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By The Betches on

This week, betches had our equivalent of an annual pilgrimage to Mecca: the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. There’s no need to rehash for the millionth time why the VSFS is so betchy (hint: no fucking fatties), so instead we’d like to give a shout out to the VIP of this year’s show.

This Brazilian betch has been sporting diamond-encrusted miracle bras for the better part of a decade, but this year she is especially worthy of praise. Just 6 weeks prior to donning her wings she had a fucking baby. We repeat: she put on underwear and nothing else, strutted her shit down the runway runway, yet 6 WEEKS before that, she had a human inside of her. How’s YOUR diet coming?

90 percent of the time, if you ask a guy who the hottest woman in the world is, he will say Adriana Lima. Her hotness is timeless for our generation’s bros. But betches are also not unyielding to her appeal. I mean if you’ve never printed out one of her bikini pics and taped it to your fridge to prevent any-time-of-day snacking, you’re probably putting on your winter hibernation weight nicely.

Let’s take a look at all the ways Adriana exudes betchiness:

On aging:

"When I get older, I don't think I'll have wrinkles, or a big jelly belly. I cannot have it."

She's like, so consistent:

“I like jealous men. I love jealousy, I do.”

“Younger men are just too jealous.”

“I’ve never been to the gym. I do nothing.”

“I love going to work out now. It gets out aggressions and my trainer really shakes it up so I don’t get bored.”

She has goals:

“I want to be a child doctor. A pediatry…how do you call it, pediatrician? Do I like kids? No, not really”

On #42 dressing like a slut:

“I was in a fashion show and I had on a strapless top. When I got to the end the top was down.”

On #101 makeup and #24 insensitivity:

"I won't cry for you, my mascara's too expensive."

So Adriana, congrats on being Betch of the Week! Thanks for reminding society that there is never an excuse for carrying “baby weight.” Not even a fucking baby.

22 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. <3Adriana says:

    could we also talk about how she’s def not into fucking bros?  Rumor was that she waited until marriage and while holding onto one’s virginity is typically seen for nice girls who are waiting because they have no other options, you have to applaud a betch who is as hot as her

    Posted on Reply
  2. Don't forget says:

    She’s a master at not fucking bros (except for the one).

    Posted on Reply
  3. itsmebetches says:

    she’s flawless for a living. What could be betchier than that?

    Posted on Reply
  4. Betchy says:

    She’s defo a betch and I love her, but I don’t think she was ready to walk this year - she really didn’t lose all the extra weight.
    BUT her confidence marching around in that outfit was pretty betchy.

    and don’t give me the “no one is perfect” because there were loads of models with better bodies than her in the show

    Posted on Reply
    • yes says:

      finally someone said it. i LOVE adriana and she looked fucking hot considering she had a baby recently, but why is everyone ignoring the fact that she was not ready to walk in the show? this is the victoria secret fashion show, the hotness standard is higher than just she looked hot, considering she had a baby. She was confident and she looked great in that outfit that covered her stomach because her legs and everything was was beautifully toned but maybe putting her in a bra and underwear wasn’t the best idea.

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  5. omg says:

    totally agreed ^. she should have sat this year out for reals

    Posted on Reply
  6. Latin Betch says:

    Brasileiras killing it at VS. She’s drop dead gorgeous and kinda, like, my idol. Bravo betches!

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  7. tanbetch says:

    ummmm no fucking fatties and adrianna is betch of the week? apparently you missed the first 5 secs of the show where adrianna’s thighs moved around the stage more than j.biebz did with his flaming dance moves.

    side note- who the fuck was that ugly asian bitch and how did she become a VS model?

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      • Betchy says:

        You make my fat-dar go off.
        Plus, your inability to see Lima’s fat rolls…idk what to say.

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    • Hahah.. says:

      I’m sorry, did we miss you on the runway? Better be a knockout to shot on Adriana Lima post baby

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    • duh says:

      jealous betch.

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    • babee says:

      I’m skinny as fuck and I still think Adriana Lima is THE goddess and blows any girl out of the water. She has a pretty face. Jealous cunt.

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  8. v card says:

    in response to her saving it until she got married:
    good for her…but if she went to college things would probably be different hahah

    Posted on Reply
  9. anonymous says:

    .... like are you joking? she killed it and you obviously need to get your eyes checked if you think she looked anything less than perfect. plus she was most likely skinnier than all you jealous betches even when she was prego. sorry totally not sorry.

    Posted on Reply
  10. J says:

    AUBREY PLAZA FOR BETCH OF THE WEEK!

    Posted on Reply
  11. DoubleD says:

    well i’d still fuck her even if she just shat out a baby

    Posted on Reply
  12. yo says:

    maldita gorda asquerosa, es una marrana

    Posted on Reply
  13. Leigh says:

    Erin Heatherton for betch of the week. She’s smart, she works out a fucking ton, and she’s even better post-Leo.
    Adriana, on the other hand… her time with VS was up years ago. I don’t get her appeal AT ALL. She’s a total snob and not in a betchy way (she’s outright rude to her fans… coolly distant is one thing but straight mean is not betchy) and she’s always making stupid facial expressions.
    And anon, I’m skinnier than Adriana and I’m not getting paid to look hot in underwear and high heels, so there’s that.

    Posted on Reply
    • britt says:

      but her face is hotter than yours-and I don’t care if ur thin it doesn’t make a difference about Adriana limas beauty. im thin too im like barely a 100 pounds. Adriana lima just recently had a baby in that picture also and she still rocks that show, I sense a jealous girl.

      Posted on Reply
  14. betchygurl says:

    She’s a total betch and I love her!

    Posted on Reply
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