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By The Betches on

At the age of 16, this week's betch has already accomplished more than most of the betches on this list. She's the face of the best country in the world, a gold and silver medalist, and so good at vaulting that she literally dropped the jaws of the old Olymbetch judges. She's already perfected a colder neutral face than Rachel Zoe, and we didn’t know that Sports Illustrated featured one pieces or pubescents on their cover, but apparently she proved us wrong. Helen Keller or any blind person can easily see that McKayla and the trendy spelling of her name rule the fantastic five, and that's why she deserves the honor of Betch of the Week.

An obvious non-fan of #41, MM is the last Olympian to crack a smile. While some nicegirls may call this poor sportsmanship, we call it simply not wanting to hug a malnourished foreigner. McKayla's fuck-off face has literally gotten so big it's formed its own website. Obvs the girl has never been coached by cheer-tator Sparky Polastry. Your school has no gymnastics team, this IS a last resort!

Being from Laguna Niguel, California, we all know it's McKayla's destiny to be the next queen bee on Laguna Betch 2.0: people with actual talent edition. I mean she already has a token Asian betch bestie Kyla Ross who acts as the perfect Gretchen to her Regina. Together they enjoy pedicures ice baths for their Chinese-bound feet, sushi dates, instagramming themselves, and retweeting celebrities who shower them with praise for having actual achievements and not just sex tapes with high production value. (wait til the endorsements are done, M.)

So McKayla's Olympic competitions may be done, but her slicked back high bun and unitard will always remind us of the girl who said it was her mom's in the 80s. With all that glitter in her hair and on her clothes, we have little doubt she'll soon graduate from rolling on the gym mat to rolling. It’s time she gets a fake ID and introduces us to Ryan Lochte, but for now, congrats on being the only betch who can get higher than us.

18 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Rachel says:

    she also perfects #36 not doing work by only having to compete on one event and doing it PERFECTLY

    Posted on Reply
    • wrong says:

      except like no because all of those girls train almost every hour of everyday, so yeah she does work…

      Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    omg YES ever since I first saw her flawless scowl/smoky eye combo, I knew she was destined for greatness

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anon says:

    hahahahah love the bring it on reference. But, McKayla is not as pretty as Aly

    Posted on Reply
  4. Idiot says:

    Wait.. I thought you said they were the “nice” girls..

    anywayz if you think Mckayla is the baddest betch than you obviously have never heard of aliya mustafina

    Posted on Reply
    • truth says:

      mustafina is the supreme betch

      Posted on Reply
      • no says:

        Mustafina is a cry baby bitch, not a betch.  She’s not pretty either and can’t do her eye makeup. My guy friend commented the first time he saw McKayla that he liked “her slutty vibe.”  Haha well deserved betch of the week!

        Posted on Reply
  5. S says:

    Stop trying to make Olymbetch happen.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Krissy says:

    You have no idea how amazing this is. Spot on!

    Posted on Reply
  7. white girl says:

    why has babe walker not been a betch of the week? fictional or not she is awesome. xxxx

    Posted on Reply
  8. R says:

    It’s the fab five or fierce five. Do one ounce of research if you’re going to write about topics you know nothing about. The fantastic five are superheroes.

    Posted on Reply
    • KML says:

      oh please, I am the biggest gymnastics nerd on the planet and I could care less if she calls them fab, fierce, or fantastic. this was absolutely hilarious and awesome. let the betch say fantastic five if she wants, bitch.

      Posted on Reply
  9. Still waiting... says:

    So when are Elle Fowler and her sis going to be on this list? They totally deserve it, they are flawless without question!

    Posted on Reply
  10. Re: R says:

    No, the fantastic FOUR are superheroes. Maybe do one ounce of research if you’re going to try to correct betches on topics you know nothing about?

    Posted on Reply
  11. lisa says:

    a malnourished foreigner? nice…...

    Posted on Reply
  12. sidenotebetch says:

    How come so many replies to blogs are so negative? Everyone participating shouldn’t be trying to take each other down; It makes perfect sense to simply talk about the material you just read and laughed your ass off to (and i mean that in the most positive way ever, as all of these articles are written with a shitton of wit).

    btw… Olymbetch. also pretty clever

    Posted on Reply
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