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By The Betches on

When it comes to betches and exercise, from Soul Cycle to Smart Water we've covered nearly all the bases (not really, fuck baseball) of #118 working out aside from obvious: the gym.

The relationship between the betch and the gym is complicated because no one likes the obsessive gym rat, but on the other hand we need a place to display our expensive workout clothes, and it's generally considered irrational to bring your group photog on jogs with you. To that we turn to the sceniest and most amazing of gyms (if you can even call it a gym because it's also a store, spa, cafe, and a fucking spiritual den)...we're obvi talking about Equi.

You may think this is some plug but we swear it's not. Just as Starbucks is the mecca of iced coffee, Equinox is the same to the gym. But Equi is not just a gym, it's all the things we just mentioned and more, 100 extra dollars a month more to be exact. But while your average gym achieves its basic function of having available ellipticals for us to dawdle on, most of these places are grossly fluorescent and have fat mirrors and their locker rooms may or may not be wombs of fungi (we think, we've never actually been, clearly). On the other hand Equinox has skinny mirrors, Kiehl's moisturizer, and ambient lighting. And if you get your bestie to join, you even get free money to buy more Lulu leggings. See Lauren, if you just pay this 500 dollar initiation fee and 200 a month, we can spin together on Mondays, and I get a $150 gift win-win!

Equi is also a potential dating haven for betches because any guy there is most likely a pro, or at least his dad is because no cheap bro would ever join it, like ever. It's way too girly and clean (read: civilized and not fratty). Between the Pilates instructors who text you and kale smoothies in the lobby, it follows that any bro you find at Equinox is either the MGB or like a hot dad.

So betches, next time you take out your keys to unlock your apartment, or angrily slam your attached change purse down at the Starbucks counter because the barista sweetened your iced coffee, make sure you have an Equinox membership tag attached to show the world that you work out with the best. Unless you happen to live somewhere they don't have Equinox, meaning you live somewhere poor or international and have bigger problems. For the rest you betches, be classy, be skinny, and don't ever let them see you sweat. That's what the eucalyptus towels are for.

#194 Calling Out the Serial Cheater

26 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. socalbetch says:

    TRUTH, ive met some many pros here- dating central esp the beverly hills location.. the valley not so much (mainly actor/director son bros)

    Posted on Reply
  2. nycbetch says:

    I’m an IB and every pro I work with belongs to equinox. It’s great for meeting people and since I already work with the pros they always introduce me to their gym friends. It’s the best!

    Posted on Reply
  3. CHi-justshitonyou says:

    @nycbetch it the best? “Gym friends” sounds more like shower buddies…and based solely on that post you sound ugly.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      she said $100 extra - as in ‘in addition to’ what you would pay at a normal gym.

      Posted on Reply
  4. Your Name says:

    ive had the nyc all access membership since i was 15

    Posted on Reply
    • babe says:

      You’ve must have been a fatass at 15.

      Posted on Reply
  5. Your Name says:

    YES, hands down betches’ go-to gym.
    Ian Harding, aka Ezra Fitz from PLL, is a member at the Marina Del Rey location…major eye candy

    Posted on Reply
  6. Your Name says:

    Equinox or bust (right out of your clothes)

    Posted on Reply
  7. longislandbetch says:

    Seriously? Lifetime Fitness is the same price and it’s sooo much better.. completely disagreeing with you on this one, betches.

    Posted on Reply
    • ew says:

      lifetime is way too child-friendly.

      Posted on Reply
    • YogaBetch says:

      Agreed. Lifetime is a palace

      Posted on Reply
  8. Classic says:

    Someone forgetting scla? They only have 7 locations so it’s not a fucking chain it’s a birth right

    Posted on Reply
    • getwithit says:

      Except that Equinox bought out sports club LA facilities in California.  Equinox >

      Posted on Reply
  9. chitowngirl says:

    Sorry East Coasters, but us Chicago betches only know one gym: East Bank Club. Fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      Oh honey…we all know real betches don’t live in Chicago.

      Posted on Reply
  10. NJ Betch says:

    Real betches don’t need a gym membership. We (or our pro dads) belong to major country clubs that have gyms in the clubhouse, fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  11. um says:

    sorry but if your house doesn’t have it’s own gym, you’re poor!

    Posted on Reply
    • SouthernBetch says:

      You clearly can’t show off your cute workout clothes in your home gym.  Fucking duh

      Posted on Reply
  12. Sara says:

    We all know the only reason to go to the gym is to visit our personal trainers where we pretend to work out. The real weight loss happens from our diets. I’m a betch who has decided to try basically every diet (paleo, vegan, blood type diet, raw vegan, gluten-free, soy-free) to see which one makes the me the most fit n beautiful. Since theres nothing more important to a betch then her bod. Check it out

    Posted on Reply
  13. becks says:

    I joined Equinox 2 months ago….dear god…it is truly a magical land. Yes it costs more money BUT because I’m spending that much money per month, it makes me workout more to feel like I’m getting my money’s worth, AND because it’s so nice I want to be there (I haven’t showered in my own shower at home in a week). Oh yeah, and 99.8% of the people there are hot. Seriously.

    Posted on Reply
  14. jill says:

    equinox does not have skinny mirrors.

    Posted on Reply
    • Tina says:

      You want skinny mirrors, go to New York Sports Club, and I think a no-commit cash monthly is about $60 or $70 less ... not sure about the “Pro” ratio, though ..

      Posted on Reply
  15. Dino says:

    What a bunch asswhipés you are!

    Posted on Reply
  16. Adam says:

    Equinox is beautiful, clean and an awesome gym.  I just came back from Lifetime and it it absolutely beautiful.  These are the differences I found and are the following:

    1. Shaving Razors are better at Equi
    2. Towels are thicker at Equi
    3. Locker room floors are cleaner at Equi
    4. Shower heads are better at Equi and have massage functions
    5. Pool is awesome at Lifetime Fitness
    6. Spin classes at Equi, you can sign up for, Lifetime is first come first serve 80 bikes per class and they were full.
    7. At Equi, the staff is trained to know you by name so it is must more personal

    I am torn weather to leave Equinox and move to Lifetime.

    Posted on Reply
  17. modelbetch says:

    so does the bev hills location have the hottest dudes or what?  the weho equip is out of the question and the west la location is too hoity toity for the likes of a cool millennial trying to tan my tats.

    like where am I going to find hot dudes like Tom Welling?

    Posted on Reply
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