-ass-wearing, most-renowned-plastic-surgeon-hiring, Shabbat-candle-lighting Jewish girl. No, those types of girls fall in the category of Jewish American Princesses, who are really just betches-in-training with a proclivity towards the circumcised penis.

There's a very distinct difference between JAPs (not to be confused with the #117 Token Asian Betch), and Jewish American Betches. JAPs are your stereotypical Jewish girls who, much like their ancestors, travel in clans. But instead of loincloths and sandstorm-resistant sandals, they wear Uggs, leggings, SDT sweatshirts, and Longchamp bags. This garb is so prominent you'd think it was inscribed in the Torah. However, the difference is that the JAP maintains a middle school mentality whereas the JAB evolves into a more mature and accepting mean girl with a less elastic wardrobe.

Unlike with most other populations, Jewish girls have a distinct life cycle that's common to every one of them. The reason is that JABs are especially skillful at #107 not branching out, so they easily can be found in congregations wherever they go...and we don't mean the last row of temple. They can be found primarily on the east coast with headquarters in Scarsdale, Roslyn, Livingston, the Upper East Side, Boca, Hollywood, and Matteo's.

Let's talk about the evolution from the JAP to the JAB:

JAPs in middle school: Middle school is jappiness at its prime. It wasn't about who had the nicest jewelry, it was about who could wear the most jewelry that everyone else had. You thought you were cool with 1 Tiffany bracelet, well look at the girl behind you, she has 2 and you can bet they both have the same fucking engraving. And what about that loser who thought she could pull off a Nine West pencil case when in reality, the commandments dictate it is Herve or bust...that is if you wanted to be invited to anyone's bat mitzvah.

birthrightJust another JAB dressing sluttier than her camel

Speaking of bat mitzvahs, let's talk about these scandalous celebrations full of wasted adults and poems that read: Aunt Judy Aunt Judy what can I say? I'm so happy you're not dead yet on my special day. But seriously, why do these celebrations occur at age 13 aka the most unattractive year of your life? Jewish mothers spend thousands on photographers to capture their kids at their most pimply and metal-mouthed moments. You think YOUR basement is scary, you should see the Goldbergs', full of lifesize cardboard cutouts of their four sons.

But bar mitzvahs are great. Not only do you get to come home with a cool new sweatshirt and the story of how you gave Spencer his first boner under the temple stairs, but you also get to bring home an amazing wax mold of your own hand!

Sleepaway camp and teen tours: Most JAPs start sleepaway camp when they're 8 years old and will spend the next decade obsessed with their camp friends and reciting the mantra "I live 10 months for 2." For those who are unfamiliar with sleepaway camp, think Promises or Cirque Lodge but instead of coke fiends you have tweens bitching that the lack of air conditioning is reversing their Japanese hair straightening.

After 8 years of honing your tennis game and hooking up with bros at sleepaway camp, you and your camp besties will go on teen tours and travel to exotic destinations such as Hawaii and Europe with groups of JAPs from other camps...but you won't make any new friends, obvs. You think a teen tour means roughing it in the wilderness? Maybe if you think the wilderness is a hotel that occasionally arranges their towels in the shape of an imperfect swan. OMG MOM. YOU PAID FOR THIS? WE STAYED AT A 2-STAR!

jewish menLeft: Who JABs think they'll marry... Right: Who they'll actually marry

If you didn't go on a teen tour, we have a sneaking suspicion you could've been found taking fake classes at UCLA, Penn State, or Michigan. Then when it came down to it, you only got into Arizona.

College: This is generally when the transition from JAP to JAB begins. JABs not only grow up together, but they also flock to college together at either Michigan/Wisconsin/Indiana/Syracuse/Emory/BU/GW/Miami/Penn/Cornell, where their #85 freshman roomie will be their home bestie's BFF from Timber Lake. But over time, the jappy mentality fades and JABs become more unique. As in, they'll still shop at the same stores with the same friends but buy slightly different things. Another sign of emerging jabbiness is announcing that you hate "the scene" even if you are the center of the scene, ironically. JABs love the scene but love to "avoid the scene," which is basically another way of saying you're avoiding...yourself.

Let's talk about the college version of teen tours. Birthright, obvi. Every JAB goes on birthright during or immediately after college. You will never encounter a JAB who has gone on birthright and doesn't say that they "Omgggg loveeee Israel!! I wanna like, live there."

Post-college: After college if a JAB doesn't go to LA, she moves to the Jewish Quarter between Park & 2nd Ave/30th and 40th St in NYC. Who needs J-Date when there's Windsor Court?

But while JABs may mature mentally and physically, there are certain qualities that will always remain the same. Their phone will always be an additional limb, their mothers will always be harrassing them to get married, and their dads will always be either lawyers, surgeons, or so rich that their money is budding from itself. And last of all, you can be sure that the JABs will always be on the hunt for the Afikomen a Jewish husband who can maybe pass for 6 feet.

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193 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    best fucking post. if you aren’t a jab you’re not a betch. duh.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    its there right after IU!

    Posted on Reply
  3. anonymous says:

    SO FUCKING ACCURATE. wow it feels like the writer grew up with me.
    too good. too true. so betch.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    “the story of how you gave Spencer his first boner under the temple stairs” dying. best post by far.

    Posted on Reply
  5. rachel says:

    you need to add university of maryland

    Posted on Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      ADD THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND, COLLEGE PARK… i don’t think that it gets JABbier

      Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    This is most accurate and funniest thing I’ve ever seen

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    LOVE THIS! SOOOO FUNNY AN TRUE. DEF MY CHILDHOOD! ROCK CHALK

    Posted on Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      ROCK CHALK BETCH!

      Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    hahaha a-mazing. it’s hilarious just how targeted this blog is, J-date and shopbop should really be advertising here.

    Posted on Reply
  9. jabsrus says:

    omg this is amazing but u forgot tulane…

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    “And last of all, you can be sure that the JABs will always be on the hunt for a Jewish husband who can maybe pass for 6 feet.”

    Posted on Reply
  11. Jill says:

    UMMMM you forgot to mention/make fun of JDate. essential part of post-college JAB life whether you love it or hate it

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    SYRACUSE JABS TO A TEE

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    so if you aren’t jewish, you aren’t a betch? hmm….not sure that’s what the betches meant, dear.

    Posted on Reply
  14. AnonyMICH says:

    This is the greatest post I’ve ever read.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    oh my gosh this is hysterical, especially because im 99% sure everyone who reads this blog is jewish.

    Posted on Reply
  16. chitown says:

    Don’t forget about us JABS in Chicago

    Posted on Reply
  17. omg says:

    OMG @JEWBOYPROBLEMS JUST TWEETED YOU

    Posted on Reply
  18. non jew says:

    Ive worked at a jewish summer camp and literally dying. So dead on.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    Every JAP on birthright falls in love with an Israeli soldier

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    ummm they did….

