So today is Presidents Day, a day we honestly don’t give a shit about but are inclined to like because our friends who usually work on Mondays can get drunk with us today. In honor of this random celebration of America's VIPs, we decided to broast the current commander in chief of the free world, Barack Hussein Obama II. Or as he's called in certain circles, Barry.
Now while most presidents are your typical rich pro, Barry stands out from the crowd in numerous ways. First, he was born in a truly betchy state, Hawaii, where he spent his youth chilling and cultivating his #27 tan (I mean, his black dad helped but whatever).
Since no one in Hawaii does any work because their schedules are jam-packed with luaus and volcanic episodes, Bar moved to LA and then NYC so he could go to Columbia Uni. Like a true betch he majored in political science, aka how to manipulate people in a democratic way, with a concentration in cutting lines.
He then attended Harvard Law like lawyer betch Elle Woods, where he learned the difference between malum imsay and malum prohibitum, perfected his body with Brooke's Butt Buster workout, and broke in his purple clogs. What, like it's hard? Barry then went on to become a senator for like 5 mins and then America’s first half-black president. Casual.
We know another election is coming up and we could like, sit here and discuss the issues, but that would require us to 1) know what they are and 2) actually give a shit. Two things that are like, boring as fuck.
Now let’s talk about the fun scandalous shit we know about the Big O and his presidency. He has a lot of haters, Donald Trump thinks he’s a foreign born Arab Muzzie who makes gas prices really high, his wife Michelle has really nice arms and hates fat people, and he once called Kanye an asshole. B-dog also has some other celeb friends because when he asked them to be in his campaign video, they were all like, fuck yes we can. Oh yeah, and he killed his last-name-twin Osama bin Laden, or like, had his soldier minions do it. Whatev, he’s dead. Shots!
When asked about his family, Barry said, "I've got relatives who look like Bernie Mac, and I've got relatives who look like Margaret Thatcher," which reminds us of our other fav pseudo American/pseudo Muslim family, the Kardashians! And wait, Barack also conveniently loves basketball. Someone better tell this bro that Kim K is single again, we smell a match made in TMZ heaven.
And we don't want the Donald to have a coronary or anything, but shadily Barack also ties his mother's family history to distant relatives of Jefferson Davis aka president of the south during the Civil War. Well this is awkward…
Anyway, love him or hate him, Barack is America’s tannest president and regardless of your politics, there’s something to be said for that. So in the spirit of this ray of proverbial sunshine gleaming through in the worst month of the year, we wish a happy President’s Day to you and Barry O. We thank him for showing the world that it doesn’t matter how much pot you smoked in high school, you too can one day be president of the greatest country in the fucking world.
come onnnnnn betches. “malum imsay” ??? it’s “malum in se” fucking duh.
Posted on — Replyanyone who is trying to tax the rich, which as a result actually forces betches to get a real job instead of living off their pros, is absolutely not broast material.
Posted on — Replyget out. you can go shave your back now. also who cares about like world issues and stuff?
Posted on — Replytrue story. get your latin right betches
Posted on — ReplyNo one cares… Your fat
Posted on — ReplyBETCHES FOR PREZ 2012
Posted on — ReplyIt doesn’t matter what your politics are, the betch can dress, has amazing arms, and landed quite the pro
Posted on — Replyyou’re a legitimate idiot if you think democratic taxation views are as simple as that. ignorant people like yourself are the reason there is a massive class rift in this county. try reading a newspaper before you open your (clearly uneducated) mouth again.
Posted on — Replyif the betches know those terms, they know how to spell them. it’s a joke relaxxx
Posted on — Replyif your “pro’s” income is so seriously affected by a tax hike, then he can’t be making that much money anyway.
Posted on — Replyhahahaha sooo true
Posted on — ReplyGet outta here he’s a total bro. Betches don’t give a shit about politics. You’re awkward.
Posted on — ReplyBefore this post gets an unruly amount of praise and support for how “cool” Obama is without considering his standpoint on any issues—which, in turn, encourages people to take the same outlook if and when they vote in the upcoming election—lets review a couple legitimate facts about Obama.
1. his plan to revitalize the economy is basically to tax all of your dads, pros, and potentially hardworking selves—and distribute that money to the people who sat in their piss for five months on wall street crying about how they were the 99%.
