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By The Betches on

Name: Foreign Bro

Age: Legal to drink in my country

Location: Club tables

Current Relationship Status: Always single

Current BBM Status: “NYC for the weekend”

 

foreign bros sushiBoys night out!!

 

Majoring in: Business, Econ, Engineering

Likes: Studying abroad, clubbing, pointed loafers, knowing more Avicii than you, other foreign bros, Camel Blues

Dislikes: Being called English Second Language (ESL)!!! Jajajaja

Some people think I’m: Gay or sell men’s cologne

From our manicurists to our handbags, betches fucking love imports, and foreign bros are no exception. Not to be confused with the local rando you hooked up with while studying abroad, the foreign bro we're talking about is having his own study abroad experience… on your college campus. He may have even graduated to foreign pro and decided to stick around to stimulate our economy interest by getting a job, usually in something like finance/anything involving numbers and not requiring complete fluency in English.

Think you know one? Careful. The foreign bro has a certain je ne sais quoi, which basically means, not every Asian kid in your Macro lecture. He typically exhibits qualities of the Maybe Gay Bro by walking the fine line between foreign and flamboyant: he owns more Burberry outerwear than we do, he’s up for shopping, he’s down for sushi, he laughs at the idea of waiting in a club line, he agrees with us on the superiority of vodka, he’s the first to suggest taking a taxi, he calls us “babe” and best of all, he comprendes our bitchy sarcasm as sweet and endearing.

 

foreign bros fez

 

While he makes a great accessory, the foreign bro is the most fun a betch can have without changing her relationship status. He wouldn’t get the meaning of “monogamy” if Google translated it into his own language, and if our value system and the foreign bro’s were the two circles of a Venn diagram, there would be little-to-no overlap. While you may consider your hot besties as “completely off limits” to him, he looks at them and thinks, “saving for later.” While we may occasionally take a night off to stay in and smoke, the foreign bro's version of chilling out is to still go out, but in slightly less tight pants. Also, he may not exist in any of these forums: university classes, public transportation, daylight.

That said, the best thing to do with a foreign bro is to appreciate him for the gift he is and the gifts he gives. He has an accent, is usually well dressed with the exception of his skimpy choice of exercise clothing, and he’s just the right amount of lost in translation, read: shady and confusing. We’re also always winning whenever we get involved with him (even if we’re not) because at the end of the day, we hold the green card.

So betches, go befriend a foreign bro. You will most likely find one simply by following the the scent of thick cigarette smoke and Carolina Herrera for Men. Once you do, let him give you a midnight Spanish lesson. Be sure to take many muploads together in your matching aviators and fur trim bomber jackets and start getting used to being the second most manicured one in the room. Either way, whatever he wants to do, we encourage you to get involved. Jack and Jill might someday fall in love, but Fernando has a table at the club tonight and a bottle with your name on it.

 

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31 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. anonymous says:

    *je ne sais quoi
    i’d expect betches to get that right, otherwise great

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    couldn´t have said it better

    Posted on Reply
  3. Hahaha says:

    Hahaha shit something’s gotta fucking give. So true haha love it

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    Amaziing. Most accurate post ever, loved it!!

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    So fucking perfect.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    acceptable countries for foreign bros: western europe, argentina

    nonacceptable countires: central & south america, asia, africa…

    Posted on Reply
    • Neh says:

      I’m from Colombia, I’ve got more status than you, not acceptable countries?, your country is not acceptable for me, my parents are English, your country is not really a choice, you tend to be stupid people.

      Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    forgot europe, the americas, asia and africa were countries.. dumbass

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    Racist…personally I don’t have “acceptable” and “non-acceptable” countries BECAUSE I DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT

    Posted on Reply
  9. Liz says:

    This is phenomenal.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    yeah because all public schoolers are dumbasses? idiot

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    Actually it’s je ne sais pas quoi..

    Posted on Reply
    • betch says:

      no its not, dumbass. it’s an expression. take a french class

      Posted on Reply
  12. Reg says:

    True for most boarding school educated foreigners who are sons of tycoons or politicians in some latin american or asian country!

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    Love my foreign bro. They don’t give a fuck and can keep up with the betch lifestyle.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    actually in regular french conversation the pas is left out quite often, nice try though

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    Actually the “ne” is what’s usually left out, but don’t worry maybe you can use your ignorance as an excuse to get your parents to pay for you to “study abroad”

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    Actually, you’re all fucking dumb. I’m French and the expression IS “je ne sais quoi”, exactly whats written in the post. So all of you stfu.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Elizabeth says:

    couldn’t have said it better. of all the unbelievably accurate posts, this is potentially most accurate. jajaja.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    well either stupid or poor

    Posted on Reply
  19. Raquel says:

    Perfection.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Amanda says:

    Angya naya

    Posted on Reply
  21. Dr. Anonymous says:

    Yea, even the French Canadians know its ‘je ne said quoi’, these dumb broads should stick to Espanol… its so easy even a blonde can learn it.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    Misusing the word “countries” was stupid, but your comment was even more stupid, proving that idiots exist in both public AND private schools. What a revelation.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Rachel says:

    “Jajajaja” literally made me crack up, this post could not be anymore true

    Posted on Reply
  24. Miami betch says:

    THIS is the most accurate post ever. I am a miami betch and trust me you have the foreign bro nailed to the t.

    Posted on Reply
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