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You can probably deduce from the title that this column isn't about smart people getting Nobels. No, we've decided we wanted to make our celeb watches - RiRi–Watch, Amanda-Watch —more more themed since more and more celebs have started spiraling down their path to Hades. And just our luck, Lindzlo didn't even have to drop the spirit stick to join the club. And now, for this week's edition of Weird Shit Linday Lohan Does for Money: 

Lindsay Lohan is so desperate for cash that she's now a high class escort. Soooo casual Lindz. Can you imagine like, telling your agent that "we're now accepting calls from rich bros who may or may not want to date/fuck me, Mary Kate's boyf not excluded?" What a fucking j.

So Linds is accompanying old dudes out on #14 dates. And according to Gawker, she's definitely not fucking them. But according to us, that's a huge lie because there is no way that these men are paying her whatever sum of cash to just go out with them without any sexual agreement. Like 0 chance. I mean, how fucking ugly do you have to be to pay Lindsay Lohan thousands of dollars (we're assuming) to go to dinner with you without a happy ending?

Can someone also please tell me what she could possibly be saying to these men on their dates in her funny smokers voice, like, the only thing coming to mind would be "hey there big guy" or "Oh, sure, I love Oreos. At home, I eat them with... I eat them with peanut butter."

I guess we'll see what's more to come for this child star / prostitute. Linds if you're reading, call us, we have a non-sexual proposition for you.