2.besides the tax thats imposed on earnings…which can run as high to 35% on every dollar made…obama has put a tax on luxury things that betches and those more fortunate have worked the right to utilize aka…TANNING.
anyone who puts a tax on tanning is a fucking anti-betch…yeah he might have a great natural tan himself, but he obviously does not prioritize it like betches do.
so before you all start considering re-electing obama because he seems like a badass pro….just remember that in his eyes, he’s looking to equalize the system and making those who work hard and earn more top give to those who don’t do shit and make shit…so that we can all fucking shop at k-mart.
Posted on — ReplyYou’re gross. You can leave now.
Posted on — ReplyYou are ignorant. It’s YOU’RE fat, dumbass. So go back to working on your communications major at your state school now, thanks
Posted on — ReplyYou can’t say “fucking duh” about a misspelled LEGAL TERM. If they’d spelled “Louboutin” wrong, sure. But until all betches go to law school (which won’t happen unless we stop majoring in comm and marrying pros), you need to calm your tits, betch.
Posted on — Replypreach.
Posted on — Replyright wing betch, im so over obama. although there are betchy points to be made for our president OBAMA (note i said president, not terrorist- don’t get it confused), he still sucks and has massively unbetchy political views. thanks to him, all the povos are benefitting from our dad’s/pro’s hard fucking work, and the only people that should benefit are betches like us… God i miss Dubya.
Posted on — ReplyTots agree. Obama gets his money from people like my parents and their taxes and 501 k a year, totally not broast material.
Posted on — Replythank youuu, i appreciate this
Posted on — Replyamen
Posted on — Replyshouldn’t you have to pass a urine test to collect your welfare check if my father has to pass one to earn it for you?
Posted on — Replyobama sucks
Posted on — Replyseriously get a xanax, if your family can’t afford to help pay for american debt that’s really sad. but life isn’t always fair. if your dream is to watch the chinese people owning us than your right - taxes ... so unfair.
Posted on — Replycalm down about equalizing the system, the rich and smart always end up on top… but may be thats not you.
agree with you all the way…like if you’re fucking too poor to pay some higher taxes you shouldn’t be reading this website in the first place…
Posted on — Replyrepublicans hate on gays and try to control women’s rights. not betchy.
Posted on — Replyeveryone knows that only the rich and intelligent can save the country from eternal debt and asian take over. but if your fam is struggling to pay taxes my guess is ... you aren’t really betchy
regardless of anyone’s political opinions, this is funny as shit. Mrs. O for betch of the week, anyone who hates fat people is okay in my book.
Posted on — Replyagreed. so all these ‘betches’ complaining about Barack can “suck on these Chinese nuts”.
Posted on — Replyi’ve been saying this for forever. It would be the fucking solution to like… everything.
Posted on — Replythis is hilarious, but your reference to purple clogs isn’t from legally blonde, it’s from clueless…
mel “so what did you do in school today?”
Posted on — Replycher “well, i broke in my purple clogs”
not all republicans hate on gays or want to control women’s rights. that’s old people and the crazy church group from kansas.
Posted on — ReplyCurrently, ALL Republican candidates for President support ‘personhood statutes’ which would make birth control illegal. Which is a more crucial threat to our way of life? Having to pay more for something (long hair, don’t care) OR not having access to birth control. ever.
Posted on — ReplyAmen, betch.
Posted on — ReplyRon Paul is the true bro. Not only is he a friend of the higher tax brackets unlike Obama, but also it’s adorbs that he delivered so many babies, he’s a friend of the #46 environment, and his most compelling stance: weed for all!!
Posted on — Replygive a betch liberty or give her death!
Posted on — Replyugh tg i wasnt the only one who was only paying attention to the movie quotes. but i mean you didnt have to like, do an imdb search for the whole thing. like they get it.
Posted on — Replyomg so many Legally Blonde & Clueless references it’s amazing.
Posted on — ReplyGet YOUR facts straight. In our system of progressive taxation being in the top tax bracket does NOT mean that you pay 35% of every dollar earned in taxes, it means that every dollar beyond $379,000 is taxed at a 35% rate. Next time before you try to get the facts straight, I would recommend actually knowing what they are.
Posted on — ReplyBahahaha. True betches are too smart and manipulative to waste their time in comm. #sorrynotsorry
Posted on — ReplyRegardless of your politics or what you think about Obama, this post was totes hilar. Fucking props betches.
Posted on — Replynot all betches go to law school, but all betches go to private school and private school teaches latin. oops @ you.
Posted on — Replyi know… Ron Paul would have been perfect :(
Posted on — ReplyVOM.
Posted on — ReplyClearly there are two types of betches - Political betches (most likely from DC or went to NYU) and dumbass betches (OBAMA’S HOT!)
