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By The Betches on

In the spirit of Halloween, we thought it appropriate that this week's betch of the week be one scary motherfucker. When she’s not in jail or dating a woman, she’s tearing shit up at clubs, blacking out, and pissing off federal judges. Introducing, betch of the week, Lindsay Lohan.

Now, we all remember Linds from our betchhood when she starred in The Parent Trap as not one, but two characters. We fell in love and didn’t even mind that she had red hair and freckles. Needless to say, since then both we and Lindsay have gotten a lot betchier, and she sure as fuck started doing a lot less #36 work.

sideboobI like invented side boob

Then somewhere around 2003 she started getting kind of fat. But the chubs didn’t stop Linds. She starred in Freaky Friday with another lesbian, Jamie Lee Curtis and some other shit movie with Megan Fox.

 

And then of course came the ultimate in betchy movies. Fucking Mean Girls where she played Cady, a boring nice girl who gets betchified and becomes awesome. I mean, seriously no betch can even think of Halloween without Lindsay’s epic quote:

"In GirlBetch World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut, and no other girls can say anything about it. The hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears."

TG for Lindsay letting those betch haters in on what we’ve known all along.

But enough about the greatest movie ever made. Lindsay started to notice that she was the fattest girl in the plastics, became totes ano, and starred in Georgia Rule (actually a good movie) and some weird ass horror movie where she plays a slutty amputee. Props to LinzLo on making one leg the new paraplegic chic.

 

courtHer secret message to the judge

 

Then all of a sudden, all hell broke loose. Lindsay went bat shit crazy. No one wanted to work with her, she traded in Wilmer ValderUsedtoBeFamous for a lesbo Bieber look-a-like DJ, her younger sister looked like she was 45 years old, and her dad became creepy. What was happening with the world!?

Okay, so here’s the thing. Lindsay’s constantly in and out of rehab or jail, and while we applaud her efforts to not do work, betch is running out of money and fucking up her life. If it weren't for that $1 mil she got for posing for Playboy, and that other $1 mil she's getting to have a sex toy modeled on her vagina, she'd be totally po'. Secretly, we think she’s #53 shadily a pretty good actress (sorry your singing stint didn’t work out). Get your shit together bitch!

Remember betches, when in doubt, don’t hesitate to protest the betchiest fucking cause out there. Fuck the environment or OWS, every betch knows the only sign she’ll ever hold in protest of injustice is one that reads FREE LINDSAY!!

 

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29 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    Lindsey is a stupid crack whore with chipping yellow teeth to match her disgusting hair. True betches don’t do crystal meth. Bad post.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    could not have said it better myself.

    Posted on Reply
  3. linzlobetch says:

    And we love her for making our blackout nights look tame in comparison

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    linz lo forevs.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    From her strategic plotting to get rid of “Mere” in order to protect daddy’s money in the Parent Trap to her nearly immaculate role in Mean Girls, LL is still an iconic betch.  Once she PTB’s on her recent escapades, she’ll return to her roots (but hopefully not as in ginger).

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    I’ll always love her. If only her career hadn’t turned to shit mean girls 2 could have been something fantastic…

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    Betches aren’t stupid. It’s Lindsay, not Lindsey. You spelled that shit wrong when it’s literally spelled out correctly on the same page… If you’re going to hate, at least pretend to be literate. Fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    There was a mean girls 2 and it was anything but fantastic

    Posted on Reply
  9. Me! says:

    Ughhhh sideboob is one thing; floppy sideboobs are the absolute worst. vomskies. poor lin lin.

    Posted on Reply
  10. E says:

    shes too poor for coke…

    Posted on Reply
  11. Joe says:

    totes love LiLo- this betch is totally gonna get her playboy issue! love her and still #teamlindsay #FreeLindsay

    Posted on Reply
  12. kbetch says:

    PLEASE tell me that the photos on the banner are only temporary for Halloween.  When reading the bible, I only want to see pretty people, not scary people.  Bring back Audrey pleaseeee (side note: ultimate winning=$50 for the powder room)

    Posted on Reply
  13. Anonymous says:

    She used to be the hottest and skinniest betch. This post would have been accurate in 2007. Current lilo looks like she’s 45 and on meth. So sad.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    I would have to staunchly refute the claim that Mean Girls is “the ultimate in betchy movies”. Frankly, as the protagonist Cady just wasn’t rich enough. And her Mom was the antithesis of a true #betchy mom. Clueless is the all-time Betchfest. Prime example- whereas Cady’s mom was some assbackwards hippie doctor freakshow, Cher’s mom died in a routine liposuction. I’m sure we can all relate…

    Posted on Reply
  15. QUEENBETCH says:

    Who gives a fuck about spelling and grammar? Obviously you, fucking loser. Go masturbate to your literature book.

    Posted on Reply
  16. betchaboutit says:

    Good luck getting a job with grammatical and spelling errors all over your cover letters and resume. You sound like a dumb slut who went to community college and still cannot use the right “your” and “there” and is bitter that you probably can never get a job that pays more than minimum wage. May I suggest learning how to spell “McDonalds?” You’ll probably need to know that sooner or later for your application.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    Mean Girls is fucking played out. The end. Sorry to blow your go-to stock phrases bank, children, but let’s all move on. Dat.ed.
    Obvi Tina Fey is hilarious but she also makes me the tiniest bit nervous (anyone else? why is this?).

    And I just can’t (never could) with Bring It On and Legally Blonde. Upgrade yourselves if you still even own these.

    Anyway, the fucking chick from The Notebook is nothing compared to Cher Horowitz. Clueless never goes out of style (even though Paul Rudd is kind of a BBB) and it’s damn clever too. Also it’s pretty much candy-colored so it kills my sugar cravings.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Yessica says:

    Stop being mean. She is just a human.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    says someone named yessica. You’ve probably been made fun of your entire life.

    Posted on Reply
  20. betch squared says:

    that betch loves her self some Cee Lo green she be puttin that shit on her nails…mad props LiLo

    Posted on Reply
  21. A Guy says:

    You girls are pathetic. Seriously, this is news to you? You’re ripping on a girl who obviously just lost it for a little bit, probably because she was just trying to have fun and got scrutinized by the media who followed her around like vultures waiting for their prey to die. And the arguments you girls are having with each other, by the way, are ridiculous. This is just an entire website built on hate and loathing.. seriously, you guys actually call yourselves “betches”. In case you hadn’t realized, which apparently you didn’t, being a bitch is a bad thing. Get over yourselves and stop worrying about what other people do and focus on how to make your own life less shitty. Seriously, you’ll probably find yourself a lot happier.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Same Guy says:

    Also, that superimposed “secret message” is clearly fake. Who the fuck would do that? And you can’t even zoom in on a picture that much unless the CIA is interested in Lindsay Lohan’s fingernails.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    and the person who wrote the “says someone named yessica” comment is a whore. ok, i"m done

    Posted on Reply
  24. Katy says:

    And saying that shit anonymously clearly shows you have tons of balls, hypo. And by hypo, I mean hypocrite.

    Posted on Reply
  25. . says:

    Perhaps you should learn to develop an internal sense of self-esteem? You’ll probably need to learn sooner or later, unless you want to continue acting out your insecurities by putting other people down.  Good luck enjoying life as a self-deprecating egotist!

    Posted on Reply
  26. jusan says:

    I’m sorry but did you reference Georgia rule as a good movie?  That was the worst fucking movie of the century and totally exemplifies Lindsey’s spiral downward.

    Posted on Reply
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