BETCHES LOVE THIS

What’s golden cannot stay, which is why we work so hard on our tans. Similarly, betches know that we can only have so many bullshit internships before it comes time to supplement our dad’s Amex with our own paycheck. The smartest, trendiest, and wittiest betches among us know to choose the closest thing to #36 not working that’s also still considered employment: social media.

For the focus of our second annual installment of Betches Love This Job, social media is something in which every betch is fluent, being both popular (social) and knowledgeable about celebs (media). This job is in the bag for us before the formality interview. We have literally written the blog (which in this case is more prestigious than the fucking book) on the art and science of muploads, instagram, and twitter.

Social media is all about being influential and a tastemaker, which is the natural byproduct of being a betch. The greatest part is that anyone older has literally no idea what social media entails, including your bosses. Just tell them you have a lot of experience, drop words like “Pinteresting” and “my Klout score,” and explain that you can use the shit out of social media. Once, a guy I met was unsearchable on FB, so I found him on Linked In, looked up his connections on FB, then found his profile through his friends’ friend lists.... all in under 5 minutes!

Once you’ve got the job, do whatever you fucking want. Be sure to give yourself a legitimate sounding title, like Social Media Analyst, Executive Social Media Coordinator, fucking Boss. As far as the majority of people older than 28 know, successful tweeting requires a witty rocket scientist with marketing know-how. This obviously couldn’t be further from the truth. Every betch knows that social media requires literally nothing except our iPhones, or maybe a Macbook if we feel like checking our Facebook in widescreen, along with insider knowledge such as the Hootsuite password.

Basically, when you work in social media, you’re going to have a lot of time to kill. The hours of 9-5 are usually filled with online shopping, gchat, ignoring people on FB chat and not catching up on the news. Because of this, long lunch meetings between social media workers happen regularly and consist of the following: multiple tweets about the meeting and mentions to all involved, instagramming every entree on the table (Try our new sake-drizzled sashimi chips!) and generally living your life no differently than if you had no job at all.

If it’s not a good day for you to come in, don’t worry about it. This can all be done wirelessly. The artistic process behind social media is more mysterious to your bosses than how to set up the Emojicon app, which you’ll prob have to do for them. All in a week’s work.