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By The Betches on

Every betch knows that eyebrows are shadily the part of our face that we devote the most attention and mental energy to. Why? Because your eyebrows are your attitude. They define your face. Like please, tell us Jennifer Connelly isn't just one wax strip away from being only half-annoying?

Is it normal to pay upwards of $100 for someone to remove hair from 2 square inches of your body? Absolutely. Eyebrows are the one part of your face that you can enhance without elective surgery.

gwen stefani

You know someone is a betch based on the kemptness of her brows and how much she cares about them. If you go on vacation with your bestie and she doesn't immediately have a panic attack at the realization that she forgot her tweezers, sorry betch, but you've been besties with a poser.

More about betches and brows:

Whenever in the presence of a unibrow a betch will never never fail to point this obscenity out to her besties. Omg check out that uni.

On the other hand, if you notice your bestie hasn't been to Mahima the threader in a while, you'll mention that if you wanted to hang out with Frida you'd go to a museum.


scorceseDirect Goodfellas and then maybe you can get away with this look


Then there's the sitch when your friend is looking for a reshape and goes to a new Asian aesthetician and comes back looking like Spock. Luke, I am ...not your friend.

Everyone knows that this is the only scenario when part of you being too thin is disgusting. At 100 lbs you're hot, at 100 lbs with paper thin eyebrows, you're Amy Adams in The Fighter.

Bushy eyebrows are gross, the models who have them in Vogue are in Vogue for a reason. The same way your bushy eyebrows are not in Vogue for a reason.

Finally, It needs to be said that if you ever get a betch to raise an eyebrow, congratulations! You've captivated a betch for an entire second. Good for you, when a betch makes this facial expression it indicates she took that moment and stopped thinking about herself to process what you said. Yay.

So, in the wise words of Seinfeld, eyebrows are everything:

Jerry: She's got great eyebrows; women kill to have her eyebrows. George: Who cares about eyebrows? Jerry: Betches do.


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62 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. julianna says:

    You spelled “esthetician” horribly wrong.

    Posted on Reply
  2. MidwestBetch says:

    It’s spelled both ways. Get over yourself.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    i love how you head betches don’t even give a fuck that the Spock and “Luke, I am..” reference are totes different things (i think everyone knows this, i’ve only seen return of the jedi once and i think everyone fucking did because of that betch princess leia). just clumping the nerds together, saving time. loves it

    Posted on Reply
  4. Midwest Betch says:

    It’s spelled both ways. Get over yourself.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    it’s all the same dumbass!!!! 2 ways to spell it. Even if you are right, it’s not “horribly wrong”... wouldve just miss by one letter. you are so dumb so stfu already.

    Posted on Reply
  6. ummmm says:

    Aesthetician and esthetician can be used interchangeably. You are dumb.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    spock? luke? lol….think u fucked up that one…:)

    Posted on Reply
  8. #smartbetch says:

    actually “aesthetician” is a correct spelling. comes from the word “aesthetics” which deals with beauty which you clearly don’t have. Dumb and ugly. Ew.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Sofla betch says:

    So true. Keep up the fab posts betches. <3

    Posted on Reply
  10. just a southern girl says:

    good job this one made me raise my perfectly plucked eyebrows in amusement.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    who takes the time to correct a star wars/star trek/geek sci fi movie reference??? clearly you’re on the wrong website and need to go back to your princess leah fan club. nice try being witty though.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Spock says:

    LOVE that you fucked up the spock reference. VERY BETCHY

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    Starte getting my eyebrows waxes when I was 10. Its so relaxing
    Love the post betches

    Posted on Reply
  14. Blondhairdontcare says:

    Betches raise eyebrows, turn heads, break necks, & D.G.A.F. Am I wrong?

    Posted on Reply
  15. marina says:

    FACT: betches talking shit immediately after each post is published
                == STANDARD
    FACT: 39583745 additional “betches” saying the same shit already said
                == TOTE VEXATION

    Posted on Reply
  16. eyebrow queen says:

    just got mine done today betches. i must say im lookin a lot like megan fox and that chick from pretty little liars with the great brows.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    i thought the same thing! so funny i love it. great post betches

    Posted on Reply
  18. ONeHotBetch says:

    Love this. I took it as one of the best compliments ever when my sister said I have perfect eyebrows. It’s sooooooo true.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    If you’re talking about aria, she does not have perfect eyebrows. They’re too big..and the girl clearly isn’t a betch

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    i didn’t take time to correct it, i applauded the betches for not giving a fuck. eww you’re dumb

    Posted on Reply
  21. Col says:

    cheers to you, betches. Such a valid point re. the models in Vogue. if literally anything else was wrong with them-shorter stature, a few sizes bigger, moderate acne, bad hair or nails-the Brooke Shields brows would just not be Okay. but for Vodianova, they work.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    Did you skip your English grammar class for your appointments?

    Posted on Reply
  23. New - New York City Betch says:

    Just moved to NY from LA… Used to go to Anastasia’s (it’s seriously amazzzing - if you live there u should totally go).

    Any betches know of good place in NYC?  I don’t care how expensive - I’d sell body parts for good brow lady right now.

    Posted on Reply
  24. honey says:

    No one in their right mind should ever ever ever pay $100 for eyebrows.  The key is to *look* like you spent $100 even though you spent close to nothing. For $4, my eyebrows are perfectly threaded, no fill in needed, now that’s real betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    my eyebrows are way too naturally awesome to have to pay about $100 to look decent… thank youuu

    Posted on Reply
  26. mickey says:

    this is the best post to date.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Madelaine says:

    Sonya’s Brow Bar- NYC…. amaazzzeeeee

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    Any russian woman. Theyre all good in nyc… If i tell u who my russian is i’ll have to kill you.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Dear Midwest Betch says:

    You’re from the Midwest, therefore you aren’t a betch, kbye.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    are you 13? who watches that show..

