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By The Betches on

For today's edition of Betches Love This College we bring you a school that could probably make it to the Rose Bowl as many times as Wisconsin, if only drug use were an official NCAA sport. Known for its betchy alumni Giuliana Rancic and Larry David, it's great to be a Terp because you'll probably be too busy clowning and/or on ecstasy for such a large portion of your 4-5 years here that you won't even realize you're allowing yourself to live in the unbetchy but really fun shithole that is College Park.

The People

Out-of-Staters: Anyone not from Maryland, basically comes from New York, New Jersey, the main line, and Florida aka all the Jews. Everyone from out of state tries to live on North Campus, in either Elkton or Easton. These dorms are shit holes but, that’s where they flock to. (There may or may not be a new freshmen dorm that has opened, if so great, if not, don't care).

In State: Unless you’re from select places in Maryland (Pikesville, Montgomery County), you’re usually pretty redneck. “Eastern Shore” (no one from outside of MD actually knows where this is) has some real interesting Southern-ness to it.. there’s a lot of like camouflage and Maryland clothing going on.

Freshmen Connection: The not-as-smart people that Maryland convinces to pay full tuition to live off-campus freshmen year. This program is a joke - these kids get to live off campus with mostly other freshmen and because it is sort of a “lesser” acceptance, all their classes start at like 4pm...not a problem. Also some people get to live in Varsity which is nicer than where most people will ever live...ever.

South Campus: South Campus is for religious Jews, athletes, and GDIs. These are actually nicer, better located dorms but no one really cares.

Athletes: Athletes are also treated like royalty at UMD. They have joke schedules, get scooters, clothes, and tons of money towards tuition. Basketball, football, and lacrosse players are notorious for hooking up with a shit ton of girls, and having STDs. Club hockey and club lacrosse are total bros and have socials with sororities, and the girls get sooo excited to not be hanging out with the same frat scene, but these socials never really go over well.

Greek Life: It's definitely crucial to be in Greek life at Maryland as that's where the betchiest social events are going on. Common events are #149 themed parties, grab a date, a bitch and a bottle.


Jewish sororities are full of your standard JABs from NY and NJ and are known for their Chanel bags, and love of molly. These sororities include AEPhi, PhiSig, and DPhiE for stoner betches.

The gentile sororities worth drinking Zelko with are Alpha Phi, KD, Tri Delt.


The #86 fraternities are pretty split between NY/NJ/Philly kids and then like southern Marylanders. The “best” frats, both on campus and off are Pike, ZBT, SAM (all kicked off), Fiji, Delta Chi, Sigma Chi, TKE, AEPi. Every frat house has a weird #9 nickname (like New P, Complex, Burn, Tep House, Slag, Theos, Yellow, Middle, Safe House, Pool get it), and if you don't know which house each refers to, you're probably a nicegirl or like a freshman.

Redneck Frats include Phi Delt, Sigma Chi (like sperrys and khakis), KA

Night Life 

Weeknights consist of pregames at frats followed by going to the bars. Bentley’s is where GDIs mostly hang out, and it has sand in the front random, like the GDIs. Cornerstone is always full on any given night, especially Sundays for drafts. Big Play is new this year, and is becoming the Thursday night bar. Tuesday is always Loose Tuesday at the Barking Dog sponsored by ZBT, but on any other night you can find the athletes hanging there if they don’t have a game the next day.

Cornerstone - The longest standing bar in CP.. hit or miss, some nights it will be quite “cultured” and be filled with locals. Other nights, it’s filled with GDIs. Sunday night is for “Big Ass Drafts” (Drafts), Thursday and Saturday are decently filled with Greek life.

Bentleys - The athletes’ bar and the country Marylanders, you can smell the stench from this sweatbox down the street. Also a big happy hour place.

Santa Fe aka “Fe” - Literally the only decent place in College Park, which was obviously shut down for not meeting fire code. Once a semester, there will be a rumor that Fe is coming back, it is now under construction to open by the end of the semester and everyone is flipping their shit over it. There would randomly be live bands like DMB or Sublime cover band, but that didn’t matter. Most commonly heard phrase: “Ugh, I wish Fe was open.”

Thirsty Turtle aka “Turtle” - Really never knew what you were gonna get at Turtle. The upstairs was a huge grind fest dance floor. "Celebs" like Pauly D performed there. For a good blackout, you could always count on Turtle. Obviously Turtle was shut down for underage drinking and a stabbing outside, and was replaced with The Barking Dog.

