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By The Betches on

This week's Betch of the Week needs no introduction. She is large and in fucking charge. And since she absolutely killed it at the Grammy's this week you should've been able to see this coming a mile away. Sorry, SORRY we had to get the fat jokes out of the way.

Rolling in the deep

So anyway, even though Adele's music is basically written for nice girls to cry and binge while simultaneously waiting for a bro to respond to their triple texts, every betch can appreciate Adele's sick voice. And hey, even Someone Like You isn't THAT depressing if you mix it to a house beat and take some molly.

To be fair, Adele is well aware of her weight situation and she owns it completely. I mean, if you have to be fat, it's good to at least know about it. Former fatty Karl Lagerfeld told Metro "The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice." But like a true betch not giving a shit about what anyone says about her, she merely shrugged it off and let her gay BFF Anderson Cooper talk shit about Lagerfeld for her. Fanks Andy!

 

Like the honey badger, Adele just don't give a fuck. She says, "Even if I had a really good figure, I don't think I'd get my tits and ass out for no one." Although it seems she may have been living under a rock where the media doesn't absolutely hate on fat people because she's like, very surprised at the focus on her appearance. She says "I've always been a size 14 to 16, I don't care about clothes, I'd rather spend my money on cigarettes and booze." We hear you on that last part 'Dellie.

Regardless of all this she clearly possesses the most important betch quality of all: confidence and like, a really pretty face. AND she's still on the March issue of Vogue.

So congrats to Adele on this additional honor that's obviously way less significant than your 6 Grammy's but that's okay, because we think our approval is way harder to come by. Even Beyonce has named her as an influence which is weird considering we hadn't even heard of Adele before 2010. This Brit has seriously proved to us that it's possible to overcome obstacles like weight and a povo cockney accent and STILL go by only your first name.

 

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40 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    It’s disgusting that the majority of the focus of this post is about Adele’s weight. Get over it.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anony says:

    Brill. And she deserves it. That girl is the shit. Shes just like whatever about absolutely everything. And gorge.

    Posted on Reply
  3. J says:

    Learn to write a proper article about something and don’t be so biased in the way that you sound.  And so informal..  You’re almost making her sound bad.

    Posted on Reply
  4. rachel says:

    ...really? i am shocked and appalled. Adele is disgusting. Pretty face? fine. amazing voice? i’ll even give you that. But her lyrics are, like you said, for nice girls to cry to. and SHE IS FAT. let’s elect some other cows betch of the week while we’re at it. How about that girl from bridesmaids? at least she’s funny. Adele has been quoted as saying she “represents the average woman” with her fat rolls. DISGUSTING. She may be cool, but nothing about her is betchy. Fail.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    You’ve obviously never been on this site before, the informal style is part of thrle humor. Calm your tits.

    Posted on Reply
  6. lindsay says:

    if adele is a betch, then regular coke is the new go-to betch drink, niceness is more important than looks and we should all start dating poor guys. so, so disappointed in you. she’s only “rolling” in the deep because she cant get her fat ass up unassisted.

    Posted on Reply
  7. skinny betch says:

    I’m a size 00 and strive to be so but it’s even more betchy that Adele can be who she wants and not give a shit about being skinny. Lay off the fat jokes. I thought there was a difference between being bitchy and betchy? I love the quote you put up but you left out the best part, ‘I love seeing Lady Gaga’s boobs and bum. I love seeing Katy Perry’s boobs and bum. Love it. But that’s not what my music is about. I don’t make music for eyes, I make music for ears.’

    Posted on Reply
  8. M says:

    Have you not read all the other articles on this site…? It’s how they write. It’s satire. And it’s awesome.

    Posted on Reply
  9. sarah says:

    if her music was for ears, fine. but do we use our ears to watch her on tv, or see her in magazines? no. i use my eyes. or i did, until the sight of her disgusting body caused me to gouge them out.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Betch says:

    nice one betches

    but ‘a povo cockney accent’ ! I don’y criticise you betches much, because lets face it you know your shit.

    However, even betches can get shit wrong: if you knew anything about English history you wouldn’t call the cockney accent Povo…. It’s one of the beautiful accents in England, so stfu because what you guys speak over there isn’t even English, by definition.

    Now that I am done talking shit, I love you betches..

    yours sincerely,

    a povo hating betch who has had a bad day and just felt like shit talking/typing online!

    ps congrats Adele, she should probably slow down on the Kebabs

    Posted on Reply
  11. SassyBetch says:

    Yeah I’m sure.  You are trying wayyy too hard, calm down crazy

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    take a xanny… its not that serious…

    Posted on Reply
  13. Sarah says:

    obvs she not “whatever” if you really like her..smh dumb bitch who tries way too fucking hard

    Posted on Reply
  14. Ariel says:

    been waiting for this one so long.  great decision betches.

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    BEAUTIFUL! Her face is perfect! She is so talented. Y’all forgot to mention what really makes her a betch… she just had throat surgery and still out-sings anyone. I’ll admit, I do not listen to her music… but I have heard her songs and she is a true talent. Also, I understand you made fat-jokes because the is the “Betches” site… and she is still fat by “Betch” standards… but she has lost sooooo much weight in the past couple of years. She may not care if she is not as skinny as other celebs, but she has become a bit healthier. She was morbidly obese before. Now she looks to me like an average person. She’s not “average” in betch standard… but she does look really good now.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    oh my god YOURE DISGUSTING for having the nerve to write that about adele, youre probably a fugly jealous loser. i’d rather have adele represent the average woman with her 6 grammys than the VILE fatass from bridesmaids, check yourself

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    i wish the betches could block some people from this site, some readers went way too BSCB when they read this post… chill the fuck out and/or get a life, the betches were just bringing up adele due to her current grammy status. they didnt say she was jesus reincarnated but she definitely isn’t anne hathaway status either… pump the breaks

    Posted on Reply
  18. Anonymous says:

    bad writing. wtf

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    the person who posted that comment was clearly stating that Adele doesn’t give a shit… she’s like, “whatever”..........so clearly you’re trying way too fucking hard to be bitchy. yes, bitchy. not betchy. and who the fuck besides losers says “smh”.....

