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By The Betches on

Dear Betch,

So, this problem is not necessarily about me, but this shit has been stressing me out since Christmas and I have no idea what the fuck to do. While in my hometown over Christmas break, I obvi had to deal with my family in between getting blackout with my high school besties and being showered with awesome fucking gifts. During this obligatory family time, I noticed some seriously unbetchy behavior out of my little sister, a junior in high school. Like, instead of getting money or clothes or a MK watch for Christmas, all she asked for were fucking classic novels and iTunes gift cards (Who actually buys music?!). I'm not kidding. I mean she def has friends, for New Years she went to a party, but apparently all they did was watch weird ass documentaries, and NOT get blackout (or blazed... which would be the only reason I could fathom anyone watching "An Inconvenient Truth"). Also, she still wears her written-on converse from eighth grade.

I feel obliged to save my little sister even though I normally wouldn't give a fuck her reputation reflects on me. She has the typical betch qualities (hot, well-known family, chill as fuck) but she's just doing it so wrong. How can I put my sister back on the right track before she goes to college and becomes a GDI?!

(Big)tch Sister

Dear Big(tch) Sister,

While it can be disappointing to not have a sixteen year-old sister who enjoys blacking out and dressing like a slut in quite the same way you did when you were a mere betch in training, it's important to remember that not everyone can be a betch. It's something inside you. Sure your sister may prefer to more boring nicegirl things in life like being sober and wearing converse but it's important to remember is that it doesn't make her a bad person. It just makes her a boring one. Which is fine. If your sister were as big of a betch as it sounds like you are you'd probably have to fight over shit like money and sharing clothes. Now you can allow her to do all the nicegirl betch chores like buying your parents birthday presents and like, accomplishing real things in life while you live life on the sidelines getting fucked up and not giving a shit about anyone else besides yourself all the time.

Sure this may be a poor reflection on your and your family's betchiness but at the end of the day no one really gives a shit if your sister is as shallow and materialistic as the rest of your family or like, something as disgusting as a good person.


The Betches

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10 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. truebetch says:

    good people ARE so disgusting.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Sam says:

    Wow big sister’s obviously a dumbass.

    Posted on Reply
  3. betch in boots says:

    this is fucking annoying, your sister sounds way betchier than you, you sound like a TTH… who are you so desperate to impress?  and that’s pretty sad you can’t read classic novels

    Posted on Reply
  4. Is that you? says:

    Quinn Morgendorffer??

    Just start telling people that your sister is your cousin or exchange student or something.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Lindsay says:

    Who the fuck still wears MK watches…....grow up

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      seriously. If you want to brag about your awesome fucking gifts why wasn’t one a Rolex? Your parents don’t love you.

      Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      Um, everyone and their fucking mother…...

      Posted on Reply
  6. interesting says:

    It’s funny how all the people who send in letters try to sound super betchy and they always get trash-talked on

    Posted on Reply
    • Ivy says:

      Yeah, I prefer the younger sister to this wanker, lol.

      Posted on Reply
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