Barking Dog - Known for Loose Tuesday, this is where the Thirsty Turtle used to be and looks exactly like it. Also an athlete's spot.

The Mark - The “club” in College Park. Phi Sig, ZBT, and SAMs favorite spot. Also a big spot for grab-a-dates. Also obviously shut down (same owner as Fe), not sure what replaced it/if anything.

Big Play - This is the newest bar, and like we said above, becoming the Thursday spot.

What To Do During The Day

Day drinking / tailgating is what you'll do all weekend. Whether there’s a home game or not, there will be some reason to have a day drink, aka any day above 70 degrees.

Sit on “the Greek Path”-- the path that anyone living off campus/Greek housing needs to cross in order to get to campus to class; during the week you will see everyone you’ve ever known here, so look hot.

Eat Sit outside while wearing sunglasses at Cornerstone for happy hour.

Waste time between classes at Stamp (student center) but only if you really have nothing better to do and it's a weekday and your class was randomly mandatory.

Although Maryland is notorious for being the school where students rarely study, if it's finals time you might want to go check out the scene on floors 2 or 4 of McKeldin or anywhere in VanMunch.

Sports (or lack thereof)

Maryland kids in Greek Life semi-pretend to care about sports, but in actuality blackout before any sporting event actually takes place. GDIs are really into sports, but the football and basketball teams basically suck.

Football season is great, but for the #12 tailgates and not for the actual sport. If you’re tailgating, getting a ticket is a waste of time because no one would ever leave a tailgate to watch the football team. Basketball games are actually worth going to. The UMD student section is loud and obnoxious, and the team is hot as fuck. Soccer should attract a big crowd because UMD is highly ranked, but the hot players don’t hurt either.


Ratsies - Drunk pizza, mozz sticks

Shanghai - Gross Chinese food that you’ll shamefully love

Bagel Place - Shitty bagels that you pretend to love just because there is nowhere else to really get breakfast in CP (also a huge sunday morning regrets scene)

Hanami - Betches' sushi haven.

DP Dough - Your freshman year savior, until you hear the rumor that each calzone is made with a full stick of butter.

North Campus Diner - When you’re forced to eat there, you hate it. When you move away from North Campus, you’ll do just about anything for a pledge to bring you a buff chick wrap with their diner points.

Ledo’s - They built a parking garage and decided to put this Italian restaurant underneath it. It's the only reasonable place to bring your parents.

Yogiberry - Obviously made a killing as the only froyo place in CP.

College Park Liquors - Owned by a crazy Asian woman, Sue. No matter what you buy, she’ll offer you lemons or cups.

Where To Live

Easton/Elkton: North Campus picks for freshmen

Hartwick/Knox: Apartments for upperclassmen

Off campus houses Are also all the rage these days

Commons apartments: GDIs and religious people

Spring Break

It was Acapulco before all those murders and you know, wars started happening. Now it’s Punta Cana.


Everyone goes in the spring to the usual locations, Barcelona, Rome, Tel Aviv, Australia, etc.

Things to do before you graduate

Go to Drafts on a Sunday to get your Cornerstone mug

Jump in the fountain on the mall, smoke on the mall

Wait outside for hours to get into a Duke or UNC basketball game (or just cut the line)

Sex in the stacks in McKeldin

Tradition to rub Testudo’s nose for good luck (tests, games, trying not to fuck a bro)

Most Cultural Thing You'll Experience

- PG County locals hanging out outside the bar or “Dark night” at cornerstone

- One day senior year, you and your friends will decide it’s pretty fucked up you haven’t been to the monuments in DC yet so you’ll all pile on the metro and go. And then stare at a building for 2 minutes, and then go get #161 brunch.


- Anyone who signs up for UMD Crime Alerts has their phone going off constantly

- College Park basically fucking sucks

107 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Not betchy... says:

    This is the least betchy article I’ve seen as of late. Who the fuck are you paying to write this….sounds like some niceboy who couldn’t navigate Saks with a map. Step it up, you’re slipping.

    Posted on Reply
  2. terpsss says:

    ive been waiting forevs for you guys to do umd!!

    its so true, college park fucking sucks and the locals are…..............gross

    Posted on Reply
    • HooBetch says:

      Writing about Duke, GW and now MD, but not The University of Virginia is absurd.