    Posted on Reply
  20. Laur says:

    IS. A. BETCH. period… I mean seriously. She’s talented as fuck, and does nothing all day but get handed tea… get on her level. be a real betch.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    She got her GBFF to tell Lagerfeld to fuck off- betch.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Kamakazze betch says:

    My Mother is a fat betch.  If anyone wants to tell her otherwise,  you just tell me what time so I can watch.  That being said.. I guess Adele is a fat betch too.  Adele is rocking the cover of American Vogue.  No photograghers or stylists were harmed during the fat betch photo shoot.  She told Karl lagerfeld where he could park his pinched little non betch bum. Woman of all sizes shouted a collective :  Yeah… What she said.  For that alone Adele should be queen betch for at least a week.  Loves to betches of all sizes everywhere.  Adele makes betch as much about attitude style and talent… Awesome getting Anderson. Cooper to do the dirty work.  Not only can she sing, she can delegate. For all the betches who insist on scratching their eyes out.. Not to worry.  Haves a Molly and a good three hour jog.  If that doesn’t work, there is always Portlandia.

     

     

     

     

    Posted on Reply
  23. Kamakazze betch says:

    My Mother is a fat betch.  If anyone wants to tell her otherwise,  you just tell me what time so I can watch.  That being said.. I guess Adele is a fat betch too.  Adele is rocking the cover of American Vogue.  No photograghers or stylists were harmed during the fat betch photo shoot.  She told Karl lagerfeld where he could park his pinched little non betch bum. Woman of all sizes shouted a collective :  Yeah… What she said.  For that alone Adele should be queen betch for at least a week.  Loves to betches of all sizes everywhere.  Adele makes betch as much about attitude style and talent… Awesome getting Anderson. Cooper to do the dirty work.  Not only can she sing, she can delegate. For all the betches who insist on scratching their eyes out.. Not to worry.  Haves a Molly and a good three hour jog.  If that doesn’t work, there is always Portlandia.

     

     

     

     

    Posted on Reply
  24. Wow says:

    Girl there is something Seriously wrong with you all the famous female singers who made it big were big. You’re a shallow bitch who has nothing better to do with your time. Do us a fav go see a shrink or check yourself into an eating disorder clinic—you are seriously fucked

    Posted on Reply
  25. a says:

    I never comment but I just had to say that I’m so disgusted with some of these comments… get over yourselves and stop trying so hard.  Adele is gorgeous and super betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  26. anonymous says:

    AGREED. get over her fucking weight bc she’s a better betch than whoever wrote this superficial as fuck post. being a “betch” should be different than just being a straight up bitch

    Posted on Reply
  27. heather says:

    go puke up your nonfat yogurt you fucking idiot

    Posted on Reply
  28. No. says:

    I really can’t stand her (she’s as bad as Anne Hathaway on the annoying scale.) And definitely can’t stand her lyrics/accent.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Krista says:

    I’m honestly so appalled at the fact that you belches have not made Gisele betch of the week. I mean for real she’s the ultimate fucking betch. First off the girl was the lead angel for Victoria’s secret and she’s one of the top earning supermodels. This betch doesn’t do shit except for prancing around in thongs and getting millions thrown at her while she fucks her super hot pro quarterback hubby Tom Brady. The girl also has a perfect bod. She has absolutely NO fat on her. But best of all this betch doesn’t give a fuck about anyone thinks because she knows she’s the shit. I mean she has been known by only herr first name for like everr fucking duh.

    Gisele is the epitome of a betch.

    Posted on Reply
  30. betchessaywhat? says:

    “So congrats to Adele on this additional honor that’s obviously way less significant than your 6 Grammy’s but that’s okay, because we think our approval is way harder to come by.” Betches dont say that!  betches say they’re the shit all the time, even if its not totally true.  and this writer was awful.  fire her from the staff, not a good confident, betchy post.  But Adele is awesome.

    Posted on Reply
  31. Anonymous says:

    yeah this is a pretty terrible post… if you’re going to be mean you should at least be funny. this is just a boring bitchy post that completely lacks humor

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    Spoken like a true fat girl

    Posted on Reply
  33. Anonymous says:

    She one six Grammys off someone else’s stupidity. Wanna mention that anywhere?

    Posted on Reply
  34. Sharzad Kiadeh says:

    This is the funniest site EVER! Holy F-balls! I’m officially addicted!

    Posted on Reply
  35. anon says:

    interesting how this entire site revolves around being thin then you crown adele as the “betch” of the week… who are you trying to kid here? figure it out you make yourselves look like idiots

    Posted on Reply
  36. BIgDickNIck says:

    I say fuck this fat bitch, had anyone even seen her face before the Grammys?  I’m sorry but I don’t see betches jumping on Ruben Studdard, so Adele can go roll in the chocolate pudding cause she is fat as hell.

    Posted on Reply
  37. Anonymous says:

    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH fucking love it

    Posted on Reply
  38. Anonymous says:

    Bitches love that diet haterade….

    Posted on Reply
  39. angelf8ce says:

    At first, I hated Adele for being simply famous… Then after reading the content of her music and watching performances and interviews, the woman is simply beautiful.  She’s that “one in one million” to swim against the stream of the media, and social standards… which furthers her beauty even more…

    Posted on Reply
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