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    this is SO accurate. i’m literally dying you described my life perfectly

    Posted on Reply
  22. hilarious says:

    this article is dead on.
    you forgot to talk about begging their “daddy” to get a nose job

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    Where the eff is JEWlane…. i mean Tulane… tulane betchesss

    Posted on Reply
  24. sdtbetch says:

    You forgot Duke University!

    Posted on Reply
  25. AB says:

    And Syracuse!

    Posted on Reply
  26. michelle says:

    in your list at the beginning you totally forgot Rachel Zoe (i’m pretty sure she’s a Jew)

    Posted on Reply
  27. gush says:

    I read it any way a laughed because my #91. tennis partner was a JAB and we used to kill it at the club! AND I WANTED ONE OF THE BATMITZA (WATEVS SP) SO FREAKING BAD!

    Posted on Reply
  28. so funny says:

    wow… i’m jewish and this post could not be more dead on. literally all my friends are jewish and read this blog. jews do not branch out, and if they do theyre not JABs. you forgot 2 things: they all vacation in florida during the winter in their million dollar condos, and free city is the uniform.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:

    HAHAHAH matteo’s so fucking true.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    “...they wear Uggs, leggings, SDT sweatshirts, and Longchamp bags. This garb is so prominent you’d think it was inscribed in the Torah.” SO TRUE!!! hahahaha best post by far!

    Posted on Reply
  31. Anonymous says:

    Jewniversity of Pennsylvania

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    i’m literally dying. this is perfect

    Posted on Reply
  33. XOX says:

    I am a Jew and this is SO dead on accurate of my life. but I don’t think we can forget about our non-Jewish friends.  They can be just as betchy if not more! A shout out for respect!

    Posted on Reply
  34. anonymous says:

    ABSOLUTELY AMAZING SPOT ON AND I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS POST FOR SO LONG

    Posted on Reply
  35. anonymous says:

    How could you not mention SHORT HILLS but mention Livingston? Everyone knows that Livingston is full of wannabes that can’t afford to live in Short Hills.

    Posted on Reply
  36. Anonymous says:

    I’m not Jewish but am in sdt, this describes every Jew in my house. Love all my sisters but I’m proud to be a wasp ha

    Posted on Reply
  37. Anonymous says:

    This is so very true! I grew up on Long Island in a Jewish neighborhood. So many girls I went to school with were JAPs! It didn’t help that I was German and Italian because my Jewish friends would call me “Fascist-Nazi”... but I love Jews! Although I know plenty of Jewish girls… and not all of them are betches; pretty much all Jews share betchy traits!  I’ve noticed Southern Belles (pretty much the opposite of Jewish girls) are extremely betchy in their own way too. There are not many Jews in the South… they need good bagels, pizza, and Chinese (kidding, kind of!) smile

    Posted on Reply
  38. Anonymous says:

    Soo perfect!!! I think you should add AEPHI and University of Delaware to this list!!!! and something about bagels and rain boots…..the tiffany bracelet part was so dead on…I remember having the engraved link bracelet, the heart necklace, and the beaded bracelet and STILL thinking i needed more….soooo funny!!

    Posted on Reply
  39. m44 says:

    so accurate, only missing the raspy voice—a tell-tale sign of a JAB

    Posted on Reply
  40. anonymous says:

    “Most JAPs start sleepaway camp when they’re 8 years old and will spend the next decade obsessed with their camp friends and reciting the mantra “I live 10 months for 2.?


    SO ACCURATE. SO FUNNY. !!!!

    Posted on Reply
  41. Anonymous says:

    And they ALL hail from Long Island

    Posted on Reply
  42. Anonymous says:

    You forgot possibly the jabiest college of all time: NYU. Stop I can’t this post is the best ever

    Posted on Reply
  43. bitch says:

    livingston will always dominate

    Posted on Reply
  44. Anonymous says:

    You forgot to mention every JABs OBSESSION with David Yurman bracelets…am i right or am i right?

    Posted on Reply
  45. Laura says:

    I’ve never read a more accurate article in my life.

    Posted on Reply
  46. Anonymous says:

    If you seriously type the letter “u”—you’re not a betch, although UMD is pretty jewish, I’d say Tulane should be added before UMD

    Posted on Reply
  47. sarah says:

    wait but this actually made my night…spot on with everything so great

    Posted on Reply
  48. Danielle Leibert says:

    seriously, so true. Binghamton University, fulllll of some JABSsss

    Posted on Reply
  49. Anonymous says:

    this post is the legit definition of the girls in my town

    Posted on Reply
  50. Rachel says:

    this is literally the most amazing post ever. my roommates and I are hysterically laughing. everything is so dead on - SDT, longchamps, Matteos. dead on the floor. love it.

    Posted on Reply
  51. BetchyK says:

    Token Christian Friend, every jab group needs at least one

    Posted on Reply
  52. betch says:

    someones jealous that they’re not a part of the chosen, elite betches

    Posted on Reply
  53. Anonymous says:

    so my life. that is actually how i gave a guy his first boner. you should of seen his face! JAB for life fucking duhh

    Posted on Reply
  54. Anonymous says:

    you forgot to mention Hewlett aka Jewlett in your list of headquarters….and University of Buffalo (Buffa-Jew)....love the post though…best one yet!

    Posted on Reply
  55. Anonymous says:

    Betches, you must write a post about the Catholic school betch. Attending an all-girls private Catholic high school was what transformed my besties and I from cute and innocent into partygirl. xoxo

    Posted on Reply
  56. misscleo says:

    you forgot syracuse. aka the JABBIEST PLACE ON EARTH. hello check out the SDT driveway, talk about designer JAB cars much…

    Posted on Reply
  57. Anonymous says:

    They don’t call Tulane Jewlane for nothing

    Posted on Reply
  58. hysterical says:

    one of the best posts yet, SO ON POINT.

    Posted on Reply
  59. Anonymous says:

    delaware has got to be the most unbetchy school on the planet

    Posted on Reply
  60. Classy JAB says:

    That first picture with the leggings and UGGS - soooo spot on.  This whole post is incredible and way overdue!!!

    Posted on Reply
  61. Anonymous says:

    best fucking trip of my life. if the head betches are jewish, and have gone on birthright, pleasee do a betchography of tel aviv!

    Posted on Reply
  62. Anonymous says:

    greatest post ever…obvs the li jabs are the betchiest….but you’ve got one thing wrong…not including u of arizona in the jabby college category. while syracuse and michigan are legit…nothing compares to an jewish arizona betch

    Posted on Reply
  63. Anonymous says:

    what is matteo’s?

    Posted on Reply
    • FAT GIRL says:

      BEST italian restaurant ever <3

      Posted on Reply
  64. Anonymous says:

    i went from a public high school in a very wealthy part of Long Island, filled with future JABs to a Catholic college filled with girls who went to all-girls private Catholic high schools. betches from catholic high schools are extremely rare. all of my high school besties can out drink, out shit talk and generally out betch every all-girls catholic school grad i’ve met here. and these girls think that they’re smarter than everyone based on the sole reason that they went to private schools. newsflash: just because daddy had to pay 4-13 years of tuition before college doesn’t mean you got a better education. my public high school had average SAT scores 200+ points higher than the surrounding catholic schools. i also had the misfortune to attend a few catholic school parties back in high school and they could not hold a candle to public school parties.