      Posted on Reply
      • truebetch says:

        I KNOW I was just going to say the same thing… Maryland are you fucking kidding me?

        Posted on Reply
  3. md_betch says:

    whats pikesville? howard county is the richest county in maryland.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      actually the richest is howard county. sorry montgomery county is 2nd. pikesville or KIKESville as we like to call it, isthe 2nd largest populated area of jewish people outside of Israel located in baltimore county.

      Posted on Reply
      • um says:

        yes exactly, howard county is the richest…

        Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        Sucks that you are poor and Christian and aren’t one of those chosen ones you dirty hillbilly fuck

        Posted on Reply
        • Sigh says:

          Come on, really?

          Posted on Reply
      • Really? says:

        Wow, really KIKESville? Be more racist. And really? The richest counties? Are you guys really that insecure that you feel the need to compare the wealth of your counties? Glad to see you’re putting your UMD education to good use.

        Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        wow your racism disgusts me and I really hope you don’t go to md because we have more class than that - we treat all as equals you racist pig.

        Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        freaking anti semite shut the fuck up

        Posted on Reply
      • Andrew says:

        Howard has the highest median income, but has a lot less people. The Montgomery County economy is far larger, Howard county has also been taking a much larger hit. The Montgomery meidans have stayed stagnant or raised overall.

        Posted on Reply
        • Liz says:

          That’s so incorrect. Montgomery is going downhill, my friend. Howard has nothing as grimy as Germantown. At least we HoCo residents don’t have to worry about MS13

          Posted on Reply
      • Pikesville Betch says:

        Yeah if you have a problem Pikesville, dont come to Maryland.. you’re welcome

        Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        this comment should be removed

        Posted on Reply
    • Andrew says:

      That is very inaccurate, it isn’t even second. Howard has the height median income in Maryland and Montgomery has the strongest economy and overall wealth. Close to Howard in income, way beyond it in population. In fact Charles, Calvert, Anne Arundel, Carroll, St. Mary’s, Harford, and Frederick counties all have higher median incomes than Prince Georges. PG has a lot more people than those (Anne Arundel is close…) That said Howard County is the richest minority county in America.

      Posted on Reply
  4. Your Name says:

    Besides being the most poorly written article you guys have ever done, half of this is either out dated or just completely untrue. Also you hardly mentioned anything about being a “betch”..this is a disappointment.

    Posted on Reply
  5. LikeDuh says:

    Pikesville? pleasee. Howard County is absolutely the betchiest place in Maryland.

    Posted on Reply
  6. yeaaaa says:

    sounds like whoever wrote this got rejected hard by a bro or two during a trip to maryland…Sorry, not for everyone (fat girls)

    Posted on Reply
  7. Wrong says:

    Also the last picture you have isn’t at Maryland its at AEPi at Vandy….

    Posted on Reply
  8. Dr. Z says:

    Why didn’t I get a shoutout? I’m pretty legendary at CStone and sometimes even at Bents.

    Also, I heard Travis, Bent’s blacked out manager, is pissed he didn’t get a shoutout….

    and its pretty obvious that your main source for this was one of those “cool” off campus frats lolz

    Posted on Reply
  9. Your Name says:

    I go to CP and fyi, only about 10% of the student population is involved in Greek Life and on many school profiles, Greek Life is rated as “not important.”  After about your sophomore or junior year, most of my friends involved in greek life felt stupid wearing their letters around campus and some even dropped sororities. Also you forgot to mention all the hipsters.

    Posted on Reply
    • E says:

      GDI! Plus, 10% of the population at a school like maryland is like 2,500 people. That’s a lot of people.

      Posted on Reply
      • .... says:

        If that statistic is correct, 22,500 people at UMD are NOT involved in Greek life.  That’s also a lot of people.

        Get out.

        Posted on Reply
    • . says:

      Actually its 25%. Look up stats before you comment PLEASE.

      Posted on Reply
      • Lol no says:

        Absolutely not 25%

        Posted on Reply
    • betch says:

      yeah 10% of the 26000 that go here which is about 2600…..not to mention 1/3 of the school are actually genius’ that live in the library and don’t contribute to this page. greek life is huge at this school

      Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        Greek Life is huge if you are in to Greek Life. I thought it was a huge joke, sorry. And I had an awesome time going to UMD… CP is awesomely bad.

