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By The Betches on

There comes a point in every betch’s day when someone says, does, or eats something so offensive that words cannot possibly express your overdramatized rage. Be it that your fashion nemesis insta’ed a picture of the same nouveau leopard Céline bag you just bought, your professor's sweat stains are bigger than city from which your housekeeper emigrated, or someone in a five mile radius is wearing Angel, there is a tried and tested method of displaying our lack of support for these people's existence. This brings us to dirty looks.

For betches, condescending expressions are pretty much our second language. I give so many that I like don’t remember how to emote verbally. In fact, there are even several different types of dirty looks that allow us to display a different emotion in any given situation. This is our 5-point plan for telling people to fuck off.

1. The Blank Stare: There is an important balance between being extremely intense and doing nothing at all. If you don’t know how to gaze in a furiously subdued manner then you are probably the offspring of some teacher’s lounge love affair. The perfect blank stare says "yes I hear you but in no world would I possibly ever care enough about what you're saying to actually take it in and process it."

*Audience most often used includes parental rants, professor lectures, friends talking about issues that don't involve you.

2. The Subtle Nostril Flare: Not to be confused with the lesbian angry face that rodeo bulls make. This is a subtle rising of the bottom part of ONLY one side of your nose. This is how a betch symbolizes that she is grossed out by something on a deep, existential level. Ew did she just instagram from alphabet city?

* Audience most often includes friends who are mildly irritating and any actions taken by the dud.

3. The Less Subtle Nostril Flare: You may not have guessed but this is a more extreme version of the subtle nostril flare. This gesture denotes that you are so annoyed that a simple eyebrow raise won’t convey it to the proper degree. Half and half, really?

*Audience includes, your frenemy at the bars, a fugly girl near you, the mention of anyone you generally hate.

4. Eyelid Tension: If you want to convey greater disapproval than an eyebrow raise will offer, squeezing together the skin above your eyes is a great way to tell people that you are vexed. This was a common method for the aristocracy to give shit to commoners. How retro.

*Audience includes poor people, the nice guy who hasn't finished your paper in time for class, the barista taking 10 fucking minutes to make your latte. 

5. The pursing of the lips a la Miranda Priestly: This look will pretty much induce suicide.

To be honest, dirty looks are just an extension of our laziness. And frankly, fake smiling becomes tiresome. It's like, why would we want to waste precious energy and time vocalizing our feelings? Fuck feelings. Feelings are for the working class. Dirty looks follow the same logic as summer internships: if you want me to work hard, you should pay me, but for now, I'll just sit here and stare at you/the computer.

Giving a dirty look is the antidote to empathy. Instead of us giving a shit about other people's feelings, we simply contort our faces to show others that we think they're fucking disgusting. This sort of exchange between betches and others is just another way in which we exert our animal dominance in girl world. If our betch ancestors have taught us anything, it's that your regime is only as powerful as your clenched jaw while looking at Crocs.

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16 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Brit4Ever says:

    Britney is so fucking cute

    Posted on Reply
    • YES says:

      or the side eye combined with the subtle nostril flare.

      Posted on Reply
  2. I mean.. says:

    I really wanted this to be better..

    Posted on Reply
  3. Mel Spears says:

    Perfect. And Britney has the best betch dirty looks.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Olympissed says:

    two words: McKayla Maroney

    Posted on Reply
  5. ugh says:

    good topic.. could have been done SO much better though.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Ashley says:

    britney has the best bitch faces.

    Posted on Reply
  7. #52 The GBFF says:

    I meannnnnnnn can we talk about how the ultimate #37 Betchy Mom, Lucille Bluth, does all of these?

    #1. The Blank Stare
    #2. Subtle
    #3. Not So Subtle
    #4. Eyelid Tension
    #5. Pursed Lips

    But she raises it to another level because she is the betchiest of them all.

    #6. The Judgmental Dirty Look.  Because she’s going to #1 talk shit about you at #161 drunk brunch.

    #7. The “I’M ON THE PHONE” Dirty Look. If any betch is actually on the phone instead of texting, whether she’s either #112 Talking About herself or #121 casually eavesdropping, she doesn’t want to be interrupted.

    #8. The Drunk Dirty Look that comes after #145 Day Drinking.

    #9. Worse yet, the Sober Dirty Look.  Can we say #144 having anxiety? I meannnnnn…

    #10. The only worse look is the SoberER Dirty Look.

    I can’t…...... the only way to deal with that one is a trip to #10 Candyland.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Ems says:

    Everything about this Lucille Bluth post is perfect. Bravo on betch on

    Posted on Reply
    • #52theGBFF says:

      thx betch. i’m just glad we have profiles so now i can take credit for this. i meannnnnn this is pretty much the strongest evidence that no matter how much adderall i take in the office, i still don’t fucking do work

      Posted on Reply
  9. Gamzy says:

    Omgee i swear i have priceless dirty looks my friends are always talking about them.

    I aso dont notice im making them until someone points it out or stops,maybe slows down whatever they were doing to check themselves.

    Haha i love that i have them.But i also worry i wont be able to pinch myself not to make them in an inappropriate situation.


    Posted on Reply
  10. Jenna says:

    **someone in a five mile radius is wearing Angel

    #sotrue .....there are no words to describe the ughh that is angel.

    Posted on Reply
  11. You are says:

    so racist how do you have the energy to look at yourselves every morning, knowing how awfully terrible you are?
    racist oppressive bros

    Posted on Reply
  12. This I so rude says:

    You should all be ashamed x why would you be proud to be this x it’s pitiful ! Try being nice for once it’ll get you more friends

    Posted on Reply
  13. everyone tells says:

    i have never met someone that hasn’t told me that your dirty looks kill

    Posted on Reply
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