    Posted on Reply
  31. Anonymous says:

    that is literally hilarious. go milk a cow.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    Indiana and IU = armpit of America. If you wanted to go to a cool big 10 school, you would’ve gone to Wisconsin, where you can find a smart bro to fall in love with you and fund your betchy lifestyle forever and never do any work.

    Posted on Reply
  33. Anonymous says:

    Obviously you’ve never been to IU. We party like Wisconsin but we do less work, which is even better, duh.

    Posted on Reply
  34. Anonymous says:

    I don’t make a habit of replying to this sort of thing but that comment actually made me laugh out loud. I was thinking the same thing whilst reading them all, but you put it beautifully. Well done.

    Posted on Reply
  35. anna says:

    i have a feeling that the betches who write for this site are not that pretty.

    Posted on Reply
  36. Anonymous says:

    Hahahahaha I’ve been thinking the same thing.

    Posted on Reply
  37. Anonymous says:

    Ewww who the fuck cares? Shouldn’t we all be too busy drinking iced coffee, getting our eyebrows done, and NOT caring about the correct spelling of a word? Come on betches. Care less.

    Posted on Reply
  38. betchhhh says:

    like wtf…. who the fuck cares

    Posted on Reply
  39. Makeup Betch says:

    So happy to see that this was a post since I was disappointed that it wasn’t part of #101 Makeup. It definitely deserves it’s own number. Thanks for secretly listening to my post suggestion betches!

    Posted on Reply
  40. Judge me says:

    Even Regina George complimented Cady on her eyebrows.

    Posted on Reply
  41. Jedi Betch says:

    *princess leia
    just because you’re a betch doesn’t mean you have to be stupid

    Posted on Reply
  42. Anonymous says:

    it’s funny that you say IU parties like WIsconsin- if that’s the case why aren’t you widely regarded as one of the best and biggest party schools year after year? It isn’t up there with most of the Big 10, of the SEC. (it’s obvious you’re from IU- have fun living in hicksville USA!) Betches need a city- and no, your little street with weirdo ethnic shops does not count.

    Posted on Reply
  43. BabyG says:

    but what if your sucha betch your eye brows are already perfect? nothing better than natural beauty. betch.

    Posted on Reply
  44. Anonymous says:

    worst is the girls who make their eyebrows way too far apart from each other

    Posted on Reply
  45. Miami Bitch says:

    If you go to a great dermatologist. They can botox your forehead to give you a Catherine Zeta Jones eyebrow, no joke, it raises your arch so slightly giving you the most feminine flattering eyebrows. Your doc will probably know what you are talking about if you mention that when you go in. And the best part is, it never moves!

    Posted on Reply
  46. betch says:

    i took the time to stop and comb my eyebrows while reading this.

    Posted on Reply
  47. California says:

    don’t you just get your eyebrows threaded and calm your tits! this isn’t a spelling contest!

    Posted on Reply
  48. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for pointing that out! Betches don’t watch Star Trek, so I understand the slip of the poster; however, betches do watch Star Wars (mainly because it usually consists of [ugly] hot guys, betchy women, and of course- Yoda… who makes us want to tote him around in our purse like a tiny dog). This may make me not a betch and a total dork, but Vader never says “Luke… I am your father.” He just says “No, I am…” which makes the entire reference arbitrary to Star Wars. We all get the point though.

    Posted on Reply
  49. lawyer betch says:

    I absolutely adored this post!  Bad eyebrows are my BIGGEST peeve by far…like even if you’re not spending $100 to get them done, why the hell would a betch ever even try to leave her house looking like she spent any less than that on her brows.

    Bad eyebrows can totally ruin a face…permanently.  Bad brows are up there with fugly gangle teeth

    Posted on Reply
  50. Lindsey says:

    the best…

    Posted on Reply
  51. anonymous says:

    eww. If you’re looking for a college in the drab little state of Indiana that is not a total disgrace you should probs consider asking dad to pay for a private college ladies.The Smitches at Saint Mary’s get blackout every night while locking in a relationship with a bro across the street at the University of Notre Dame. um duh. Obvi you would be set for life. Plus every weekend you can make fug girls who go to public schools feel bad with the school motto: “If you can’t take a shot like a smick chick can than you shouldn’t have a shot in your motherfucking hand.”

    Posted on Reply
    • Leave; fat hick says:

      Go eat and add to the cellulite on your thighs. Also, why the fuck wouldn’t you just go to Notre Dame? What are you, poor/dumb? St Mary’s girls are literally so socially impaired and gross looking it’s a little sad.

      Posted on Reply
  52. BrooklynBetch says:

    All betch credibility was lost with the nerd ref. If you live in any of the 5 boroughs you would know there is an Asian salon on every single block, sometimes 2, where you can get your eyebrows impeccably done for $5. $7 for threading.

    Posted on Reply
  53. Betch says:

    Totally noticed it. Way before the ‘spelling error’

    Posted on Reply
  54. LABetch says:

    yessss i went to anastasias yesterday! amazingggggg

    Posted on Reply
  55. Sharzad Kiadeh says:

    Holy shizz. where the f have you betches been my whole life!? I’m totes obsessed with everything in this post and I’m even more obsessed with my perfectly groomed brows! It takes a batch to know a batch!

    Oh, and I write a super betchy blog too

    Posted on Reply
  56. addie says:

    I don’t want to argue with you but I know people who have fixed their eyebrows features through specialist cosmetic surgery and they don’t need the wax anymore to enhance their attitude. I’d go for that myself.

    Posted on Reply
  57. your mom says:

    If you’re clarifying Luke and Spock you’re not a betch.  buh bye.

    Posted on Reply
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