        Posted on Reply
  10. Your Name says:

    I don’t think I know a single redneck who goes to UMD.  Have you ever even been here? LOL.  Also nobody gives a fuck about greek life after sophomore year.

    Posted on Reply
  11. BmoreBetch says:

    Pikesville is the underrated betchiest place in Maryland, full of JAPs/JABS, lawyers/doctors and kids with nicer cars than adults in america, moms with terrible nost jobs and who spend their days shopping/at starbucks/picking their kids up for lacrosse games in their Acura/BMW SUVs and embodying the betch lifestyle. Hoco-you’re just too much, a whole county can’t be full of bethces. May I draw your attention to Oakland Mills? Not betch.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      Are you serious? Pikesville is a literal shit hole. Howard County is obviously the betchiest county in MD. While there may be some parts of Hoco that aren’t “betchy” per se, like Oakland Mills, let me draw YOUR attention to places like River Hill.

      Posted on Reply
  12. no says:

    wtf is Greek path? and tridelt is rancid anorexic girls.. not tryna drink zelko with them. also no one goes to stamp after freshman year or jumps in the mall…ever. this is stupid

    Posted on Reply
  13. Your Name says:

    I think what this site fails to acknowledge is that money does not equal being hot, cool, or betchy.  I’m sorry, but no matter how much money some of you rich UMD japs have to spend on clothes and makeup, you’re still (for the most part) void of personality and rather man-ish looking.  Sorry I’m not sorry.  I have some cool Jewish friends and they cannot stand the majority of umd jewish girls due to the fact that they are downright obnoxious air heads with their faces practically painted on.

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      Wow, there are over 6,000 Jews at UMD, lets say half are girls, so I’m pretty impressed that your friends know over 1,500 of them (the majority). You obviously met the Jewish girls from Jersey, who are obnoxious airheads with a lot of makeup JUST LIKE MANY PEOPLE FROM JERSEY. Nothing to do with being Jewish. Think before you speak.

      Posted on Reply
      • Your Name says:

        You just criticized her for making a gross generalization, and then you did the exactly same thing. Think before YOU speak.

        Posted on Reply
  14. Your Name says:

    I feel like this only captures the White/White-greek experience at Maryland but I guess if they are the majority, then so be it. Def not the Maryland I know. And aside from that, a lot of this is just untrue. Shrug. #TerpNation

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      Thank you! Very true. Is this site only for Mainstream (that’s nice for White) greeks? #JustCurious.

      Posted on Reply
  15. false says:

    Bagel place is actually delicious. But so true about the Sunday regrets part.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Your Name says:

    I’ve been waiting for this post and its a huge let down. 95% of this is inaccurate and dated. take a lap and try again.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Your Name says:

    This is so inaccurate and stupid

    Posted on Reply
  18. betch bitch says:

    Idk why everyone is hating. Everything was great (except we did need a hoco shoutout in there!

    Posted on Reply
  19. whateva betch says:

    Definitely disappointed…weak writing, unexciting and not as on point as it could be. WTF is “greek path”

    Posted on Reply
  20. Terpzone says:

    This is ridiculously off base in many areas and clearly written by some Jersey/LI trash. If you’re from not from Pikesville or Moco, you’re a redneck? Just because you aren’t a jew doesn’t mean you’re a redneck. Bentleys is for GDI’s and country people and Cornerstone has a big Greek population. Get real. Aepi and Sig Chi are top frats to go to while ATO KA Phi Delt Signu are ignored? Get real. A frat is a “redneck” frat because most of them aren’t from NY and and actually dress (Sperrys and Khakis) and act classily. What? This is the University of Maryland not the University of trashy japs. I’m from Maryland and in a “redneck” frat and really embarrassed they let you in here

    Posted on Reply
    • TerpAGREE^^ says:

      This article is trash. I agree with Terpzone. So many false stereotypes in here regarding Greek life. Both for fraternities and sororities. These comments are all garbage. Tri Delta and KD girls are classy ladies. I am friends with many of them and can attest to the fact that they are NOT sluts, but are very cool to hang out with and do amazing things for our community. Also, to call somebody a redneck just because they wear Sperris is a little ridiculous. Whoever wrote this articles needs a HUGE reality check.