    Posted on Reply
  65. Anonymous says:

    lololol wow is this girl serious???

    Posted on Reply
  66. Anne Frankly says:

    There’s nothing really glam about JAP/JAB lifestyle.  Sleepover camp is even worse than going to church camp- everyone knows that equestrian camp, Cirque Lodge, or even Tom Sawyer camp is way less nerdy.  At least at church camp you still know that by going, your parents think you have some respect for Jesus, thus they will shower you with the reg 65+ Xmas gifts, plus a chunk of cash for Euro-travel. Having to say prayers that aren’t in English and pretend like you give a shit about a vengeful God takes a lot of time away from laying by the pool flirting with hot lifeguards and counselors that are way older than you, and riding horses out with your besties so you can smoke a bowl.  My coming out party makes bar/bat mitzvahs look like a gypsy camp. 
    I think it’s necessary to point out that JAPs don’t do Tiffany- they’re more Cartier obsessed (tacky).  Tiffany and Van Cleef is reserved for White Anglo Saxon Betches.  JAPS/JABS are totally 123. TTH , not to mention nouveau riche.  Money can’t buy class/taste… or an amazing pedigree.
    In the end, JAB’s get the shit end of the stick, which is why their moms exist to provide pity nose-jobs and Keratin treatments when Michael Goldman passes up their precious daughter Rachel Whoresbath for a hot blonde shiksa model who was born with yachting in her blood, wouldn’t be caught dead with an oversized suede Hobo/Boho purse that’s bigger than her upper body, and isn’t burdened by a religion that prevents her from eating a salad with proscuitto while on the Amalfi coast.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      hahaha you sound insane

      Posted on Reply
    • betch says:

      wow antisemitic much?

      Posted on Reply
  67. Anonymous says:

    Short Hills should be on the list instead of Livingston. Trust me, I grew up there

    Posted on Reply
  68. Anonymous says:

    Delaware is almost entirely Long Island/NJ jews - JABs took over that school years ago

    Posted on Reply
  69. Main line jab says:

    DEAD ON’ we’re you from our town? Like so so true.

    Posted on Reply
  70. Anonymous says:

    i think its necessary to point out that you sound like a total idiot.

    Posted on Reply
  71. ew says:

    you are such a fucking nice girl. after every opinion you formed, you followed up with a sentence debating it. do you have like borderline personality disorder susanna kaysen (that’s a jab/bscb thankyouverymuch)? do me a favor and shove that smiley face emoticon in your mouth along with the cake filled with rainbows and smiles you’re undoubtedly gonna eat later.

    Posted on Reply
  72. Anonymous says:

    fyi, racism was very 3 decades ago and extremely unbetchy. FU

    Posted on Reply
  73. says:

    I have never once commented on public forum but this is levels of accurate I never knew possible. round of applause

    Posted on Reply
  74. Anonymous says:

    you forgot Chicago’s north shore: mainly Highland Park and Glencoe. Jew Crew dominated

    Posted on Reply
  75. Anonymous says:

    the best post I’ve ever seen… so accurate that it is SCARY… describes my entire childhood. my favorite part is the bat mitzvah cutout (SO TRUE). but aephi NEEDS to be added to this

    Posted on Reply
  76. Anonymous says:

    LOL some of the people commenting on this site take this shit wayyy to seriously. It is supposed to be a joke. You’re just too angry. Your anger is clouding your ability to come up with a better statement than “shove that smiley face emoticon in your mouth along with the cake filled with rainbows and smiles you’re undoubtedly gonna eat later.” That was kind of weak and didn’t make sense. I think you need to find a man and get laid so you will stop being so angry and hateful all the time. Oh and btw…  smile smile smile smile smile smile smile

    Posted on Reply
  77. Anonymous says:

    Shut up anti-semite..go back to wearing your tacky ass lily Pulitzer flowered dresses. Burdened by a religion that prevents them from eating prosciutto?puhhhhlease not every Jew keeps kosher you ignorant idiot….but every Jew does study abroad and spends their weekends in the Amalfi coast doing whatever they want

    Posted on Reply
  78. deanna says:

    you obvi don’t know what a JAB is if you think we’re going for cartier like could you be more ignorant. these blogging betches don’t make their shit up. it’s a well researched blog get a fucking clue you racist

    Posted on Reply
  79. Anonymous says:

    hahaha this is so accurate it hurts

    Posted on Reply
  80. Anonymous says:

    This basically just defined my entire existence. Too perfect.

    Posted on Reply
  81. anonymous says:

    livingston=$$$$$, short hills=$$

    Posted on Reply
  82. Anonymous says:

    I guess it kinda just sucks how wrong you are.

    Posted on Reply
  83. Anne Frankly says:

    It’s really adorbs how you are naive enough to immediately post a one line response using the word “racism”, which leads me to believe you probably are fug and/or just went to really bad schools and haven’t been exposed to any culture or religion (i.e. getting blackout at Supperclub in Rome, and going to Vatican City hungover).

    Just so you know, JUDAISM is a cultural and religious identity.  Not a RACE.  Try walking into a temple and asking about converting to their “Race”.  But I’m sure you don’t have to because you’re undoubtably Jewish.  But maybe not because if you were, and you were smart, you would have went straight for the “ANTI-SEMITE” card. 
    Mormon’s believe they have to wear magic underwear under all of their clothes- these underpinnings are neither sexy nor magical.  So obviously, that’s hilarious, and if one were to crack a joke about it, it would not be “RACIST”, but more like fodder for a South Park episode. And no one gives a Misha Barton five minutes later.

    Second, “Racism was so 3 decades ago?” Uh, yeah, bitch.  The Reagan era was plagued with our own government socially entrapping urban African Men by distributing crack cocaine to them,then followed by the 90’s riots in underprivileged African American neighborhoods in Los Angeles. It must have been really inconvenient and shitty for the slum lords of the Jewish “Race” to have to collect rent from a disenfranchised (actual) RACE of people. 

    Now you have something to talk about in your dorm floor’s common area.  You should try googling APARTHEID IN PALESTINE next. 

    I do like your sign off initials “FU” however.  We can only assume your name is Fuglina Ultimina… OMG that sounds so RACISTTTTT!

    Posted on Reply
  84. Anonymous says:

    she’s just upset cause she didn’t get her nose job yet

    Posted on Reply
  85. JAB at heart says:

    You couldn’t be more right!

