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By The Betches on

Everyone knows that Halloween and New Years are the two nights a year when the freaks come out. It’s when people nice girls who never go out do. Ugh. For this reason Halloween is often overhyped, but betches love it anyway. People Fat girls are always bitching that this holiday is just an excuse for girls to dress like sluts. We say, yeah no shit.

Halloween is the best holiday ever for betches mainly because blacking out is mandatory and we are fortunate enough to be able to use our creativity as a means to wear less clothes. What better way to wear literally nothing than to sport Jasmine’s crop top or Ariel the Mermaid’s sea shell bra. Omg I just love Disney.

pumpkinBetchiest. Pumpkin. Ever

For most people, Halloween lasts one day and involves eating candy, but just like most rules of society, this doesn't apply to betches. We celebrate for 3 to 4 days and throw our candy back with a shot of vodka.

When it comes to choosing a costume, it is necessary to plan weeks ahead and will probably be the most #36 work you'll do all month. A true betch puts more thought into her Halloween costumes than Lindsay Lohan puts into her life. The key is to accentuate your best qualities while being both whorish and ironic.

Honestly betches, we could give you a long drawn out list of slutty Halloween costumes, but if we publicized them here they wouldn't be fucking original anymore, would they? Be creative betches and stop writing to us asking us to tell you what to wear. In general if your costume isn't extremely funny or clever (aka original) while also slutty, then you should just dress as slutty as you can and be whatever the fuck is the easiest. Betches don't do work, fucking duh! Oh, you know I look great in red...I'm gonna be um...fuck it I'm gonna wear my red bra and be the color red.

Hypothetically, it could be possible to go completely naked aka dressed as a nudist or Mason Dash Disick (nevermind - that kid's more hairy than my Persian jeweler). Although you might be judged, just blame it on the lengths a dedicated betch will go to for the sake of the costume!

kim kardashianIn Kim's version, Aladdin is a 6-foot ogre who has the same name as her mom

Halloween is not about dressing scary. The scariest costume a betch would ever attempt would be Lady Gaga, and this would be especially frowned upon. If we wanted to dress up as someone fugly and frightening we would find some hideously unfashionable clothes, slap some grease on our faces, and be our nice girl bio lab partner.

[Side note: We predict within the next three years there will be a movie about Halloween, called Halloween, starring Ashton Kutcher and at least 17 other mainstream actors who do nothing in the movie except sell out and maybe teach you a fake lesson about life. VOM.COM. If there was anyone who needed a life lesson it would be Anne Hathaway, to stay out of ours. Were the producers blackout when they paired Michelle Pfeiffer with Zac Efron? Maybe they were going for the idea that Zac is this generation's Clooney and this was going to be our "One Fine Lay."]

We apologize for the tangent. Sorry not sorry we're not sorry.

Cool group costumes are great photo ops but only for one night. Let’s not overdo it. For younger betches it's acceptable to dress up with your sorority, which will scream, “I’m so tight with my sisters IT’S SCARY.

Remember betches, who you are on Halloween is who you are in life. Unless your costume is a slutty blue collar worker.

 

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71 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    I just want you guys to know that using “.com’s” literally makes my life…my friends and I say this religiously

    Posted on Reply
  2. betchy says:

    love that you aren’t posting ideas for costumes…..if you can’t think of your own costume that is both hliarious and original, while still looking hot, you are no betch.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Rich Betch says:

    If your costume is from party city or another cheap costume store you are not a betch. It better be something most others cant afford. You must order the delux costume of whatever you’re going to be.

    Posted on Reply
  4. ifyoudontknowidontcare says:

    um if youre not having your costume custom made then you are in no way a betch - sorry im not sorry. youre welcome

    Posted on Reply
  5. creativity betch says:

    if you can’t create you’re own costume, you aren’t a talented betch. wine and costume making night with the betches. that’s how it’s done.

    Posted on Reply
  6. stupid whores says:

    I do not know what the fuck a “betch” is but it sounds like a foul, money-grabbing gold digger. Or at least a girl that wants to be one. Honestly when i read this I wanted to puke in a bucket and drown myself in it. Not only does this stupid website sound like a bunch of trampy snobs created it, I bet most of the “betches” that use this website got all of their money from their parents or from fucking some wanna be black hip hop artist. I hope girls dont take this website “religiously” because it sounds like a bunch of horse shit and it gives life to the phrase, “you are what you read”.

    Posted on Reply
    • Isabella says:

      you’re dressing like a zombie bride on thursday right?...

      Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    If you don’t like it don’t read it, fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  8. skim thing says:

    why do i have a feeling that you’re one of those fat nice girls that orders caesar salads?

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    One caesar salad with extra croutons coming right up!

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    “throw our candy back with a shot of vodka”—- betches don’t eat candy, not even on halloween.

    Posted on Reply
    • you must be new says:

      Follow the link they’re not talking about Snickers bars.

