Disturbia. Only Betch In The World. Umbrella. SOS. Who's That Chick. Please Don't Stop the Music. So Hard. Run This Town. Cheers. What's My Name? (Rihanna, fucking duh). Rude Boy. Breaking Dishes. (anyone?)
If you're a true betch, most of these songs were "omg my favoriteeee song" at some point. This is especially true for her new #58 house collaboration with Calvin Harris 'We Found Love,' a song that inspires betches everywhere to drop everything they were just doing (peeing, texting furiously in a corner, vomming) to run to the dance floor and scream at the top of their lungs to their besties OMGAAAHH THIS IS OUR JAM. For this reason, this week's betch of the week is none other than Rihanna.
Rihanna's amazing because she's only 23 but might be the biggest betch in the music industry. Along with her unreal songs, some of her betchy achievements include: Esquire naming her the sexiest woman alive this month, having a holiday named "Rihanna Day" in Barbados to celebrate her (though we have one too, it's called #26 Spring Break), and since she's flawlessly gorg she looks great no matter how insane her hair looks. And she wears outrageous outfits but she doesn't even have to hide her face and body like jealous fugly betch, Lady Gaga.
On top of also having her own company that she probs doesn't do any #36 work for, she also has a shrine to her fav musical influence stoner betch Bob Marley in her house. And like any #24 insensitive betch who wants to seem down to earth, Rihanna is a Cartier Love Bracelet Charity Ambassador. Obvs she's part of the betchiest charity possible.
Only Rihanna could get away with getting the shit beaten out of her and then writing a song about how much she loves to get the shit beaten out of her. Betch is so ironic.
We also love her profound lyrics like "got my Raybans on and I'm feeling hella cool tonight, yeah." Samsies, Ri Ri.
So betches, in honor of Rihanna's latest album Talk That Talk, do what the betch says and #1 talk that talk. In her own words, "got my middle finger up - I don't really give a fuck." Betch may be bad but she's perfectly good at it.
A+
Posted on — ReplyYou guys hit the betch right on the head! Loves it!
Posted on — ReplyI honestly didn’t think you could top the Kate Middleton and Victoria Beckham Betches of the Week. Well done, betches. You’re back from your recent slump and betchier than ever.
Posted on — ReplySo true. You totes forgot about how she #32 won against her ex Chris brown. Betch made it so he couldn’t even attend the Grammys where he was nominated. If that’s not winning, what is?
Posted on — ReplyIt’s called Don’t Stop the Music, sans the Please.
Posted on — ReplySeriously one of the baddest betches on earth. Wish the article was so much longer—anyone ever notice how in half her tweets she’s drunk off her ass? Anyone read her Rolling Stones interview? Too funny.
Posted on — ReplyYou guys were definitely in the know with this! That betch is a BAD betch & its so effortless for her that her badness is priceless! LOVE it!! Its hilarious watching her ex’s trying to top the best thing they never had!
Posted on — Replygot my raybans on and im feelin hella cool tonight yeaaaaah
Posted on — ReplyRihanna is a bore
Posted on — ReplyOooer mi gawd I’m sucha betch I looove to comment on things.
Posted on — Replya classic case of the pot calling the kettle black? thought so.
Posted on — Replyno joke, my betches and I did exactly that the first time we heard “We Found Love”. Golden.
Posted on — ReplyShitty pick. Bitch tried to pick up Jay-z while hes with beyonce not only low but tremendously stupid. And speaking of, that’s a real betch talk about scoring a pro. Any way Rihanna’s a mediocre singer who’s most famous for her shitty choice in men. Girls talking about how chains and whips excite her, are we really surprised when she ends up with some bruises? Just the nature of the beast girl
Posted on — ReplyHahahahahaa!!
Posted on — ReplyEh. She’s a betch, but no one tops Britney.
Posted on — Replysay aye if your drunk
Posted on — ReplyShe def deserves the betch of the week title! all that Paris Hilton bs was totes not cool.
we found love
Posted on — ReplyYou have been in a bit of a slump this week, although some of your posts have still been spot-on. This just proves to me that you still possess the same brilliance that made you head betches in the first place. This post is perfection, and THANK YOU for keeping it short—sometimes you get a little long-winded and that’s just a lot of work to read.
Posted on — ReplyHahahahah “Breaking Dishes. (anyone?)”
Posted on — ReplyUnfortunately you said I thought so before I had a chance to reply with a sly retort. And ‘pot calling the kettle black’ bloody hell that was a cutting insult.
Posted on — Reply+1 for the use of the word “profound.” very kyle richards
Posted on — Replyrihanna is an overpaid talentless prostitue whateverrrr
Posted on — ReplyFinally someone who agrees with me. Her voice is whiney and her lyrics contradict everything she says about abuse. Could have a better betch for this week.
Posted on — Replycome on… that is my favorite
Posted on — Replypoorly written post.
Posted on — Replyum? First of all I doubt she was trying to “pick up” Jay considering he’s her mentor/father figure. But really who cares, the more important thing is that you’re a terrible human being for making that last statement. Liking rough sex means you deserve to be abused and choked until you pass out?!?! Yeah I don’t think so you moron.
Posted on — ReplyHating on Gaga is not betchy.
Posted on — ReplyShut up Lady Gaga sucks.
Posted on — Replyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GchEVSx9XEA&ob=av3e
Posted on — Replyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GchEVSx9XEA&ob=av3e
Posted on — Replybetchy vid all around
Very true.
Posted on — ReplyRhianna is ten times more real than Beyonce, and talking about S&M in no way condones abuse. You are ignorant.
Posted on — ReplyOmg this post made me half smile like twice aka gold.
Posted on — Replywhy hasn’t ja’ime from summer heights high been betch of the week??
Posted on — ReplyI loved your site and spread it to all of my friends, but will NEVER read it again after seeing you refer to GAGA as a “jealous fugly bitch”
The idea that GAGA, a REAL musician, artist, and role model, could possibly be jealous of rihanna, a talentless dumb bitch who gets beat by her loser bf and couldn’t actually write a song to save her life IS ABSURD and completely illustrates one thing you betches clearly lack-INTELLIGENCE
GAGA is the SHIT and a half, she fights for young girls and the disenfranchised (not that you know what that means dumb bitches)
and rihanna is a stupid whore just like you
Your utter ignorance is PATHETIC and I can only advise you to use your money and means to buy a fucking brain and get a clue
OR
Read a book—try see spot run
Hate,
a REAL betch who has it all
PS don’t even bother responding because weezy said it best:
Posted on — Reply“Dick in your mouth, FUCK WHAT YOU SAY”
& if you think anyone read that long ass post, think again
Posted on — Replyfuck yeah ri #1
Posted on — Replyno way. she deserved to get beat
Posted on — Reply