    Posted on Reply
  86. Anonymous says:

    this post makes me definitely think that the writers are jewish.. how else could they be so spot on? unless they have some weird clairvoyance shit happening. well done betchesss

    Posted on Reply
  87. Anna says:

    I think your Lily Pulizter patterns have given you a head rush. Clearly money can not buy class or else your post would cease to exist. JAPs have been doing Tiffany since slap bracelets were cool. Nouveau riche you say? There is nothing new about our money. We practically invented entrepreneurship. Coming off the boat with 2 dollars in hand which our ancestors translated into numbers you were never taught to count. Have you ever heard of a company, or hmmm more specifically THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY that didn’t have a stein or a gold something in the last name? Of course you haven’t. Where do you think designers buy their bolts of leather from? What industry doesn’t come back to us? Shiksas are for shtuping honey, everyone knows that. We enjoy saying prayers that aren’t in English and being proud of our unique heritage of which so many fought and died for. The only thing better than talking shit about a WASP is talking about a WASP in Hebrew! Keep working out those daddy issues on the Amalfi coast. I am sure he will join you one of these trips. But if not, you can just keep up your affair with his married best friend.

    Posted on Reply
  88. Anonymous says:

    Hahahahaha couldn’t have said it better myself

    Posted on Reply
  89. Sarah says:

    This is amazingly accurate!! I was that kid who looked awk at her bat mitzvah and then spent every year from the time I was 8 - 17 (ok maybe 25) “living 10 months for 2!”

    The only thing that would make this perfect is to add Binghamton to mix. These are the JABs who were rejected from Cornell and Syracuse and forced to go to ::gasp:: a state school (public school!). I can still remember waiting online to pick up a package and this girl from Long Island was in front of me yelling into her phone to her dad (could hear the whole conversation!) that the interior of her BMW was wrong color. It was ridiculous!

    Seriously if you dont want that BMW…I’ll take it!!

    Posted on Reply
  90. Anonymous says:

    Wow you sound really angry and mad that you suck at life! Honestly everyone knows jews have done great things to make the world you live in a better place. Jews are less than one percent of the world population and all the top people in all industries are jewish. If this does not apply to you why comment you messed up bitch. Sounds like your bitter because some hot rich jewish bro dumped your ass. Anti semitism isn’t hot. Go wear your tacky clothes obsess with jesus who was a jew news flash and fuck your ginger brother you dumb ass cunt. Lastly israel is amazing and if you knew anything about travel you would know that.  Who doesn’t want to go on a free trip to the place our boss ancestors came from. Yes I wrote this on my blackberry because I’m a true long island betch and your just a jealous angry hoe.  Shovava- naughty girl in hebrew.

    Posted on Reply
  91. Anonymous says:

    First off…Japs are more into Cartier than Tiffany?  Obviously you’ve never stepped foot into a New Jersey or North Shore, Long Island middle school…you’d shut your mouth with your stupid statements very quickly.  But once we’re out of middle school, we don’t do Tiffany…that’s tacky to wear any of those pieces after 8th or 9th grade.  Obviously, you’ve also never been to sleepaway camp because “horseback riding” and “flirting with hot lifeguards and counselors that are way older than you” are basics there, too.  Not to mention they’re usually hot European counselors.  It also really sucks to be you if you had to go to Jesus camp and be brainwashed in order to get your Eurotrips and Christmas gifts.. Camp or no camp, those come standard as Hanukkah gifts.  It’s too much work to respond to every other comment you made, but basically, they’re all wrong, and you’re clearly nothing but a tacky, idiotic, anti-semetic Wasp wannabe who TTH at your post and simply failed.  So while you’re starving yourself and working off that prosciutto in hopes that you won’t look like a whale on the Almafi coast (which you definitely will, anyway), us Jabs and our “vengeful” god will be laughing at your ignorance.

    Posted on Reply
  92. Anonymous says:

    You sound super angry. Its really sad to see that you feel the need to comment on something you know nothing about.  Jewish culture is amazing and family oriented and jews all over the world feel a connection with one and another. It sounds like you lack friends or any connections to begin with. Whats with all the hate? You seem to know nothing about Israel and nothing about fashion if you honestly think your tacky patterns are hot. All this hate on a funny blog post where we are poking fun at ourselves. Your pathetic.  Your will never be a betch your just a straight up bitch and know one likes a bitch. Why don’t you just teach your kids that same hate you are instigating. Your honestly a joke to get so heated up over something that has nothing to do with you.  Regardless of how many times people have tried to put down the jews we have always won because we fucking rock and stick together. Seem like you don’t have anyone to defend you because your loyalty isn not as thick as ours…

    Posted on Reply
  93. British JAB says:

    This totally applies to British JABs too- JABS unite

    Posted on Reply
  94. Erica says:

    did you just say that? Perhaps you should consider thinking before you speak. Just like the girl before you didn’t do. You’re worse than her. Good luck in life—things are looking bleak for you at the moment, but dont worry, it gets better!

    Posted on Reply
  95. Anonymous says:

    but that’s because you didn’t go to an all girl Catholic school in the suburbs of Philadelphia

    Posted on Reply
  96. Anonymous says:

    OH MY GOSH best post ever. honestly… i bet below 5% of this site’s readers arent jewish. its clearly written by jabs and meant for jabs. JEWISH BETCHES ROCK. we fucking run the world. who the fuck else could be 1% of the fucking population after being abused over the years and STILL BE THE HEAD of every fucking industry and be the richest minority in the country… pretty sure were superior in every possible way.

    Posted on Reply
  97. Anonymous says:

    jabs vs asians for superiority… basically your AP calc class

    Posted on Reply
  98. How Jewbilent. says:

    Interesting how all of you can talk shit all of the time about other people hating your Judaism, but you’re actually the biggest bigots of all. 

    Equally as intriguing, how ignorant you are, too.  Jesus Camp was a movie, Frizz Head.  Church retreats are usually at Ski resorts or by a lake, and religion is not really mentioned until you’re at the dinner table saying grace.  Maybe is your family wasn’t so tacky, a WASP princess might have invited you along. 

    You’re all so touchy about this shit and expect to be put on a pedestal for being the “chosen” people.  Why don’t you actually look into the “RELIGION” you seem to think is a race, and you’ll discover that GOD didn’t imply Jews were better than everyone else, but CHOSEN to lead the world to peace and enlightenment- not to be materialistic dickheads with superiority complexes, feeling free to bulldoze Palistinian homes on the West Bank to set up new businesses, profiting from human blood shed. 

    BTW- It’s super sad for you that this offends you so much.  You obviously feel insecure about your noses and the fact that you can’t find a nice jewish boy. 

    And if you want to talk WASP wannabe, let’s talk about your mom the day her and your dad tried to get into the Maidstone Club in East Hampton- She’s the one who has to wear the Lily Pulitzer dress.  And we all know that was a fail.  The only time your mom will golf at the Maidstone will be um NEVER. 