      Posted on Reply
  11. New York Betch says:

    You’re probably fat and actually have to do work to make money. LOLz. Don’t read the site if you don’t like it.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    obvs she’s talking about pills, not REAL candy. fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  13. Megan says:

    obvs she is talking about pills, not REAl candy. fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  14. NYC betch says:

    candy means pills fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    last minute costume, hot mess.  no clothes, random shit you find, and glitter.  what’s better?

    Posted on Reply
  16. U must be retarded says:

    “I.. just don’t, like, ‘get it’, you know?”

    Posted on Reply
  17. Katrina says:

    Dear Blue Collar Worker:

    You’re probably fat and poor, double ew.  Did you use your entire 15 minute break at Wal-Mart to write that comment? Most likely. 

    Sincerely,

    Skinny Betches

    Posted on Reply
  18. kiki says:

    betch halloween costume store: american apparel

    Posted on Reply
    • I'm a mouse says:

      Very true. Body suit and ears. I’m a mouse… duh.

      Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    Dear fat “betch”,

    how much did you pay someone to come up with that joke? did you have to get rid of your Cole Hann shoes for that? or did you just make shit up like every bitch on this website?

    Sincerely,
    College Student

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    There are two types of people: Betches, and people who are jealous of Betches.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    say that one more time? Betches don’t repeat themselves

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    Y-o-u-’-r-e-means “you are”, betch.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    no it’s so stupid don’t

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anonymous says:

    unimaginative loser/poor person halloween costume store: american apparel

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    its a joke fucktard lighten up

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    Don’t be ridiculous. She couldn’t possibly be writing her comment during her break on Wal-Mart… No way this cunt has a smart phone. Oh wait, she could be using one of the demo cell phones they sell (at least I think they sell cell phones, obvs I have never set foot inside one of those heinous places). Either way, good call on the fat & poor certainty. Repulsive much?

    Posted on Reply
  27. Anonymous says:

    Listen to yourself. Hating on someone you dont know hahahaha stupid dike. Honestly im surprised you stupid whores are smart enough to form proper sentences. Honestly i love hearing the stupid shit that you sluts type on the computer, it is classic. Thanks for letting me have fun smile . Im Just a college student having fun, stupid bitches. By the way, on a more serious note, what is a “betch”? It just makes me think of what i said earlier, stuck up gold diggers that married black rappers. Hey it is an opinion.

    Sincerely,
    Successful troll

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    Oh and what the fuck does being a nice girl and ordering caeser salads have to do with anything? Sometimes women should not be left alone, they tend to wander from the kitchen. Lock that shit up.

    Posted on Reply
  29. iPhone betch says:

    Wait… There are people that don’t have smartphones??? Holy shit.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    I just actually laughed out loud from this comment - thanks for making my morning betch!

    Posted on Reply
  31. sarcastic betch says:

    Dear “successful” troll, this website is comedic genius.  I am aware you think you are such a “smart” troll, but it’s obvious you don’t understand this site is written in a satiric way.  (Feel free to look up satiric)  Sorry you don’t get it.  I really feel bad (not), so I want to help you.  I want to point out that ou are laughing at witty, funny betches because you think we’re dumb.  It doesn’t mean you’re smart enough to get the humor.  So, please go back to your life being successful in encompassing the troll lifestyle…. it looks good on you! Mainly because nothing else does.  You’re welcome!!!

    Posted on Reply
  32. Courtney says:

    omg betches love u so funny and the person who wants to drown themself in their own puke sounds like a very scary depressed person

    Posted on Reply
  33. kat says:

    i love your distaste for anne hathaway and how subtly you throw it into your articles its hysterical

    Posted on Reply
  34. Anonymous says:

    now when you say troll are you referring to your lame attempt to provoke the betchs who love this blog or your looks?? I’m gonna say obvs option #2,  trollface.
    ps- trashy sluts marry black rappers. betches marry rich successful pros. although i’m guessing you don’t know what a pro is, because no pro will ever be interested in you.

    Posted on Reply
  35. SFbetch says:

    I love the new Halloween banner up top. for a second I was like “WTF is un-betchy Anne Hathaway doing there?” then realized it was a Halloween banner of scary shit. Ugh, fucking hate Anne Hathaway.


    and this is great. slutty + originality = way to do Halloween. fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  36. Anonymous says:

    Sweetie clearly you’re the one that is hating, and clearly you’re the one that decided that you were going to throw out words like dike, insults like marrying black rappers… do you not think we have just as much fun making fun of you as you seem to be? Unsuccessful troll because you sound stupid, making fun of a satirical site. You’re the girl that says Weird Al clearly has no talent because all of his songs are rip offs of other songs, and she don’t know why nobody ever notices. What college let you in anyway?
    Sincerely,
    Betch that is smarter than you

    Posted on Reply
  37. Anonymous says:

    You take life too seriously. Instead you should take shots.

    Posted on Reply
  38. ab says:

    I die, I love it too.
    Poor anne hathaway… not.
    She just needs to stop making bad movies… or just movies all together.

