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By The Betches on

Our fave gay-teen year-old socialite turned 19 this week and unfortunately due to our conflicting sexual orientations marriage is still out of the question, so instead we’ll give him a birthday broast. Along with his younger brother Harry, Peter Brant II became the fucking king of the Lucky Sperm Club the second he slid out of super model Stephanie Seymour’s vagina. Being the heir to his father’s billions of dollars and his mother’s Vogue-worthy genes, PB is our gay BFF and honorary betch.

If you're about to be all like, why are you guys broasting some teenager you're pseudo-friends with? Well, because he's the shit and if he can get featured in both the New York Times (ever heard of it?) and Vanity Fair before we can, then he's for sure betchier than you, dear reader. 

But we digress. Now for a little betchy history lesson. Before the times of Twitter, Andy Warhol famously mused in 140 characters or less, now immortalized in posters on the walls of college dorm rooms everywhere. He was fascinated with popular culture and celebrities, so he started Interview Magazine to highlight the in-crowd from the peasantry. Now Peter literally owns Interview, and runs the in-crowd from the beaches of St. Barths to the uber-exclusive Manhattan lounges. Sometimes, he should just put his Valentino loafer in his mouth, but then we wouldn’t be able to list the unapologetic* musings of Peter Brant II.

On #36 not doing work: “From now on when people ask me what I ‘do’ I’m just gonna say icon”

On his idol: “Clearly, Suri Cruise is just an awesome person”

On attending Fashion Week: “Your assigned place, nestled among Gossip Girl guest stars and notable fashion editors does not only provide a better view of the new collection, it also validates your own self importance.”

On being an aesthete: “I’m interested in 18th-century furniture, late-19th-century art, the Arts and Crafts movement and history of the mid- to late-19th century...I bounce around a lot, but I usually stick with the same three centuries.”

On #38 frenemies: "If you went missing during a hike I would bravely stay with the search party... until it started raining"

On Occupy Wall Street: “…is that movement really still a thing?”

On his hair: “My hair is the thickest hair you’ve ever felt in your life…Silky, silky, like crazy—…I would donate my hair to Locks of Love, but it’s probably too processed for a sick person to wear.”

So congrats on your broast Peter II, though you’ll always be the first in our hearts, for showing money can’t buy you betchiness, but good God, it certainly helps. Oh and Harry, your time will come. 

*except for that one time he instagrammed his ploy for a pretty brainless “contingency plan” against the President. He apologized for that. And lost Twitter privileges. Which is the ultimate punishment.

 

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