      Posted on Reply
    • Mick says:

      I completely agree.  I went to MD many years ago and the last word I would use to describe Phi Delt and Sigma Chi would be “redneck”.  WTH?  Phi Delts were the preppiest blue bloods on campus - most came from money.  Sigma Chi was a mix of athletes, preps and regular guys.  Great house.  Just because a fraternity isn’t Jewish doesn’t mean they’re redneck.

      Posted on Reply
    • DC Betch says:

      THANK YOU HELLO what about Annapolis and Baltimore County!?

      Posted on Reply
  21. what is this says:

    this is the worst article you have written. have you even been here? so outdated. you forgot to include ato as one of the top frats and there’s literally no rednecks

    Posted on Reply
  22. BmoreBetch says:

    To whomever wrote the anti-semitic post about pikesville SO Classy! yes, obviously it has a lot of Jews (me being one of them) let’s keep posts on this site in good taste. Also Greek life at UMD is pretty crappy

    Posted on Reply
  23. Your Name says:

    Stupid fucking article.

    Posted on Reply
  24. Your Name says:

    Lame shit, greek life is irrelevant, yes there are lots of JAPs but way more come from NJ than NY. No idea why you obsessed over greek life so much.  the fact that we dont have any decent greek life sucks.  You could have talked about the fact that UMd has KILLED people through hazing and that’s part of the reason that the greeks got gutted.  JAP central: university view.

    Posted on Reply
  25. -greek terp says:

    Nice little piece. You’ve encapsulate University of Maryland better than any other attempt I’ve read. Being the first time I’ve visited this site, cause I’m a guy (and according to this, a redneck), I can’t really comment on its level of “betchy-ness,” but from what I remember about UMD it’s pretty spot on.

    P.S. If you are going to make a point about acting like Sigma Chi is a legitamite fraternity why no mention of your boy Phil Kim?

    Posted on Reply
    • hahaha says:

      “why no mention of your boy Phil Kim?”

      Posted on Reply
  26. No. says:

    Nice of you to bash Freshman Connection. A lot of the smartest CP kids I knew were in the program. In fact, I graduated with a 3.95. Higher than the average for students admitted in the fall. So maybe, you should get your facts straight before talking shit.

    Love a betch bitchier than you.

    Posted on Reply
    • . says:

      Amen sista

      xoxo former freshman connection betch with a 3.8

      Posted on Reply
      • Dumb says:

        Glad you worked hard in school, girls, but clearly you squeaked by in admissions. “I just don’t take tests well!” Mmhmm, sure.

        Posted on Reply
    • Andrew says:

      I think that the connection is good. The university is letting your participate in classes and they have the conditions to let you in. Some people opt into it not to leave home, or some people get the chance to go to the university despite not having the greatest credentials and use the opportunity to prove themselves and focus without the distractions. I did decent in high school got into honors at, and got kicked out of the dorms freshman year for smoking pot, and had terrible grades. I think I would have been better served by that program overall.

      Posted on Reply
  27. JJJ says:

    It’s too obvious that this was written by some AePhi/Phi Sig who graduated in 2010 who only ever partied at the SAM Princeton house and then moved / followed those dudes to NYC.  Next time make sure to double your Adderall dosage and hit up your great great great great grandlittle to get better scoop before you waste the time that I was spending on an elaborate doodle.

    Posted on Reply
    • props says:

      YESSSS valid.

      Posted on Reply
  28. terpbetch says:

    To a lot of the people hating; you probably aren’t true betches. A lot of this is decently accurate and made me laugh while reading it. Learn to poke fun at yourself people! Definitely are a lot of japs and red necks at UMD. This article points out a lot of the harsh truth about UMD and I love it and I love being a betchy terp

    Posted on Reply
    • Idiot says:

      Learn to be less ignorant and intolerant

      Posted on Reply
  29. Your Name says:

    nothing about away weekends or dateds in DC? what about the staple of wearing the weirdest thing in your closet to tailgates? the bars are backwards—nobody goes to cstone.  and you’ve clealy never been to a basketball game or else you would’ve mentioned the “fuck duke” chant that is said regardless of who we play.  greek path doesn’t exist.  Phil Kim needs a shout out, but I definitely appreciate the mentioning of Sue.

    Posted on Reply
  30. homie says:


    Posted on Reply
    • dude says:


      Posted on Reply
  31. Racist. says:

    Really? KIKESville? Be more racist. And richest counties? Really guys? Are you that insecure that you feel the need to compare the wealth of your home counties? Glad to see you’re all putting your UMD education to good use.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Um Wrong? says:

    So this is confusing and wrong.