    And unlike all of you cunts who take refuge behind “WE CREATED SHOWBIZ” and “WE HAVE GREAT FAMILY VALUES” (yeah, family values are so hot right now), I’m part of a religion I was born into, baptized by a bishop, and have been a part of an amazing church community for my entire life.  When’s the last time you went to Temple?  Are you Kosher?  Judaism isn’t a race, it’s a religious practice.  So if you don’t practice, you’re just another poser clinging onto an identity, acting like anyone even cares.  The only people who care are the other people who are using it as a front. 
    And since everybodyyyyyy on here has been to Isreal, as have I, maybe you should start trying being more of a “Sea of Galilee” Girl vs. “A Dead Sea” Bitch. The difference being there’s water flowing in and out of the Sea of Galilee- it’s dynamic and beautiful, it gives and it takes, and everyone has a blast there.  The Dead Sea just takes, and it’s basically just a pool of putrification, and no one really cares about it- like all of you bitchy, defensive TTH’s whom don’t even practice the religion you base your identity upon.  Ever see a soup kitchen thats run by Jews? No.  Because your selfish and covetous.

    I do have to hand it to Ruth Handler for being a brilliant Jewish business woman.  She created Barbie in the image of a German doll called Bild Lili.  Not a very original move, but she also knew that no one would want a squatty dark haired doll that looked like her daughter and nieces, so she banked.  Wow, she really kept it real on the Jewish tip. 

    Lily Pulitzer-  Still laughing and your completely bunk reference… in my Chanel jacket.  You’re so ignorant. And there are more ginger jews in the world than you know.  Well, you’ll probs know soon because that’s the only type of good Jewish boy you’ll be able to trick into getting your preggers and beg to marry you.  Hopefully, you’ll have your upper lip lasered and a good Japanese straightening when you meet him so you have a fighting chance.  Have fun being short and getting fat- cooking egg noodles for your ugly husband!  Also, your religious is extremely misogynistic, despite the fact that it’s based on Matrilineality- and misogyny is not betch-friendly.
     

    Muah xoxo

    P.s.- My fiance’s 6’4” and Ashkenazi, and gorgeous.  He loves my bold WASP betchiness.  Eat your wannabe-Kosher heart out.

    Posted on Reply
  99. gay bestie says:

    Pretty sure she’s not jealous of you “choosen” ones. You don’t have to be jewish to experience a life of luxury and summercamps. Duh.

    Posted on Reply
  100. LABetch says:

    I gave my first boner at sleep away camp! Learned everything I know at sleep away camp actually. Betch 4 Life

    Posted on Reply
  101. Cam says:

    Completely covered Michigan JABs (except for the SDTs, fucking ew). PREACH

    Posted on Reply
  102. Lisa from Riverwoods says:

    Anytime one writes or speaks about a negative personality trait (bitchiness, spoiled behavior, snobiness, etc.)  and equates that type of behavior with Judaism, it is anti-semetic…call a spade a spade..this article is mean, critical of jewish girls and their moms (which I happen to be proud of), anti-semetic, racist and NOT funny.  As a jew, each and every one of us have the responsibility to educate the world..we are ALL the same..we are all doing the best we can as human beings..and sometimes, one’s behavior is socially or morally unacceptable..BUT this has NOTHING whatsoever to do with what religon we are…jew as well as non-jews are guilty of all of things described in the article.  After all, what do ANY of thoses traits have to do with one’s religion?? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! All this type of article does is poromote a horrible stereotype that leads to fuel for anti-semites throughout the worls.  Why not write articles about other, more important things and spread positive energy!!
    With love from a proud Jewish mother of three beautiful girls (and one wonderful boy)!!

     

     

    Posted on Reply
    • anon says:

      positive energy is for nice girls and hippies

      Posted on Reply
  103. Anonymous says:

    the only betchy thing about short hills is the mall, which is full of jabs from livingston

    Posted on Reply
  104. skinny betch says:

    Ew this post has just confirmed all my suspicions that you betches who write this are all JAPs/JABs.  Interesting…

    PS Longchamps are the ugliest most conventional bag ever and can probably be found worn by everyone in the 9th circle of Hell.

    Posted on Reply
  105. Anonymous says:

    Newsflash:stereotypes exist because theyre TRUE. nearly everyone who reads this blog is Jewish; isnt that obvious? why should we be ashamed of who we are and try to deny our culture. THIS is our culture and we should fully embrace it.

    Posted on Reply
  106. Ricki says:

    Sounds so like me and my daughters!!!!

    Posted on Reply
  107. Lauren says:

    wishing i was a JAB but just being the token goy. totally okay with it

    Posted on Reply
  108. Anonymous says:

    Never felt more stereotyped in my life!
    My hometown & my sleep-away camp!?
    Scary.

    Posted on Reply
  109. Anonymous says:

    she was doing a mean girls reference… and i think she speaks for a lot of us… just like how i’m going to be speaking on behalf of everyone when i tell you to gtfo and go hit up taylor swift’s twitter page or something that will be more your speed. and seriously- cut it out with those fucking smiley faces

    Posted on Reply
  110. Anonymous says:

    Chill the eff out. No one was comparing the quality of education between public and private schools…clearly someone is bitter because she probs went to some ghetto ass high school and wasn’t apart of the popular crew.

    Posted on Reply
  111. Anonymous says:

    First of all, being a mom is not something to brag about.  Keep that on the DL. 
    Second, if you want to say that ANYTHING negative said about Jewish people is ANTI-SEMETIC, then it’s fair to say that ANYTHING negative that you say about Christian people is SATANIC or ANTI-CHRIST natured.  Re- fucking- lax, lady.  It seems like you spend a lot of time being on the defensive for Jewish people, which is totes typical- but would you ever want your precious son or daughters to marry a non-Jew?  Of course the answer is NO.  So you’re actually a giant bigot, too.  You can try to play the anti-semite card against pretty much any protest that makes you or members of your religion look bad, but you don’t want non-jews in your family, and barely tolerate them in your community.  Come out from under the rock you live beneath… which is probably the giant one that Jesus moved which was blocking the cave where he was laid dead then rose again. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah Don’t worry- Jesus loves you, too.  He was one of the good ones wink

    Posted on Reply
  112. You're a joke says:

    Hahhaha yeah Cartier is just sooooOOoo tacky . Don’t be bitter because they won’t even let you touch anything Cartier with your fat greasy butterfingers. You can have Tiffany’s, you trashy cunt

    Posted on Reply
  113. MF says:

    Jews Rock. This Rocks. Betches Rock. Keep on doin yooo thang y’all.

    Posted on Reply
  114. agreed says:

    yes. this is my life.

    Posted on Reply
  115. Not even Jewish says:

    Tulane AEPhi.. literally jabbiest girls on the planet. I don’t think you’re allowed in unless you drive an X5 or a Range Rover

    Posted on Reply
  116. Anonymous says:

    You forgot UHA-LOTS of JABS, who didnt get into Syracuse.

    Posted on Reply
  117. Shocked says:

    I’m sorry - you’re MARRYING a Jew and you could somehow find it in your heart to say all of those terrible things about his people?  First of all, to clear up the religion vs. race issue.  Judaism is unique in that it manages to be different things to different people - it is simultaneously a religion, an ethnicity and a race.  “Race” is defined as “a group of persons related by common descent or heredity”, and if you accept the biblical account of the Jews’ origin, we are all descended from the 12 Tribes, who were all descendants of Jacob’s sons, meaning we ARE a race.  And Statistics Canada actually recognizes “Jewish” as an ethnicity for census purposes.