Relax. At the end of the day all that really matters is what’s on the outside.
Posted on — ReplyI have a new found respect for the head betches after posting this. Awesome.. haha
Posted on — ReplyOrig betches are definitely back. This post was great.
Posted on — Replyword, betch
Posted on — Replyok seriously who cares? this post was about everything BUT politics. i’d love to smoke a blunt with obama one day.
Posted on — Reply“which reminds us of our other fav pseudo American/pseudo Muslim family, the Kardashians! “
The Kardashians are Christian not Muslim. Get your facts straight!
Posted on — ReplyVOTE FOR RON PAUL BETCHES
Posted on — Replychill the fuck out. next time you decide to post a backlash reply i highly suggest you refer to material that was actually written instead of scrutinizing your own reading of the post. regardless, what does it even matter? its the premise of the system. so just because you make (as in you WORKED FOR and EARNED) over $379,000…every dollar after that is taxed 35% to go to people who have been fucking sleeping in the streets for months? its like saying if you own more than 10 louboutins, you have to give 3 pairs to someone who doesn’t have them. or if your family has more than 4 BMWs, than one of them has to be traded in for three hondas, two of which go to people who don’t own a car. bet you wouldn’t be so gung-ho if you had to be the one to drive the honda because, oh sorry…your family could afford to have as many BMW’s as you wanted…but someone else who has been sitting on their lazy ass doesn’t have one so you can’t have any more BMW’s and the only car you can buy going forward is a honda.
i’m all for charity, but whats the fucking incentive for people to do shit in this country if we have a “president” who is promoting the idea that if you sit around and do fucking nothing, someone is going to shell out money to you that someone else worked for. when has “it’s not fair” ever been a viable excuse for anything?
Posted on — ReplyNot all poor people are lazy. That is such a HUGE misconception. American has really low social mobility - it’s almost impossible to work your way up from nothing. Many poor people work 2 or 3 jobs and still don’t make enough to support their family- my dad doesn’t think having to pay a little more in taxes is such a bad thing if it means a family somewhere else doesn’t go hungry.
Posted on — ReplyI wonder if you realize how much you just contradicted yourself. You want us to “stop bitching about equalizing” and yet you say the best and smartest end up on top. Do you want to be a dirty commi? Listen here dumbass, if you feel like playing robin hood, be my guest but take it to a different fucking country! I like being better than everyone else. Thanks.
Posted on — ReplyIt’s actually $250k. Get your facts straight bitch.
Posted on — Reply“old people and the crazy church group from kansas”? then why are republican politicians nationwide currently trying to make it more difficult for us to get abortions (god forbid we’d need to) and for our GBFF’s to have fabulous weddings? pay attention to your shit and stop believing everything your conservative daddy tells you about the world.
Posted on — Replyif you were really a betch, your dad/pro/whomever would see “taxes” as petty fucking cash, and then go out and buy another mazerati. give me a fucking break. you’re making it clear that you know nothing about how the world works.
Posted on — ReplyBahahahaha. I love this with every part of my 100 pound betchy self. Well said. Obama is definitely not a bro, or a pro, and they’re obviously just making sure they don’t lose their audience by trying to appeal to all types of people, which is totes understandable. We all learned this from Regina George: “Omg! I love your skirt, where’d you get it?” “Oh my it was my mom’s in the 19whatevers.” “Oh! Vintage, love it!” (Turns around) “That is the ugliest effing skirt I have ever seen.”
Posted on — Replyobama is a total bro. if you’re afraid of him taxing your “rich” daddy or pro you are obviously poor. if you’re actually rich, why should giving away more money matter?
Posted on — ReplyI love you.
Posted on — ReplyWhatever, they look fucking Muslim. Or some shit. Get over it. Besides, Muslim is a religion, not an ethnicity. But GOD FORBID that a white person flips shit if someone calls them a Christian, when they are clearly Catholic. OMG. <—- I realize that is absolutely ridiculous, but that’s how I feel when people of color FREAK out. Racism will never cease to exist unless you let it, betch.
Posted on — ReplyOmg can we be bffs??? Theres nothing anyone can say that can argue what you just said.
Posted on — Replyhahaha. SO TRUE. my thoughts exactly. anyone who tries to take down me and my best gay friend? not okay. and chinese taking more control over our country, which is the best in the world? SOOO not okay.