    1) It doesn’t mention Looney’s which has GREAT live music.

    2) Easton and Elkton are two of the worst dorms on North Campus.  NO ONE flocks there.

    3) There are quite a few students NOT in greek life so I wouldn’t say it is essential….only 17% of the school is in it.

    4) The Knox Boxes are by far one of the shittiest places to live.  Upperclassmen pick Commons, Courtyards, or one of the nice new apartment buildings on Route One if they can afford it.

    5)Not sure what people you hung out with where everyone did E.  Smoke pot I can understand but E?!

    Seriously, did you even go to UMD?  If so WHERE WERE YOU ALL 4 YEARS?

    Posted on Reply
  33. Terp says:

    In-State rednecks? I beg to differ. And Freshman Connection students aren’t dumb. But the Greek life stuff is pretty entertaining. Have you seen Molly?

    Posted on Reply
  34. Tri Delt says:

    We are the biggest sluts on campus, if you see us feel free to fuck us!

    Posted on Reply
    • stewie says:

      Spot on, spot on

      Posted on Reply
  35. testudo says:

    there are so many things wrong with this article. hating on freshman connection, calling some of the best frats with the nicest guys “rednecks”, and saying that off campus frats who got in trouble for legitimate reasons are the best ones to party with. i’m not a gdi, so i can tell you that bentley’s is so far from a gdi/redneck bar and you leave out so many of the things that make maryland awesome. and i was in freshman connection last year and have a 3.9, so unless you work for the office of undergraduate admissions, you shouldn’t be calling us stupid. obviously this isn’t meant to be a serious article but you just sound like a complete idiot. there’s more to maryland that greek life, cornerstone and jews so next time, check your facts.

    a not trashy, not jappy jersey betch

    Posted on Reply
  36. CORRECTIONS says:

    Some of these facts just aren’t straight.  Whoever wrote this must be someone who graduated maybe 5 years ago… or maybe didn’t even go here and is basing this all off of what they heard… because some of this stuff just isn’t right.  1. The amount of people who come from Baltimore greatly outnumbers the amount who come from Pikesville.  There’s just no way it’s the reverse.  2. The reason freshmen connection exists is so the school can accept more students and higher/employ more professors.  The only difference is that freshmen connection kids live off campus and have later class times than the typical UMD student.  It in no way, shape or form reflects the intelligence of the student.  3. How can Pike, SAM and ZBT be considered good if sororities aren’t allowed to associate with them?  Doesn’t make sense.  4. There’s no chance you can be from MD if you think Phi Delt and KA are redneck fraternities… They’re both actually 2 of the top frats on campus.  5. Does Bentleys have sand in it? Does it? No.  6. Before making statements such as “the basketball team sucks”, why don’t you check our record for this season?  Makes you look like an uninformed asshole is what it does.  Otherwise I agree with everything else.  Except Big Play.  Not sure how that one’s going to increase in popularity but who knows.

    Posted on Reply
    • Anonymous says:

      These corrections are spot on. Plus it’s sadly obvious that this post was written by a long time graduate of UMD. Or just someone who doesn’t actually go there. Just saying, but not mentioning Looney’s and explaining Turtle and Fe as the College Park bars is stupid. That was over three years ago.

      Posted on Reply
  37. KD says:

    No, WE are the biggest sluts. Hands down.

    Posted on Reply
  38. WAHOOWAH says:

    Seriously, you guys chose UMD over UVA? Really? Not only have we been named the #1 Party School by Playboy, been voted the most beautiful city to live in, and consistently been among the top 5 public schools in academics, but we have an ACTUAL Greek life. Who cares about the College Park trash? Everyone knows that the betchiest school of all is Mr. Jefferson’s University. Lets hope that when you finally decide to write an article on UVA, it won’t be as terrible as this one was.

    Posted on Reply
  39. MD betch says:

    thirsty turtle and sante fe have been closed now for like, years. Also how can you leave out the best bar in cp that is literally is the downstairs of the varsity? ps…. the in-state rednecks don’t go to college park. Sorry betches, was expecting better.

    Posted on Reply
  40. UMD Betch says:

    Apparently most of the GDIs who read this article have never visited this site before.  As such, they take offense to the betchiness presented.  This is not a statement piece or an all encompassing view of UMD’s diversity.  It is a post ranking it’s betchiness level.  Keep your classless rants and political discussions to your FB account which no one important reads anyways.