    Now, you tried pointing fingers at people who claim to be Jews but don’t practice.  The nice thing about being a Jew is you don’t have to be observant to be Jewish!  The culture, the ethnicity - you don’t lose your right to those things because you mix milk and meat.  I mean, YOUR religion probably says that after they dunk you in some water you’re supposed to treat all people nicely, and from your post here I can see you aren’t doing that so well.  Guess you should stop identifying as a Christian!

    Next issue.  Any Jew who’s been to Hebrew school (which most were at some point) knows that “chosen” doesn’t mean superior.  And if you think that being a “materialistic dickhead” is uniquely Jewish, you’re crazy - this whole website is basically devoted to a materialistic way of life and my guess is that it’s not run by Jews (despite their wonderful summary of JAB life!).  Materialism is everywhere, and while it’s true that we’ve got some very prominent names in Hollywood (and most industries actually), we try not to perpetuate the centuries old “Jews are evil rich people with plans to control the world” stereotype.  You say you haven’t seen a soup kitchen run by Jews, but that’s probably because you haven’t looked.  On the 2011 list of the Top 200 Charities in the USA (Forbes), 16 are Jewish charities.  Pretty impressive for a group that makes up roughly 2% of the American population, I think.

    You also touched on a bunch of topics that have no place on this website and that you probably aren’t knowledgeable enough to talk about ever anyways.  Israel vs. Palestine, misogyny - those are sensitive issues that your “bold WASP betchiness” is unequipped to handle.  If you want to have an educated debate about them, fine, go to one of the countless political sites out there, leave your betchiness at the door and try to have some respect.  Stop offending everybody here.

    And lastly, if you don’t like the Dead Sea you probably have terrible skin and acne you horrid bitch.

    Posted on Reply
  118. LS says:

    Hahaha this post is pretty much my life story in a blog post. love it.

    Posted on Reply
  119. Anonymous says:

    It’s the Jewniversity of PennsylvASIA, JABS and the more racist meaing of Japs.

    Posted on Reply
  120. Anonymous says:

    What the hell is all this bull shit.

    Posted on Reply
  121. Anonymous says:

    livingston = home of the QUEEN chelsea handler of course it’s in this post !!

    Posted on Reply
  122. JAB says:

    I FUCKING LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! JABS ALL THE WAY

    Posted on Reply
  123. Anonymous says:

    Girl, story of my life.

    Posted on Reply
  124. Anonymous says:

    So true about Birthright….and every JAB falls in love with an Israeli soldier.

    Posted on Reply
  125. Maddy S says:

    Way too true, haha I’ll be a jab forsure

    Posted on Reply
  126. anonymous says:

    represent MICHIGAN!

    Posted on Reply
  127. Anonymous says:

    all Canadian JABs head off to WESTERN!!!

    Posted on Reply
  128. Anonymous says:

    I thought it was funny

    Posted on Reply
  129. JAB says:

    The funny thing about this is, at first when i read your extremely ignorant comments,  i figured you were some unbetchy, hippy, liberal, tree-hugger hipster freak, especially when you got to the whole israeli-palestinian conflict (which you knew nothing about).  Once you said you’re marrying a jew, it hit me and i totally get why you’re so angry.. and i feel so sorry for you sweetie.  your mother-in-law to-be resents the fact that you’re some low-life non-jew marrying her jewish son.  she probably thinks youre a classless goy and now you’re taking it out on the entire religion for what you’re going to have to endure the rest of your life.  i’m sorry your life sucks hun! not all of us can be the chosen ones. xoxoxo

    Posted on Reply
  130. Anonymous says:

    MICHIGAN = JABBIEST SCHOOL IN EXISTENCE = BEST PLACE EVER.

    Posted on Reply
  131. Anonymous says:

    so spot on its scary. love the roslyn and matteos shout outs

    Posted on Reply
  132. Anonymous says:

    hahahahaaahhaha sooo dead on.
    current JAB attire:
    Uggs even in the summer
    lulu leggings
    lanchamps are a must but marc jacobs too
    massive designer sunglasses that cover like ur whole face
    tiffany, mk watches
    a bberry or iphone is glued to ur hand

    u can spot a JAb from a million miles away

    Posted on Reply
  133. Anonymous says:

    Literally this is the best post yet…I’m a “JAB” from Rosyln/Boca and this could not be more accurate. I went to camp for the past 10 years and I’m actually dying. Matteos is obvs my fav restaurant so betch LOVE IT

    Posted on Reply
  134. sexy betch says:

    EVERYTHING HERE IS SO TRUE. OMG.
    It is so true, being Jewish is like being royalty.
    We all love going to overnight camp and our teen tours.
    Our daddies make a lot of money, and thats why we get our daddy’s black amex.
    Don’t be jealous of us because we are rich and elite.
    If you see me driving in my Range Rover, don’t approach me unless you are Jewish.
    Being jewish is basically the best thing that could happen to the world. It separates the poor fucking losers from the elite top of the top 1%.

    Posted on Reply
  135. tulane betch says:

    where the fuck is our love? too many JABs to count down in NOLA betch

    Posted on Reply
  136. delawaresucks says:

    by far the least betchy school and is filled with nice girls (vom) who would rather do relay for life than bump a line of coke

    Posted on Reply
  137. UESBetch says:

    UES is not Jewish. UWS is notoriously where they congregate.

    Posted on Reply
  138. Allie says:

    Im from the north shore (mean girls movie based on my town) and this is exactly what its like..christians are the minority!!!

    Posted on Reply
  139. Anonymous says:

    timberlake shoutout!! yes!

    Posted on Reply
  140. hbic says:

    AGREED. Tulane is the JAB capitol of the south.

    Posted on Reply
  141. Anonymous says:

    As a 21 year old fellow JAB, (yes, JAB) this post is entirely too accurate and it is absolutley hilarious. Well done.

    Posted on Reply
  142. Anonymous says:

    this could not be a more accurate depiction of my life

    Posted on Reply
  143. Erica says:

    You forgotten JewB

    Posted on Reply
  144. Your a fucking idiot says:

    If being a betch meant that you had to be Jewish there wouldn’t be a ” Jewish Betch” post because it would be implied. That would be like a ” shaved armpit betch” post. No need for it   because any girl who doesn’t shave her pits is not only not a Betch, but most likely not even a citizen. Jewish Betches are just like a kind of Betch I think? I live in High Land Park and there are tons of betches who think that shabbat candles are lit because there’s still an underground railroad going on. Point is, It’s just a kind of a kind of Betch.  A Jewish Betch can have more in common with a none-jewish betch who doesn’t fuck bros sometimes than a jewish betch who is only used to hearing her name being spoken with an ounce of sincerity while she’s in the sack. It’s like those SKIN ID commercials. You know?