Posted on — ReplyTotally not betchy to care about whatever issues you’re arguing about. Yawn. *digs into my Celine bag for a cigarette*
Posted on — Replyi know, right? her “let’s move” project is all about getting fat people skinny. if fat people were skinny they’d quit eating as much and everyone could have more money to spend on betchy sh*t instead of that money going toward feeding fat people.
Posted on — ReplyObama (ew) sucks, so thanks but no thanks.
Posted on — ReplyYou’re an idiot. It’s not strictly about the money it’s also about the time spent getting the money (the hard work through years of education and waking up at the ass crack of dawn to get to work and getting home late at night). You get what fucking deserve, if you work hard it should pay off, if you sit on your ass then you deserve to get shit. Like seriously why do we promote mediocrity in this country?..AND clearly you’re not rich if you support this view, you’re probably just a poor low life betch that is living off the dollar of everyone else. SOOOO stop speaking
Posted on — ReplyWho cares? Obama is so hilarious without the politics. I’m surprised this is the first entry about him.
Posted on — ReplyIf the presidency were based on looks alone, B-Oba would definitely be there for four more years
you tell em, they’re obvs not a betch and are probably celebrating fat tuesday right now instead of mardi gras. fucking fat ass un-betch.
Posted on — ReplyThe last thing I’m gonna do is vote for Obama this November. HELL TO THE NO. and p.s. thank God there are actually some smart betches out there…
Posted on — Reply& loved this post betches!!! great work
Betches aren’t liberfals who care about the poor fucking duhhh this post is a fail #embarrassing #vom.com
Posted on — ReplyIf you used birth control (properly) like a real Betch, you wouldn’t need an abortion. Plus, betches never make mistakes, and wouldn’t an abortion be admitting to having made one?
Get a life and hop on the conservative side of the fence.
Posted on — ReplyMuslim is pretty different than Christianity. Actually, it’s not pretty different, it’s REALLY FUCKING different. Catholicism is a BRANCH of Christianity, NOT a different religion. Therefore, Catholics ARE Christian. It’s understandable for a “person of color” to “FREAK” out over someone confusing them over Muslim and Christian because THEY ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT RELIGIONS. ignorance will never cease to exist unless you let it. FYI i’m not a person of color, so does that make it alright for me to freak out, betch?
Posted on — ReplyBecause then I will have more to inherit.
Posted on — Replyyou’re probably jewish. fcking liberals.
Posted on — Replyexcuse me? PR is one of the betchiest majors. #notdoingwork
Posted on — ReplyI’d rather wear a pair of shoes from Goodwill than vote for Obama in November
Posted on — Replyeveryone here arguing about politics is moronic - this post is about pretty much everything BUT politics and the election, they wrote a post on obama because it was PRESIDENT’S DAY. they would’ve written about whoever was president regardless of their political party, idiots.
also you say, how can the betches like obama who raises taxes on rich people? yet they wrote a post about loving the 1% like a month ago. your criticisms are senseless bc these posts are so clearly apolitical…but what to expect from someone who uses a satire blog for anorexic girls as an outlet to express their views on progressive taxes.
ALSO obviously no one taught you that its annoying and pretentious to argue about politics with strangers and in public . no one here gives a fuck about your political opinions, there are websites devoted to it though so you should get off this one and go find people who care.
Posted on — ReplyObama’s a fucking NF liberal GDI. Get this shit outta here.
Posted on — ReplyLike
Posted on — Replyhahahah, love this.
Posted on — Replypurple clogs are from clueless not legally blonde… fucking duh
Posted on — ReplyBefore Nobama was our fellow Brobama, he was all for legalizing medicinal marijuana…. But after his election he made more medical marijuana busts than any president has before. Therefore your dad’s/pro’s taxed money is put into jails that have to contain these prisoners arrested for “marijuana crimes”. Betches keep their promises, bitches don’t. Whatthefuckhasobamadone.com
Posted on — ReplyRacism is not betchy. It makes you look uneducated…which you probably are.
Posted on — ReplyDoesn’t matter. Betches don’t like being told what to do. Especially what to do with our bodies. Making your own decisions is way betchy.
Posted on — ReplyTrue betches are republican. Duh.
Posted on — ReplyIf you were smart you would know that Santorum is anti-birth control. Oh and he’s leading in the polls. Or at least that’s what my pro told me. And he’s rich enough that he doesn’t give a shit about his tax bracket. Conservatism=not betchy. Sorry. You can go shave your backhair now. Bye Jason.
Posted on — ReplyYou probably dress at Guess too. Cute! I love dumb people! Aw.