    Posted on Reply
  41. Kaitlin says:

    Fairfield University!!! we live ON the beach

    Posted on Reply
  42. Your Name says:

    This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. 
    -Senior at Maryland.

    Posted on Reply
  43. Downs says:

    Was this article written by a fucking retard?

    Posted on Reply
  44. Senior says:

    This was a piece of shit. Damn.

    Posted on Reply
  45. adsagaf says:

    if you have college park you need University of Delaware! UD>cp

    Posted on Reply
    • Your Name says:

      That’s true UD is overflowing with betches

      Posted on Reply
  46. Your Name says:

    what the hell is greek path?

    Posted on Reply
  47. What is this? says:

    A few things, betches:
    1) There is no sand in Bentley’s… anywhere. And it is FAR from a gdi bar. PhiDelt and KA love Bentley’s. TKE, DX and even Pike will make appearances for happy hour, which just so happens to pop off. There is a subset of girls in every single decent sorority that heads to Bents every second they get. It’s also the hotspot for lacrosse, soccer and the select football players they let in. Bents > Cstone. In: Bentleys. Out: Cornerstone. Never Was: BIG PLAY

    2) Turtle, Fe, and Mark are closed. End of conversation. Not worth putting in this article.

    3) There really isn’t anything redneck about UMD… Anywhere. Ever. Especially not at PhiDelt, SigChi, or KA. They are “southern” and fratty… That doesn’t mean redneck.

    4) This was clearly written about an AEPhi or PhiSig who graduated a few years back. Yes, there are off campus frats at Maryland, and yes, they do rage. But, they are NOT the only attraction and are certainly not at the top of the fratty food chain anymore.

    5) Yup, there’s ecstasy and coke. A LOT.

    6) Greek Path… Sorry, what?

    7) What about away weekends and frat dateds in DC? Spring break? Cmon betches.

    8) You barely made any mention of the “hot” sororities. Alpha Phi and KD reign supreme and Tridelt did before they took a selection of farm animals during Spring 12 recruitment. Theta and AOPi also aren’t so bad in most regards… The “Jewish” sororities like AEPhi, PhiSig, and DPhiE really don’t comprise that much of the social scene at UMD. In fact, I’d go so far as to say most north campus frosh don’t even know who they are til spring recruitment. EVERYONE wants that KD, APhi, or DDD lettered bag to tote around campus.

    9) I have never met a single soul who went abroad to Tel Aviv….....


    All in all betches, this article was dated and pretty misinformed. You guys can do better.

    Posted on Reply
    • hm says:

      girl, you have way too much time on your hands. chill out and if you want to overanalyze sororities go to a different site like collegeacb. this shit is suppose to be funny. granted some of the stuff you said was right about bars and sand? and the greek path? but dang that had to take effort. not very betchy to care that much. just saying.

      Posted on Reply
  48. BC says:

    Boston College. Please do it.

    Posted on Reply
  49. ivyleaguebetch says:

    don’t get this—betches are supposed to be the elite. umd screams mediocrity. whats so “betchy” about it? there is absolutely nothing noteworthy about it compared to the likes of betchier schools you haven’t done like georgetown, dartmouth, columbia, uva, emory, etc.

    Posted on Reply
  50. lol says:

    Seriously what is the criteria for schools here? ALL state schools? Lower end ones? With no football presence? Founding betches obviously never did college, these all suck, like wtf.

    Posted on Reply
  51. I mean... says:

    This article sucks bc

    1) it’s written by someone who went to CP a long time ago and shouldn’t be writing about college this late in the postgrad game
    2) the mark’s been closed for YEARS and you leave out looney’s?!? who are you!?
    3) writer is obvs a know-it-all who knows nothing about MD population and is living in a bubble. everyone who doesn’t live in moco and pikesville are rednecks? who are you?!

    ugh no. just no. i can keep going on but im too lazy to whine about this dumb article. betches, you should’ve chosen a writer who still knows what’s RELEVANT to us UMD betches.

    Posted on Reply
  52. pikesvillebetch says:

    obsessed with this post. amaze. so on point with everything. ps i’m from pikesville it’s not exactly a shithole.