    Posted on Reply
  145. Jadate says:

    Jdate’s for betches who’ve purchased their moth balls last week so they wont have to worry about doing it when they’re 90

    Posted on Reply
  146. Ashley says:

    I don’t think you’re marrying a jew.  1) a Jew would never marry you because his mother would slap him across the face. It would be like him marrying a nazi 2) You probably dropped the Jew BF comment to make everything you said seem less horrific ( didn’t work) 3) You use the word “cunt” and no man, jewish or not, would want anything to do with a vile gal like you 4) I don’t think he’d risk his “frizz” or “ugly nose” being thrown in to your children’s genetic makeup. And I defiantly don’t think he want his kids killing themselves at the age of 16 because their mother is a self loathing, insane, long lost half sister of Anna Nicole Smith.

    Posted on Reply
  147. Etch a betch says:

    Livingston is gum on the bottom of Short Hill’s shoe…

    Posted on Reply
  148. Emily says:

    She definitely went to camp with me…

    Posted on Reply
  149. Anonymous says:

    If a Long Island Jewish Betch didn’t write this I’d have take away my own JAB title. And whoever you are who did NOT know what Matteo’s was you’re clearly not a JAB and clearly not a betch at all.

    Posted on Reply
  150. NYC JAB says:

    You sound like you just may be the dumbest person in America, which is really quite an accomplishment! Congratulations!

    1. Jewish does not equal Noveau Riche/ New Money at all and doesn’t cancel out having a great pedigree. Not sure where you got that from. We’re not that sorry that we’re not part of your WASPy yachting clan, because everyone knows that Jews are obviously better.

    2. Almost every third person in NYC is Jewish, including many classy families and socialites. Ever heard of the Tisches?

    3. “At least at church camp you still know that by going, your parents think you have some respect for Jesus, thus they will shower you with the reg 65+ Xmas gifts, plus a chunk of cash for Euro-travel.” ummm… our parents shower us with excessive gifts and $$$ every day of our lives just because - sorry you had to pretend to worship jesus in order to get that out of yours.

    4. You’ve obviously never been to a bar or bat mitzvah. Period. So, once again, you have displayed that you have no idea what you are talking about and made yourself look like an idiot. Congrats.

    5. “I think it’s necessary to point out that JAPs don’t do Tiffany- they’re more Cartier obsessed (tacky). Tiffany and Van Cleef is reserved for White Anglo Saxon Betches.” This is patently false. I, and every other JAP I know received between 15 and 40 items from Tiffany’s as bat mitzvah gifts. In addition to upwards of $20,000 in checks and a bunch of other David Yurman jewelry. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

    “In the end, JAB’s get the shit end of the stick, which is why their moms exist to provide pity nose-jobs and Keratin treatments when Michael Goldman passes up their precious daughter Rachel Whoresbath for a hot blonde shiksa model who was born with yachting in her blood, wouldn’t be caught dead with an oversized suede Hobo/Boho purse that’s bigger than her upper body, and isn’t burdened by a religion that prevents her from eating a salad with proscuitto while on the Amalfi coast.”

    6. JABs are obviously the best. I am sorry you don’t know anything about them, and clearly don’t have any as your friends. A large number of the most important entrepreneurs/ innovators/ entertainers/ socialites in our country today are Jewish men and women so your generalization of all Jews being tacky, obsessed with plastic surgery, inferior and/or irrelevant to society could not be further from the truth. Frankly, it’s disgusting and sad that you are either so stupid, so removed from reality, or both.

    7. Most of us are reform Jews, and eat pork. I love prosciutto (which you spelled wrong, by the way).

    That’s it. I’m really sorry that you’re so dumb, but my advice would be to take a trip to NYC, meet some Jews… and maybe suck up to them because as a whole they have a lot of prestige and power in the US and you clearly are not going very far.   

    Posted on Reply
  151. Anonymous says:

    IS THERE A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN IN THE ROOM THAT WOULD EVER DO IT A SECOND TIME WITHOUT HAVING THEIR MEMORY ERASED ?

    Posted on Reply
  152. Anonymous says:

    but japs would never be allowed in my country club? hmmm

    Posted on Reply
  153. Anonymous says:

    This is a ridiculous post. Even though it does talk about the stereotypical Jewish girl, have you ever thought that we are not only the juicy wearing, tiffany hoarding girls but we are girls who are taught a sense of community and love. Yes, we have rich parents. This is because they worked their asses off for everything they have and give to their children. And BTW, even if we do live a GREAT lifestyle, we are taught how to be successful like our parents and that we cannot be successful without hard work and dedication. Not all of us are handed everything on a silver platter. We work hard (we go to ivy - league and well known Universities based on our grades and intelligence, not our parents’ money), and we are taught to respect tradition. Having a bat/bar mitzvah allows us to become in touch with our religion. We study the torah and learn why we need to keep our traditions alive. So yes, we live the “good life” but we only do so because we worked our asses off to get there.

    Posted on Reply
  154. Anonymous says:

    Hello. I’m one of those fathers who had the luck of having an ambitious, smart, pretty, Jewish daughter. Your comments are offensive to every parent who had the intelligence to make it in a difficult world. Just because a a student has the opportunity to enjoy some of the better things in life, does not make her shallow or stupid.
    The first thing that I instilled in my daughter was a sense of responsibility, and the importance of hard work. The next thing that I was able to teach my daughter was to have a light heart. Other values, such as humility, taking care of yourself, and compassion to others followed.
    Your attitude, as expressed in your “article” shows the same shallow, callous,  insensitive attitude that you frown upon in others. Take it from someone who has enough experience and worldliness to know,  your attitude is destructive, unreasonably negative, and quite simply, ignorant of what actually is out there.

    Posted on Reply
  155. Anonymous says:

    The only Jewish girl I know is a tree hugger so I knew this wouldn’t relate but I read this for the lulz. The article was funny but some of the comments are disgusting, unclassy and very unbetchlike. You sound like annoying 14 year olds with your ‘OMG LOL JAB PRIDE!!1!!1!! WE’RE BETTER THAN EVERYTHING THAT BREATHES!!!’ ew no.

    I’m not Jewish but I’m good friends with some fine looking Jewish gentlemen. They’re all into basic down to earth girls - usually Asian. The guys are super intelligent and very lowkey chill. I can’t imagine they’d be interested in any of the girls on here though, you ladies are what boys like - not men. The article was okay, the comments weren’t.

    Posted on Reply
    • JABs vs. Japanese chicks says:

      Every Jewish boy is into Azians, sad fact of life. What they haven’t realized yet is that they’re betches too, they just keep it on the down low till they’re married.

      Posted on Reply
  156. Anonymous says:

    I took fake classes at Penn State and only got into Arizona…
    #mylife

    Posted on Reply
  157. Eva brownpanties says:

    Ann, you cunt rag, go ask your bankrupt, gin addled parents to read you the parables of Jesus and learn some fucking tolerance.