    Posted on Reply
  39. Joanna says:

    AHAHAHA DYINGGGGG!

    Posted on Reply
  40. Anonymous says:

    Again hating on someone you dont even know, and i asked a question. I didnt want to hear all of your other bullshit. Read my comment and answer my damn question.

    Posted on Reply
  41. Actually.. says:

    “If you can’t create you are” does work, create is a verb.

    Posted on Reply
  42. Sororities says:

    I always make my costumes so that I look original and sexy. No one ever has mine and I get so many compliments and attention.
    But honestly, going out as a slutty zombie last night, not only did I look like a dime covered in blood, but I got the most attention out of everyone there.

    You know you’re hot as shit when you can dress scary and still be the hottest betch at the party.

    Posted on Reply
  43. Anonymous says:

    With all that prettiness, she could have been a major betch. Talk about a waste of good looks.

    Posted on Reply
  44. Kate says:

    “The key is to accentuate your best qualities while being both whorish and ironic.”

    ahaha laughed out loud at this. so so so accurate.

    Posted on Reply
  45. Shame on you!! says:

    Anne Hathaway is beautiful on the inside and out! An inspiring and talented actress! You should be ashamed of yourselves!

    Posted on Reply
  46. anon says:

    here… ill give you an example of how to use it properly—
    YOU’RE a retard.

    Posted on Reply
  47. reader says:

    VOM.COM. like a vomit comedy, similar to rom com, romantic comedy? dont think it was a .com, the period was there for emphasis.

    Posted on Reply
  48. sucks says:

    honestly honey, the only people that need to wear zombie makeup are those that are too ugly to go out in public. real betches dont need wigs, massive amounts of powder or fake blood to look acceptable. must suck for you as you watch us strolling by in our sexy, “real life” costumes. please try to look human next halloweekend.

    Posted on Reply
  49. Anonymous says:

    did anyone else notice that it seems like girls ONLY dressed up as black swan or lady gaga this year? um how original get off my fucking facebook feed. oh and why are you betches deleting posts? that’s no bueno

    Posted on Reply
  50. Anonymous says:

    are you dumb? it’s obviously vomDOTcom.. not a betch, leave.

    Posted on Reply
  51. reader says:

    um no? just a thought. you are quite insecure arent ya?

    Posted on Reply
  52. reader says:

    but yeah youre right about one, thing, i am definitely not a betch

    Posted on Reply
  53. QUEENBETCH says:

    I bet you shop at Old Navy and eat group dinners at Coco’s, extra Caesar dressing included. What’s even more depressing is that you nasty skeezes prob can’t even document your excessively “fun” filled nite with muploads because you duds still own a pink Razr and think it’s cool. Look on the bright side, at least you get free weekend minutes after 8:30 PM to call you’re loser bro who manages at Marshall’s, so he can pick you up after work in his 1980 piece of trash Civic & the 2 of you can share a McFlurry at your local Mickey D’s for Date Night.


    trashy bItch.


    (PS. GRAMMAR POLICE…DIE. I KNOW I SPELLED “NIGHT” NITE. THAT’S HOW I LIKE IT AND I DO WHAT I WANT. GET THE FUCK OVS IT NERDS. NOW GO FINISH MY HW AND DON’T YOU DARE FORGET TO BRING ME MY ICED COFFEE.)

    Posted on Reply
  54. anonymous says:

    i just almost spit out a mouthful of sugar free redbull

    Posted on Reply
  55. Anonymous says:

    It was DEFINITELY vomDOTcom. This other person is a tard. And clearly SO not a betch!!

    Posted on Reply
  56. Stephanie says:

    So weird—I just saw a previous for New Years Eve and literally said “I feel like they could make this same movie for every holiday—I hope Halloween is next!”. This site is hilarious

    Posted on Reply
  57. Anonymous says:

    absolutely love how the betchinest thing to do is to come up with our own costume and even more betchy that you didn’t tell us what to be. That is true love in the making of betches around the world.

    I wrote an article on what happens after halloween.. .check it out: http://doozyfab.com/?p=703

    -Doozyfab

    Posted on Reply
  58. Me says:

    It’s not about taking it “religiously”, it’s funny because it’s true. Your word choice in your subject is rude, and your comment is obnoxious. Find something better to do then hate on things that do not concern you. You’re ugly on the inside and out. Learn to laugh.

    Posted on Reply
  59. Anonymous says:

    OKAY false the scariest thing a betch could dress up as would be Ke$ha, not lady gaga. And group costumes are cute. if you’re like, the fanta girls

    Posted on Reply
  60. doubtfulhenry says:

    has it been confirmed that Kim’s boobs are fake, and/or am i way behind the times for asking that?

    Posted on Reply
  61. Dee says:

    “In general if your costume isn’t extremely funny or clever (aka original) while also slutty, then you should just dress as slutty as you can and be whatever the fuck is the easiest.”

    ^YES.

    Posted on Reply
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