    Posted on Reply
  53. nycbetch says:

    you guys should do dartmouth college! one of the betchiest schools for sure

    Posted on Reply
  54. wiscogirl says:

    do one on University of Nebraska or Mizzou!

    Posted on Reply
  55. UGA says:

    need to do University of Georgia. always a ranked party school and has one of the betchiest downtown scenes ever!

    Posted on Reply
  56. UVA says:

    no one fucking cares about UMD

    Posted on Reply
  57. PSU says:

    Please do Penn State!!!

    Posted on Reply
  58. DELAWARE says:

    Do udel!! Betchy school, fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  59. cs betch says:

    This article is shit. The south campus dorms are better located? Yeah maybe if you’re in ARHU/some of the BSOS majors/business/any of the other liberal arts. There was mention of the Varsity, but nothing about Looney’s? The fuck is that? Greek life actually isn’t everything here. Talked about Commons but not Courtyards. And how are you going to leave out the trashy Knox boxes?

    Posted on Reply
    • CPBETCH says:

      ARHU/BSOS/Business/any other liberal arts….basically ALL the majors at UMD minus sciences. so calm down with that

      Varsity—freshmen connection. i would say it is betchy because it costs an arm and a leg to live there and you get marble countertops and a flatscreen TV…but the location is terrible. Looney’s is good for Happy Hour maybe but not at night. Again, the location is not near anything really going on.

      Greek Life-Greek like is NOT everything at UMD. I mean it is definitely noticeable but it is not mandatory to join. Lots of betches still hang (fuck) with frats but aren’t in sororities.

      Courtyards: Courtyards is the WORST place to live. It is full of loser GDIs and is near nothing. It is farther away from campus life than north campus freshmen dorms. Anyone who lives there is either rejected from commons or a loser.

      Posted on Reply
  60. You're jealous says:

    Sounds like someone couldn’t get into Umd lol. Want some ice for that burn ?

    Posted on Reply
  61. from umd says:

    I don’t know why, but I feel like the person who has written this so called “article” has been expelled/kicked out of UMD, and is super mad!
    Obviously he/she knows nothing about nerds at UMD, international students, winning the 1st place in engineering competition in 2013, the nobel prize winners we’ve had, collaboration of UMD with NASA, NIST, and APS, and etc..
    Brother, education is too much for you. You just wanted to find pretty girls, crazy bars, and got kicked our, and now you’re talking shit about UMD.

    Posted on Reply
  62. Fucking duh says:

    Pretty accurate, just two things:
    1. “Unless you’re from select places in Maryland (Pikesville, Montgomery County), you’re usually pretty redneck.” HELLO!? Maryland is the richest fucking state in the country.
    2. You forgot lacrosse. Fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  63. DC Betch says:

    “Also some people get to live in Varsity which is nicer than where most people will ever live…ever.” So true.

    I wish you betches would update this. A lot of the bars and restaurants have changed. Terrapin Turf is the newest establishment. The Knox boxes have been eliminated and I think they’re building some kind of apartments. As of now, the best restaurants to get actual food are Blazed Pizza, sweet green and a few pho places. ALSO YOU FORGOT LACROSSE FUCKING DUH.

    I went to Maryland, but I agree that you’re seriously fucking up by not reviewing UVA. It’s probably one of the betchiest schools in the country…Fox Fields, being surrounded by vineyards, national lacrosse champs? HELLO

    Posted on Reply
  64. Kelsey says:

    this is the dumbest piece of shit i have ever read. whoever wrote this doesn’t really know shit. all the fuckers who come from out of state are usually dumbass rich italians from new jersey. all the jews actually ARE from the state of maryland. Montgomery County is the most elite primarily of rich bitchy jews and party animal persians. lots of ching chongs too. PIKESVILLE is NOT a good place. full of of ghetto ass latinos and blacks. Everything other than Mont. County is pretty gross—some ghettoish and lots of country.  and please people…howard county? LOL.

    Posted on Reply
  65. kelly says:

    this is the dumbest piece of shit i have ever read. whoever wrote this doesn’t really know shit. all the fuckers who come from out of state are usually dumbass rich italians from new jersey. all the jews actually ARE from the state of maryland. Montgomery County is the most elite primarily of rich bitchy jews and party animal persians. lots of ching chongs too. PIKESVILLE is NOT a good place. full of of ghetto ass latinos and blacks. Everything other than Mont. County is pretty gross—some ghettoish and lots of country.

    Posted on Reply
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