    Jesus fucking Christ. And when did you fuck your brother?
    Jello salad for all !

    Posted on Reply
  158. DA BETCH says:

    How could you forget Tenafly?!

    Posted on Reply
  159. Taylor says:

    This is so accurate its killing me. I love how I’m a Canadian JAB and this entire post is exactly my life in Toronto, except all the JABs here flock to the University of Western Ontario and McGill University i.e. leaving the scene to be with the scene. No country shall divide our betchniess. L’chaim from your neighbours to the North, you fabulous American JABs.

    Posted on Reply
  160. Amanda says:

    ROSLYN!! And Matteo’s of course hahaaaaaah

    Posted on Reply
  161. Anon betch says:

    University of Illinois. Literally.

    Posted on Reply
  162. Rachel says:

    So in response to an earlier post, you think you “own” Hollywood?  Sure you do - everything but the talent!  Let’s talk about Jewish super models - oh wait - there aren’t any!  There are tons of JAP/JABs who are so jealous of WASPS but I assure you…....it’s never the other way around.  And when you have a WASP or Southern Belle compared to a JAP/JAB, I promise you, the guys will go for the first 2 every time.  ha ha!!!

    Posted on Reply
    • try again rachel says:

      bar refaeli (israeli) is one of the hottest supermodels out there. adam sandler also wrote an entire song about all the famous jews in hollywood. some newer ones include drake, lena dunham, joseph gordon-levitt, natalie portman, jonah hill, jake gyllenhaal, and mila kunis. that’s a pretty talented group in my opinion.
      also you sound ignorant/annoying as fuck. i have a feeling guys never go for you.

      Posted on Reply
    • You're Wrong says:

      Bar Refaeli.  Need I say more?

      Posted on Reply
  163. jab says:

    i literally cry every time i read this its just too perfect
    but pursuit of jappiness should really be linked at the end of this article

    Posted on Reply
  164. Your Name says:

    HAHHAHA DYING LAUGHING. my life in a nutshell, LML betches

    Posted on Reply
  165. kinda offensive says:

    umm…im jewish and i think the type of people you’ve described in this post are super obnoxious. i have very few jewish friends, specifically because i don’t get along well with JABs. My family is old money, and much more WASPY—I did the whole sleepaway camp thing and it was just basically a bunch of girls hooking up with mediocre jewish guys. Tennis camp in mass. with bros from lawrenceville, peddie, and andover is where its at. JABs—stop trying so hard.

    Posted on Reply
  166. scarsdale JAB says:

    i’m a 16 year old living in Scarsdale who went to not one sleepaway camp, but two. I took fake classes at UCLA. And i wore my longchamp there everyday. this is 10000% my life i cannot even believe this!! You forgot how BMWs, Mercedes, and Range Rovers are the only acceptable cars to be driven, and getting a car on a 17th birthday is a must. AND since it’s winter break right now, wanted to point out that about 80% of my school is in Florida currently. Or a Caribbean island. Or skiing in Aspen/Vail. Or in Prague. betches this made my day xoxo

    Posted on Reply
  167. drenthe says:

    The comments here are so entertaining. It amazes me just how many little c*nts there are in the U.S. So many are obviously enjoying the fruits of their parents’, grandparents’ and previous ancestors’ labour. Jewish American culture is all comedy when you see it on TV or in films, but to experience this JAB or JAP first-hand is very far from comedy. They are the tackiest, most vile, materialistic, neurotic, obnoxious, vacuous display of cuntishness I have ever experienced. The only ones who come even slightly close are BGBs—- Black ghetto bitches. It’s just inferiority complexes decorated with MAC lipstick and gaudy designer handbags for both. I realise that. Yet, if anyone dares to criticise, negatively point out, or voice an unfavourable opinion of certain Jewish “cultural” traits, then here it comes,,, get ready… “OMG, you’re an ANTI-SEMITE! You’re a RACIST! You’re full of HATE!” And this is precisely why many American Jews (not all)—- especially after WWII—- have been able to become so successful, and then dominate certain professions and industries in the US. It’s called using leverage or “playing the race card” to be more precise. Cultural nepotism (looking out for the best interests of those in your own group above everyone else) among American Jews is staggering. No ethnic or cultural group even comes close to the American Jews when it comes to cultural nepotism—- not even those “horrible, anti-Semitic WASPs” who founded all the institutions that Jews and others have benefited from. What is ironic is that more and more successful Jewish men seem to pick shiksa wives and girlfriends over the barracudas they had to endure in their youth. What does that say about this JAB and JAP image so many of you are so pleased at being?

    Posted on Reply
  168. haters gone hate says:

    ^^^jealous much?

    only one correction: BAT mitzvah (not bar)

    Posted on Reply
  169. Kara says:

    My Dad is Jewish.  My Mother is not, nor am I.  He is a successful surgeon.  He said he would have NEVER married a jewish girl.  Now I understand why.  How sad you all are, essentially useless fragments of female protoplasm…....NOTHING of which to be proud.

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  170. Andrew says:

    Jew bitch Bart Torvik is a scrawny, ugly gay Hebe whose big lips have seen a lot of action.  Bart Torvik doesn’t want a long-term relationship, just one-night stands in train stations.  Bart Torvik’s straight-laced Jewish family disowned him when he brought home a dwarf Jew he intended to marry.  Bart Torvik has some strange deformities inherited from his inbred ancestors.

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  171. Schmuel Bagelstein says:

    Wow. Middle class jews are still jealous of WASPS after all these years?

    BTW: Range Rovers are for the sporting English and Anglo-American gentry that ride and shoot (handmade shotguns at Quail or Pheasant);  NOT for middle class urbanites.

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  172. gurl says:

    Jewish betches can’t beat the European girl. Get rid of your Jewish superiority complex and shove it. Jewish betches wished they looked like the european girl. Why do they get all those nose jobs to hide their juden nose? Also, don’t forget Jewish guys have a fetish for beautiful blonde shiksa girls. They want them, but they know they can’t because they have to marry a juden girl for Jew babies. You also forget to mention that all the Jewish girls hailed as beautiful are Ashkenazi Jewish and not the Mizrahi middle eastern Jews where all original Jews were from. European features are beautiful. Bar Refaeli is probably the hottest Jew model and she has beautiful European features, blonde hair and blue eyes. She can thank her inbred European genes for that. (Ashkenazi Jews are typically at least 5-generations related to each other on average) European women have many beautiful blue-eyed classy women any man would be happy to marry. They have slender narrow noses and don’t need plastic surgery for Semitic hooked noses. I met many men who love European women than Jewish women. The pretty Jewish women of course look European and are Ashkenazi. No one wants a girl with a big nose and thick bushy eyebrows and course frizzy hair.  Certain Ashkenazi jews are the best looking of all juden. European men are more handsome than Jewish men and have more atheistically attractive features. Many Jewish celebrities have gentile fathers like Scarlett Johansson, who has a Danish father and who she can thank her beautiful light eyes from.

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