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By The Betches on

Forget that football is extremely unbetchy. Put aside the fact that our idea of a super bowl is a huge amount of weed. This is a reason to get fucked up so we'll take it.

If you're a true betch you probably don't know who's playing...

San Francisco vs. Baltimore. An epic match of weed vs. crack.

Keg stands are appropriate assuming the keg is filled with vodka soda.

Fuck this game, I came to see the new google commercial.

Be prepared for everyone to be talking about and eating wings. Stay away from the wings. Just drink a Red Bull. It gives you wings.

Try not to say things like, "you know what would make this game more exciting? If we switched to the puppy bowl."

Be sure to prepare a lot of Beyonce knowledge because as a betch it'll be your job to have a lot of opinions on that. Start with, Beyonce is way too classy for any bullshit wardrobe malfunctions. Bitch is chic, she sang at the inauguration.

Feel free to ignore the final score. No need for instant replay when you have instagram.

Host an after party viewing of Girls and Downton Abbey to cleanse your brain of beer and middle America.

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15 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Your Name says:

    You guys know that Girls was released early this week so as to not interfere with the SuperBowl on Sunday? It’s on HBO Go. Been waiting for a recap all week #getonit

    Posted on Reply
  2. hand says:

    While the Mean Girls references are classic, you betches overuse them. Time for some new material. Please, someone come at me and tell me I’m wrong. I will then tell you to fuck off.

    Posted on Reply
    • lol says:

      you’re wrong.

      Posted on Reply
    • wow says:

      “Come at me”? Who the fuck are you? Go away.

      Posted on Reply
  3. hey hand.... says:

    UHM you are not a true betch if you don’t quote Mean Girls at least once a day.
    ITS LIKE THE RULES OF FEMINISM!

    -ARbetch

    Posted on Reply
  4. ladies says:

    PLEASE start reviewing downton! best show on tv

    Posted on Reply
  5. MD betch says:

    Middle America? San Fran and Baltimore are… on coasts….

    Posted on Reply
    • el oh el says:

      Middle Class… get your shit together

      Posted on Reply
    • duh betch says:

      middle america as in the poor middle class people that sit in on their couch in greasy sweat pants eating homemade dip and obsessing over the superbowl. figure it out….

      Posted on Reply
  6. mean girls forever says:

    those quotes never get old.  especially when the movie contains over 700 of the best lines eva.

    Posted on Reply
  7. im a mouse duh says:

    “...Cleanse your brain of beer and middle America”... as in watching the super bowl/drinking beer/eating wings is a middle America thing to do. Try not to take things so literally, GOD Karen you’re so stupid.

    Posted on Reply
  8. wow. says:

    Middle America like middle class and poor people obviously. FUCKING DUH

    Posted on Reply
  9. hand says:

    hook line and sinker, you idiots all proved that you’re unable to think for yourselves #lemonout

    Posted on Reply
  10. Rocco says:

    Can’t wait to make my 7 layer air dip. Mm mm mmm.

    Posted on Reply
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