Posted on — ReplyIf your dad has to take a urine test at all, he’s probably not the one who should be paying their welfare check. That’s why we should be taxing the top tax brackets. My family has more than enough money to go around. And my dad never had to pee in a cup to earn that money. Sucks to suck, bitch.
Posted on — ReplyAnd that’s how we know you’re poor. The fact that you even thought about the amount of time going into working shows you’re not a betch. We want to give away money to show everyone that we can. And getting money from the government is so unbetchy that we know we’re better, all the while helping our fellow man eat. (I know. Ew, who eats?) Still we get to feel good and you get to look uneducated. Plus we’re still rich. So suck on that bitter reality. Enjoy your H&M scarves. Sorry I’m not sorry.
Posted on — Replyanyone who is poor enough to care about a little government taxing here or there is clearly trailer park trash, and by default not a betch. #sorryyourepoor… wait, no i’m not.
Posted on — ReplyYeah, looking down on people for their inferior genetics isn’t what this site is about. At all.
It’s good to see your black history month is going swimmingly.
Posted on — Reply“republicans…try to control women’s rights.”
I go to abortion rallies to meet chicks like you, because I know you’ll fuck me.
Posted on — ReplyRepublicans are overall just stupid and hypocritical. Just because your rich father brainwashed you into believing these old, child molester looking morons doesn’t mean you’re superior to anything or anyone. If America really is the best country would you not want to keep it clear of hobos pissing everywhere? Like we need some freaky, close-minded, rodent faced, gynecologist running the country. Like if that happens have fun with no birth control, cramps, and a fucking baby. Or you could just get an abortion like most of the republicans’ wives/daughters do anyway when they finally fucking come to their senses. Get real..
Posted on — ReplyNobody’s trying to make birth control illegal, dumb bitch. Just because you’re not good at #notfuckingbros doesn’t mean that you should get birth control for free. Pay for it yourself.
Posted on — Replydo you copy paste that to every post, or…..
Posted on — ReplyMrs. O is that betch.
Posted on — ReplyLiterally can’t stand how unbelievably retarded you are and considering i go to one of the most expensive schools on the east coast pretty sure I’m not poor. You’re the type of person turning this country to shit. I’ll be loving life working in NYC on wall street while I pay for your daily dose of mcdonalds and cocaine you low life betch.
Posted on — Replyi agree libs are the furthest thing from betches
Posted on — ReplyObama wants to make everyone equal, so while you might be rich now, Obama is going to take so much of your daddy’s “petty cash that you’re at the same level as everyone else. I’m a betch, so I like being above everyone else.
Posted on — ReplyExcuse me, what betch fucking bakes? We obvs go to st. barts or hawaii or some other private island (props if it’s your own) for our legit golden tans. And for emergencies, spray-tans obvi. Sorry, skin cancer is totes not betchy. Neither is Jersey Shore or that horrid over-tanned Jersey mom with her 10 minutes of anti-fame. Tax the shit out of them. DGAF.
Posted on — ReplyUgh, the head betches are clearly drinking the kool-aid, and don’t let their political beliefs go unnoticed. BEING LIBERAL IS NOT BETCHY. Plain and simple.
Posted on — ReplyLooking like you is not betchy either. Also- Shanny is an embarrassing name. Sucks to be you!
Posted on — ReplyShanny is totally right. Why would a betch want to be considered a low class, poor person who lives off of welfare? Just because he’s black does not make him “cool.” This is the worst post yet.
Posted on — Replyhttp://youtu.be/vlxkcewBEe0
Posted on — Replywait…but kim k isn’t single?
Posted on — ReplyFINALLY! Obama is awesome.
Posted on — ReplyThe Kardashians are Armenian, meaning they’re Christian not Muslim. duh
Posted on — ReplyDo you guys have any idea how high taxes were before Reagan? 35% is nothing compared to how the tax rate on the top bracket used to be. Also, look at people like Mitt Romney, who only paid 14% taxes. Nobody actually pays the full rate. Barak is just suggesting hey look we had a surplus under Clinton maybe we should set taxes back up to levels under him, that seemed to work out pretty well.
Posted on — ReplyAlso Barak supports gay rights and women’s rights; I think we all want our gay besties to be able to get married and to be able to get our birth control without any problems.
get your facts straight losers. barack is the bomb
Posted on — Reply“Oh yeah, and he killed his last-name-twin Osama bin Laden, or like, had his soldier minions do it. Whatev, he’s dead. Shots!” dying betches, dying. nice
Posted on — Reply