BETCHES LOVE THIS

Last night at the republican national circus, Mitt Romney gave his big acceptance speech (one that would've been more memorable had he been like, thanks but no thanks, Lincoln b-room not big enough for all the wives, sorrz!), but it turns out no one gave a shit about his speech because they were too busy tweeting about Clint Eastwood.

Clintey-E gave what some people are referring to as a speech but would be better described as my grandpa on acid. You can watch the video but for those with better shit to do than experience secondhand embarrassment for a silly man, here's a summary.

His speech was actually scripted but since the big C is an artiste and can't be tamed, he went rogue after 5 minutes. He began by saying how most celebs support Obama but he's for Romney because "conservative people, unlike Hollywood, don't go around hot-doggin' it." Uhh really Clint, your family has a reality show on E! Everyone knows Hollywood is the most patriotic institution since apple pie and the fucking Mayflower compact.

Then he claimed to have Mr. Obama sitting right next to him in an empty chair and monologued to thin air. "I've got Mr. Obama right here, I'm just gonna ask him a few things..." If you're familiar with Bad Teacher it was just like when Miss Squirrel spoke to her apple, except like, at least 100 times crazier. "Mr. Obama, we're gonna have to have a chat about that... I just wondered, all these promises, and then I wondered about when..uh..the uh...what do you want me to tell Romney? I can't tell him to do that to himself! You're crazy!"

...yeah Clint, the invisible president is crazy. Actually it turns out Invisible Obama was the most popular betch at the convention because it's all anyone remembers (probably). At least somebody is finally calling for more transparency in government. Backstage after the speech Clint reportedly serenaded the Invisible O with a raspy rendition of 'you say it best when you say nothing at all.'

While we're on the topic of invisible politicians, we saw this article about how there were plans to have a Ronald Reagan hologram at the convention, but they decided against it. The reason they said no to the holo was because they thought it (he?) would be a more exciting speaker than Mitt Romney. Talk about kwardness at the republican national coachella. As happy as we are that they're borrowing stunts from the modern music festival, we're sure that even Alesso and Avicii weren't afraid of being upstaged by a digital dead bro. Read article>>