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By The Betches on

Last night's episode had some of the best dialogue of the series but more importantly, the best breakups I've ever seen. YOUR rights happened, and YOUR rights happened. So now everyone's all miserable except for Shoshanna and Jessa who we can expect to remain in their respective honeymoon stages for at least one or two more eps. Shosh in bed with Ray was a great portrayal of how lovey dovey people are in the beginning of a relationship, like smiling so hard while the other talks about bathing pigs…I think you'd be amazing at bathing a pig!

I happen to really love that they're showing the full range of Elijah's personality and Adam's psychoses, and the choice of the most popular name '12 for Hannah's black boyfriend Sandy was possibly a stroke of clairvoyance. A black republican with a girl's name dating a fully tattooed hipster...aka a walking contradiction. God Hannah, the bro just wants to be judged by the content of his character.

Call Outs & LOL Moments

Elijah, you never had sex with Marnie. To call it 'just the tip' would be generous. And either way, why would you loudly argue with your boyfriend in your room and exclaim that you're "definitely not telling Hannah" when she's like 5 feet away in the next room, still dancing on her own.

However I love how Elijah changes the subject about him having sex with Marnie by bringing up Hannah's favorite topic: "herself and her own relationship issues."

Adam's song/video reminds me of Adam Sandler's in the Wedding Singer: "And when I think of you Linda Lena, I hope you fuck-ing choke…. Kill me please I'm on my knees pretty pretty please I want to die stick a bullet in my heeee--ehhh--ehh--ed"

Both receiving surprise pets from their significant others, Jessa and Kim Kardashian experienced the same plot lines last night. Welcome to the cast, Garbage, Fucker, and Hanukkah.

The conversation between Hannah and Jessa was the most condescending thing I've ever seen. "Just read the newspaper. Just read ONE newspaper...Thomas John looks at my paintings the moment I show them to him. If he's not reading your essays he's not reading you." Of course he looks at your paintings. All he has to do is look. The only obstacle would be blindness.

Quotes of the Night

"People are different. Like you were with George for a very long time and he's still on hotmail." Best line of the show. People on hotmail are weird.

Marnie: I really don't want to be around anyone who doesn't hate life right now.
Shosh: I like really hate how disorganized my sweatshirt drawer is.

"Denise hi it's Shosh how are you I'm amazing."

"So you don't think I'm pretty enough for a pretty person job? I mean, an entire range of men like me...black men, republicans, et al. It was my choice not to cash in on my sexuality." Come on, you're eating Cool Whip out of the box. This is a girl who threatened to sue her boss for sexual harassment when he refused to fuck her.

"So even after all this time you've spent with my gay roommate and his beautiful boyfriend, you don't believe that my roommate deserves a beautiful wedding like the one we saw yesterday on Say Yes to the Dress?"

"I don't see color. I don't know who Missy Elliot is. I never thought about the fact that you were black once. I don't live in a world where there are divisions like that." Hmm I guess being hipster does not give you immunity against sounding racist. Noted.

This is space rape!!

Adam: When you used to show up at my apartment in knee socks?
Hannah: That was ONE TIME!!

Last week's recap>>

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25 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. JB says:

    You forgot her Missy Elliot quote when fighting with Sandy, “let me throw this down flip it and reverse it” was just thrown appropriately into a conversation for the first time ever

    Posted on Reply
  2. ugh says:

    why do the betches keep recapping this hipster garbage?

    Posted on Reply
    • szbetch says:

      Because this show is fucking hilarious?

      Posted on Reply
      • is that a question? says:

        the answer to your question is NO.  this show is not funny.  get off the lena dunham bandwagon.  this show is crap.

        Posted on Reply
        • um... says:

          then why are you on a post that’s recapping the show that you think is crap? you can go shave your back now.

          Posted on Reply
  3. Your Name says:

    Recap Shamlesss please!!

    Also, this is amaze

    Posted on Reply
  4. hate says:

    if donald glover is gone for good, then i can’t watch this show anymore.  i was kinda hoping that adam would just murder hannah.  the show would be better without her.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Hotmail Hater says:

    I’m over this show.  However, the “hotmail” call-out was perfect!  I’ve been giving the “never date a dude who uses hotmail or yahoo” advice to my friends for years! It’s weird.  Like, is it that hard to transition to fucking gmail?!

    Posted on Reply
  6. supbetch says:

    im sorry but lena dunham is fucking gross

    Posted on Reply
    • i know right says:

      she is so fucking gross. and yet the show is so good, such a dichotomy.

      Posted on Reply
  7. Your Name says:

    betches, stop trying to make this show betchy.  this show never lived up to the hype.  and i’m sorry, but lena dunham is not the voice of our generation.

    Posted on Reply
  8. betchesbelike says:

    “I hate Girls its so hipster” From one betch to another - Girls is hilarious and well written. Of course we are all 20 somethings who envy Lena’s insta-stardom, but get over it and go back to your PR jobs cause Lena isn’t going anywhere but up!

    Posted on Reply
  9. DontReadTheRecapsIfYouHateThem says:

    Omg, how can anyone say Girls is not hilarious? Although not as relateable to real life as it may want us to believe it is, it is a constant crack up and more so when stoned… un-fucking-believeably hilar.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      isn’t it obvious that the betches are getting paid to rep this show?  there’s no legitimate reason why they would talk about this lame show.

      Posted on Reply
  10. dont trust the b says:

    you should cover dont trust the b… chloe aka krysten ritter is everything a betch wants to be and more.

    Posted on Reply
  11. awesome says:

    i love this show, great recap

    Posted on Reply
  12. JAPfoLYF says:

    This show is fucking genius. All of you saying it’s shit are clearly on the wrong website. Girls was made to be talked about on betches love this. This show is a statement of what 20-year olds are like when they’re trying to make it in New York City. Lena Dunham is a sex goddess and Girls is a masterpiece - she writes it, produces it, directs it, AND acts in it. Can you ask for anything else?!?
    Maybe there’s too many JAPpy references on this show for all of you to understand…

    Posted on Reply
  13. Jewlie says:

    I fucking love Girls - seriously, if you can’t see the brilliance in this show, you either lack a sense of humor or you’re just pissed you can’t afford HBO. This entire show is what Betches is all about - there’s the ugly friend, the fat friend, the bscb, the slut, the JAP(s)... don’t forget all of the fighting, lying, drug use, drinking, shitty jobs, and shitty lays… I mean come the fuck on. Thank you Betches for recapping shows like this! I mean, it’s way better to watch the sorta-uglies with talent on Girls than it is to watch the hot girls who can’t act on PLL.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Alex says:

    HBO vs the rest of TV is like Equinox vs LA Fitness.

    Watch Girls.

    Also, watch Game of Thrones. Cersei is the betchiest betch ever.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Lindsay says:

    99% of the flack you’re getting for recapping this show is coming from girls who take too much joy out of calling themselves ‘betches’ and aren’t smart enough to understand why this show is funny. Bottom line. Haters, please stick to pre-teen PLL with horrible acting and unintelligent writing. Suites you much better.

    Posted on Reply
    • yerp. says:

      both shows are entertaining in their own ways. acknowledging that PLL is so unrealistic somehow makes it watchable, and girls is fantastic in all of the ways that it is so realistic.

      Posted on Reply
  16. Agreed says:

    This show is GOLD. Coming from someone who lives in NYC and is obvi a betch, this show is so spot on it’s creepy. This IS my life. The sex, the drugs, the SAB’s, the gays ... so good. And Soshanna is my fave just because she is so ridic.

    Posted on Reply
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